You know, this year has been shitty. From the time it started until now, it’s just been one huge shit storm. From the ball dropping on new years til now, things have just gotten really fucked up. I had a heart to heart with my SO after midnight on new years where I poured my soul out explaining my insecurities about whether we were in love or just had a lot of love for eachother, little did I know that would come back to bite me in the ass months later. The first month went by without much excitement, then came my birthday. I waited past midnight in hopes my ‘girls’ would call me to congratulate me on another successful year of being alive, I got nothing. I woke up at 8 the next morning expecting some kind of text, a post, a voice mail, still there was nothing. And I know, people may think I am being vapid or shallow, but as a sign of my love and affection I always strive to wish them a happy birthday as soon as the clock strikes 12. This year, I didn’t get a text until close to noon from one of them. I felt uncared for that they couldn’t send a simple text to show they were thinking of me. I spent the rest of the day at school, when my 'bestfriend’ tried calling me after noon. I was so upset that she waited until half the day was over, I forwarded it, because if anyone should have followed my annual well wishing, it should be my best friend, no? Regardless, I was wished happy birthdays from everyone else around me, and ended up staying late to work on a project. I wanted to feel appreciated so I stayed to help a classmate move her project. As we were moving her sculpture I stepped on a piece of foam from an installation piece and fell. I ended up breaking my ankle in three places when I tripped. I spent the night in the ER, getting wished a happy birthday from all the staff, as if the reminder of my shitty birthday wasnt enough, and would spend a week in the hospital following an emergency surgery. My first friend to show up brought me a bear and a cupcake, apologizing for not contacting me, saying she kept forgetting because she was busy. My entire stay in the hospital was with roommates from hell, and nurses who ignore you when you tell them the medicine is making you nauseous. Not all of them were terrible, but man, did those few leave an impression. When I got out it was no better, I spent 3 months in physical therapy trying to regain my ability to walk, and had to be out of work the entire time. It was the most depressed I had felt because I was in constant need of assistance. I couldn’t leave my house without help, I couldn’t shower without help, I couldn’t even drive; my entire adult life had been prided on my ability to live independently, and was ruined with one misstep. I hardly saw anyone outside of class, which was extremely difficult because I crave communication, missed my coworkers, and being around people. I realized just how difficult life was when you needed to depend on the graciousness of other people, and it put a strain on my already uncomfortable relationships. I returned to work around June, and found it hard to be on my feet for long stretches of time. (I also had a really shitty time working out payments for the surgeon who I had no choice in choosing for my accident surgery, along with getting legal help for my bills which should all be taken care of by the school, but that’s a different diatribe). My friendship with my best friend continued to deteriorate as well, she would keep secrets from me and do things that felt like antagonistic behavior that only put more space between us. It was as if she became an entirely different person, one who lies and cheats and doesnt care about anyone outside of her 'social circle’. I also feel like she’s made me out to be the bad guy for cutting her off because I felt like she’s become such a toxic friend. I ended up quitting my second job because I hated it and the stress that accompanied it, also to focus on school. And in October, during the car ride home from my sisters graduation out of state, my SO told me he wanted to break up while we were still driving an hour from home. He would go on to ask a different girl out the next day, and insist I move out ASAP. He then omitted the fact that he was still going on a date after he asked me to fix our relationship. My grades went to shit from the stress, and I am still unsure of how this semester will turn out. He now wants me to reconsider moving out so I can stay, but I’ve just been put in this awkward situation. I’m still not on good terms with my 'bestfriend’ and I don’t even think my friends know how taken for granted I felt this year, that ultimately them not being the type of friend I always try to be for them lead to me staying late at school and accidentally hurting myself on my birthday. For God’s sake, I wanted to be appreciated on my birthday, so instead of celebrating with my friends like any normal person, I stayed on campus to help someone else, and broke my fucking ankle. I felt so shitty that day that I wanted to do something worth while since no one else had planned anything for me, and it literally lead to the darkest part of this shitty year, a time when I legitimately considered suicide. My SO had asked me right before I got hurt if I wanted to get dinner, but it was a consolation prize for a shitty day, considering what I had hoped from the people I care about. I know, it just sounds like complaining, but this is honestly what I’ve felt like this entire time. I am permanently maimed from this accident, and I feel alone. I don’t think any of my relationships are how they should be, and while this year has been complete shit, I just hope 2017 will be better than this suck fest.
dailybridgerton
origamiaround
prguitarman
gummygunk
areudirty
stormborns
