Icarian child

i hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child || vent, poetry and whump || 20 || they/she/he || Aroace spectrum, queer, gender apathetic || neurodivergent and depressed

[imanwithoutbowie-deactivated202]

Continue✨ Keep going✨

[sonofwhales]

It's so funny how one week you're living your life, having fun with your friends and just genuinely feeling like things are getting better... And then the next week you're left wondering if you even deserve to feel happiness

[sonofwhales]

I genuinely thought moving away from my parents into uni would help me get better but despite all the work I put into this all the loneliness and shame is still here. And I'm still achingly exhausted.

[mikeandwillsweddingofficiant]

hate those "is it romantic or platonic attraction" quizzes that are like 'do you see yourself holding hands with them?" or "do you get excited when you find something in common?" like babe be more specific. i want to hold my friend's hands. i get excited when i find out i share an interest with someone.

[scrawledbynat]

sore thumb

i stood out to other children, not because i was special

but because i was short and my body grew hair.

my personality was quirky and inquisitive.

my neurotype was inevitably deemed abnormal.

atypical interests captivated my heart.

all collected in a playlist perpetually on shuffle.

an easy target, i got bullied for reasons i still don’t understand,

i couldn’t compare to the fantasy of what made a real girl.

i internalized peoples’ comments on every trait that made me.

finding fault in every way i diverged from normalcy.

[sonofwhales]

it's so funny being both aromantic and a picky eater cause whenever I see the food allegories for being aroace I'm like. Yup, sums it up, pity that I DO wish I could be normal about it and enjoy the dishes.

[tawnysoup]

Finally now that the comic is fully public on comicfury, I get to share it with all of you here, too <3

If you enjoyed, please consider supporting by buying a PDF of the comic on itch.io: https://tawnysoup.itch.io/home-in-the-woods

[cdpdraws]

trope that makes me crazy.png

[sonofwhales]

Picture this. We are a mage and a knight. You have been appointed me to go on a journey to gather materials for a very important ritual that will turn the tide in a big war your kingdom is in. We go all over the kingdom and some of the stops don't make sense, you're angry because it seems like we're wasting time and you'd rather be in the battlefield where you can do actual work instead of being some noble's bodyguard. As time goes on you loosen up and become fond of me, and oh? is that yearning on your face? anyways. After passing through a town that is being used as a medical camp filled with dead and dying soldiers we finally reach the location of the ritual, you know little to nothing about magic but by now surely I should have found an animal sacrifice, right? Considering that it's a big ritual we should have already found a big offering. You demand an explanation but I give little to nothing. "Where is the sacrifice" you demand, over and over. Until finally, I give you the dagger. The lamb was with you the whole time.

[diamonds-at-y11]

Me when there’s sacrificial lamb coded characters at the function. Oughhh just the entire concept of your suffering being not only necessary but beneficial for others. Fucked upppp. Like your cries of pain are selfish because of all the people you’re saving. Like “just accept it, it’s better this way, it’s for the greater good!” The purity of the lamb both juxtaposed and completed by the knife against its throat. We will tie your small hooves and stain your pure wool red and here and forever you will be something holy. Be grateful.

This is about minecraft pvp civilization btw.

[sonofwhales]

ruminating on the correlations/reasoning for my deep interest in whump and over and over doing ocs that come reeeally close to dying/know are supposed to die/snap and turn into something not human but end up surviving and have to learn to live again after that. Something something being traumatized at age 13 and having to learn how to cope with the grief and anger in complete secrecy, something something firmly believing I'd be gone by age 20...

[sonofwhales]

I drew one of my personal characters today. One of my oldest. The one I have inflicted the most pain upon, the outlet for my own sorrows, a mirror to my own self. For the first time I was satisfied of how they looked and looking at their eyes I truly saw them.

I felt pride at first, finally their look matched their abstraction. But quickly that pride turned into sorrow. Staring at their eyes I just felt guilt and desire to protect them. I am the incarnation of the evils sent against them. I wanted to protect them from it all, from my own doing. I wanted to cradle them in my hands. A being so frail and powerless against something so vast and powerful.

I wondered about my own self. I wondered, when the time comes, will my creator hold me in his hands? Will he regret the suffering bestowed upon me? I do not blame him, no story is interesting without hardship, after all. But this I pray, will I be allowed to have a soft epilogue?

[sonofwhales]

"Never Love an Anchor" by The Crane Wives but it's from the point of view of a child who grew up neglected and overly sheltered and lonely and knows that if they want to thrive they need to leave as soon as possible.

They don't want to out of fear and grief. They want to devote loyalty to those people who DID try to raise them, but failed due to their own wounds.

They know their parents tried, and love them for it, but also know that they will only be able to heal when they finally set sail and leave their harbor behind.

From the point of view of all those whose anchors, which were made to keep them safe, are now making them sink and the only way of surviving is letting go.

[ooooccccdddd]

i feel like there is something most, if not all of you are capable of learning, and it's something that can help you understand what recovery actually is and help you get there.

the mantra "what's difference from pocd and p is that the attraction is unwanted with pocd" only gets you halfway there. you have to actually understand why you don't want the attraction.

fear of societal rejection is, in my opinion, not actually the core of this disorder. would it comfort you to know that the rich and powerful in society have been abusing children since the dawn of time and as a rule get away with it? would you want to belong in the country clubs and churches and palaces of the world if it meant you would be protected for this and not rejected? of course not. the concern is deeper. you genuinely care about the children in your life, and it is not just out of fear.

the nature of an abuser's attraction is not just an inborn phenomena, but desire mixed with contempt. in some form or another, they see children as their property, things that do not exist outside of their sexual utility, things whose wellbeing and consent are intrinsically secondary to their own. they fundamentally do not understand that children have valuable lives outside of the abuse. and i think this leads to the most important and effective way to differentiate yourself from an abuser. actively recognize that children have lives of their own, and exist beyond your fear of hurting them. abusers build their lives around their attraction. you will not.

this way, you can find the potential to break free from this disorder next to every single intrusive thought. with any pangs of supposed attraction, you can ask yourself whether or not this really matters. if you've internalized all of the above, then you'll realize that it's literally nothing, just a blip in the radio transmission. the life of a child, and your life, is so much bigger than the intrusive thought of the day.

there are no upsides to this disorder, and i can say that still after 8 years of recovery. but after recovery, you will be one of the very, very few people in the world who genuinely understand the mechanics of abuse and how to prevent it and build a world where it doesn't happen anymore. you'll be a wonderful caregiver and source of support to the children in your life.

[moonsickagain]

[sonofwhales]

Whump prompt

For once the self sacrificing hero is not the one being rushed to the ER but the one desperately calling out for help and telling their team mate to not close their eyes

[sonofwhales]

Whump prompt

Two characters in battle, A is injured and unresponsive and B is also injured but with hell in their veins, determined to get A to someone who might help, even if it's clearly too late