-insert title-

Hi.

[glumshoe]

it’s okay if you haven’t slain an evil wizard by the time you turn seventeen, there’s still plenty of time and plenty of evil wizards waiting to be killed by you

[bruford]

what if i dont want to kill the evil wizard. what if i want to befriend the evil wizard

[glumshoe]

no no that’s not how it goes

you have to kill the evil wizard and take his place

[raithnait]

What if I want to kiss the evil wizard?

[glumshoe]

what is this, amateur hour? you get the evil wizard to trust you, you pull the evil wizard in for a kiss, and then you push your enchanted knife up under the evil wizard’s sternum, and as they fall dead to the ground you wipe your sleeve across your lips and smile before putting their wizard hat on your own head

[karetahana]

Ship........doesn't this just set me up to meet the same end??

[glumshoe]

yeah but that’s normal, it’s part of the Wizard Cycle

[meow-ved]

what if I want to FUCK the evil wizard

[glumshoe]

that’s fine but if you’re going to get emotionally attached I’d advise against it because you do still very much have to kill the evil wizard

[astercrash]

[glumshoe]

IT’S A VITAL PART OF MAGICAL ECOLOGY

[kindaangelic]

What if I want to adopt the evil wizard and give him a better life and thus end the Wizard Cycle?

[glumshoe]

If you “end” the Wizard Cycle you sabotage the Earth’s ability to sustain magic energies and you doom us all to a drab and unmystical fate as all magic left in the world decays and its component parts radiate off into space as useless non-magical energy.

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that in ancient Athens, only the 300 wealthiest citizens had to pay tax; this was considered a high honor, and taxpayers competed to provide the greatest public good (x)

[would-we-be-friends-if-i]

Bring this back!!

[dancinbutterfly]

CONGRATULATIONS 🍾🎉🎈🎊

YOU HAVE QUALIFIED TO PAY TAXES! WITH THIS ACHIEVEMENT YOU WILL SHOW ATHENS WHAT A SMART SKILLFUL BAD MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH PEOPLE LOVE AND NEED YOU WITH EACH PAYMENT!ONLY BY PAYING TAXES CAN YOU MAINTAIN THIS ELITE STATUS!

WELCOME CITIZEN! YOU MADE IT BIG!

[rileymaya]

“Yes! A garden metaphor! I love the garden metaphor! I just love ‘em!”

[end0skeletal]

Weird Fungi!

1. Orange Pore   2. Red Cup 3. Inky Cap 4. Veiled Lady 5. Red Cage 6. Bleeding Tooth 7. Devil’s Fingers 8. Starfish Stinkhorn 9. Violet Coral 10. Wrinkled Peach

[officialskylerwhitestan-deactiv]

adhd gothic

you have a worksheet from your teacher. how much of it were you supposed to do? you were supposed to do half of it. you were supposed to do all of it.

your friend tells you they think they have adhd. do they want to hear about all of the symptoms of adhd? they are annoyed at you for talking. you cannot stop talking.

it is 9 am on sunday. you have no homework. it is 11 pm on sunday. you have ten assignments due.

you are bored with nothing to do. there is something you should do. you want to do it. you can't do it. you are bored with nothing to do.

it's noon. you're hungry and you can't eat. it's 2 pm. you should really eat something. you can't eat anything. it's 5 pm. you haven't eaten since 9. it's too close to dinner to eat anything now. you do not eat dinner until 8.

you're supposed to be writing an essay in class. you cannot write. you reread the instructions. you cannot write. you try to press a key but your body will not move. the bell rings and your page is empty.

your friend is talking to you. you don't want to ignore what she's saying. she has stopped talking. you don't know what she said. you smile and nod in agreement.

you feel nothing and you feel everything.

the person behind you is typing. you cannot think about anything else. you want to listen to music. you can't listen to music. the room is slowly getting louder. you are going to explode.

you think you should do the thing in a different way. you are fine. your friend tells you you should do the thing in a different way. you are going to cry.

you brought food into your room. you need a fork. you go back downstairs with your food. you blink. you are in the basement. you are not holding a fork. you are not holding your food.

[catchymemes]

[mellifexfarm]

when i clicked on a video titled“ I Made Kylie’s Christmas Dress for $20!” this is the last possible thing i would have ever expected 

[shivuyi]

[256gb]

this video is extremely good every single time i see it

[nudityandnerdery]

Make it a good one, kids.

[pervocracy]

child handling for the childless nurse

My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old.  Here’s my impressions so far:

Birth - 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal.  Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.

Age 1 - 2: Hates you.  Hates you so much.  You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them.  There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.

Age 3 - 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe.  Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them.  Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.

Age 6 - 10: Really cool, actually.  I did not realize kids were this cool.  Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn.  Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”

Age 11 - 14: Extremely variable.  Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other.  At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult.  Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers.  (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)

Age 15 - 18: Basically an adult with severely limited life experience.  Treat as an adult who needs a little extra education with their care.  Keep parents out of the room as much as possible, unless the kid wants them there.  At this point you can go ahead and offer stickers again, because they’ll probably think it’s funny.  And they’ll want one.  Deep down, everyone wants a sticker.

[mikkeneko]

This is also a pretty excellent guide to writing  kids of various ages

[enjambament]

Good guide. It is one of my biggest pet peeves when 6-10 year olds are all written like 3-4 year olds. Positively cringey. If in doubt err on the side of the kid being more mature than you expect.

[qthewetsprocket]

if in doubt err of the side of the kid being more mature than you expect

[consultingfangirl221-deactivate]

I’m 29 and I want a sticker.

[detestable-tall-man]

[josef-tribbiani]

Idk what hes saying but i agree

[increasedenthalpy-deactivated20]

rural america, rural china, and rural russia all have the exact same energy and acknowledging this is how we will achieve world peace

[therogueprofessor]

@uncle-beanbag

[uncle-beanbag]

Rednecks are worldwide

[softchad]

*heavy southern accent*: terfs aint got no friends

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

[hagstaff]

[wolfofsouthwest-deactivated2020]

OH MY GOD.

IM GOING TO CRY

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

Northern Ballad by Andrey Vinogradov

[cdn-apex-predator]

@northern-storms

[alpine-hoplite]

This song has vibes of drinking the night before battle with your friends, knowing that most of you wont make it

[keleficent-deactivated20220714]

I was thinking about why Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond is so hated.

The obvious answer is because of the horrible things she did.

But the other diamonds did horrible things too…worse things even.

Pink abandoned Spinel, which is wrong, but Spinel was planning to kill every living thing on Earth to spite the son of a person who was no longer even alive. Yet, no one talks about what a monster Spinel is.

So many Steven Universe characters have hurt people, but we forgive them and are happy to see them redeemed.

So why not Rose?

Then, it hit me: because Rose’s redemption arc is told to us in reverse.

The first time we see Rose is toward the end of her life when she is pregnant with Steven. We see her appreciation for life and how full of love she is for Greg and her future child. She’s willingly sacrificing herself to bring a new life into the world.

But then, we start learning who Rose used to be, all her mistakes, all the people she hurt.

The loving mother in Steven’s video becomes a distant memory.

For those of you who hate Rose, imagine her backstory unfolded a little differently for us.

We’re introduced to Pink Diamond: she’s spoiled, bratty, immature, irresponsible, and inconsiderate.

She throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way.

Not exactly an endearing character, right?

But one day, her tantrum injure Pink Pearl, her best friend. From that day on, she keeps everything to herself. Now we see her dealing with a consequence of her bad behavior.

Then we see how she’s abused by the other diamonds. We start to sympathize with her.

We see her try to save Earth. We see her trying to do the right thing for once.

But it backfires horribly.

She spends the rest of her life trying to fix it, but she can’t.

She meets Greg. Here is where Rose has the most emotional growth as a character. She learns what is truly means to be a “real person.”

Finally, she grows such an appreciation for human life, that she decides to sacrifice her form to bring her son into the world.

The reason Rose is so much more controversial than other characters who have done problematic things is because her story is told in reverse, her redemption comes across as a fall from grace.

But there are plenty of characters who have a fall from grace who are still not as controversial as Rose. The reason why many people are less sympathetic to Rose is because we never see how Rose reacts to her mistakes. We never get much insight into how Rose feels about herself and the things she’s done. We get small hints:

For everyone who hates Rose, I get why. But I think we need to remember who she became instead of who she was.

[flightcrevv-deactivated20181113]

Ok so like in the avatar world you would thing that waterbenders would be the fire fighters right? Like a bunch a of waterbenders just getting water from a lake or a river and dousing the fire. But you know what’s better? Firebender fire fighters. Just like someone’s house catches on fire and firebenders just… turn it off,,.. Just like no, the fire is done for today

[strawberrybiscuitbuds]

honestly this would be a much better solution because you could avoid all the water damage

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#pic up fire… put it down in the sand pit… timeout for bad naughty fire

[caw-oticdork]

Airbender firefighter: Just removes all oxygen from the burning house, the fire dies out

Earthbender firefighter: A house CAN’T burn down if it is ENTIRELY filled with SAND

[glumshoe]

“Message in a Bottle” is a really melancholy song about loneliness and isolation but if you take it literally and imagine some dude on an island finding hundreds and thousands of messages in bottles from other dudes stranded on other islands it’s hilarious. Like Jesus... why hadn’t this cruise company shut down?

[ellieintheskywithdiamonds-deact]

to be fair the existential dread of knowing there are people just as lonely and isolated as you but not being able to reach them is actually pretty funny if you look at it from the side

[glumshoe]

I mean I think the happy ending of that situation is that this realization leads to reaching out and empathizing with those people with whom you share so much despair and finding comfort in that.

The happy ending of infinite castaways on infinite islands is that they all become penpals and send each other regular updates via bottles. Island to island Christmas cards. Eventually they make boats to meet up with each other and form a new nation made entirely of castaways from the same shitty cruise company that keeps dumping Stings into the ocean.

[soaringsearingphoenix]

The part I was always most worried about is why the current seems to lead TO Sting’s island? Like, if there are a hundred million bottles why do they all end up on his one shore? Did his own bottle wash back to him? Do the other castaways know he’s here? I don’t think that communication would necessarily be able to go both ways unless the current had a cyclical shift of some sort.

Maybe there’s an island further down the current that is getting his bottles, or maybe it’s a big loop of a current and a message would eventually make it back all the way around, but if it is not a closed loop is there a first castaway somewhere up the current who has no idea there are others, and a last one whose messages never reach anybody?

[explorerrowan]

Some places can have the currents shift pretty dramatically with the tide, especially shallow areas with many islands. Sting Prime could send Sting 2 a message in the morning, and depending on how far away Sting 2's island is, Sting Prime might get a reply by that evening.

[glumshoe]

It also seems that they arrive all at once. Sting Prime never mentions seeing his own or any other bottle wash ashore at any point over the course of a year, so there is apparently a current that takes them away from Sting Prime’s island.

My theory is that the bottles migrate from island to island. It’s sort of like an algael bloom—sometimes you get a red tide, sometimes you get 100,000,000,000 messages in bottles. The tide will eventually carry them off again to Sting 2.

My OTHER theory, which I like better, is that Sting Prime has been stranded on an island that is unhinged from spacetime and is at the nexus of the multiverse; a hundred billion Stings from a hundred billion parallel worlds all became trapped on a hundred billion versions of the same lonely island, and each plea for rescue they sent out has been sucked into the joint between worlds at which Sting Prime resides. At first he thinks each letter is identical, but in the years of loneliness ahead of him he has plenty of time to read, and eventually discoveres subtle differences that suggest minutely dissimilar timelines. He is left to wonder whether he is one of the Stings that will be rescued, or if he is doomed to spend the rest of his days there at the nexus of worlds with nothing to do but listen to the echoes of his own infinite tragedies.

[soaringsearingphoenix]

I also love the following line that they are all “castaways looking for a home” in this described context. They’re apparently not seeking to like, return to anywhere familiar? They’re not lost because they’ve strayed, they’re lost because they haven’t reached their destination yet

How much paper do you think they each have? Bottles, you can reuse and throw back out, but paper gets filled. Surely some of them write wordier letters than others, and maybe you can add replies to some letters, but I imagine that in the meantime you could use a hundred million filled, and thus non-reusable, pages to craft a decently sturdy lean-to

[glumshoe]

100,000,000,000 is roughly the number of the entirety of the human race to have ever lived. That’s a lot of bottles. That’s a lot of potential wisdom. If Sting Prime can communicate with his alternate selves in some fashion, he could crowdsource skills and information and create a sort of interdimensional oceanic internet of compiled knowledge. I think 100,000,000,000 alternate versions of Sting could probably amass the resources to build boats capapable of following the bottles through the portals to get to different timelines. Perhaps they could reach worlds where he was never marooned and the island became a vacation paradise instead, or even a military base. I think the Stings would have more than enough manpower to overtake these places. Eventually, perhaps, they could build an army capable of toppling heaven itself, and there they would make their home.

[soaringsearingphoenix]

Are you imagining that, in an infinite universe of Stings, at least a few would also have some sort of physics and engineering background, or is this based more on an “infinite monkeys” hypothesis, in which infinite Stings writing infinite messages in a bottle will eventually produce working blueprints for a space-and-time-ship

[glumshoe]

According to the Canon Sting Lore I looked up, Sting Prime grew up near a shipyard and his father was a milkman and an engineer. I think it’s safe to say that many of the 100,000,000,000 marooned Stings come from timelines in which they followed more closely in their fathers’ footsteps, giving them a distinct advantage in engineering, boats, and dealing with large numbers of glass bottles.

I also learned that even his mother and children call him “Sting”, which is not something I can deal with at the moment.