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@sorrowreminisce
THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY TREES ARE COOL
I really want to love this post, but I can’t fight the need to correct the fact that the ‘mushroom shaped tree’ is actually just a topiary, Ficus is a genus not a destination, and the young mango trees underwater are Mangrove trees...
it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning
@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.
this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun
I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry
ninety nine???? thats IT????????? buddy here in the 7th circle of h*ck, California, we get up to at LEAST 110 degrees every single gosh darned summer. the bugs seek revenge. the sun wreaks havoc on the mere mortals it surveys. every plant has turned brown in its thirst for water. the very air itself has been sucked dry of every drip of moisture it ever had.
ninety nine degrees. you weak fool.
well since you asked so politely, let’s talk about something very important vis a vis weather-hotness that you clearly ain’t ever heard of, called
humidity
oh alas, you say. oh papa, whatever shall i do, it is ever so hotte and drye in california. the very air hath been sucked of all its moisturey droplets and whatnot.* one hundredy and tennith desiccated degrees!
*(yo, drought is serious. i am pretty obviously not making fun of that.)
alright. let’s check it out. here’s a random california city, right about now:
thirty-two percent. and here’s a random mid-atlantic city located somewhere in the wet fleshy crease behind a demon’s knee*:
*(confession: i do not live in dc, but several years ago i spent three weeks steaming like a tinned ham in arlington in august. none of the pants i took with me could ever keep a crease again.)
huh! funny thing! “see, dc’s actually seven degrees COOLER,” you say, because you’ve obviously never gone outside and taken a deep lungful of wet sock trash air in your life. and now for added bliss, here’s what early wednesday morning’s gonna be like for these poor clowns:
that’s right! eighty-two percent humidity! the point at which showers no longer matter, because you’re all caught in God’s grease trap! just stressed human eels miserably slip slidin’ their way through a damp melty bathwater-flavored hellscape that feels like it’s actively sous viding their top layer of skin! a hundred thousand people packed into public transit breathing air that feels like deepthroating swamp thing! and you wanna talk to me about fuckin california!
[cue science voice]: human bodies cool through evaporation, a process by which the body sweats and sweet invisible angels towel us off, whisking away our unwanted moisture into the air and literally chilling us out. (it’s also why air conditioned air feels so fucking deliciously refreshing: it’s not just being cooled, it’s being conditioned, aka, dehumidified. it’s cool dry air.) but. if the air is already made out of fucking chowder and can’t absorb shit then guess what the fuck our bodies can’t do.
so is this weak fool gonna remain indoors and hydrated through this only medium-hot but fuckoff-humid season? you bet your dried out ass.
This is poetry.
I fucking laughed till I cried so hard I had to take my glasses off. Jesus Christ that’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen all week.
As someone who lives in a high desert and has had a few Ohioan summers inflicted on me-
I will GLADLY take 105 and the 5% or less humidity I had in Durango, wherein the outer layer of my entire epidermis dried and split like the scorched earth out in the parking lot, leaving me looking like I’d been assaulted by an SFX artist high on 5 hour energy-blasted Monster whilst napping but it was REEEEEEAAL and every movement caused me to split like a tectonic plate and Ooze some unmentionable substance, than EVER be subjected to humidity over 80% again.
Same, with more France.
Angel 20th Anniversary Reunion
Entertainment Weekly interview
Part 2
‘creative captions for old-timey books’ by SnideOctopus
This blog will make you feel at peace
Like, respect to the blog …
Those photos are absolutely stunning, I’ll admit.
The caption, though -? Who the frig finds ‘peace’ when looking at an abandoned, empty, remote space, which leads off into a totally unknown and unpredictable area, in which there could be anything from bears to serial killers trying to bury their latest victim -? Like, sure, my first instinct is ‘peace’ and not ‘rest in peaces’ … seriously?
Yep. Every time I get the thought of taking my kids on a walk through the Waitakere Ranges to see the Fairy Falls, I think of the bodies that get found in said ranges from time to time (perhaps more urban legend than fact but, same thing, right?)
Hell, i can't even take a 'peaceful' stroll through a 2km slice of neighbourhood forest without worrying for who might be waiting to mug or murder me. Peace? Nope. Only if accompanied by a large group. Oh no. But then that's just the PERFECT set up for a horror movie, isn't it?
Did you guys know they make straight-up sheets of non-triangle-cut canned crescent roll dough now? I figured everyone knew but I told my mum and it BLEW HER MIND so I figured I should probably tell the internet, just in case.
I can’t hold it in any more WHY WHY IS THE DOUGH IN A CAN AMERICA THE LAND OF THE CANS WHY WHAT IS THIS CANS ARE FOR THINGS THAT YOU LEAVE AT THE BACK OF THE CUPBOARD FOR 6 YEARS AND THEN THROW OUT WHEN YOU MOVE OR PIE FILLING I’LL GIVE YOU THE PIE FILLING BUT DOUGH? MEAT? YES THEY PUT MEAT IN CANS TOO! HEATHENS!
Canning has a long tradition in America, going back to the colonization of the east coast and later of the west, where isolated farmhouses might go weeks without access to a dry goods store and had no access at all to fresh food in the winter (barring winter hunting, which could not get you fruits and veg). Canning was a common practice to make sure you had some kind of plant food to survive the winter months.
During the early 20th century, when industrialized food preservation and production was picking up (especially because long-term preservation was necessary for feeding troops in combat) canned food became commonplace, including in poor urban areas where refrigeration wasn’t available. Canned meat, because of mass production, might be more available and less costly than fresh meat, and would certainly last longer. (It’s now considered subpar to easily available fresh meat, but many people still have a can in their pantry or two, just in case, and canned tuna is a quite popular way to keep fresh cooked fish around for snacking without dealing with the smell). For households with two working parents or with only one parent, canned food was a convenient way to stock the larder for the week and still be able to provide your family with a decent meal. During the war, women who worked during the day and had a husband off in combat (or had a husband who had died in combat) still had to come home and feed their families, but without the eight hours a day they normally had to shop, prepare, and cook a meal (and do the laundry, and clean the home, and the million other unpaid labor activities that are always overlooked in homemakers and took a lot longer before industrialization).
After WWII, canned food was a major sub-industry because of all this, but with improved shipping speeds and preservation methods, it was also on the decline as an in-demand product; we started getting seasonal fruit and veg year-round which put the demand for canned food, sold next to said fresh food, on the decline. Marketing offices for canned food producers turned to aggressively marketing quick-cook recipes as a method of selling more product – if you can empty a can of condensed cream-of-mushroom soup into a dish instead of chopping and sauteeing fresh mushrooms and adding a cream-soup base, you’d save at least forty to fifty minutes of your time, you wouldn’t have to worry about buying mushrooms and cream (neither of which keep long, even in refrigeration) and you’d get a meal that was still pretty tasty. Particularly for boomers, who were raised on this method of cooking, it’s a totally normal flavor in prepared food. Keeping a can of cream-of-mushroom soup in the pantry was standard, and we used them in our house with regularity. The only reason I don’t keep one in my own pantry is that I have a dry soup mix that just requires adding mushrooms, and I have pre-chopped mushrooms available to me within two blocks of my apartment, plus the time, money, and able-bodiedness to procure them. You can get five or six cans of cream of mushroom soup for the cost of a pint of cream and a container of mushrooms, and you don’t have to walk from the veg aisle on one side of the store to the dairy aisle, usually on the opposite side.
Also in the 1950s, canned food was a common stockpile item against nuclear winter. Cold-war thinking bred two generations, the Boomers and the older GenXers, who wanted lots of food on hand in case we ended up nuked by Russia. Preparation for the Cold War honestly is the reason that people freak out about natural disasters and end up buying tons of fresh food, because those two generations were indoctrinated into the idea that any disaster means lack of available food.
And canned food in the pantry means if you get home at the end of the day and you’re exhausted, you don’t have to drive to a supermarket (remember that in the US there are very few corner groceries outside of major urban areas anymore, and many urban areas contain “food deserts” with no groceries at all). You can open a can, pour it into a pot, maybe dress it up a little, and have a decent hot meal. Making baked beans from dried beans, if you don’t have a pressure cooker, takes hours even if you do have a slow cooker; making baked beans from a can takes either 30 minutes (if you have plain canned beans; this also requires tomato sauce or ketchup or bbq sauce, plus brown sugar or molasses) or 10 minutes (if you have canned pork and beans, which might enjoy some added mustard and bbq sauce but don’t require them). And it’s a reasonably nutritious, filling meal.
Canned bread dough has to be refrigerated. It’s a sub-luxury food – it’s cheap and convenient but still needs to be bought relatively fresh and requires some, but not much, labor to prepare. It’s a nice dressing on the table if you have extra energy, or a fun meal to make with your family that doesn’t involve hours in the kitchen. Rolling little sausages up in Pilsbury dough takes maybe half an hour, but it doesn’t take the hour and a half to two hours it would if you had to make the dough from scratch. And in our culture where “quick cook” is aggressively marketed to sell convenience foods, there’s some competition to be had in terms of who can come up with the most imaginative use of this food – what’s the best thing to stuff into the bread, how do you cope best with the triangular shape, how delicious can you make this essentially convenience food.
So, in short (too late) canned food in this country arises from need and continues to cater to it, influenced by a combination of Madison Avenue, the military-industrial complex, and the shrinking quality of life for the middle and working class.
Wait... I'm from New Zealand and while, admittedly, I lifted a brow in horror at the idea of 'canned dough', I eventually figured it's not too unlike the frozen pre-rolled pastry sheets we use here, right? Or am I just confused by American terminology? (ie the confusion of the jam/jelly/jello fiasco in which we refer to the wibbly-wobbly fruit-flavoured dessert as jelly, but Americans call it jello, and the preserved stewed friut we smear on toast is called jam, but the 'mericans call THAT jelly. Thus the first time, as a child, that I told my mum I wanted to try Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches - as seen on Sesame St - we were both ultimately very confused as to what I was actually asking for...)
My pantry is typically stacked with cans of herb-infused tomatoes to accompany my bolognase sauces and tinned baked beans to go with Sunday morning's bacon and egg breakfast and tinned coconut milk to pop into a curry and a couple cans of tomato/mushroom/pumpkin soup to have handy just because... just in case... well, whatever.
Fairly sure this is a fairly typical New Zealand pantry. Though I'm still confounded by a lot of the 'merican convenience foods that thankfully have not managed to find their way into NZ food markets. Such as... fake-coloured cheese in a squeezy bottle? What's with that?!
End note: I started out with some kind of point but I lost it along the way. Blame my inability to retain focus when words keep disappearing from view on my lil phone screen. Sigh.
Places where reality is a bit altered:
• any target • churches in texas • abandoned 7/11’s • your bedroom at 5 am • hospitals at midnight • warehouses that smell like dust • lighthouses with lights that don’t work anymore • empty parking lots • ponds and lakes in suburban neighborhoods • rooftops in the early morning • inside a dark cabinet
playgrounds at night
rest stops on highways
deep in the mountains
early in the morning wherever it’s just snowed
trails by the highway just out of earshot of traffic
schools during breaks
those little beaches right next to ferry docks
bowling alleys
unfamiliar mcdonalds on long roadtrips
your friends living room once everybody but you is asleep
laundromats at midnight
what the fuck
galeries in art museums that are empty except for you
the lighting section of home depot
stairwells
•hospital waiting rooms •airports from midnight to 7am • bathrooms in small concert venues
I just got the weirdest feeling I swear
OK LISTEN THERE ARE REASONS FOR THIS!!!
A lot of these places are called liminal spaces - which means they are throughways from one space to the next. Places like rest stops, stairwells, trains, parking lots, waiting rooms, airports feel weird when you’re in them because their existence is not about themselves, but the things before and after them. They have no definitive place outside of their relationship to the spaces you are coming from and going to. Reality feels altered here because we’re not really supposed to be in them for a long time for think about them as their own entities, and when we do they seem odd and out of place.
The other spaces feel weird because our brains are hard-wired for context - we like things to belong to a certain place and time and when we experience those things outside of the context our brains have developed for them, our brains are like NOPE SHIT THIS ISN’T RIGHT GET OUT ABORT ABORT. Schools not in session, empty museums, being awake when other people are asleep - all these things and spaces feel weird because our brain is like “I already have a context for this space and this is not it so it must be dangerous.” Our rational understanding can sometimes override that immediate “danger” impulse but we’re still left with a feeling of wariness and unease.
Listen I am very passionate about liminal spaces they are fascinating stuff or perhaps I am merely a nerd.
Because so am I. <3
Liminal spaces are amazing, because they - and the associated discomfort - exist in lives as well as in the material world!
An anthropologist named Victor Turner developed the idea originally to describe the space in the middle of rituals where a person is neither what they began as, nor what they will end as – an initiate going through an induction ceremony, a person in the middle of their wedding ceremony, etc. It’s a space of total ambiguity existing between two named states, and it freaks us the hell out.
It’s one of the things that led to wedding parties, to pick a solid example – because a couple transitioning from single to married are vulnerable in the middle space and need protection.
That’s why something like this will hit different emotional notes than if he got eaten on the street, or in a combat zone:
Adulthood ceremonies are so prevalent in most cultures because of this idea as well - someone vulnerable, in the transition, no longer a child, not yet an adult, needs to be guided through the shift. We’ve lost a lot of these sacred moments in modern western culture (I had a bat mitzvah, but sweet sixteens have vanished from a lot of places, I think, as have debuts… the line between childhood and adulthood in the secular west has gotten reallllly blurry.) and I have a hunch that’s one of the reasons why things like wedding showers and baby showers now take on a whole new level of meaning / annoyance. Because we’re missing the other markers of transition.
This is brining back major nerd feels from my BA days of obsessing over psychogeographies and then into my MA with the sublime as liminal/transcendental experience. And oh my god now I want to talk about Lovecraft (because pretty much all of the environments above are relevant there… Plus Old Ones. They’re always relevant).
Ooh, look at that. I derailed the conversation.
Also… I’m adding multi-storey car parks. I’m obsessed with them. They are so weird.
Rite of passage into semi-adulthood and adulthood are super important not only for the child but for the parents and community. It sends a clear message: “this person is becoming an independent individual, with their own personality, taste, goals and voice” and help the transition in everyone’s mind that while this person is still their child it is no longer right to treat them and expect them to behave like children.
This post came along just at the right time to help me explain my adaption of Yggdrasil for a fanfic.
♞ The gods will always smile on brave women.
If the Mayans had ended their calendar in 2016 ,instead of 2012, it would have been a lot more believable.
the inception movie score is so good!! it’s one of my fav movie scores ever, i listen to it a lot!!
other great orchestral movie pieces / soundtracks to listen to even if you haven’t seen the movie:
- inception soundtrack. like i said, it’s amazing, especially time. the blaring brass used in the soundtrack and in the trailer defined movie trailers, which have been replicating it since. composed by hans zimmer.
- the soundtrack to the first transformers movie (2007), especially arrival to earth by steve jablonsky
- the eragon soundtrack, especially battle for varden by patrick doyle
- pirates of the caribbean soundtrack, composed by klaus badelt and hans zimmer. lots of amazing songs, my favs are:
will and elizabeth
barbossa is hungry
drink up me hearties
singapore
at wit’s end
guilty of being innocent of being jack sparrow
and of course
he’s a pirate
- interstellar soundtrack. the creation process for this soundtrack was also amazing, i’d highly recommend watching. hans zimmer again producing a legendary soundtrack. my favs are day one, no time for caution, and mountains.
- star wars soundtrack, composed by john williams. i might be biased here because i fucking love star wars but my favs are
duel of the fates (one of the best fight scene scores ever written imo)
battle of the heroes
victory celebration / end title
burning homestead
imperial attack
the imperial march
- armageddon soundtrack, especially the launch, composed by trevor rabin. it was definitely a cheesy movie and had its messy bits but it’s one of my favs and the soundtrack was really well done.
- terminator 2: judgment day theme song. ICONIC!!! the intro drum is so simple and yet so powerful
- dark knight themes. hans zimmer did a great job with these especially for the second film, the dark knight. aggressive expansion is my favorite
- sunshine soundtrack. sunshine is a sci fi movie which had an.. iffy plot (it was def cool but i was confused by the ending) but the soundtrack throughout (composed by john murphy) is amazing. def worth listening to, especially the epic and chilling adagio in d minor remake.
- skyrim and oblivion themes! these two go without saying. the other elder scrolls games have similar and good main themes as well. this cover is also worth checking out
- modern warfare 2 soundtrack, especially takedown and chasing rojas
- speed (1994) soundtrack! especially the main title. also an amazing movie
honorable mentions:
while it isnt from a movie, o fortuna from the catata carmina burana by carl orff has a very epic feel to it!
harry potter soundtrack (very pretty but not “epic” like the rest on this list)
the ludlows by james horner from legend of the fall. not “epic” like the other ones on here but it’s a truly beautiful piece of music so i wanted 22 include it
fairytale from shrek is a really beautiful song in my opinion, when you listen to it outside the context of the film. also, it isn’t orchestral, but the fairy godmother cover of holding out for a hero is amazing
the james cameron avatar soundtrack was pretty good
mirror’s edge soundtrack. still alive is a beautiful, amazing piece of music
idk if it belongs on this list but i included a shrek song so why not. time to say goodbye by sarah brightman and andrea bocelli has such a grand feeling to it i had to include it!! it’s not from a soundtrack
i probs missed a ton but yeah lmk if there are some good ones i missed!
ive been sent a lot of songs so i added the ones that i liked (keep in mind that some of these films have some “problematic” elements, such as the white savior narrative pushed in the last samurai). this list focuses on the soundtrack alone, and in no way endorses the plot of the movies / their actors
- deliver us from prince of egypt
- theme song from mad max fury road
- is she with you? from batman vs. superman
- soundtrack to the last samurai
- captain america’s theme from the winter soldier
- pacific rim theme song
and one i wanted to add myself:
- soundtrack for the mask of zorro
Soundtracks that were tragically unmentioned in this post:
Star Trek The Wrath of Khan, The Right Stuff, Dune (shitty movie, but cool soundtrack), Battle of Britain (the main theme and the final battle track), Zulu, Patton, Apollo 13, Blade Runner, A Bridge Too Far, Aliens
John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent
“Bord de Rivière au Printemps” Embroidered Gown, ca. 1900
Designed by Victor Prouvé and Fernand Courteix
via Musee de l’Ecole de Nancy
it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning
@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.
this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun
Why are colds like
One Nostril: I’m cool
Other Nostril: They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums… drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow lurks in the dark. We can not get out… they are coming.
