Sometimes You Sit Down and Think

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think; well, this is what I think.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes you Sit Down and Think 25

I always feel like such a replaceable friend. Like, for instance, Justise and I were becoming pretty good friends but all this week he barely spoke to me. It seemed like he was more interested in being everyone else’s friend instead of mine. I want to tell him how I felt neglected but then it just seems weird and needy of me.  This always happens though. I make a friend and we start getting close then suddenly they ditch me for everyone else. I don’t like it, and I don’t want it to happen to this friendship either, but I don’t know what else to do. It’s also weird that he joke-flirts with every other girl in our class except me, in fact, he has gone as far as to tell me how he is not attracted to me. I don’t understand it. Every once in a while he’ll make one joke but then he immediately takes it back. There are only two assumptions I have to make with these clues; 1: He really doesn’t like how I look, or 2: He’s really over compensating and trying to make it seem like he doesn’t like me but he actually does. I dunno, I don’t want to read too much into it. I just want my friend back. I seem so selfish with friends, but truth is all of them have left so I’m really over protective with them. It seems like someone else always sees my friend and has to steal them from me. Am I not allowed to have friends? I just feel really hurt about all of this, but I don’t think I should say anything about it, because clearly I care more about this friendship than he does. Just like every other friendship before. I’m the only one who cares, and it really sucks.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 24

I spent the night at Nate’s place the other night, we began watching Star Wars but he soon got tired so we decided to go to sleep. Well, we spooned for a little bit but then we both got a little bit frisky, and one thing led to another and we began to have sex, however, (I hate saying this) he couldn’t quite, for lack of a better phrase, get it up. So instead we made out for a while then decided to sleep. His apartment was so hot and dry I could barely sleep a wink. My head was pounding and my eyes were so heavy I didn’t know what was wrong. Perhaps I was allergic to something. Around 5 am, while we were cuddling again our faces got close and so we began kissing again, then he rolled on top of me and once again one thing lead to another, this time he kind of “got it up” but he ended up just using his hand (which I might add he knows how to use it well… OH GOSH IM GROSS). I’m a bit worried though, does he not like me enough, or find me attractive enough to get hard with me, or maybe does he have a dysfunction? I just don’t know. I do like him, but this made me question how much he actually likes me; also maybe it made him question as well. HELP.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 23

I haven’t typed in a while now; life just got super busy. However, now, after a few panic attacks (I really do get those) I feel as if I’ll be okay. I’ve been becoming quite good friends with this guy Justise in my group. He’s generally a really happy guy who makes a lot of jokes; there really is no dark side to him. So, today in VPS (Voice Production and Speech) class we all had to bring in potential monologues for our finally demo. The one Justise was assigned is actually quite dark with is a change, we were discussing this with our friend Stephanie. Justise made the comment, “Yeah, I’ll just have to find my dark place” to which I quickly retorted, “The darkest place in your soul is a shadow.” Stephanie told me that was the sweetest thing she had ever heard me say. I didn’t think it was particularly sweet, I thought it was quite witty and sarcastic. I wasn’t trying to be sweet. Justise is also my scene partner for our Shakespeare scenes in acting class. Today we were the only group to get through “Fast and Loud” completely DLP (Dead Letter Perfect), so we got to workshop first. Dan Daily (Our instructor) made us run up and down 8 flights of stairs about 5 times in all. We are doing Act 2 Scene 1 from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and we are supposed to be running through the forest, so, naturally, making us run that much was completely necessary… We ended up hanging out a lot yesterday to practice for the scene; Justise likes to remind me he doesn’t like me like that, not that I’m not attractive, just that he’s not attracted to me; which if you ask me is completely overcompensating a bit. I don’t think he likes me like that, but you don’t need to tell me it all the time, it does hurt a bit. It makes you wonder, What’s wrong with me?  Of course, we hang out with the monitor on the first floor sometimes, just waiting for class, and yesterday he asked if we were dating yet because we’d make cute babies. We both rightfully reacted the same, “UHHH Nooo.” Then Justise had to add the fact he doesn’t want ginger kids, once again, OUCH.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 22

There’s something quite nice about just sitting and talking with the person you like; no touching, subtle flirting, pretty sustained eye contact. It’s honestly very romantic in its own way. That’s what Nate and I have been doing; we’ve been going out and just sitting and talking for an hour or so, whenever he has a break in his busy schedule. We met up last night to talk a bit because I had had a rough night the night before, and we just sat and talked about random things for over an hour. We talked about things people aren’t supposed to discuss, especially on a date. We talked about religion, and evolution, and other things like that. I am a Christian, and Nate doesn’t really have a belief system, which I’m not going to reprimand anyone for not having one, and that was the thing; I am a very open minded Christian, I like learning about other religions and stuff so I can figure out and understand why they believe what they do. I told Nate how I think that the Christian theory of Creation and the theory of Evolution could perchance go hand in hand, because one day to us is relative, it’s subjective, we made it up. So, in the Bible, when it says it took God 7 days to create the world, we don’t know how long that actually was. 7 days to God could be like 7 billion years to us. He liked how open minded I was about everything; he even asked if he could see me today. J Normally I have hint and stuff but the last few times he’s wanted to see me on his own. This, indeed, makes me happy. I’m slowly making this boy fall for me, I hope. He seems to want to spend more time with me the more we hang out. I like where this is going. We also talked about how cool the new Pope is. 

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 21

Do you ever get the feeling you’ve absorbed someone else’s pain? Like, they were upset and you sat with them and held them and made them feel better, but once they left you had this heaviness in your own heart? I feel like I do that, everyone sees me as a place to go with their troubles, and I totally want people to feel comfortable coming to me; just, sometimes, it gets hard. All the weight of their baggage has now been loaded on to your soul, and lifted from theirs. Some of us are just meant to be emotional pack-mules if you may. We’re made extra strong to carry all of this weight with us, but even the strongest of people break sometimes. For someone as happy as I generally am, I worry about death far too much. In 6th grade I had this irrational fear of dying in my sleep, I would stay up until all hours of the night and wake up super early just to make sure I wasn’t dead, I even had to say a very specific prayer about it every night. Even younger than that however, back in elementary school, I constantly had this horrible feeling my brother was going to harm himself. Now, he never did, but I would periodically knock on his door to make sure he was okay. Going into my sophomore year of high school a class mate of mine took his own life, it still haunts me to this day, and he was the only person in a class of 400 who did that. I’m not trying to say that like it’s a record, it’s not, it’s a horrible thing. The 1 kid, out of 400 freaking students felt so alone and so unloved, and unwanted that he took his own life. How is that possible?! It kills me, to think that I could have possibly done something for this kid, and didn’t. So, from that day forward, I decided I was going to try to make sure everyone thought at least 1 person cares about them. I smile at random people in the hallway, I always compliment people when I like something about them, even people I don’t know, but most of all I make sure everyone I meet knows they have a place to go if they ever need someone, because I know what it’s  like to feel all alone. It royally sucks, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way, ever.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 20 (Every Brilliant Thing Part 4)

1.      Classic Musicals

2.      Scripts

3.      Knocks on the door

4.      Music

5.      Friends who are always there for you

6.      Sweaters

7.      Dictionary.com

8.      Really long phone calls

9.      Saying you’re sorry

10.  Poptarts

11.  Chocolate Covered Pretzels

12.  Cool last names

13.  Jewelry from Grandparents

14.  Popsicles

15.  Modern medicine

16.  Plaid Skirts

17.  Robes

18.  The breath of fresh air after a shower

19.  That Friend

20.  New playthings

21.  Wheat Free Pancakes (If you’re into that kind of thing

22.  Sound(s)

23.  Car adventures with your favorite sibling or best friend

24.  Sarsaparilla

25.  Posters

26.  Cartoons

27.  Cereal

28.  Finding your face in the louver

29.  Getting mistaken for the tour guide

30.  Making a scrapbook (as special as it may be)

31.  Baking

32.  Baking with/for friends

33.  Stickers

34.  Half price Valentine’s Day Chocolate

35.  Peeps (every season of them)

36.  Netflix

37.  Dancing

38.  Love in general

39.  Pets

40.  Playbills or tickets

41.  Attempting art

42.  Talking to someone you miss

43.  Fire places

44.  Pen pals

45.  Love Letters

46.  Bowties (Cause they’re cool)

47.  Your favorite color

48.  Adventuring boots (To go adventuring in)

49.  Maple Syrup (no matter how you pronounce it)

50.  Moments

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 19 (Every Brilliant Thin Part 3)

1.      Clouds

2.      Warm Wind

3.      Wallace from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The world

4.      Staying the night to cuddle

5.      Staying all day to cuddle

6.      Kissing someone for the first time

7.      Kissing someone for the billionth time

8.      Saying “date” with a weird accent so it doesn’t count as a date

9.      Saying anything with a funny accent

10.  You

11.  The “beachball” (I still have no idea what this is)

12.  Giving someone a cookie when they’re sad

13.  Sleepovers on school nights

14.  Alice’s Tea Cup

15.  Grand Central Terminal

16.  Getting off work early

17.  Making random people’s days with just words

18.  Not getting hit by a bus

19.  Improv shows

20.  Cute people

21.  Loving someone enough to let them go

22.  Red Hair

23.  Tea

24.  A goodnights sleep

25.  Inspirational quotes

26.  Pooh Bear

27.  Getting blood soaked at a show

28.  BSing practicum

29.  Being someone’s favorite person

30.  50 piece chicken nuggets

31.  Paying with love at McDonalds

32.  Someone noticing when somethings wrong

33.  The Ink Spots

34.  Being forgiven

35.  Being Awesome

36.  The word “crepuscular”

37.  Falling for someone

38.  Red gloves

39.  When finals are over

40.  Getting a package

41.  Forgetting that it’s Friday the 15th

42.  Meeting up with old friends

43.  The ability to eat

44.  The Princess Bride

45.  Stark silence in a theatre just before a show begins

46.  New Semesters

47.  Trust

48.  You Can’t Take It With You

49.  Trying to go to church but ending up at a gay pride parade

50.  New Clothes

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 18 (Every Brilliant Think Part 2)

1.      Getting married on a whim

2.      Romantic fantasies

3.      Sending Ironic Selfies to your mother

4.      Wanting to wake up early but sleeping in anyways

5.      Getting emergency notification 10 minutes before someone else

6.      When Harry Met Sally

7.      Being able to see the world

8.      Concerts

9.      Bucket Lists

10.  Cake Pops

11.  The smell of burnt wicks

12.  Metropolitan Museum of Art

13.  Budweiser Clydesdales

14.  Antique Stores

15.  Not shaving all winter

16.  Conversations with strangers

17.  Clean fabrics

18.  Petrichor

19.  69 (Yes I’m childish)

20.  Surprise Parties

21.  Rerealizing how much you love something

22.  Frost

23.  Campfires

24.  Yearbook Pictures

25.  Dorky toddlers

26.  The Wedding Singer

27.  Morning Glories

28.  The 4th of July

29.  Holidays in General

30.  People who like lattes

31.  Insomnia Cookies

32.  Good Hair cuts

33.  Getting Your hair washed by someone else

34.  The smell of honeysuckles

35.  Disneyland

36.  Sensations

37.  Laughing with friends

38.  Laughs that make you cry

39.  Cries that make you laugh

40.  Ghost stories

41.  Someone making you smile when you are sad or depressed

42.  Being that somebody

43.  Cotton Candy (from fairs)

44.  Novelties

45.  Having a gay roommate at some point in your life

46.  Easter Sunday

47.  Watching someone open a gift from you

48.  Standing Center Stage

49.  Curtain Call

50.  Home

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 17 (Every Brilliant Thing Part 1)

1.      Big Gay Ice Cream (An Ice Cream Francize in New York)

2.      Getting Salsa and Hummus instead of preparing properly for a blizzard

3.      Being born in the wrong time period

4.      Seeing something that you HAD to see

5.      Seeing something that you NEEDED to see

6.      Frank Sinatra

7.      New friends that feel like old friends

8.      Wigs

9.      The 40’s

10.  Books

11.  Disney, Not Disney Channel

12.  Peeling the plastic protectors off of electronics

13.  New York

14.  Gummy Bears

15.  Impending Snow Storms

16.  Snow Days

17.  AMDA

18.  Ray Virta and Dan Daily

19.  Back to the Future

20.  Central Park

21.  Masking Tape

22.  Swing Dancing

23.  Swing Dancing even though you’re bad at it

24.  A friend’s address

25.  You old college dorm room

26.  Singing at your own wedding

27.  New Pages

28.  Captain Abearica

29.  The color purple (Not the book or the musical)

30.  Jewish People

31.  Off-Broadway Plays

32.  Edgar Allen Poe

33.  Chocolate Milk

34.  Cookies and milk

35.  Things that hit the nail on the head

36.  Hugs

37.  “Good Morning” texts

38.  Singing

39.  99 cent pizza

40.  Shakespeare

41.  Chocolate muffins

42.  Mothers who care

43.  The classics

44.  Talking to a friend until 5 in the morning

45.  Some stranger saying “bless you” when you sneeze

46.  Fuzzy Stuff (Except food)

47.  Broadway

48.  Pickles

49.  Grandma’s home-cooked meals

50.  Guacamole and chips

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 16

Just a little reminder to everyone out there, your life is a beautiful thing. If you ever need to talk to someone please reach out, there is always someone willing to listen; even if you don’t believe it. A friend of mine, here at school, suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, and he was having a break down, he felt like he had no one to go to. I luckily got to talk to him and calm him down a bit, but he had to be reported because he was a risk to himself. I am/so worried about him. He couldn’t grasp how valuable his life is. I lost a classmate going into my sophomore year of high school due to that same kind of thinking, and it kills me to think there was something I could have possibly done to make a difference but didn’t. So, when I saw my friend, here at school, in this state I calmly asked him if he needed a hug, when he said yes, I sat down and held him, I calmed him down enough I think to get him out of that mind set. I just hope he’s okay. He’s in the hands of the administration currently. I just want everyone to know, you are lovely, and you are worth it. I myself having been in a bad place before; I have spent nights alone, curled up in my bed crying my eyes out because I felt so unwanted, but I have to tell you there are better things out there. Tomorrow is always a new day; you have to be there to appreciate it. You are so important to me. There is so much to live for. So, for the next couple posts I will be posting my current, and still growing, list of Every Brilliant Thing.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 15

My new group this semester is great. I feel so free in this class to be myself. I love my old group dearly, but when I was with them in class I always felt so much pressure to be good. In this class I feel accepted already, I don’t I ever felt fully accepted by my last group. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders; my voice teacher even noticed, I’m singing more freely and not pushing anymore. I was singing thongs with easy that I hadn’t been able to sing all last semester, and today they just flowed out effortlessly. I was so nice. It makes me really happy. I don’t always have the easiest time fitting in but this group drew me in; I didn’t have to try and insinuate myself. I feel like this group of individuals actually thinks I can sing, my old group thought I could sing but if we had had to do duets in that class I know no one would have picked me. I was asked to be in 2 people’s duets and another person’s scene for their song. Stephanie even told me she wants to do another duet with me as well, and we’re already doing a song together. It’s so cool to feel like I have a group. I don’t feel like I have to be invited everywhere to feel included. One guy, Justice, just decided we were friends. It’s kind of funny, he’s just like my best friend back home, PJ; I give him a hard time but it’s all out of friendship. He’s a sweet kid. My entire group is made up of great people (except maybe one girl but we won’t talk about her). I’m very excited about this semester, not to mention my teachers. My musical theatre teacher, Tom Morrissey, is amazing, and so is my acting teacher, Dan Daily. I feel like I am going to grow so much this semester. I can feel it.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 14

I thought of a great quote today; Life is like a crosswalk, look before your leap, but you can’t always wait for the signal. It probably isn’t as good of a quote as I think it is, but that’s alright. I have a spaz-attack yesterday, because Michelle, a mutual friend of Nate and mine, told me she recently kissed someone I know, and that it’s nothing official yet. I was freaking out because out of everyone I know that she knows, Nate is the only one I think she’d date. So, I told I had recently kissed someone she knew as well and that I was freaking out. She told me I, had nothing to worry about. So, in conclusion, either she knows about Nate and I, or I have nothing to worry about because it’s nothing exclusive. Which to me is a big deal because, I really like Nate. I understand that not being exclusive gives the other person the right to experiment around but I really wish he likes(d) me enough to not. However, with all that said, he has been messaging more today than he has been lately, which is a good sign. Also, last night when I said goodnight he said, “Goodnight, see you soon. J”, which made me feel pretty good. I’m still a bit uneasy because if Nate is indeed the person Michelle kissed, well, Michelle is tall, and blonde, and super pretty. I’m tall as well, but she’s taller, and skinnier. The one thing I have on her is that I’m closer to Nate’s age, which doesn’t even really give me a leg up because he likes mature people. Even though I do find myself rather mature, she’s 27 and I am 19. How can I compete? I’m going to try and stop overthinking everything from now on, because like my friend pointed out, I am being a spaz. It’s always nice to have an outside person kind of snap you back to reality sometimes, because, if you’re like me, you can get so engulfed in your own overanalyzing and completely miss everything that is actually happening.

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Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 13

I’ve never been anyone’s best friend. I have never been anyone’s go to number one person for any longer than a couple of weeks; then everyone leaves me for someone else. It’s funny; I’ll introduce my friends to each other and the next thing I know they’re best friends. It hurts; when people always leave you begin to question every friendship you begin to make, until you just stop trying. You begin to isolate yourself because you are too afraid of getting left behind again. I don’t trust people too easily, for this very reason. I also get attached way too quickly for that reason, because when shows me they’re interested in my friendship I want them to stay. I probably share too much too fast, but I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of feeling so alone; often enough I can ignore it for a while but then it suddenly comes bubbling up and I can’t ignore it. So, I cry. I hide away in my room and I cry. Pretty sad I know. The truth comes out; I am nothing but a sad pathetic loser. Today I learned, however, that even though I am not anyone’s go-to fun friend, I am a friend they can go to whenever they truly need someone. Today a friend came to me with some pretty serious news because she saw me and thought she could trust me, and she can trust me. It feels good to be someone’s confidante. I am the kind of person anyone can come to at any time with anything. I will always be there for people, even people who have wronged me, because everyone needs someone.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 13

I’ve never been anyone’s best friend. I have never been anyone’s go to number one person for any longer than a couple of weeks; then everyone leaves me for someone else. It’s funny; I’ll introduce my friends to each other and the next thing I know they’re best friends. It hurts; when people always leave you begin to question every friendship you begin to make, until you just stop trying. You begin to isolate yourself because you are too afraid of getting left behind again. I don’t trust people too easily, for this very reason. I also get attached way too quickly for that reason, because when shows me they’re interested in my friendship I want them to stay. I probably share too much too fast, but I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of feeling so alone; often enough I can ignore it for a while but then it suddenly comes bubbling up and I can’t ignore it. So, I cry. I hide away in my room and I cry. Pretty sad I know. The truth comes out, I am nothing but a sad pathetic loser. I am an inherently lonely person. In my family we were always able to come home and spill everything and anything that came to mind, but now, being away from home, I often feel as if I have no one I could turn to and share my thoughts of feelings with. It’s really hard on a fragile persons’ heart. Sometimes I’ll come home feeling so barred down that I can’t think straight and all I can think about is everything wrong with me, and I can tell myself all I want that there really isn’t anything wrong but somehow my heart doesn’t believe my head. I might not be anyone’s go-to friend for the fun-exciting stuff, but I learned today that I am a friend that people will go to for the hard stuff. Today my friend saw me and pulled me aside to tell me something she needed someone she could trust to know; I was her confidant. I will not be disclosing any of the information given to me (hello SECRET), however, it was really nice to feel needed. So what if I’m not the “fun” friend. I’m the loyal friend, who will be there for you when you need someone most; and that’s alright with me.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 12

Today I bought a sketch book and some pens to draw with. I am not the best artist but I give it a fair shot. I sketched in the park, attempting to do a scene with trees, the lake, and the tops of a few buildings. It wasn’t the greatest thing ever drawn, in fact, it was quite terrible; but if someone can smear yellow paint across a canvas and call it art, then by all means my crappy drawings are art. My sister is actually quite good at sketching; she sketches copies of old photos of our parents. I always have great images in my head but when it comes to putting them down on to paper it never seems to work out.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 11

I consider When Harry Met Sally once of the best romantic comedies of all time, if not the best; It’s a personal favorite. I want my life to be a Meg Ryan movie really bad; I consider this past winter to be the sad part of my Meg Ryan movie. If you haven’t noticed, the seasons in movies reflect the emotions. The beginning of the movie is normally Fall, a calm time, a romantic season where the two main characters (later to be lovers) meet. Winter comes next, where typically the two “friends” have a falling out of some sort. Then finally Spring; where the two “friends” rekindle their friendship and realize they love each other. It is currently summer so I’m not sure how my movie is panning out, however, I did meet Nate in the Fall and we became friends. Now, we didn’t have a falling out during the winter, but over the winter I got involved with another boy and that ended horribly. Then in the spring, I worked Nate’s showcase, where we became better friends, and I casually slipped out the information that I was single. That is kind of what started the flirting between us; even if I cannot tell if he is flirting with me. Normally the summer I guess comes after happily ever after. I haven’t even quite landed the man yet so my movie is pretty original I suppose; that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We should all strive to have our own original stories; we can’t live someone else’s life; that’s plagiarism. Whenever I listen to music while taking a walk or riding in the car, I like to act like it’s one of those transition scene’s in the movie; when the music begins to build I begin walking a little faster as if I’m finally realizing it’s been him all along. I wonder if I’m the only person who does thing; surly not. I look around and think; that’s right, you are all my background extras. Someone once told me I was simply a secondary character, where as they were the main character; excuse me, I am definitely leading lady material, so screw you. Don’t ever let someone tell you, you aren’t the main character of your own story. Certainly I am not the only person who imagines camera shots of themselves for scenes; it’s only natural to see yourself in your mind from a far and imagine it as a shot from a movie.

[sometimesyousitdown-blog]

Sometimes You Sit Down and Think 10

The sun came out, and I really have to pee. These two things are completely unrelated; except for the fact I do not want to get up and walk all the way to find a bathroom. However I am right next to the library which will probably let me use their bathroom without conflict. Update; the library was close because of the national holiday, which is understandable. However, it was a bit of a major inconvenience for me to have to walk all the way back to my dorm to use the restroom; but, there is always an upside to things, this did present a splendid opportunity for me to change locations from Lincoln Center to Central Park. So, it wasn’t as annoying as it could have been. The only issue with Central park in the summer is its smack dab center of tourist-ville. I was crying to my sister over the phone in public the other day and some flipping tourists thought let’s take our stupid picture right next to the crying girl. I loudly complained about them to my sister, which I’ll admit was rather rude of me, however, in my defense it is also quite rude to take pictures right next to someone who is obviously crying. I guess I’m becoming a real New Yorker; well, at least according to How I Met Your Mother. One of my absolute favorite places in New York is the big fountain in Central Park; it’s really nice to just sit there and think, or type, or play the ukulele. This is the first time that I have tossed a penny into the fountain and made a wish. I know it seems a bit childish, but what’s the harm of trying? I don’t see anything wrong with having a bit of dumb optimism. I always fantasize about a cute boy coming up to me and asking what I’m doing, or something, or course, in a non-creepy way. It’s sad when you automatically assume everyone is a creep for being nice to you; why can’t a stranger give you a compliment and it not be weird. It’s upsetting how the creeps of this world have made it impossible for the non-creeps to complement each other. Do you ever think you’re jinxing yourself when you make wishes? I do all the time. It always seems that when I want something really bad, the opposite happens. It’s truly unfair that karma is punishing me when I am seemingly a good person. Sure, I’m not the best person on the planet; but who is? I always feel very uncomfortable when people stare at me in strange ways. I would like to apologize for how unorganized this passage is; but my brain is feeling a bit unorganized at the moment, so bear with me. Back to what I was saying; what I really want at the moment is for a certain boy to text me back, but I guess I can’t have what I want. He’ll probably text me back at say midnight, and apologize for being MIA all day; which, of course, I’ll forgive him almost immediately because I am a giant marshmallow. I truly am just a giant sap, I get my heart tied around things too easily, and I’ve gotten hurt from it a few times.