The story of Atsuko Tsubame and her feelings for Haruhime Tsugikuni.
A gift for @weavingpearl :3 A fic of their oc and Haruhime yippeeee
Beta read by @weavingpearl heheheheryehehe
Atsuko was the third child of Isamu Tsubame and Chikako Tsubame. She had two older brothers, Shion and Isao, and one younger sister, Yuka.
Atsuko and her siblings were blessed with a lenient father who didn't care that much for traditions. The relationship between her parents was a rare marriage of actual love, and so the respect and care her father holds for her mother extended to her and her siblings.
This was the reason for how Atsuko had recieved training from a young age, and was allowed to become a female samurai.
"Why let your daughter be a warrior?" People would ask her father.
"She should fill her duty and give an heir to a worthy household." They'd say as if she was mere livestock.
"She already has filled her duty. A daughter's duty is to bring prosperity and respect to her family, is it not? I fail to see how my oldest daughter isn't doing that when she's helping well known samurai win battles like any other son." Her father would respond with a dismissive hand wave.
Some people mocked her father for being so lenient, some were too afraid to make him their enemy.
Atsuko truly respected and loved her father, but from a young age she knew that he was a rarity—the odd one out amongst many men in the country. Atsuko had tagged along with her parents a couple of times when they were invited to another noble family's house for some meeting—at the time Atsuko didn't know what the meeting was for, but later she learned that the father of the other family wanted her to be his oldest son's wife one day—and witnessed how the head of the family basically treated his wife as if she was not there. He barely glanced at the newly born daughter the woman was carrying in her arms, his full attention on his son that he kept at his side the whole day, and at his guests.
To Atsuko, care and love from her parents was normal. For her, it was normal for her father to not treat her and her sister as if they were simply products he would sell later.
So she supposes that's why she grew up to be the way she was.
Maybe that's why her heart beats a little faster when she's near Haruhime Tsugikuni.
Atsuko, due to having recieved training from a young age, was given the opportunity to work under the Tsugikuni family. She remembers so vividly the joy her father felt for her when the letter arrived.
"What is it, dear?" Her mother had asked, her voice as soft as it always was.
"Lord Tsugikuni has taken interest in letting our Atsuko be his son's subordinate once he becomes a samurai." Her father answered with a smile. He had leaned down to ruffle her hair, which had already been messy from that day's training. "Are you excited, Atsuko?"
Atsuko hadn't fully recognised the name at the time, having only heard it in passing a couple of times, but upon seeing her father's pride and excitement, she had nodded. If her father thought this was great news, then it was.
"That's my girl." Her father had smiled. "Go clean yourself up, will you? We'll leave soon to pay Lord Tsugikuni a visit and formally answer to his request in person."
Atsuko remembers how she had nodded and scrambled up to go to her room. She remembers the few attendants working at her home that day muttering to themselves.
"Lord Tsugikuni? This is massive, is it not? I've heard that Lord Tsugikuni is very calculating of who he gives such offers to."
"He is. If Atsuko-sama has intrigued him, then it's great."
"Indeed. And who knows, maybe she might get herself a good husband while serving as a subordinate there."
Atsuko remembers sitting on her father's horse while they made the travel to the Tsugikuni estate.
While the Tsugikuni family was not as well known as the Fujiwara family for example was, they were certainly much well known than the Tsubame family.
The Tsubame family was infact a minor noble family, and rather humble compared to some other noble families. It has not been that long since the Tsubame family managed to gain the recognition they have now, and some older clans are still skeptical about letting them into their circle. Adding to Isamu being a loving husband to his wife, a lenient father to his children, and a gentle lord to his subordinates, some higher ranked nobles did not respect him or the clan.
Isamu never let that bother him though. If someone would mock him and his lenience, he'd simply laugh and go "Our time in this world is limited. Why would I despise my wife, children, and the people I employ when one day I will leave this world either way? I would rather be remembered as a gentle man, not a powerful man that crushes everyone under his boots."
Atsuko admired that part of her father. She admired how he never let the whispers of others get to him. She adopted that trait of him to herself.
Atsuko remembers seeing the gates of the Tsugikuni estate for the first time when she was six. She remembers the attendants working at the estate welcoming her and her father in and leading them to a room where Lord Tsugikuni and his son sat.
"Tsubame." Lord Tsugikuni had greeted her father coldly. "Sit down, please. Thank you for coming here on such short notice."
"It's no trouble, really." Her father had replied. "I am delighted that my daughter has been given this opportunity."
"Yes, you are incredibly involved with them, so I've heard." Lord Tsugikuni had smiled stiffly. "Not many duties to attend to than your wife and children, I assume?"
Atsuko had noticed the slightly snide comment, but remained silent. If her father noticed, which she is sure he did, he paid it no mind and simply smiled. "I pride myself on being present in their life. What kind of father and husband would I be if I didn't?"
"Right." Lord Tsugikuni huffed quietly. "As you most likely read in my letter, I've heard of your daughter's excellence in swordsmanship and skill in martial arts."
"Indeed, Lord Tsugikuni." Her father nodded proudly. "My children all show talent, but my oldest daughter here has a wonderful ability to quickly catch on and learn from others. She has learned a lot from simply observing her brothers train."
Lord Tsugikuni hummed thoughtfully and was silent for a moment. "Though it is... unusual for a daughter to be a warrior, I am willing to look past that if she is as remarkable as you say."
Isamu had smiled silently, waiting patiently for Lord Tsugikuni to speak.
"This is my son and heir, Michikatsu." Lord Tsugikuni motioned to his son sitting next to him.
Michikatsu lifted his head a little and gave a quick and small bow as a greeting before returning his gaze to the floor. He had looked to be lost in his thought.
"If your daughter passes the expectations I have for her, she will one day fight alongside him in battles." Lord Tsugikuni continued simply. "However, if she is to fail, I will not accept seeing her here again. You may try your luck with one of your sons, but I am giving your daughter one simple chance."
Isamu nodded. "Of course Lord Tsugikuni. It is an honor to have this chance."
As the two men conversed with each other, Atsuko's eyes had wandered over to the open shoji door behind Lord Tsugikuni. It was summer, so the doors had been left open to ventilate the estate. The doors led to the inside garden, a place clearly frequently used for training.
On the engawa on the other side of the garden, was a woman with a long haori, and a boy with shoulder-lenght hair clinging to her left side.
Atsuko remembers being in the middle of wondering who those two were, espechially the boy, when Michikatsu noticed her staring and followed her line of sight. Then once he saw her staring at the woman and boy clinging to her, he turned to stare at her with a firm look in her eyes.
Most of the time she had seen that look when it meant something like "you are not supposed to be here" or "this is a private matter, don't listen in on it" or anything similiar.
In this case, it clearly meant that she was not supposed to see those two, and she should avert her eyes before Lord Tsugikuni noticed her staring.
Atsuko was not about to be the cat that curiosity killed, so she quickly averted her eyes and pretended they never wandered in the first place.
She had been lucky that it was Michikatsu who noticed her staring and not Lord Tsugikuni, and at the end of the day, she was given the news that she'd serve under Michikatsu as a subordinate once she was old enough. Her father had told her to be proud of herself when they left.
The next time she saw Michikatsu had been when she had been summoned to the estate for a training match a couple of times over the next five or so years. Michikatsu was quiet and precise, some days he almost seemed bored.
Regardless, Michikatsu did not strike Atsuko as the type of person who wouldn't earn her respect.
And at first, her loyalty and respect of the Tsugikuni family was only directed at him.
Until Atsuko saw her.
Around the time when Atsuko was fourteen and she was at the Tsugikuni estate, she saw a girl her age visit. She learned that her name was Haruhime Kitagawa, and she was to be Michikatsu's bride.
However, while others saw a quiet and meek girl, a perfect candidate to be the Tsugikuni clan heir's wife and the mother of the future generation of Tsugikunis, Atsuko simply saw her.
Atsuko remembers the first time she talked to Haruhime so vividly. It had been the third time she had seen the girl, and had taken a long time to gather up her courage to talk to her.
"Hello. My name is Atsuko Tsubame." She had introduced herself, hoping that her voice didn't crack. "I'm one of Michikatsu's subordinates. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Haruhime, who had been sitting on the engawa of the estate, looked up, her soft blue eyes meeting Atsuko's ruby ones. "Ah, hello, Tsubame-san."
"A-ah, no need for such honorifics, Haruhime-sama." Atsuko had replied immediately. "You are my future superior, so you don't need to use honorifics when talking to me."
Haruhime had chuckled slightly, hiding her mouth behind her sleeve to cover her smile. Haruhime was clearly raised to be the "ideal and proper lady" society wanted all women to be.
"If you say so." Haruhime had nodded.
Atsuko couldn't bring herself to talk to Haruhime so soon after that, and their next actual conversation was after Haruhime had become a Tsugikuni.
Atsuko didn't tell anyone how her heart ached when she watched the wedding ceremony. It shouldn't have ached the way it did.
Still, Atsuko continued serving the Tsugikuni family and fighting alongisde Michikatsu in battles. She could tell that Michikatsu didn't treat Haruhime poorly, so Atsuko ignored her yearning heart. As long as Haruhime was happy, then she would be content.
However, while Atsuko could put her desires aside, she couldn't bring herself to distance herself from Haruhime.
Perhaps that's why the yearning and aching got stronger as time went on.
The years passed, and Atsuko grew from a fourteen year old girl just starting her career to a young lady. She had recieved one marriage proposal from Itsuki Uchiyama—the son of that family she and her parents had once visited when she was little—but she had rejected the proposal, which concerned Haruhime.
"Tsubame, you are a wonderful young woman, but if you wait for too long, you might not be able to find yourself a good husband." Haruhime had said one day. "You know that the good ones never stay available for forever."
"It's alright, Lady Haruhime." Atsuko had shaken her head lightly. "I'm in no rush to marry. I'm capable of defending myself and my home, and I'm recongised as a perfectly capable samurai by the Tsugikuni family. There isn't a big need for me to marry and have children, as both of my brothers already have children of their own to continue our bloodline."
Atsuko remembers how she plucked from the grass next to her. It had been a Tulipa edulis. Atsuko had stared at the flower for a moment before she turned and tucked into Haruhime's hair, placing the stem behind her ear. "You are very kind, Lady Haruhime, but marriage is not a priority for me. I'm very comfortable and secure. Even if I don't ever marry, my family will still continue thanks to my brothers."
Haruhime had blinked and stared blankly at her, and Atsuko realized how close she had gotten. "A-ah, my apologies, Lady Haruhime." She immediately backed away. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to overstep."
Haruhime was silent for a brief moment before smiling. "No, no it's alright, Tsubame. You simply caught me off guard."
Haruhime had reached up to touch the flower in her hair and smiled again. "Thank you. For being here for me even when you have not been told you. I truly apprechiate you being here."
Atsuko had stared at Haruhime, ignoring her heart pounding in her chest, and then nodded. "Of course, Lady Haruhime. I will always be here for you. No matter what."
Atsuko truly wished that things would've been different for them. Maybe in another time, in another life, Atsuko could've been allowed to act on her feelings.
But that wasn't the world she lived in, and that wasn't the life she had been given.
In this life, watching Haruhime live peacefully was all she could have, and she would apprechiate every moment she was allowed to be a part of.
And yet, things changed from bad to worse. One moment everything was fine in the Tsugikuni clan, and then the next, things had gone to ruin.
Michikatsu Tsugikuni returned one day home, and suddenly announced that he was leaving. And he did just that, and walked out of the estate, and was never seen again.
Haruhime stared at her lap, her daughter loosely cradled in her hold, blissfully oblivious to her mother's thoughts.
Michikatsu had truly left. He was just gone. All he took with him was his sword and the clothing he had been wearing that day, and left without even a single look in their direction.
Not when she sobbed and begged him to stay. Not even when their son ran after him, arms stretched out like he could stop him.
One moment Michikatsu was there, and then the next he was gone.
The whispers started immediately.
"He must've left because he felt unsatisfied."
"What kind of woman makes her husband so miserable that he leaves his whole life behind instead of divorcing her?"
"Such a disappointment, isn't it? The problem can't be because of a lack of an heir, so her behaviour must be it."
"What did she even do for this to happen? I can't imagine a single situation where a wife could drive her husband out instead of being left on the side of the road for the disrespect."
"It doesn't matter what the reasons for his leave are, he's gone now, and so is her worth."
That last one stung more than it should've.
It stung because it was true. Without Michikatsu present, Haruhime was seen as a disappointment of a wife. If a woman can't keep her husband, what good is she?
Haruhime's hands shook. She took in a deep breath and tried to keep her heart calm. If she paniced, the whispers would get worse. She has to stay calm and strong, if not for her status and reputation, then at least for her children.
"Lady Haruhime?" A familiar voice calls out.
Haruhime turns her head and sees Atsuko standing nearby. "Ah, hello. Did you wait for long? My apologies."
"No no." Atsuko shook her head and stepped closer, her samurai armor clanking slightly with the movement. "I did not wait for long. And do not apologise, I should be the one apologising for intruding."
"You didn't intrude, Tsubame." Haruhime tried reassuring the other.
Atsuko stared at Haruhime silently for a moment. "Lady Haruhime, please pardon me for speaking so boldly, but the others are being complitely nonsensical."
Haruhime blinked, startled and surprised at Atsuko's words. "Pardon?"
Atsuko straightened up a little. "Michikatsu leaving was not your fault, Lady Haruhime." She said firmly. "I apologise for not speaking of him in a respectful manner, but his actions infuriate me to no end."
Atsuko is not one to speak so disrespectfully of her superiors, espechially not of Michikatsu. Atsuko has fought alongside Michikatsu many times, and being a subordinate of the Tsugikuni family gave her access to the tools she needed for training. Even her current attire—a plain kimono, hakama, and her armor—were provided to her by the Tsugikuni family. Even her current weapon was hers because Michikatsu had taken a look at her old one and decided it was too flimsy for battle.
And yet she declares something like that without any shame.
"Tsubame, you should not speak of him like he's your equal or below you." Haruhime sighed.
"I hold no respect for a man who turns away from his family like that." Atsuko shook her head, her long pontytail swinging with the movement. "He abandoned you and the children, and his path as a samurai. He is no longer my superior."
Haruhime admired Atsuko's braveness. She could never speak her mind like that.
Michikatsu never made her feel inferior, not once during their years together. They did not love each other, but they did not hate each other either.
He treated her with simple respect. He listened to her when she said something, he never put her down or told her to remember her place. Most of the time was absent, away in battles—but when he was around, he allowed her to be a person.
Michikatsu didn't treat Haruhime like her father treated her mother—but at least her father stayed and didn't abandon them.
"Lady Haruhime." Atsuko spoke up, dragging Haruhime out of her thoughts.
"Yes?" Haruhime looked up from her lap and at Atsuko, adjusting her hold on her daughter.
Atsuko stepped closer until she was right infront of Haruhime, and knelt down. "No matter what happens, I will remain loyal to you."
Haruhime blinked and stared down at Atsuko, who stared back at her, her sharp eyes firm and focused.
Haruhime smiled. "Thank you, Tsubame."
Atsuko blinked, her eyes widening just a little, as if caught off guard. Then she smiled back and bowed. "Please do not thank me, Lady Haruhime."
Haruhime said nothing, but Atsuko knew that her small smile hadn't faded.
Atsuko was glad that she was facing down and hiding her face from Haruhime.
Atsuko knew that out of everyone working in the Tsugikuni estate, she is the odd one out. Not because of her appearance, status, or personality, but because of the fact that despite being a perfectly healthy young woman, she was unmarried. Atsuko was an independent young woman. She was a female samurai who trained to become one her whole life. She had become a warrior because she wanted to, not because her husband died in battle and there was no one else left to defend her family.
Atsuko was blessed with the chance to be independent, to choose her own path because of her father.
Atsuko knew that Haruhime was not as fortunate as she was.
Which is why Atsuko cannot act on her feelings the way she wants to. Haruhime is married after all, even if her husband left for seemingly no reason—something vague about "wanting the strenght his brother has" or something.
Regardless, the reasons were foolish, and the respect Atsuko had for Michikatsu has vanished.
Atsuko stole a glance towards Haruhime, who thankfully seemed lost in her thoughts and didn't notice.
Haruhime was not available for her, not in the way she desires. But she can still show her devotion in other, more acceptable ways.
Atsuko stood up, and plucked a flower from the grass next to the engawa. It was a Tulipa edulis, just like the flower she had given Haruhime some years ago.
With a slight glance at the flower, Atsuko placed it into Haruhime's hair. Then she knelt down again, and pressed her hand—with her hand armor strapped to it—to her chest, where her heart was. "My loyalty will always lie with you, Lady Haruhime. Until this heart stops beating and these lungs stop taking in air, every bit of myself is at your disposal."
It was a bold vow, but it was the only kind of vow Atsuko could give Haruhime.
Haruhime stared down at the kneeling woman infront of her. She remembered every day Atsuko had gone to her, every time Atsuko had been there for her and only her. Haruhime genuinely felt at ease in Atsuko's company, knowing that she is someone who can understand her the best.
Haruhime smiled at Atsuko. "Thank you, Atsuko, truly."
Atsuko blinked up at Haruhime, startled at the use of her given name, but soon recovered and nodded. "Of course, Lady Haruhime."
stormborns
dededos
kianamaiart
prguitarman
discoholicmusic
jbbartram-illu
2087
