the clumsy con

if I were a transformer I would turn into the Titanic after it hit the iceberg

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

i just learned that tessa thompson was wearing a wig in ragnarok and also that it cost disney ten thousand dollars

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

[aliceinwastelland]

“It’s not my money” lmao what a legend

[patroclusdefencesquad]

me

[smute]

[rewind]

brainstorm and chromedome make good Asshole Loser Best Friends™ because bs is a loud+obnoxious+over-the-top asshole while cd’s def more of a quieter snarky asshole. it’s a fun dynamic

[rewind]

look at this. look at these assholes.

i love them

[make--it--gayer]

[veztemporana-deactivated2019061]

bonus:

[scumbagsblog]

I’ve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier

[covid-69]

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping, As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door.

[buffafro]

“tis a visitor,” i muttered, “dummy thicc, and nothing more”

[foumiedye-deactivated20210531]

tbh i dont get why most people assume that robots are always cold

like have u felt a laptop while its working? its kinda not exactly cold yo

tbh any piece of machinery thats working hard to function is usually not cold, the only time its ever cold is when its turned off

so id like to think while a robot is awake and functioning they could have the potential to be as warm as a human being :0

never thought about this before but now it’s obvious

although like i hope they’ve actually improved cooling tech by the time they’re building androids bc my laptop can actually get so hot it makes THE ROOM hot and it’s only the size of a laptop so potentially an android who was thinking very hard would be a veritable furnace 

think too hard, overheat, faint

fainting couches for androids omg

[notcuddles]

Fainting couches for androids is the best possible thing

[ceruleancynic]

file under things i didn’t know i needed in my life

[roachpatrol]

humans who carry around those chemical freeze-packs in case they need something to drape across their friend’s fevered brow

humans who insist on holding a parasol for their robot friend on sunny days

a robot draping herself over a fainting couch in distress and a bunch of worried humans mobbing up to fuss and fan her and bring her some cool water and pat her hand and gallantly offer to beat up whatever alarmed her

too cute

[johnny-bug-deactivated20161109]

Okay guys and gals I like where ur going but I think we’ve glossed over something with real potential.

Androids blushing

A human calls their android friend cute and then they look flustered and you hear their cooling fans kick into high gear

A human plants a little kiss on their cheek and they turn red hot (literally) from embarrassment

“Brr, it’s friggin cold in here.”

“Hold on I got this. Hey TX-10 did I tell you you look very pretty today?”

The room temp rises a couple degrees as TX-10 tries to hide their blushing.

[foumiedye-deactivated20210531]

yES THANK U FOR ADDING THIS TO MY POST

[dancercoder]

YES YES YES YES this is the content I want from my Tumblr

[neraiutsuze]

okay but also consider this

robots attracting cats like catnip every time they stop moving for more than a few minutes

robot sits down for ten minutes, is immediately a cat pillow

halfheartedly protesting to their human friends that they have tasks to do and being informed that no, their priority one override task is now to be a cat pillow, sorry friend that’s just how this works

[jumpingjacktrash]

the other day seebs told me a thing about robots whose idea of humor is saying facts that aren’t true, like they’ll go “bananas are a type of bird” and laugh uproariously. combined that with the above in my head and achieved cutest android. will def write story about.

[roachpatrol]

cute android: human friend! human friend! i have— haha— very important information!

human friend: yes what is it cute android i am desperate to learn a thing

cute android: eeheehee it’s that— and you should commit this to memory! popsicles were invented by ralph nader!

human friend: is that so

cute android: on the moon!!

human friend: that’s completely astounding i will make sure to remember this fact always

cute android: hahaha IT WAS A JOKE I JOKED YOU, YOU WERE JOKED!!!

human friend: you dastardly robot! how could you!

cute android: *glee*

[jumpingjacktrash]

slfg;hjkadlfgkjhsdfglkjsdfgh yes good

cute android telling ‘jokes’ to its cat groupies which are all purring because android gets so warm when it’s having emotions

[pg-chan]

android learns to purr back

[curseworm]

im loving this article written by som mycologists who accidentally got high as fuck on fly agaric

[curseworm]

[meanplastic]

[jakemorph]

[witchgiggles]

[mens-rights-activia]

Like jokes aside this is so scary and sad, I really hope he’s still okay

[cowboisupreme-blog]

Don’t worry, he’s ok! He posted this on Instagram a few days ago:

And he posted this recently as well

So, yeah, it’s really shitty that he went through that, but at least he’s healthy and safe.

[b00bconnoisseur]

I DIDNT SEE THE LAST PICTURE LAST TIME

[lesbianshepard]

i want to raise hp lovecraft from the dead for a couple of hours and show him The Shape of Water because i think it would make him really mad

[hiboudeluxe]

that universal feeling of wanting to perform necromancy to raise hp lovecraft from his grave just to torture him with shit we know he’d hate is a big fucking mood

[bpd-dylan-hall-deactivated20190]

“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma

and it’s a zeugma where one of the words is literal and one is metaphorical which is the BEST KIND

[tuesdayisfordancing]

I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody: 

zeug·ma ˈzo͞oɡmə/

noun

a figure of speech in which a word applies to two others in different senses (e.g.,John and his license expired last week ) or to two others of which it semantically suits only one (e.g., with weeping eyes and hearts ).

ISN’T THAT AWESOME??

[professorsparklepants]

#in english class in high school my teacher had us write our own zeugmas in class#and one guy came up with ‘he fell from her favor… and the window’#i am forever looking for opportunities to use that one

[siesiegirl]

She dropped her dress and inhibitions at the door.

[crumbvulet]

What’s this? My favorite rhetorical device showing up on my dashboard?

[thranduilland]

IT HAS A NAMEEEE!! OH MY GOD!!!

[pluckyredhead]

My high school English teacher always explained it with: “He took his hat and his leave.”

[otherwindow]

Tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies.

[iwilltrytobereasonable]

Thank you for this bespoke nightmare

[klapollo]

guy fieri’s flagship show is all about him going to underappreciated family-owned restaurants, praising their work and bringing them nationwide positive attention and business. he openly supports lgbt people like his sister and frequently has gay chefs on his grocery games competition, including ones revolving around relationships and family. he donates all of the non-perishable food from grocery games to food banks and advocates for fighting hunger. he goes to parts of the country where natural disasters have hit and hosts big events where he cooks for and feeds the victims. he has a legitimately funny sense of humor on his shows and is generally said to be a really nice person. he loves his son and has done whole television specials about taking him along on trips having once-in-a-lifetime experiences together. he might look goofy but that man does things that nourish the SOUL and u cant put frosted spikes on THAT

[i-will-not-be-caged]

Fandom will bend over backwards to paint Chris Evans as a progressive hero when all he does is make fun of Trump on twitter.

Meanwhile, Don Cheadle has BEEN fighting white supremacists on twitter and shows up on SNL supporting trans kids AND throwing shade at Trump

[drlangdons]

[violetvirus]

yes i arrive with even more now including club penguin ruined

you might need to click the photos to get better quality but idk

[ask-dr-knockout]

Starscream NO…..

[madness-and-gods]

NO 😂

[kittercasey]

I’m George RR Martin 

[mairzymarzipan]

growing up in maine us writers were of course always comparing ourselves to stephen king.  TURNS OUT HE’S FUCKING WRITER GEORG

[danieandflars]

“average writer writes 3 books a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person writes 1 book per year. Steven King, who lives in cave & writes over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[coelasquid]

My favourite quote from Steven King was something like “I am a salami writer. I try to make good salami, but salami is salami.”

[h1234567890-deactivated]

[leaf-beard-deactivated20200913]