Real True™️ Facts about Rammstein (band)
(as verified by Rammtisch™️)
❤️🔥 Schneider can’t peel vegetables
❤️🔥 Richard doesn’t know how to use emojis wrong but won’t admit it. Instead he claims he hates them.
❤️🔥 It’s physically, emotionally and spiritually impossible to shitpost about Paul Landers.
❤️🔥 Till hasse Kinder (eggs).
❤️🔥 Richard tried to calm his tits but they rebelled
❤️🔥 Schneminem
❤️🔥 Flake smells of dust
❤️🔥 Olli is weirder than you think
Thank you for coming to my seminar.
No, I will not be taking questions at this time.
❤️🔥 It’s physically, emotionally and spiritually impossible to not shitpost about RZK.
❤️🔥 Want to shitpost about RZK? Too bad, time to feel sad.
❤️🔥 Want to thirstpost about RZK? Too bad, time to feel sad. (2: electric boogaloo)
❤️🔥 Frau Schneider > you.
❤️🔥 There is one collective brain cell. No one knows where it is. No one knows how to use it.
❤️🔥 It’s Christophs all the way down.
❤️🔥 Till’s rimming grade? B+
❤️🔥 Paul grades the orgies.
❤️🔥 Richard doesn’t know what giving someone the D means. No one will tell him.
❤️🔥 Schneider isn’t allowed in Bitchy Belt Boys Club. He doesn’t have the minimum requisite number of belts for entry.
❤️🔥 Dick King and King Dick are not the same.
❤️🔥 Richard is not a dom no matter how much he insists he is.
❤️🔥 Richard is a squishmallow.
❤️🔥 Rammstein Omegaverse? Till? Alpha. Paul? Alpha. Schneider? Alpha. Olli? Omega. Flake? Omega. Richard? THEE OMEGA.
❤️🔥 Flipples.
❤️🔥 Schnipples.
❤️🔥 Flake is a stinky goose. He turns his underwear inside out and pretends it clean.
❤️🔥 🍌 (gun).
❤️🔥 🍌 (drumstick).
❤️🔥 🍌 (penis).
❤️🔥 Amazon Prime & Naptime
❤️🔥 banana circle in teotihuacan as a sacrifice to the gods for a new tour at the very spot where richard fell🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌
❤️🔥 No cigarettes in the Squishmallow pit. (Guitars are allowed).
❤️🔥 Schneider smells of bananas.
❤️🔥 Olli knows everyone’s secrets. Yes, even yours.
❤️🔥 Richard likes pegging.
❤️🔥 Paul puts voice filters on cats.
❤️🔥 Richard’s right tit gets lonely because he only holds he left one.
❤️🔥 Smallbrain Bigheart.
❤️🔥 Richard cheats at Rubik’s cube. He painted it all black and claimed he solved it.
❤️🔥 Flenis.
❤️🔥 Pipples.
❤️🔥 🥐.
❤️🔥 The first rule of Weirdo Club is that you never underestimate the flenis and it’s powers.
❤️🔥 Paul and Richard are a terrible pair for a threesome. They start arguing about style and equipment half way through.
❤️🔥 🥐 vs 🍌 vs 🍆
❤️🔥 Olli wants to fuck a nun.
❤️🔥 Richard wants to be a nun.
❤️🔥 Olli is the kinkiest motherfucker in the entire band.
❤️🔥 Flake carries around a first aid kit and supplies the band with band aids. His favourites are the ones with little red cars on.
❤️🔥 Richard and Paul formed a side project together called The Lil’Shits. They don’t play any music but come on stage and argue about each others guitars and pedals and amps for 30 minutes.
❤️🔥 Richard is a bottom. Hanky code tells us so.
❤️🔥 Till has a squishmallow pit but instead of squishmallows it’s a Saw trap. He made it himself.
❤️🔥 Paul shrunk Richard’s “don’t praise me I’ll cum” t-shirt in the wash and now it looks like a crop top.
❤️🔥 @wizzardclown and me will hunt zoran down for what he did to Flake and Till in the Mein Teil video
❤️🔥 Flake and Schneider? Meme dukes.
❤️🔥 Fraukolade.
❤️🔥 Richard has custom made Heelys. They’re black and red and light up when he rolls.
❤️🔥 Till has a box labelled “Till’s Box of Porn”. It’s where he keeps his fishing photos safe because everyone else is too scared to look in it.
❤️🔥 Till has an army of lobsters.
❤️🔥 When he walks his army of lobsters round Berlin on leashes, he becomes Fraubster.
❤️🔥 Flake is actually six cats in a disco suit. This is why he’s so ornery.
❤️🔥 Never let Paul Landers cook you an egg.
❤️🔥 smallbrain bigheart (schnoodle)
❤️🔥 smallbrain bigdick (paule)
❤️🔥 smallbrain bigsarcasm (flake)
❤️🔥 smallbrain bigego (reesh)
❤️🔥 smallbrain bigpervert (till)
❤️🔥 normalbrain bigbeard (olli)
❤️🔥 fishstein Flake:
❤️🔥 fishstein Richard:
❤️🔥 They’re terrible at strip poker
❤️🔥 “…aber…bin ich…Schneider?”
❤️🔥 Till doesn’t know how to FaceTime his fish
❤️🔥 “Mein kleener”
❤️🔥 Friedrich Quecksilber aka the DDR has Freddie Mercury at home and it ain’t going to buy you any:
❤️🔥 all hail the holy rail
❤️🔥 Nikolaus Fuhrmann, or, the DDR also has own brand Nick Carter, thanks for asking
❤️🔥 opinion problem
❤️🔥 fiery problem
❤️🔥 long problem
❤️🔥 goose problem
❤️🔥 banana problem
❤️🔥 vampire problem
❤️🔥 paul can’t control the weather
❤️🔥 fish nerd (till)
❤️🔥 movie nerd (richard)
❤️🔥 opinion nerd (paul)
❤️🔥 banana nerd (schneider)
❤️🔥 long nerd (olli)
❤️🔥 nerd nerd (flake, the nerd²)
❤️🔥 he long, he nice
❤️🔥 Till fucks pancakes
❤️🔥 it’s a moral obligation
❤️🔥 paultjes
(Excellent artwork by @artificialpuddle)
❤️🔥 Till hates Belgium
❤️🔥
Quality memeage by @a-paradise-for-hyperfixations
❤️🔥 Olli’s stripper name is Mollitov Cocktail
❤️🔥 Christoph Schneider; “pretty good”
















