Poke selfshipping blog! (so this is a sideblog uwu) | English isn't my mother language (is spanish). Romantic f/os list:+900|I'm +20 years old| I use she/her+they/them. I am Genderqueer and ace/aro/fictoromantic/Demifictosexual |Married with:snively Robotnik (12-10-23) Luigi Mario (23-08-15) Edgar Cizko/Dr psycho (24-01-26)
Idk if making art memes is considered lame now but idc, I rarely find ones I want to do so I made my own lol. I'll be reblogging it to my own art blogs for requests, but feel free to save & use if you wanna!
Guy Gardner NSFW A-Z Headcanons
ok well, it was inevitable that he got his own alphabet 💚
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minors DNI!! 🔞
A = aftercare (what are they like after sex?)
if you're doing anything a lil bit strenuous (or involving less than professional use of his constructs) he'll make sure you're ok. physically. but a normal romp will end with him asking if you finished and then asking if he was good. but in a way that doesn't offer you much room for opinion. "that was good huh? was i great, or was i amazing? you know what, you don't need to tell me. i already know i blew your mind"
B = body part (favourite part of theirs and their partner's)
hair isn't a body part technically, so he'd probably say his distinguished nose. it gives his face some character and can be utilised in many ways...
he would pride himself in saying he is all for every body and any body and that it's the whole thing, body brain and soul combined, that makes someone hot to him. but truthfully if you come with a bit of a belly that'll be where most of his focus go. big and round, with a dip in the middle, apron style, small and pouchy, he likes them ALL
C = cum (anything to do with cum)
guy is a messy little freak. he likes to see how long, loud and strong he can cum. likes to pick a target on your body for where he wants it to land. likes you to let it land on your lips or your cheeks or where your tongue can reach it. likes to taste a lil bit himself sometimes. and to be honest, why wouldn't he, because he can boast about having the nicest tasting cum in the whole league actually
D = dirty secret (something they keep hidden)
he'd never let anyone know how often he uses his constructs in the bedroom, either with a partner or solo. it seems like the kind of thing that would be frowned upon, given how kinky he can get. if any of the other lanterns knew the tentacles he'd formed or the toys he'd conjured up... well, he'd grin and act smug about it, but inside he'd be dying
E = experience (how experienced are they in bed)
the notches on his bedpost have made is unsafe for use, they have compromised the structural integrity of the whole bed lmao he keeps a rolling count of the women he has bedded (348 chicks and counting), as well as a separate list for the men, non-binary, and the beyond the mere concept of binary. he has plenty of experience, and it shows
F = favourite position
he couldn't narrow it down if he tried! it changes so often, dependent entirely on partner, their body shape, their abilities, the location, how much time he has. truthfully it would be easier for him to choose a least favourite position, and even that might take him a good week or two to come up with because he really does love them all
G = goofy (are they serious in the moment?)
it might not necessarily be completely goofy, but as much as he takes himself seriously he can find humour in most things, including himself. his goal is to make you happy and to make his partner laugh, that doesn't change just because you're naked and in his bed. whether it's a rare self-deprecating comment or a ridiculous concept intended as a joke, seeing you smile and loosen up is key to a successful romp with him
H = hair (how well groomed are they?)
guy gardner's bush is as pristine as the level straight line of his bowlcut. they are trimmed, neat and tidy, and he spends an inordinate amount of time working away at them. he has a myriad of grooming tools that he uses just on his cock and balls, and that fiery red forest is always looking it's best
I = intimacy (how are they during the moment romantically?)
guy is romantic, but not hugely intimate. it's part of his schtick. he's been with a lot of people and he intends to be with a lot more, so he reserves that kind of emotional closeness for special people. he likes to remain a little bit distanced, so it doesn't hurt you as much when he has to leave for an emergency or when he moves on to the next conquest. but he'll lay it on thick in the romance department, so you can never be that sad. better to have been fucked by guy gardner and lost, than to never have been fucked by guy gardner at all
J = jack off (masturbation headcanons)
usually he's either too busy to masturbate or he doesn't need to, since there's always someone in his roster than he can call on, or some lonely person at a bar just waiting to be picked up. when he does have to resort to doing the job himself, he makes it quick. and is it really masturbating if it's a big glowing palm that he constructed? not his own palm, but one of his creation...
K = kink (one or more of their kinks)
guy has a thing for roleplay, but specifically for acting out what is basically a normal day for him. if you would pretend to be a citizen in distress who is keen to repay him for his heroism or better yet, pretend to be a villain who is succumbing to his charms, please
giving him the gift of a breeding kink. especially if it's a partner he's been with long enough to settle down with. i mean regardless, he likes the idea of cumming deep inside and the risk associated, but he's such a loved up family guy that he would looooooove to get you pregnant
into a lil bit of violence, but in the form of like. play fighting. maybe you take it a little too far and he ends up with a nose bleed and bruises all over his body. he's into that. he's strong and tough enough that it doesn't bother him, but getting his ass kicked is a bit of a turn on, and getting to roll around with you, pretending to let you win, then spinning you onto your back so he can pin you down as his sweat drips onto you? literally his ideal night in
L = location (favourite places to do the do)
he's a man of extremes. there's not many places more perfect that being in his bed with someone who can leave his sheets smelling like them until the next one in line comes in. but if he was going to be real dirty about it, he loves making constructs to bang you inside of. i mean, everyone knows they're there, it's not very secretive, but that's kind of part of the appeal. hat's that glowing green porta-potty doing on the side of the street?? best not to ask
M = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
winning!! he gets such a fucking buzz when he's just back from saving the world, or breaking his records at the gym, or winning whatever bar game he drunkenly demanded that everyone join in on. feeling like the greatest makes him feel like he's worthy of someone's affections, and that boost of confidence tickles him in all the right places
N = no (something they wouldn’t do)
i feel like guy has super hard lines when it comes to monogamous relationships. he'd love to bang everyone that makes eyes at him, but if he thinks for a minute that you're committed to someone else then he would never overstep that boundary. he'd hate to be betrayed like that, and he wouldn't want to be a part of anyone else's heartache
O = oral (preference in giving or receiving & techniques)
come at me, i am sorry, but he doesn't look like an avid giver of oral sex. he'll do it, but it's not like he goes at it like a starving man or someone who believes they'll find the meaning of the universe if they dig deep enough. he's far more keen on receiving that specific pleasure
when he is on the receiving end he is absolutely full of praise and kind words, a little reassurance, a little guidance. he will talk you through every step of what he wants and will tell you how good you are for taking his advice
P = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?
he can be whatever you want him to be, and he will whisper that in a low, gravelly voice before you begin. if he were left to his own devices, however, he's either fast and gentle or slow and rough
a lot of quick humping and rapid position changes while he tells you how excited you make him, how hard you've got him, how quick you're gonna make him cum
or, you are getting gut rearranging thrusts that happen so slowly, so well-timed and so desperately slowly, yet you still don't have time to prepare yourself, mentally or physically, for how filled with him you'll feel for weeks to come afterwards
Q = quickie (their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex)
sometimes it's all you can get with him. he is the world's greatest green lantern and possibly the world's greatest superhero overall. he is in demand, not just from other potential partners, but from humanity in general. so if you can get a five-ten minute window, you should definitely take it. he can make it feel like time has stopped with how good it can get, so it really doesn't feel like just a quickie
R = risk (are they game to experiment?)
guy gardner is unafraid in the face of any potential danger, so if you suggest something incredibly new and incredibly risky, know that he'll be undressing and preparing himself, mentally and physically and spiritually and emotionally, before you can even finish proposing whatever nasty little deed you want to experiment with
S = stamina (how many rounds? how long do they last?)
guy tends to give it his all, so one round is probably all he can give to you. but that one round will be extravagant. we're talking proper foreplay and build up, position changes, pace changes, he might even stop in the middle for a snack and some water and then get right back to you. it's easy to assume though that the stopping and starting is actually just to make sure he lasts longer. he does often worry that if he were just to put his dick in you and ride you consistently as he looks into your eyes he wouldn't last more than five minutes
so yeah, one round is loooooooooooong, but it's that or basically nothing, and he knows what he'd rather have
T = toy (do they own toys? do they use them?)
who needs to buy toys and keep them stored in your house when you can literally create anything you can imagine?? and guy is absolutely not afraid to conjure up whatever you want. beads? you betcha. specifically shaped and almost perfectly form fitting dildos? yup. vibrators than shake your entire nervous system? of course. tethers and ropes and chains and- look you get the point. if he can make it he will. and if you want it, he'll give it to you
U = unfair (how much they like to tease)
he enjoys a fair bit of teasing actually. there's something about tempting you with all the goodness he can offer and making you beg for it, watching you get more and more desperate as he promises grander experiences that you can't go without. he'll make you beg and say pretty please and then tease you for another 15 minutes on top of it, it gives him a bit of a rush to know he can get you like that
V = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)
god he never shuts up! not even for a second! he is loud, and proud of it. he's shouting, whispering, muttering little bits of praise and sweet nothings and dirty filthy whims the whole time
aside from being a verbal rambler, he moans and groans like there is no tomorrow. not so much softer sounds, you won't often catch him whimpering or whining. he is a roarer, machismo personified. he will yell and growl until you have a headache, the cure for which is obviously another orgasm
W = wild card (a random headcanon)
if there's no grass on the field, he will not play ball. you gotta have a bush, preferably 70s era level of hair but he'll tolerate even just a landing strip. he needs texture, something to rub his nose into, something that keeps a hold of that hint of your scent that drives him WILD
X = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on in those pants)
oh i believe that guy gardner is overall average. 4-5 inches, slightly thicker girth than normal, uncut but cleaned and maintained, balls that are a normal size and a normal length. BUT it's what he does with it all that makes him an exceptional lay. plus, no one else can claim to have a perfectly manicured green lantern logo trimmed into beautiful ginger pubes, so there's that
Y = yearning (how high is their sex drive and their desire?)
he's a quantified and qualified player, so he doesn't yearn romantically for a single partner (unless he really REALLY falls for them, which happens more often than he'd like to admit) but his sex drive is insane and his need (not a desire) runs deep. he's always on the prowl for a little something something, and more often than not he charms his way into getting it. which is good because otherwise his mood is affected and he's even more irritating than usual
Z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
oh literally almost immediately. rolling onto his back in the hopes you'll put your hand on his chest and falling into a deep sleep. you'll get a few words from him, but he's short on breath and conversation. good luck getting anything intelligent out of him, post-nut clarity is not a thing, it is post-nut haze and the only remedy is letting him get at least a solid hour of snoozing
