grieving as an adult is so funny it's like. im sobbing my eyes out i'm laughing like a maniac im pondering the mortality of everything around me. ok glad thats out of my system because i have a dentist appointment in an hour
yes my sister is dead and I'll never see her again, but I have to go to work, and to school, and I have rehearsal, I have to keep going, I have to keep living, I have to cook, I have to take the cat to the vet, I have to comfort my parents.
I feel like I'm constantly telling myself "you'll grieve next month, when this assignment is done, when the play is done, when it's summertime and you'll have more time, when you are not busy. You have to endure one week more, one month more, one year more. You'll cry when you have time, because the world keeps spinning and it doesn't wait for you."
I feel that if I stop even for a moment I will be lost. If I sleep one day through the grief I will never get out of my bed again. If I skip one day of school I will stop going.
I always say goodbye to my friends and tell them that I love them, because I now know that everything and everyone dies. And people can die suddenly in their sleep even if they are seemingly healthy. When I watch the people I love, I know they are gonna die, and my heart already weep from their missing. I cry over the cat knowing there is a day when she'll have to go too.

















