Alive In The Age of Worry

"Our lives may be prose, but art is poetry..."

[spidey-strange]

If you wouldn’t mind just indulging me...

I need you guys to know just how much these guys above mean to me. I have to write it here because I know for sure I’ll never get the chance to tell them myself.

Maybe one day I will, who knows if the stars will align and I’ll get lucky. But I think we all know the odds are small.

The man on the left pulled me from the brink in 2014. The man on the right pulled me from the brink in June. For totally different reasons, I might add, but neither less important than the other.

Benedict allowed me to be the person I knew I was all along - and be PROUD of it. To give you some back story I have always been, by definition, a geek and a fangirl. When I was at school, I was horribly bullied for it. Ostracised, ridiculed and physically hurt, I left school a shadow of the person I knew I could be, depressed, introverted and harming myself. I spent the following years trying to make myself into someone I wasn’t. I became very good at masking how unhappy I was.

In that time I did find a husband, something I never thought I would ever have given my own lack of self worth, and he remains the constant love of my life. But no matter how much love he gave me (and still does - he’s very forgiving!!), I wasn’t me. Life was black and white - I had no friends, no social life, no reason for being except to go to to work. I cried so much at that time through pure loneliness and frustration.

And then I found Benedict, and his fandom and my life changed infinitely for the better. For the first time since my teens, I wasn’t alone, I found people just like me and I could be who I wanted to be, dress how I wanted to dress, geek out over everything, read and write fanfiction, and most importantly, rediscover my art.

He’s given me friends for life, a global outlook, confidence... he’ll never know it but who knows where I’d be drifting if it wasn’t for him.

Then there’s Tom.

Tom got in my good books by happening to be picked to play the superhero I’d loved all my life. I related so hard to Peter Parker, i wanted to aspire to be Spider-Man (gender norms be damned) and I was thrilled to hear he’d FINALLY be in the MCU.

And then after fangirling over Spidey, I discovered Tom to be a gorgeous, funny, self-effacing, talented wonderful man. Who has all the attributes I admire in Benedict. Sure, I’m older, but I just think he’s a bright shining light of loveliness. Anyway, I digress.

June 18, 2019. The day I somehow found a voice and told my boss how unhappy i was at work and left. I’d been struggling with their practices and the toxic atmosphere made it such that I felt sick all day, every day I was there. Not to mention my weight had ballooned to 95kg.

Eventually I was told if I didn’t improve my mood and my KPI’s within ten days i would be put on a performance disciplinary. I handed my notice in there and then, without a job to go to. Mentally and emotionally I was at rock bottom. I felt a complete failure, lost at sea with no way of knowing when it was going to end. I’ve never felt panic, stress, anxiety and sadness like it.

It just so happened Tom and the gang were in London for the FFH press tour and, having been put on gardening leave (where you don’t work your notice period but you get paid for it), I decided to try to give myself a boost and see if I could maybe see him and the cast.

And I did. And I actually met him.

And i took my art with me and he said it was awesome and he signed it and we had a selfie together and he (and Jake G) were just kind and wonderful. He said it was awesome....

I don’t know what would have happened if i’d stayed home that day. I don’t know how far deeper I would have spiralled with my mental health. But I truly believe Tom halted it. Because he gave me hope. Even if I was a failure in everything else in life, he told me my art was awesome and made me feel good about myself again, in a tiny way. Suddenly, everything felt like it was going to be ok.

A month later I got a new job, which I’m really enjoying. I joined a gym and have already lost 4kg and inches off my body. Everything IS going to be OK. And it all started with him.

If I could tell them both this, I would. I want them to know that their work, their kindness helps people every day, just to get through and to keep going. I want them to know how much I love them for what they’ve done for me - for all of us.

Meet your heroes. It’s really worth it.

[spidey-strange]

Romeo, Romeo...

I am now living in a post Romeo & Juliet world. It might well be the only time I get to see it, but honestly what I saw on Saturday is going to stay with me forever. I wanted to put it down into words - my review of this play.

The first part of the experience is the music. We were in the bar and this repetitive rumble sound played over the tannoy, signalling that we were being called to Verona. We took our seats and we waited, all while more and more haze appeared across the sparsely-set stage and the music bore deep into my soul, gnarling and industrial, giving a sense of dystopian doom and foreboding. By the time the lights went out and the video screen showed 1597 in bright red lettering, I was already feeling a nervous nausea and an elevated heart rate.

This play is asking you to pretend, as much as they are. There is no set. There are no props. The actors stand like statues, dotted around, sometimes deep into the back of the stage as if ghostly apparitions. Sometimes the actors talk freely, other times they take their place behind mic stands as if part of a debating society. What happens on stage is coupled with video footage of other actors scattered around the bowels of the theatre, in the narrow backstage corridors, or even the theatre bar (and, of course, the roof). The fourth-wall breaks that often punctuate the end of these short video pieces eally pierce into your soul, looming over you, much like the mood of this whole production.

An example - as Mercutio lay dying, the camera is right in his face so you get the full pain and rage of him as he screams "a plague upon both your houses" and takes his final breaths. All the while, Romeo stands metres away, covered in blood, seething with unbridled rage, tears mixing with the blood of his friend.

The interval moment that follows literally made everyone gasp, a jumpscare that absolutely warrants the gravity of the moment. I won't say more because if there's even a 0.1% chance of you seeing it I don't want it ruined.

The second act of this play is decidedly quieter than the first. Clandestine conversations, whispers between characters, the comedy, gone. The deaths of Thibault and Mercutio loom large as the reality of the consequences kick in. Juliet remains defiant to the last - this is a Juliet who really knows what she wants (supported by Nurse, who is more like an older sister character full of kindness and friendly age-appropriate advice). As the end draws near, and the inevitability of what's about to happen (let's face it, we've all studied it at school, we know what happens!) becomes apparent, the silence in the theatre speaks volumes.

This production challenges you to see the traditional story through a far darker lens, and the blank spaces leave room for the oppressive mood and music to thrive and grow. It asks you to find answers in the quiet as much as the loud. It might be the best known love story of all time but the added weight of the staging proves everything hangs on the final line: "For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

Now. Acting. And oh boy was there acting. I'm going to start with Mercutio (Joshua-Alexander Williams) and Paris (Daniel Quinn-Toye) - two actors who are in their first professional production. What pressure, and how they dealt with it. Particularly Joshua-Alexander! I thought Tomiwa Edun, who played Capulet, Juliet's father, was immense - so sinister in his delivery, he had me convinced he was head of a family and of a gang empire. And Freema Agyeman as Nurse was wonderful, as I said earlier, giving this big sister energy and providing delighful lighter moments against the shade. HUGE mention to Nima Taleghani who not only was an excellent Benvolio but also edited the original text to make it a 1hr 45 version that was powerful and punchy.

Now, our main stars. Francesca Amewudah-Rivers as Juliet was incredible. She was headstrong, she was poised, she was dynamic and still at the same time. She portrayed a Juliet desperate to be free from the confines of her family, but clear that she knew what she wanted from the love (and escape) she sought. The second act belonged to her, her stillness lingering.

And the reason I fought for a ticket, Tom Holland. I've seen him at film premieres and press events, and twice playing golf, but the opportunity to see him do what (as fans) we all know to be his true calling, was irresistible. And oh my God. Honestly I was blown away by his portrayal. Brooding, emotional, at times so quiet you had to strain to hear his lament. And then rage, euphoria, shyness, a fumbling lovesick idiot. Throughout the production he provides so much range, but also so much depth, it's impossible not to feel everything he does.

To see him, clearly in his element, providing a soul to Romeo that I've never felt before - I couldn't be prouder as a fan. For too long he has been tarred with the brush that he is not a "serious actor". As fans we know that The Devil all the Time, Cherry, and The Crowded Room are proof otherwise. This should be the moment the world realises he is INCREDIBLE, to be taken seriously, to be given the respect he is long overdue.

I wish beyond words that I get to see this play again. I hope at the very least it gets an NT live screening so that fans around the world get to witness this amazing, unique, innovative production.

Violent delights indeed have violent ends.

[spidey-strange]

Hey everyone!!

It’s been a while hehe. Guess I’ll be here a bit more of the bird app goes kaput!

[spidey-strange]

A blog dedicated to all your favorite moments

Amazing Spider-Man #2 (2014) written by Dan Slott art by Humberto Ramos, Victor Olazaba, & Edgar Delgado

[oscar-piastri]

Peter being extremely focused

SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME (2021) dir. Jon Watts

[spidey-strange]

Some guy wearing the inside out spider-man suit. I’ve no idea who he is but he’s pretty so I drew him 🤣

[spidey-strange]

Confessional time

I’m writing this here not for clicks or hits, just because I feel like it’ll be good for me, mentally/emotionally, to put it out there, into the atmosphere as a tangible thing rather than just my own thoughts. 

I’ve been undergoing a bit of counselling (first time for everything), and I have to say after initial reservations about how in the heck it was going to work, it’s starting to become clearer with every session. 

Each week I speak to my counsellor, she stops the conversation at a really pertinent moment, asking me to think upon what’s been said at that point, and then I spend a week stewing on it. Which might sound bad, but it’s actually good because it’s the stewing on that point that makes me see it in a broader sense; how it applies to all of my life rather than the specific example I might have given at the time of saying it. 

Anyway, I’m discovering more about myself than I ever realised, and in its way it does feel like a form of healing. Because I’m starting to think in a way that’s TRULY kinder to myself. I’m giving myself more. And by that I mean time, effort, and dare I say a little love and care. I’ve treated myself to things that I would never have done before. I’m making the effort to get up at the crack of dawn to go skating because I want to improve, and because I deserve to - but that involves me putting in some more hours, and I’m giving myself that time. 

I’m also feeling far less apologetic about my art. I draw Tom Holland ALL THE TIME right now, with a dusting of Cumberbatch in there too (because OG love never dies), and I used to be embarrassed about that. I used to think people would think i was obsessed, and weird, and a one-trick pony. 

But you know what? I am going to own it. Yes I’m obsessed. Yes I’m a bit weird. No, I don’t care. And I know in my heart I’m not a one-trick pony. I could draw anything - I just choose to focus on the things that bring me joy. I don’t draw for others, I draw for ME. 

The next step in this new journey is being braver - I’ve spent a lifetime living in the safest manner possible, never doing anything other than what’s been expected of me. Never straying from the boundaries that I’ve built around me all my life for fear of failure OR success. It’s going to take time to find the courage to break free of that. But for the first time, it feels like I might actually get there. I might be able to set tangible goals, own my own dreams, and actually see if there is more potential within. I feel hopeful, dare I say.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Okay no one on Tumblr that I’ve seen has been talking about the wine and cheese thing, but that means no one is reflecting on the absolute weapons-grade hilarity of Boris Johnson trying to inchworm his way out of trouble by claiming that he didn’t know about it

Like… that wine and cheese party was the Downing Street works Christmas do. Not just any old social, the Christmas social. There were invitations. There was music. Every single worker in Downing Street was invited, even Debbie from accounts. People who didn’t work there but were important to the government got invited.

And Boris is therefore claiming that all his mates got together and had a party and DIDN’T INVITE HIM.

Not only that, but they deliberately kept it a secret from him, because no one wanted him there to ruin the party because no one likes him, and I just…

The key difference between Johnson and Trump always came down to this: Johnson wants to be liked. He genuinely does. Trump wanted to be respected and feared and obeyed, he wanted to be seen as powerful and suave and cool. But he didn’t care about how liked he was. Johnson, though, really fucking does. He’s a deeply pathetic little twat, and he wants people to like him.

So, his choices currently are

Tell everyone in the country that his own friends and coworkers actually cannot stand him, to the point that they arranged an entire Christmas party without him

Admit that he was there and immediately be hated by literally every single human being in the country, including his own voters (hello North Shropshire), because while the rest of us spent Christmas 2020 in a lockdown and unable to see each other and in many cases literally alone, him and his mates held an illegal Christmas party that the police are refusing to investigate

His popularity is now nosediving in the polls, and it really cannot be stated how much that will be burning him.

Also, pro-Brexit Tories are even pissed off with him now. Which is a bit like someone buying a cake called a pus cake with pictures of pus all over the box and a warning sign that says This Cake Contains Pus and Other Bodily Fluids, and then crying because when they tried to eat the pus cake they found it was filled with pus. But also really funny.

Anyway, I’m placing the bet now: we will see a vote of no confidence, OR he’ll jump before he has to experience that (because it would kill him), and our next PM will be Rishi Sunak

[thebaconsandwichofregret]

And don’t forget

THEY HAD THIS PARTY IN THE HOUSE HE LIVES IN!

He’s trying to claim that all his friends and colleagues hosted a party IN THE HOUSE HE LIVES IN while he was upstairs apparently totally oblivious!

He really thinks we’re that stupid to believe that a party could be happening literally TWO FLOORS BELOW him and he not know?

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Omg omg I forgot that part and you are so right

They had a secret Christmas party that was so big that they were sending out invites to non government members which they didn’t want him at, so they… what, had his mistress drug him with hefty amounts of antihistamines? He went out for the evening (also illegal at the time) and they partied hard on cheese and wine for precisely two hours and 46 minutes, then everyone went silent and snuck out when he came back?

A whole team of cleaners had to tiptoe about for four hours so they wouldn’t wake up the clown upstairs.

What a cover story.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Okay well this story has… Wow.

So, let’s update for those who don’t know. Bear with me, I may get a couple of dates slightly wrong. First, shout out to the incredible investigative journalism and absolutely chessmaster-level shrewdness of Pippa Crerar for both digging up this story and for picking precisely the right moments to release it, morsel by morsel, to bring down Boris Johnson and possibly the whole damn government.

So after Johnson claimed he didn’t know about it, then the Mirror published photos showing he was there and hosted a quiz. So, undeniable, Boris was at the Christmas party.

The Metropolitan Police declare that, even though they are investigating and fining people up to £12,000 a pop for lockdown parties, and doing so is literally their job, they will not investigate the government because “there isn’t enough evidence”. ACAB etc

Then, the Guardian reveals photos of Boris Johnson, his mistress, and Dominic Cummings eating cheese and drinking wine in the sun (with others around them) in the Downing Street garden, not allowed at the time (we were literally not allowed to leave home at the time). That day, Matt Hancock urges people not to have cheese and wine parties in their own gardens in spite of the nice May weather.

Then the Mirror reveals that there was actually another whole ass party - in May 2020, where 30 gathered in the garden of Downing Street (at the time we were not allowed more than 2 households meeting outside). Boris denies that it was a party, and claims it was merely a weirdly well catered work event that included his gin-drinking mistress and baby for some reason.

Then, the invites to the party were leaked by ITV. Turns out, 100 people were invited “to make the most of the lovely weather.” It also told attendees to “bring their own booze.”

Then an inquiry begins, carried out by Sue Gray. She is in fact a member of Number 10 staff, but no idea how independent she’ll actually be one way or the other. Either way, the police are still literally refusing to investigate so lmao that’s what we’ve got. She did get Damien Green fired for that porn thing, though, so that’s encouraging.

Then this week, Johnson goes on Prime Minister’s Questions. He sort of apologises, and claims that he was only there for 25 minutes but implies he then left because it felt more like an illegal social than the work event he was expecting, which is interesting, since his mistress was necking gin next to him the whole time. He should have just asked her, like. She could have clarified.

Then the Times reveals a source at the party who says that no, Boris stayed WAAAYYYY longer and spent his time wandering around and ‘gladhanding’ people (side note, posh people have weird words).

Then yesterday, even though we now have evidence and a confession of criminality, the Met Police announce that they will not investigate unless/until the Gray Inquiry finds evidence of criminality, which is just…an astonishingly open display of corruption, really. A real quiet-part-loud moment.

THEN, within hours, it’s revealed that there were ANOTHER TWO PARTIES, except… Okay you’re going to want to sit down, because shit hit the fan yesterday.

These two parties happened on the day of Prince Philip’s funeral last year, aka Put Philip In The Floor Day. At the time, restrictions meant just 30 people could attend that funeral.

Which means, the Telegraph ran this headline and image:

I know we all hate the royals on Tumblr, but you have to understand just how hard that headline, and that image, and that message, hits British society. The Queen, beloved monarch, “forced to grieve alone” while the government danced and drank the night away. You cannot imagine how much power that image holds. You cannot begin to imagine the social power of it.

Boris Johnson can. He was polling only one point above Theresa May’s all time low within the hour. That is a devastating popularity drop for the man who needs to be loved, who came to power on a cult of personality.

So, he went on PMQs again, to apologise to Lizzie Two. It’s a really funny apology because he kind of can’t apologise without admitting it and there’s an enquiry going on so it’s real vague, but he does cop to the parties on Put Philip In The Floor Day. Keir Starmer, in a rare display of actually providing some opposition, put the boot in quite nicely:

Well, there we have it. After months of deceit and deception, the pathetic spectacle of a man who’s run out of road.

His defence, that he didn’t realise he was at a party, is so ridiculous that it’s actually offensive to the British public. 

He’s finally been forced to admit what everyone knew that when the whole country was locked down, he was hosting boozy parties in Downing Street. 

Is he now going to do but decent thing and resign?

Which brings us to today! How is the Prime Minister coping with the situation?

Well, according to a leak from the Independent, he literally spent today working out which senior officials he can force to resign and take the blame in order to save himself in a move that he, a grown man who has fathered six or possibly seven children who is Prime Minister of the country, is without irony calling, and I am not making this up…

Operation Save Big Dog.

Big Dog is him. He is Big Dog. He has called himself Big Dog. He chose to call himself Big Dog.

Except, the Independent leaked it, as I say, so now he looks EVEN WORSE.

And Then

The Mirror’s front page for tomorrow is revealed.

They have a photo of a wine fridge (capable of holding up to 34 bottles of wine) being delivered to Number 10.

Because, they reveal, these parties were not special events only.

Downing Street has been holding what they called Wine Time Fridays every week during the pandemic. They used to hold them before as well; but apparently, they’ve been particularly popular during lockdown.

Current polling as of 14th January 2022:

Labour 41%

Tories 27%

Those figures would translate to the Tories losing over 126 seats. Labour’s largest lead since Tony Blair.

Side note to finish off for now:

Interesting how we now know a good 100 people who was at those parties, complete with photos, and yet Rishi Sunak is not in any of them. One might almost call it suspicious. And wonder at who the main source is.

[brighter-arda]

Pray for Tonga 😭

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Thinking of all my Pacific friends and whānau right now, sending so much love 😭💔💔💔 please message me if you find a link we can donate to (not the Red Cross or any missionary agencies) and I’ll add some as soon as they are available

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Guys Tonga is underwater. The tsunami swept through everywhere, the highest point on the main island of Tongatapu is just 28 meters above sea level. All power and communications have been cut off so we don’t even know what’s going on anymore, but at last report the sky is black and raining ash and acid rain. The water is undrinkable because of the acid. People can’t breathe because of the ash. The entire island of ‘Atata has gone underwater 😭

The explosion shook homes in Alaska, over 9500 km away. The tsunami has gone through the entire Pacific but nowhere has been affected as badly as Tonga. And no one outside the Pacific seems to be talking about it 😥

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

A trustworthy donation link!!!

Tonga Tsunami relief by Pita Taufatofua, organized by Pita Taufatofua

Hi All, Pita Taufatofua, the Tongan Flag Bearer here. As you all know a large … Pita Taufatofua needs your support for Tonga Tsunami relief

And an update:

[Image: a tweet from Anaseini Ulakai @fineutuvai reading “Latest Update Tsunami warning still in force, volcanic activities at ease. PM announced that gas stations, bakeries and shops will be open from 10am-2pm for ppl to get necessities. Settlements along Vuna Road from Sopu to Fasi & Maufanga heavily damaged. Source: British High Com.” The timestamp is 12:35 16 Jan 22.]

[radio-charlie]

An article on The Guardian if you guys would like to know more

[euphorbic]

It’s better to follow more local news sources for this.

Tonga volcano eruption and tsunami: No power, communications still down https://www.rnz.co.nz/international/pacific-news/459628/tonga-volcano-eruption-and-tsunami-no-power-communications-still-down

Tonga volcano eruption and tsunami: No power, communications still down

There has been little contact with Tonga since an underwater volcano, Hunga-Tonga-Hunga-Ha'apai, erupted.

[euphorbic]

Reblogging myself to add the gofundme so as not to derail:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/tonga-tsunami-relief-by-pita-taufatofua

Tonga Tsunami relief by Pita Taufatofua, organized by Pita Taufatofua

Hi All, Pita Taufatofua, the Tongan Flag Bearer here. As you all know a large … Pita Taufatofua needs your support for Tonga Tsunami relief

[robotsandfrippary]

If you’re wondering who “Tongan Flag Bearer” is, he is the beloved athlete who shows up to the Olympics oiled up and shirtless to wave his country’s flag.  I feel like since most of us on tumblr love this man, this brings it home to us.  This is someone tumblr-ites “know” asking for help.  Let’s help.

[petite-madame]

“I love you guys” - (2021)

Them.

[spidey-strange]

In my feels right now

[tomdayaland]

In my PeterMJ feels. x x x

[spidey-strange]

Yay nice to see my art being shared (third one) :) merry Christmas one and all!!

[omnidudes-deactivated20220117]

Before anyone asks my opinion on this Tom Holland pointing out that Martin Scorcese is not the gatekeeper of what can and can't be deemed cinema or art is that Tom Holland is correct and that as iconic as he is, Martin Scorcese is not the gatekeeper of what can and can't be deemed cinema or art.

[spidey-strange]

A little lunchtime trippy Spidey art ahead of the premiere tonight. Excitement levels have reached peak!

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Films watched in 2021.

341: The Power of the Dog (Jane Campion, 2021)

★★★★★★★☆☆☆

“Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog.”

[spidey-strange]

Art.

[dailymarvelgifs]

[spidey-strange]

😍😍😍

[splunge4me2art]

Have Pencil Will Draw. by Splunge4Me2Art on Etsy

20% off EVERYTHING in my Etsy Shop Nov 29th - Dec 12th. I even added a new print! Oooooooooooooo…..I’m excited!

[splunge4me2art]

Pimpin’ my art

WHOOT!

Buy my stuff

WHOOT!

Share my post

WHOOT!

Or not

[rockets-and-raccoons]

My life consists of seeing pictures of Tom Holland, seeing what he's wearing, and wishing I owned the outfit

[spidey-strange]

I feel this on a deep level.