happy suicide

29 | he/they | INTP | schizoid

[baptizm-deactivated20200524]

GUYS READ ALL OF THIS PLEASE PLEASE PL–

[serialreblogger]

some IMPORTANT UPDATES

stay tuned for the resolution

[bunbunxian]

THIS IS WHAT I WAS TELLING EARLIER

A.FUCKI G.REAL LIFE LWJ. A fkn modern wangxian au this is crazy

[esmew9785]

[ashes-0f-phoenix]

PLEASE GO ON REDDIT AND CHECK THE UPDATES!!!!

THERE’S MOOOORE

[tlhrfanfic]

This is a hell of a ride but this is the Queer romance of arranged Marraige actually turning romance and ahhh i love it so much

GOOD FOR THEM!

[lostsometime]

this is adorable but i’m still just stuck on ‘he keeps crawling into my lap and cuddling and nuzzling me, but i can’t tell if he LIKES ME-likes me, please help’

dude

[jumpingjacktrash]

if you read romances and think “no one is that oblivious in real life” i have some news for you my friend

[a-redharlequin]

CONGRATULATIONS <3

[soramawarin]

So, since twt seems to be going down I decided to revive this blog. Let's do some introduction then.

• Sora / Rin, 28, trans, aroace-spec

• treatment-resistant depression (diagnosed), some other possible disorders

• currently in genshin hell

• fav ships: 🦉🦚, 🐉🐋🐉, 🌧️⛓️(🌧️), etc.

• like both wholesome and dead dove content

[soramawarin]

god i'm so tired, so goddamn tired

being trans sucks pretty much, thanks to dysphoria. lack of acceptance also doesn't help at all

nevermind being bi. some people think it's worse than being a pedophile. like, r u serious??

being a schizoid is not funny either. my brain cannot handle this shit

oh well

[karmaalma]

Volumes Extras

[apromiseofhappiness]

『D.Gray-man lockscreens』 ☆.｡.:*　 like or reblog if you like/use to support me 　.｡.:*☆ The Cross’ one is my favorite.

“ To me, the world is not only the shape on the map. On the battle field, all I see are the faces of the order and my friends… I am an awful person aren’t I? Instead of the real world, all I care about is my friends. That’s because they are my whole world… Even if just one of my friends dies, to me, it’s the same thing as part of the world being destroyed. ”

[soramawarin]

The reason why I'm almost always silent and don't talk much about myself and my life is because I feel empty, and trying to interact with people brings too much pain and self-hatred, I feel like I'm falling apart and dilapidating. As if interacting with people makes me even more distorted and less real. It's not a pleasant feeling. I wonder what could help me deal with that aside from distancing myself.

[vaggvisa-deactivated20201010]

[komanda]

Летних ягод вам в ленту и много красивой природы в блоге @vaggvisa

[soramawarin]

I'm burning in Pathologic hell and I never want to leave.

Also I really don't get why many people think Dankovsky is a dick but I haven't finished the game yet so maybe I'll see it later. Halfway through Burakh's route tho. (Maybe I'm a dick myself so that's why he seems pretty normal to me? Idk.)

Trying to drag my friends into this mess, I hope I'll succeed. >:3

On a sidenote: it would be nice to drink some twyrine.

[soramawarin]

最憂間で君は - Saiyuukan de kimi wa

最憂間で君は “Sayuukan de kimi wa” romaji

Song by: Eight feat.  初音ミク

YT (reprint): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RsWfJfDxFc

kantan na kotoba de kiritotta mirai mo sude ni kudakete

yuumon no umi ni shizumi konda hazai to kono karada

eien no boku wo mitsukedashite yo

ana no aita haide wa iki mo dekinakute

(x2)

meikai na kotoba wo nomikonde nigoshita gobi wa boyakete

saiyuu no kuukan de potsuri seki wo hitotsusuru

eien no boku wo mitsukedashite yo

tsubusareta hitomi ja nani mo mienakute

eien ni koko de musebi naitemo

dare mo michainai, hitorikiri na no sa

eien no boku wo mitsukedashite yo

ana no aita haide furuwasete furuwasete

kimi no koto wa wasurenai yo

boku ga shindemo wasurenai yo

[soramawarin]

State of mind/mood aesthetic.

[soramawarin]

I don't really get the "think before you speak" idea here, but the story is nice.

[soramawarin]

It’s really hard and it feels like I’m dying from the emotional pain and all the unresolved problems and dark and depressive thoughts that run through my head and make me feel sick. It does feel like I’m dying slowly but inevitably (and that’s kind of true). That’s why I cut my body (I try to escape from the neurotic pain and suffocation that I feel almost all the time). That’s why I want to take drugs (meds don’t work and I don’t know what to do about it, I feel more depressed and desrerate day by day). That’s why I want to shoot a wall (can’t feel the reality around me). That’s why I think about killing people (too desperate for their love and acceptance that I can’t have). I’m just so full of misery, sorrow and pain that it becomes too hard for me to handle. Yet there is no other choise but to keep holding on. And you know why?

It’s not even worth dying if your life can’t be helpful for other people. If you can’t help anyone. If you can’t save anyone. Even yourself. It’s not worth dying because it’s just a waste. I’m a waste. I don’t want to live like that but most of all I don’t want to die like that. I want to be needed. I want to be accepted. I want to feel loved. I don’t really have anything I want to live for, and I desperately want to have it. I don’t want to die. The thing is it’s too painful to live.

[soramawarin]

Mofftiss why

I’ve been a part of this fandom for five goddamn years and now I can say that my heart is broken.

I just want some real johnlock. I just want them to accept themselves and each other and be in love with each other openly. Is it too much to ask?

[soramawarin]

Ayanami Rei fanmix on @8tracks: second coming by soramawarin.

1. School of Seven Bells — Trance Figure 2. uzP feat. GUMI — 心の音 (kokoro no oto | sound of heart) 3. Yakui The Maid — Consciousness 4. I am waiting for you last summer (feat. m. of iamthemorning) — Obsessed by 5. Старуха Мха — Деформация 6. Tim Hecker — Analog Paralysis, 1978 7. космический тюлень — мир нерождённых душ 8. Siberian Stag — Astra Folia

[soramawarin]

Kawoshin fanmix on @8tracks: on the back side of the moon by soramawarin.

1. Of the Vine - ...with these eyes i will see you

2. Matthew Kidd - The Sea Will Claim Us

3. Gregory and the Hawk - Boat and Birds

4. Endless Melancholy - You Are the Moonlight

5. The XX - Stars

6. Gus Black - The Afterlife

7. Balmorhea - Truth

8. Yakui The Maid - Dehydrate

[soramawarin]

friend: Now I feel so sad and depressed, it's really awful.

me: That's why it's better if you're always sad and depressed - you kinda get used to it.

friend: Omg are you okay?? Is it that bad?

me: Don't worry, just kidding.

me: (probably not)

me: (help)

[soramawarin]

pls don't take this too seriously

Idk if it's been said before but.

You know Sans has his flashy eye. What colours is it? Light blue and yellow.

What do those colours represent within the canon of Undertale? Patience and Justice.

You could say it fits Sans pretty well since he patiently watches what's going on and what you're doing and doesn't even intervene until... you know. Also he judges you (justice has something to do with judgement, being a judge and all that stuff) in the Last Corridor for your actions. I hope you get the idea.

Now about those colours and Seven Deadly Sins. (I'm referring to the @dahniwitchoflight's post about colours of human souls and seven deadly sins here.) Light blue is Sloth and yellow is Greed.

Though it's kinda speculative you could say it fits Sans too. Why? Because he acts as and seems to be the laziest character there (though we know it's not quite true). Also the sin Sloth was combined of Tristitia (sorrow/despair) and Acedia (sloth itself). Geno!Sans does seem to be kinda desperate when fighting you. Remember him saying something like "i gave up long time ago" and other depressing and kinda desperate stuff. So, uh, yeah.

Now about Greed (though it's even more speculative). Remember those times when Sans asks you to pay ridiculously high prices for something (e.g. fried snow, 50000g man, that's not even that funny) or even encourage your own greed (hot dogs and cats on your head, like "you want more? i'll give you more lol"). It's reeeeeeeeeaaaaaally speculative but still pretty funny.