hey i'm lem and this blog is on hiatus! to keep up with the things i'm getting into, follow me on neodb (eggplant.place) or another blog...
other, "more active" blogs:
coatedinsalt - main (music, marketplace finds, etc)
cobel's rabbit - salivating over the vehicles of severance and their real-world design ephemera
fortuneeater - severance meta cataloguing (but also cataloguing things that are sort of tangentially related to severance in ways that i need to keep track of) and tag-rambling
transmarks - cataloguing transfem (and v occasionally transmasc) mark s/cout things
this was/is my side blog for fan works, i go bonkers for stories about people who are not people, people who are many people, places and structures that are sentient, mycelium networks, brains, brain surgery, murmuration, cars, wigs, wig, wig?, manual siphoning, machines and the signals they send, waves of all types, beings beyond comprehension, technologies beyond control, friends and strangers you would die for, and, most importantly, women. icon's ears by: whoreiorcats
#my edits
[x, x]
this blog was formerly: rubyklaasje, transmarks, narcsmelly
Unfortunately it looks like I need to bring this back again. My insurance company is playing fast and loose with me, and apparently I have to fund my entire GCS surgery out of pocket. Even if you can't help, I'd greatly appreciate reblogging the link. 🩵🤍🩷
Hi, I'm Lorien. I am a 42-year-old trans woman currently in the first year of my gend… Lorien Lucero needs your support for Donate to Lorien
please consider writing to Prarieland defendants Autumn Hill and Meagan Morris, they are both trans lesbians incarcerated in men's prisons for protesting an ICE facility
prosecution established affiliation by way of defendants having fucking anarchist zines, the kind of shit you see in a punk house. this is what they want and are willing to pursue for all of us who aren't willing to lay down and die, imprisonment and torture and the absolute stripping of our dignity (the govt gleefully included their deadnames in a press release yesterday; Morris' public defender has consistently deadnamed and misgendered her despite her legal name change)
there is no one who will protect us except us, and if our sisters are lost to us and forgotten as soon as they are grabbed by the prison system (ie if the system is allowed to work as intended) then we are failing, and we are woefully unprepared for a world where they start taking more of us
Autumn is a loving wife and is interested in religious history and mythology. Write to her at FMC Fort Worth.
Meagan Elizabeth Morris is loved by her wife housemates, and dogs. Her name was legally changed in 2007, but the federal complaint used her
My family is threatening to kick me out, and historically they have followed up on these threats.
I am unemployed and disabled and have no savings to speak of if I find myself without a roof over my head. I am asking for this money to keep myself fed and medicated and to find shelter if the weather gets too extreme (heat, rainfall).
If you have anything to spare, however small, I would be very grateful.
My family is threatening to kick me out, and historically they have followed up on these threats.
I am unemployed and disabled and have no savings to speak of if I find myself without a roof over my head. I am asking for this money to keep myself fed and medicated and to find shelter if the weather gets too extreme (heat, rainfall).
If you have anything to spare, however small, I would be very grateful.
She wasn't ever avoiding Eleanor in the two weeks that followed Ricken's book release, she was simply motivated to protect her brother, to bring Gemma back… crouching behind her car in the woods as she expressed, by hand, liquid (wasted) from her aching breasts into the hissing snow, the thawing dirt.
The Stone by NoPhotoDeathZone | gemmahelena | E | fan-made fic playlist
I Was Just Wondering If You'd Come Along
They were wrong—he wanted to be there, Mark S. Mark S got her out, but he wouldn’t follow. Mark S had his own lover down there: the woman at the end of the hallway, the woman with the baby goat.
If my man was fighting some unholy war
I would be behind him
Straight shook up beside him
With strength he didn’t know
It’s you I’m fighting for
He can’t lose with me in tow
I refuse to let him go
At his side, and drunk on pride
We wait for the blow
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
She had no license to drive, because legally speaking she was dead. Legally speaking, she was in a box in Mark’s basement.
Gemma, really the most at risk of them all, had no opinion either way. She knew now that safety was an illusion, so she took a drive down the winding roads of Kier again.
Go without
Till the need seeps in
You’re low, anymore
Collect your novel petals for the stem
And glow, glow
Melt and flow
Eviscerate your fragile frame
And spill it out on the ragged floor
A thousand different versions of yourself
You’re not obliged to swallow anything you despise
See those unrepenting buzzards want your life
But they’ve got no right
As sure as you have eyes, they’ve got no right
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
It had been a rush, too. She hadn’t sought it, but getting to finally push someone else around, make them feel unsafe, it was good—she thought she might have actually cracked a smile as she accelerated away.
Rage is a quiet thing
You think that you’ve tamed it
But it’s just lying in wait
Rage, is it in our veins?
Feel it in my face when
When I least expect it
Give in
Control, there’s so many ways to give in
Eyes close, another way to make it to ten
Oh, how to draw the line between wrath and mercy?
Gotta simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer down
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
That was Wednesday evening, 31 hours after she had gotten out of the basement. At 5:00 pm on Thursday she was back in the parking lot, not quite at the edge this time but still far from the building, camouflaged between some cars that were actually supposed to be there. The same ostentatious blue chariot pulled up and picked up the same sleek woman from the same place at the same time.
The situation’s unclear, I guess
I thought it’d happen through a friend of a friend
But it never did
I need to meet you
I need to catch your eye
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
Gemma turned the note around and held it up to Helena’s face; her eyes had to adjust before she could read the tiny print.
“Carpe diem,” she whispered.
Your lips are red
My face is red from reading your red lips
My hands are red
My hands are red from sealing your red lips
Your skin’s so fair
(You remind me)
Your skin’s so fair it’s not fair
(You remind me)
Tell Me You Will
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
Similarly, she had bent herself into what she needed to be to survive the death game in the basement—fawned when she wanted to fight, fought when it would’ve been easier to fawn, numbed herself to everything she was feeling to keep from falling apart—and if she wouldn’t inflict a fraction of that on the perpetrator, once she had the chance, who would she be? Even a worm will turn.
But it went too far, way too fucking far. It could not happen again; it was the worst thing she had ever done, the most selfish, stupidest, cruelest act she had ever committed by far. If Mark came back, she would not deserve him.
You said that you like old cars
I bought a beat up black Dodge
It was smoking black
It died in your front yard
You find out who’s dating who
But but when it comes to you
One is pulled a dozen different ways in the mind
Something is not right with me
Something is not right with me
Something is not right with me, how was I supposed to know?
Something is not right with me
Something is not right with me
Something is not right with me, I’m trying not to let it show.
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
That was still the last thing he remembered: kissing her. That’s how that worked; he was in a perpetual state of kissing her until his rude awakening, whenever that was going to be. She tried not to consider the possibility that that would be the last thing he ever knew and that, if he had to choose, he would want it that way.
Do you really think she’ll pull through?
Do you really think she’ll pull through?
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know, it’s serious
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
As if he were making amends for an offense he could not have known he was committing, there was some money in the box the photo had been produced from. He probably kept it here to tip delivery drivers, as it was all in five dollar bills. It would be enough for some fast food, which was all Gemma really wanted anyway—a little guilty pleasure.
Now that you’re not my baby
I’ll go do whatever I want
No need to turn around and see what’s behind me, I don’t care
And it’s true, I’ve been goin’ out lately
And I go do whatever I want
No need to turn around and see what’s behind me, I don’t care
Because I’m really not there
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
What was needed, wanted, and possible were not reconcilable, not by their means. There was someone who might be able to help them, Gemma knew; someone who wanted to.
If Lumon was aiming to recapture Gemma, it seemed like there were better methods than this. No, Helena was going rogue. Lumon’s brightest assets tended to do that.
Walkin’ alone at night
Clutchin’ a cheap gas station knife
But the danger was in the car who couldn’t see me, it was too dark
As the brakes slam to the floor
Missing me just inches short
I thought, “If I can’t have my own back, how the fuck can I have yours?”
You are a braving light in a world so dark
And I’m sick of spiraling out and I need your touch to stop
You are a braving light in a world so dark
And I’m scared out of my mind and I need your love
Oh, I need your love
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
As she approached the vehicle, Gemma tried one last volley: “And I’m just a girl?”
Helena opened the passenger door for Gemma, all gentleman-like. “No,” Helena countered, “I know you’re a lot more than that.”
You looked too small in their big black car
To be a threat to the men in power
You’re like my yo-yo that glowed in the dark
What makes it special makes it dangerous
Oh god, daddy I won’t forget
But everytime it rains you’re here in my head
Like the sun comin’ out
I just know somethin’ good is gonna happen
I don’t know when
But just sayin’ it could even make it happen
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
Gemma’s heart was beating out of her chest. Her mind went to senior prom; this technique had not worked on her then, she didn’t understand how it could be so effective now.
She should tell Helena to back off, remind her that it was a mistake, that this had to be nothing and never happen again. When Helena kissed her, though, she kissed back.
We’ve been talkin’ on the telephone for hours at night
Whilst I’ve been thinkin’ about kissing you
I wanna consecrate your body, turn the water to wine
I know you’re thinkin’ about kissing too
Oh girl, don’t stop, please
You can lay your hands on me
I'll Do The Same If The Same's What You Want
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
She looked back down at the camcorder and hit play again just to see Gemma. The way she was alone in that blank void, the contrast between her pale face and her black hair, her ethereal beauty—the only thing Helly could compare her to was the moon hanging lonesomely in the night sky. That was the word for it, the moon.
I remember all the places we could only go, just you and I
Lovers by night, but when the day came, we were back to the same
I'm a lover, I feel it now
I'm a lover, just never knew how
But now I got there, I'm a lover
So let me love you, whatever the weather
Mm, you're trouble
Mm, it's trouble, but it bubbles right over
And makes me feel over the moon
You make me feel over the moon
You're making me feel over the moon
You make me feel over the moon
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
Their eyes met and they both had to pretend that all they had ever done was share a few meals and talk about Lumon. Helena found herself bowing her head slightly, lips pulling tight in a casual but non-intimate greeting. Sure.
On the news that night they talked about the disappearances
They interviewed the people who were witnesses
Most are shocked, some don’t care
When you come around, everything else disappears
My mouth disappears
When you come around, everything else vanishes
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
Helena had a dream she was sitting with her bare feet in the water of Woe’s Hollow. Beside her sat Drummond, who also had his feet in the water, which was warm. It was never warm, because it was mountain snow melt, but it was warm. The whole clearing was in bloom, green leaves swaying and tiny wildflowers sprouting between stones.
When I feel like a petal floating in the breeze
When I feel like a speck inside an endless feed
I am weightless under sunny, sunny sun
I am weightless
Knowing death is soon to come
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
She had to tell Gemma as soon as possible. Bittersweet notions rose up within her. Reuniting the pair could be the best thing she’d ever done in her sorry existence, losing them—in whatever sense she ever “had” either of them—would be the highest price she’d ever paid.
She pulled up to the duplex sooner than she’d’ve liked. All good things came to an end. Helena stalled in the car, as if she was doing anything other than wasting daylight on delaying the inevitable.
You picked me up in your Corvette
Although I wasn’t ready yet
I loved the leather on my buns
My God we are the lucky ones
But this never was real
Though I swear I can feel
The engine revving so loud
I’m just waiting here
Here on the corner here
For our Corvette that never comes
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
“Did you wear this for me?” Helena asked, despite herself.
She could feel Gemma nod minutely with her lips still pressed into the crook of her neck,
“First thing I’ve worn in a while that’s my own,” she punctuated the statement with another soft kiss, Helena shuddered, “I bought it today.”
Stride through the house naked,
Don’t even care that the curtains are open
Let the darkness see me
Streets are mine, the night is mine
All my own now
I love me after you, king of all the land
I’m king of all the land
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
It didn’t help that that person was the most gorgeous woman on the face of the planet. It was extra unhelpful that she was impossible to deny and more charming than she ever intended to be; Helena couldn’t help but try to please her whenever they were together, in whatever way she could.
I’ve been feeling foolish, you should try it
She came and substituted the peace and quiet for
Acrobatic blood, flow concertina
Cheating heartbeat, rapid fire
She’s thunderstorms,
Lying on her front, up against the wall
She’s thunderstorms
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
“I can’t stay here all night,” she said quietly into the dim room.
“Me neither,” Gemma said against her bare skin, “but I can stay a little longer.”
Situations get fucked up and turned around
Sooner or later
I could be another fool, an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after
Crooked spin can’t come to rest
I’m damaged bad at best
She’ll decide what she wants
I’ll probably be the last to know
No one says until it shows, see how it is
They want you or they don’t
Say yes
happy (belated) bday my bud !!!! @whoreiorcats i am sorry it's on spotify T-T here's a thing where u can automatically convert it
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