Whaaaaaaat? - Tina Fey from Mean Girls
This is the first time I've come to vent in a long time. Today, I finally experienced life. In just one short evening, I was hit with a crossroad. I could have let it go and went one way, or take the road less traveled and stand up for myself. For the first time in my life, I took the second path. If you weren't aware, I am homosexual, white male, who loves all and doesn't get into the political bull shit, or enjoy shoving my beliefs down throats of people who don't agree with me. Today, I had the most powerful fucking thing happen to me I feel like I finally "found" myself.
I decided to attend the Allies, meeting here on campus for the very first time. This is a club for EVERYONE (even straight people). I came out only a year ago, but it is something I've always been dealing with (my sexuality that is). I was nervous about the meeting and I was hoping it would be somewhere where I would fit in and belong. Since coming out, nobody has fucked with me and I feel my confidence growing. It is no longer my shameful secret. I am embracing who I really am.
So at this meeting, I show up late due to my idiot of a boyfriend (now ex) who tells me 9pm instead of 8pm. I walk in on my second cup of coffee, energetic and slightly pissed off. I called the guy I was seeing a vagina bitch. I realize that it doesn't make sense but I swear fluently and that is the first thing that came to my head when I found out I was lied to. Everyone begins to make noise, some laugh, some make noises like "did he just say that?" I felt like an outcast already. Thank god I had my best friend there to support me.
The meeting progresses, and we just sat there like, "what the actual fuck?" This isn't a club. It is a fucking support group for people in the LGBTQIA community to bitch and moan about how life is cruel to them. I sat there listening to the following: 1. A debate in which they argued whether it is easier to be a gay man or gay woman. 2. Lesbians are considered sex object and therefore have it easier. 3. Loads of hetero-bashing comments. 4. A SHIT LOAD OF CONTRADICTIONS - you don't want labels, but you are mad you don't fit under one and fight for your right... 5. The presiden't off-colored comment about heteros. The fucking president of this club that is intended to embrace equality said the following phrase AFTER everyone left the meeting, 'I don't understand how people can have straight friends." It was not said as a joke, and was not taken out of context. WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK?
I don't consider myself to be a very political person when it comes to my sexuality. I won't fight you over it. I am who I am and you are who you are. And it breaks my heart to hear these words coming from the leader of this group. Throughout the meeting he agreed and disagreed with people. He threw in his two cents but overall just tried to make the peace. What hurts me the most is what is next to come.
My BF at the time, told me that he does not like feeling looked down upon by the president. My BF was the VP and couldn't stand up to the smurf looking fuck and share is honest opinion. What makes me angrier is that when I talked to him afterwards, he told me not to share my thoughts. NOT TO HAVE A FUCKING WORD ON THE MATTER. "It would do no good, I've tried." I was devastated. He is oppressed by this man, he lets him have all this power over him and doesn't like it. Then goes around and does it to me. I couldn't believe it. I spent my entire life feeling like I don't belong, like I am not good enough, like people will judge me. How can someone who obviously at one point in life felt the same way, do the same to another group of people who can't help but love who they love? Contradicting little fuck!
I asked around to all my friends and they agreed with me. I talk big, but I am not afraid to stick up for what Is right and how I feel. I am planning a speech, directly targeting the president, and the all the club members. They are so blinded by their troubles and by their past that they are doing the same to the straight community. It is literally disgusting. The fact that I have a following of people who are going to support me just makes me feel like I can do anything. This is probably the most adult that I have ever done in my life and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I am finally done taking life's shit.
On an unrelated note, the line at the meal place was really long and the people there were ignoring everyone. I waited a bit, bitched and moaned a bit, then finally said something. As soon as I told them what I want, I got it. I don't know why I spent so much time waiting for life to come to me when I have to step up and go after what I want in life. It's that simple.
Looking back on tonight, all I could do is laugh. I was so pissed off that I punched a trash can, invented the insult "vagina bitch", stress ate over 1000 calories, broke up with my BF, started a following and hopefully a club that people will feel free to be who they are, and totally made a new friend (as well as an enemy). That, and I exhausted every bad word in the book. I know you are going to read this post and be like, what is this guy smoking? Is he all there? And my response is, I am who I am. Don't like it, bye Felicia. I don't need you.
