conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 85 (masterpost here)
*wrapper crunching* *straw slurping*
Dick, absently: moon's pretty tonight.
Damian: *grunt of affirmation*
Bruce: don't get too comfortable; we have two hours until the shipment drops, this is just a temporary break.
Jason: -can you just for once live in the fucking moment? we have burritos. we're all here together. shut the fuck up.
Bruce, bemused: i'm just warning you against getting too bloated before the mission, chum. i don't want you to get an upset stomach.
Damian: he's calling you fat, by the way.
Bruce: i'm not- i'm not calling you-
Jason: you are though, you're fully calling me fat,
Tim, suddenly: -you know what i realised earlier?
Dick, laughing slightly: alright, Tim's just- Tim's just in his own world,
Bruce: don't be mean, and we're still on patrol here. no names. what did you realise?
Tim: i was just thinking about how Jason and Dick are the only two of us that had to find out that Bruce was Batman.
Bruce, sighing heavily: names,
Damian, dry: Father there is nobody within fifty feet of us.
Jason, ignoring him: whaddaya mean?
Tim: like. i figured it out myself and knew before i ever became Robin. Damian's known from birth because it wasn't ever a secret in the league; of the official Wayne kids, you two are the only ones that had to actually be told and 'find out'. Dick, you were told after you were taken in, right?
Dick: *humming* actually, he tried to keep it from me at first.
Jason: oh that's right. 'cause you were taken in by Bruce Wayne; i was taken in by Batman. you found out Bruce was Batman, i had to find out that Batman was Bruce.
Bruce: was there really much of a difference? and Nightwing, you found out literal days after i brought you home.
Dick: yeah but not because you told me.
Damian: how did you find out?
Dick, dismissive: oh i just watched him walk into his clock and disappear and decided to follow him. he was not that great at hiding. i'm pretty sure he forgot i was in the building.
Bruce: i did not forget you were in the building—you were my ward, Dick, i knew you would have to know about the Batcave eventually.
Tim: how did you react? were you freaked out?
Dick: honestly it was so long ago i barely remember not knowing, my memories are all fuzzy and mixed up. B, do you remember?
Bruce, considering: you were pretty excitable; especially once you realised i was looking into your parents’ murder. i'd been getting worried about you beforehand, because you were starting to act out quite a bit, and Alfred said you didn't seem to have any outlets to let out your anger, so it seemed like a positive opportunity to let you run around a bit.
Dick: yeah, i remember laughing a lot...
Bruce: kind of 'maniacally'.
Bruce, humming in interest: to be honest, i think between the two of you, Jaylad had the best reaction.
Bruce, bemused: do you not remember what you said?
Tim: this is something that B found funny? ok see now i'm interested.
Damian: i actually don't know much about how you were acquired by Father.
Jason, snorting: 'acquired'.
Dick, gleeful: fuckin' great story. all round favourite, by far. good memories.
Jason,dryly: you hated me back then.
Dick: times change, littlewing.
Tim: how did the whole reveal thing happen, then?
Bruce: well i took him home pretty much instantly after meeting him, because it was clear that he didn’t have anywhere else to stay, and i guess i… saw a little bit of myself in him.
Dick, brightly: s’ a fun way to say you picked up a strange young boy off the street and dragged him to your weird creepy mansion.
Bruce, exasperated: why must you put a perverted spin on everything i do?
Dick: because it’s how i show my love~
Damian: surely part of the responsibility lies with Jason, for being confronted by an ominous strange man who offered to take him home, and deciding to just go with it.
Jason: oi- don’t you victim blame.
Damian: well why the hell did you agree?? you didn’t know him.
Jason: i dunno. i figured there were three options, one: he’s genuine and i’m about to live out Annie as the main character, two: he thought i was a child hooker and young-Jason was bouta get paid,
Jason: or three: he’s a child murderer, upon which- listen i was a bit of a delusional child. like, i thought i could steal Batman’s tires. i fully thought if he tried to kill me that i could just kick him in the nuts and then dart off with a great new story to tell people.
Dick, in wonder: you just did not have any sense of self preservation,
Jason: i had self preservation—i was just tired and he caught me on a bad day, so i didn’t give a shit.
Bruce, cutting in: well- whatever the reason, it was one of the best decisions i ever made, so i’m happy it turned out well.
Jason, amused: mhm, mhm, go on.
Bruce: well to get back on topic; i brought you back to the Batcave and we discussed you spending a few nights to see how you felt, and Alfred came down so i could discuss with him how to go about fostering you and you got to meet him, and then after he left you asked me ‘if that was my carer and if Batman was really just a mentally disabled man that kept dressing up and escaping home’.
Jason: alright that does- *wheeze* that does ring a bell,
Tim, casual: you are such an asshole, man.
Jason, very happy: i know.
Bruce: after that i had to explain what was above the Batcave, which obviously revealed my identity,
Jason: i was kinda- i mean, i don’t remember specifics, but i was quite calm about it all, wasn’t i? i don’t remember freaking out.
Bruce: you were, but to be fair you’d already gotten in a car with a stranger and let me take you to the cave under my house, so i think if you suddenly then regained the ability to have appropriate reactions to things, that would be concerning.
Bruce: do you remember what you said to me after i explained my identity?
Bruce: …*amused sigh* you calmly listened while i explained, reacted with nothing, and then you just started echoing what i’d told you.
Bruce: you told me, ‘so Batman is Bruce Wayne.’ and i said yes,
Bruce: and then you said, ‘and Nightwing is Dick Grayson’,
Bruce: and then you cocked out a hip, pointed up at the entrance to the manor, and you said ‘and i’m guessing Alfred Pennyworth is the Riddler, because ‘he just has a British accent’ my ass, that old bitch was talking in code.’
Dick: *wheeze* you- you don’t remember?
Bruce, fond: i remember. i told Alfred after you went to bed that night. i told him that was the moment i knew you were gonna be my kid.
Tim: *wheeze* you know- you know Alfred always told me that Jason was the most difficult when he first came to the manor, and i always thought that was weird because everybody else says Dick was way worse. but now- *wheeze*
Damian: -now it makes sense. you made him an enemy after your first interaction.
Jason: I DON’T REMEMBER SAYING THIS?!?! -i mean- *snort* i’ll take credit, that’s fucking funny, but still. did i have that much trouble with his accent!?!
Bruce: i don’t think it was that you couldn’t understand him; Alfred just has a very traditional and olden-style British accent, and you apparently had been friends with a couple modern-British kids that lived in the alley, because you always used to argue with me after Alfred left the room that ‘they didn’t sound like that’.
Bruce: it really used to bug you for some reason.
Dick, cackling: NO I- NO I REMEMBER- I DO REMEMBER- fuck, Jay, do you not remember one of your conspiracy theories back then was that Alfred wasn’t actually British?! you thought he was fucking lying.
Jason: …holy shit i actually do.
Tim: *wheezes* oh my god,
Bruce: you accepted it eventually, but it took you a while to get there with him.
Dick, eager: i don’t wanna- i don’t wanna hear shit from people about me being difficult when i first got taken in; Jason showed up and instantly started fighting with the sixty year old about how his fucking voice sounds,
Jason, laughing incredulously: i mean- i mean it is a very stereotypical old-english accent?!?! i didn’t think those existed anymore.
Damian: and yet your favourite book genre is old english classics?
Bruce: i think that was what got him to drop it, actually. there was an evening where Alfred read a Jane Austen book out loud to him, and afterwards he came into my bedroom to shake me awake and tell me ‘ok i get it now’.
Tim, struggling not to laugh: -because the matter was just that important, that he had to wake you- *cackles*
Jason, amused: listen- listen this was clearly a point of great stress for young Jason,
Damian: you weren’t stressed about being taken home by a strange man in a bat costume but the guy’s butler’s accent being too theatrical—that freaked you out?
Bruce: you were a very fun child to have around, Jaylad. i’ll give you that.
Dick: does Alfred agree with that sentiment?
Bruce: he loves you now, that’s all that matters.
2087
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