22 y/o ● 18+ horny sex blog ● just a place for me to save my favorite posts. I tag for my own organization reasons, I will not tag triggers ● icon picrew: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1414503
I'm just a lurker, this is my blog for saving stuff I like. I only tag for organizational purposes, not for triggers. This post is tagged with my most common/favorite tags.
As I am almost denied for 2 full weeks, and I keep leaking from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. The desperation started to kick in a bit harder, and falling asleep as needy as I am has become a bit of a problem. My mind is cloudy, and I am getting frustrated very easily. However, I still don't want to cum, and I want to see how long I can stay denied before I start begging for release.
During the weekend, we started to play around lunchtime, on a call on which he controlled my edges - I started just by cockwarming, while he teased me, and then I was able to rub my clit. First with my hand, then with the bullet, just to increase the challenge. The goal is still the same - not cumming, independently of how close I get. I like these challenges, as I am always able to surprise myself with how much I can push myself before cumming. I need to be ready so he can fuck me as hard as he wishes, and I still manage to stay denied - just like a bootcamp on how to be the perfect edgeslut for him. I am a bit of a sensitive girl (as you could have guessed by the previous posts), and I always referred to him as "baby" or "love", which is a habit we are trying to get rid of during playtime. Everytime I forgot to refer to him as "Sir", I had to slap my pussy, and everytime I forgot I added one more slap to the punishment. I will never forget the moment he said I owed him 8 slaps, and I said that the last 7 were a bit painful. He said I could go gentler, and I remember immediately smiling and saying "Gentler? No sir, I don't want it gentler". In the end, it was a punishment, and if it was easy, it wouldn't be fun.
After this, we agreed that I would not be allowed to touch my pussy without him watching or listening. If I was needy and constantly craving him before this, now you can't imagine how much I want him knowing that, when he calls me, I'll be able to touch my pussy again. Later that evening, when he called me I was ready. I could feel my pussy leaking and clenching, probably in anticipation of knowing I was gonna be able to touch myself again. We started slowly again, and as I started to lose my mind, he told me I had to fuck myself and use the bullet on maximum speed. This alone drives me crazy, but he told me he would cum for me, and until he did, I couldn't stop stimulating myself. It doesn't matter how close I get, I can't cum.
I can tell you, that was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. As he was watching me, I had to way to escape but to do what he told me, and he would know if I slowed down or stopped. I had to beg to stop, and I begged a lot. "Sir I really don't want to cum" and "please" kept coming out of my mouth repeatedly, and everytime he said "No" or "Don't Stop", I could see my whole life going through my eyes. In the end, my bottom lip was swollen in the end from biting it so hard, and I really thought I was gonna lose it all in the end. So after this I can say I am happily still denied for almost two weeks, and I keep pushing myself to my limit to be the best denial slut for him, and make him proud of his babygirl 🎀
Oh. Oh fuck. Her pussy was literally fucking drooling. Tabitha's trembling fingers reached down, already expecting to find herself slick with arousal, but there was slick and then there was actively dripping from her messy cunt onto the mattress beneath her and Tabitha was definitely doing the latter. She let out a soft, choking whimper as the full depth of her need sank in, unable to stop herself from teasing her swollen clit until she could feel it pulse with every heartbeat, and the way Gloria watched her helplessly masturbate with a faintly condescending expression on her face somehow managed to make Tabitha even fucking wetter.
"That's a good girl," Gloria cooed, her voice silky and sweet like chocolate syrup, and Tabitha let out a desperate grunt as her fingers froze in an effort to stop herself from tipping over the edge into climax. If anyone had told her just yesterday that not only would another woman's voice be enough to make her cum, but that she'd be so mesmerized into lesbian submission that she herself would try to stop it from happening so she could continue to be the obedient toy her Mistress desired, Tabitha probably would have laughed. But she wasn't laughing now. She was whimpering, panting, desperately squirming with the desire to sink deeper into pleasure, and Gloria was drinking it all up with her deep brown eyes and clearly loving every second of it.
She knew, that was the best and the worst part of it. This was all so new to Tabitha, she'd never had this side of herself awakened at all before let alone experimented with hypnosis and denial and all the other amazing things Gloria was introducing her to, and yet it was all so clearly familiar to her new lover that Tabitha was an open book with big print and Gloria was absolutely reading her for filthiness. It felt downright unfair to be at such a disadvantage, and yet when Gloria traced her ebony fingers lightly over Tabitha's stiff pink nipples and murmured, "You're so weak and wet and needy, aren't you?", Tabitha realized she'd never wanted anything more.
She must have calmed down a little, because her fingers resumed their sultry stroking and Tabitha was beginning to understand that her subconscious knew exactly how far to push her arousal before she couldn't stop herself from cumming, but Gloria's patronizing praise at her self-conditioning nearly brought her to a shuddering, gasping halt again. "Look at that, good girl, look at how well your cunt is listening to me! It's so deeply hypnotized right now, and it's so much stronger than you are. Your cunt is going to make you a perfect little slut, and you don't really want to stop it, do you?" Fuck, that sounded so dirty. Fuck, that sounded so hot.
Tabitha heard herself respond, a tiny little mumble of, "nuh uh," that sounded high and breathy with excitement and almost completely thoughtless in its submissive acquiescence, and she knew just from hearing it that this was really fucking getting to her. It felt almost dangerously exciting, like an addict discovering a new drug, and she could tell she was going to tumble down the rabbit hole of submission to her new lover for a good long time to come. And Gloria could tell how badly it was affecting her, too, because she knew exactly when to snap her fingers and waken Tabitha from the trance that felt so light and mild and delicate… and when Tabitha came up and realized just how horny she was, and how impossible it remained to finger herself to climax, she lurched a thousand times deeper into helpless obedience.
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Recompiling your robot gf's operating system in debug mode, so you can put a breakpoint where the "stimulation" routine reaches its conclusion and calls the "orgasm" subroutine, leaving the execution paused there at the point of no return for a few hours while you go out to dinner together, her processor dutifully trying to focus on the conversation while permanently stuck on the edge...
a cute pair of panties or boxers that vibrate repetitively throughout the day, without any sort of remote control or batteries. it just senses your arousal on it’s own, sparks to life and gives you sooo much pleasure until you’re right on edge, and it leaves you there. it sparks to life every once in a while, bringing you to the edge whenever it chooses, for how long and how many times it chooses, only to leave you hot and horny and aching endlessly… nnnghhh 😵💫
(bonus points if it has a dildo that slips deep inside you once you’ve soaked through the fabric)
Clit throbbing, pussy dripping, you've been edging for weeks and your body is screaming. You're at a boiling point, grinding against anything you can find, fantasizing about fucking the next person you see. Maybe that hot guy at the gym, maybe that married man next door, maybe that stranger in your DMs - it doesn't matter who - you just need to be fucked.
You're humping your pillow, begging for someone to take you, to use you, to fill you. You keep grinding, desperately rubbing against your swollen clit, pulling at your nipples like a rabid animal. You'd promise anything, do anything, if it meant you could just cum. But no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to get over the edge. Familiar mantras claw at you from the back of your mind, holding you back - good girls edge, good girls don't cum, good girls stay denied.
Part of you thinks you're broken, but deep down you know you're better this way. Trapped in this vicious cycle, forever chasing climax, but never quite reaching it. A desperate needy fuck toy, forever wanting, but never having.
I want my orgasms to be entirely in your control. I have to ask permission before I cum, and if I cum without permission I want the most brutal punishment. I want you to make me edge constantly so that I'm always wet for you. Deny my orgasm for days at a time, make me crazy and desperate with horniness. When you do make me cum I want you to make me regret ever asking. Strap a vibrator to my clit while I'm tied to a fuck machine. Turn the vibrator on high. Leave me for hours being fucked and forced to cum over and over again. By the time you untie me I'll be barely coherent, covered in sweat and tears, and my pussy will be so sensitive from overstimulation. Remind me why I shouldn't beg for orgasms if I can't handle them.
Jane is making a big life decision with her girlfriend, Andie, and was kind enough to keep a record of her experience.
Content warnings: Gore, Medical Gore, Surgery, Amputation, Dehumanization
This story is strictly for folks 18+, minors DNI.
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The Transition Diary of Jane Miller, 23
November 24th, 2036
I finally had “the talk” with Andie today. I’ve been putting it off for over a month, and honestly it was still really scary, but it went really well. Of course it did. She’s Andie. She was so accepting and sweet about it, I really don’t know what I did to deserve her. She was a little sad, a little nervous, but she wants to go for it. She said she really wanted to support me living my dreams, but I could tell she was a little excited under that too. We’ve played with the idea a lot, and we’ve rented girls like that before, so I know how much she loves them, but this is taking it to a whole new level.
We’re gonna go slow, and in a few phases. I mean, I’m ready to go all the way right now, but she wants to make sure I’m ready at every step, and I don’t wanna worry her. We’re gonna start with the social transition, saying goodbye to friends and family, tying up as many loose ends with my life as we can, before moving on to the actual legal stuff, let alone the surgeries. We still have to work out the details, but the whole process should take about a year. Christmas is coming up next month, I think we’ll make the big announcement then.
Honestly, I’m so excited, and so nervous, I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep tonight.
December 21st, 2036
I told my family today. It was… a mixed bag. My parents didn’t take it well, started going on and on about how they were losing their daughter. I don’t really know what I was expecting, they did the same thing when I came out as trans. Talked relentlessly about losing their son for a whole year. At least I’m not gonna have to deal with another Christmas with them.
My sister was very understanding though. She was sad too, but we’d talked about this for a long time, and she knows it’s what I want, more then anything. She’s always had my back. I feel a little guilty sometimes, for how often she has to be “the eldest”, and step in between me an our parents, but I know I can always trust her to support me like this. Plus, she seemed very interested in some of the… particulars of the transition. I wonder if Andie’ll loan me out to her some time. I’ve never thought of her that way, but I have to admit, the idea is a little exciting.
I realize I forgot to make an entry for it, but I told some of my friends about it before we made the trip home for the holidays. They all seemed happy for me, for the most part. One of them got Andie a tattoo gun as a Christmas present, joking about how I wouldn’t be able to resist anymore. The irony was never lost on me, that I would want to make such a permanent change to my body, but refused to get any ink.
So, it wasn’t everything I hoped for, but at least I’m out to everyone now. Again. And now the real transition can start. Andie’s really taken charge in the last month, and already has some appointments scheduled for January. With any luck, I’ll be approved just after new years!
January 12th, 2037
Writing this ‘cause I just can’t sleep.
I had my inspection last Monday, and it went great! It was honestly a bit more… invasive… then I was expecting. The put cameras in places I’d never imagined, and took a bunch of blood and tissue samples. It wasn’t cheap, they even had to do a full genome sequencing to check for genetic disorders that could cause issues later in my life. Well, “life” being a relative term.
Then, the next day, I had to spend an hour with a psychiatrist, confirming that yes, I really wanted to do this, no, I was not being pressured, yes, I was depressed, no, I was not unfit to make this decision. It dragged on forever, and was honestly so anxiety inducing. I was so worried the wrong answer would scrap the whole process and I’d have to wait a year to reapply. God, I can’t wait to finally put a stop to my anxieties.
In the end though, everything checked out, and we got the medical approval papers. Tomorrow we have an appointment at the courthouse, and I’m just so excited and so nervous. If all goes well, in uh… 14 hours, I’ll legally be Andie’s property.
I really need to get some sleep. It’s gonna be a big day.
January 13th, 2037
ohmygodohmygodohmygod it happened. It finally happened. I thought I would be cheering, or excited, or happy, but in the end it was just… a relief. I sat outside on the courthouse steps with Andie for half an hour and just sobbed into her chest. I’m not a person anymore. I’m her property.
Thank god.
She was so sweet, she took me to this cute little gelato place afterwards and we spent the rest of the day at the big park downtown. It was just such a breath of fresh air. I feel free in a way I haven’t, well, ever.
I’m writing this in the car on the way home right now, she keeps giving me these curious little glances. We’ve been pretty head over heels for each other for years now, but something’s changed in the last two months. I can see this new kinda hunger in her eyes, deeper then anything she’s shown me before. It reminds me a little of how she treats the girls toys we’ve rented for her before. I can tell she’s starting to think of me as one of them. I can tell how much it excites her.
We’ll be home in just a couple minutes. I have a feeling that our first time as owner and toy instead of girlfriend and girlfriend is gonna be… intense.
February 2nd, 2037
It took a while to get a slot, but I finally have my first surgery scheduled later this month! I know Andie’s a little more trepidatious about it, but this first one is the most important, at least to me. I’ve had so much dysphoria about these things for so long, especially after my first transition. Finally being rid of them is gonna make such a huge difference. Wish me luck!
February 27th, 2037
I wanted to write about it the night before, but I was too nervous. Then I had planned to write about it right after the surgery, but honestly, I just couldn’t. I knew the statistics, how common surgical regret was immediately after, how it usually faded, but I really wasn’t prepared. I was sobbing that first day, and horridly depressed. It felt like the biggest mistake of my life. Like I’d ruined myself. I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do. But, the hours passed, then the first days, and it got so much better.
The surgery was three days ago now, and by this point, I’m overjoyed. Still nervous, still very much getting used to the change, but confident that this was the right choice for me.
Obviously I’ve had to switch to a speech-to-text journal, it’s not exactly easy to write without arms, but I wanted to keep this thing going. I’m thinking I might switch to audio logs after this though, at least until the last surgery. After that, I don’t really know. Andie might get me an implant, but that’s up to her, I don’t wanna sway her one way or the other. I committed to being her toy, and I will be, no matter what.
Woof. Just this little bit of journaling really took it out of me. Recovering from a surgery like this is no joke. I’m gonna try and get some rest. I’ll check back in when I can.
March 18th, 2037 [Audio Log]
My doctor told Andie that my recovery is coming along really well! The grafts have taken really cleanly, and the wounds have been healing as expected. I’ve gotten to see them a few times when Andie was changing my bandages. Every time it make me hard lol.
The other day, while they were off, she helped me over to the big mirror on her closet door. I honestly wanted to cry. I just looked so beautiful. I’d imagined myself looking like that so many times, but it didn’t prepare me for just how impactful it was. They had removed some of the bone from my shoulder blades, and folded the muscle around to make it relatively soft and smooth. I looked so sleek, the way my neck tapered into my slim shoulders, how they curved gracefully down to my rib cage, no more interruptions in my form. I felt like… like it was how I was meant to look. Andie mentioned how it surprised her, how she’d never seen me smile quite that wide before.
I stood there for probably ten minutes, just taking myself in, before she led me back to our bed. Her bed. She put one hand on my chest and another on my back, and gently laid me back down in the sheets, before climbing on top, straddling my hips. I always loved the way she looked towering over me like that. She leaned down, and began to run her hands ever so gently up my sides, down my neck, and over those tender wounds. She was so careful, making sure not to aggravate them at all. It would still be a few more weeks before she could get rough again, but for now, it was everything I could ask for. Her hands on these new parts of me. From the way she smiled back, I knew how much it must’ve shown on my face.
I felt her cock stiffen between us, rubbing against my own, clumsily sliding alongside each other as she rocked back and forth, exploring my scars. It was definitely the right choice, to be her toy.
April 4th, 2037 [Audio Log]
When we started this process last year I had always assumed that the legs would be the next thing to go after the arms, but I guess it’s more complicated then that. When working out the schedule with our surgeon, she pointed out that with the arms gone, and with me not really being able to take care of myself anymore, it was important to deal with some of the more utilitarian surgeries before I lost the ability to walk.
As such, now that my shoulders are largely healed up, we’ve set the “waste management” surgeries for next Thursday. I’m… not gonna go into detail on these. These are the parts of being a toy that I didn’t really want to think about before we got started, though Andie had assured me she didn’t mind the extra chores.
The basics, at least as they were explained to us, are that the surgeons will go in through the back, to prevent scarring on the belly, and add some lab-grown organs into my digestive system. The first is a kind of bio-mechanical bladder that somehow filters and recycles water, while dumping the filtered waste products into this replaceable canister that goes in a port in my back. Don’t ask me how it works, I don’t really get it. The second part is a different replaceable canister for… um… the other waste.
Look, the upshot is, I won’t have to go to the bathroom, Andie’ll just have to replace my canisters twice a week. Nice and clean. And as a byproduct I’ll need a lot less food and water to survive. I’m trying not to think too much about why that is.
The important thing is, it’ll make me much easier for Andie to take care of. I don’t wanna just be a chore for her, I wanna be fun. A proper toy. So as long as this’ll help with that, I’m happy to do it.
The recovery on this one will be about a month, but after that we’ll finally get to move on to the legs. That one I’m excited for. This… I just wanna get this over with.
April 12th, 2037 [Audio Log]
These canisters are fucking weird.
May 11th, 2037 [Audio Log]
I’ve gotten used to these things over the last month, but honestly I still find the experience really strange. Every three days Andie makes me turn my back to her, twists this hunk of metal in my back, and pulls out two little stainless steel cylinders. It’s just kinda bizarre. I feel like a cyborg. Actually, I guess I kinda am.
Anyway, the big news today is that the surgeon approved me for my next operation! Aaaand the sad news is that their office is slammed, and it’s gonna be another month before I can actually get it done. Apparently some new online trend for femboys to get vaginoplasty has really limited the availability of plastic surgeons. It’s frustrating, but at least it’s on the calendar, so I can look forward to it.
Andie’s taken me on little day hikes three times in the past week, and it’s been really nice. I think she’s honestly glad for the extra month, and in some ways, I guess I am too. I’m really glad to be making this choice, I know it’s right for me, but I am gonna miss getting out into nature like this. Andie said she’ll still bring me along when she goes car-camping, but I know it won’t be the same. Still, I’m really enjoying this time, and I’m glad it’s helping her feel more at ease with this decision.
June 4th, 2037 [Audio Log]
It wasn’t because of the orchid it was swan that bit the duck when she made the lapping noises of the pond. But the duck wasn’t the one who at it was the berry that did itself in the double helix that formed the bond beneath. She wanted the duck to be the globe but...
June 5th, 2037 [Audio Log]
Oh they gave me the good recovery drugs this time.
The third major surgery was yesterday morning, and I was so out of it afterwards. It was apparently very long, and there were some scary complications with one of the arteries in my leg, but they were able to get it under control. I don’t understand exactly what it was, but they said my recovery may take a week or two longer then otherwise expected.
It’s honestly pretty scary to think about. I mean, I know any major surgery is a risk, but that could have killed me if they hadn’t caught it. Then again, with the way my mental health was going before this, I can’t say for certain that I would have survived not doing this. Everything is a risk. Deciding what risks are worth taking to you is one of the hardest things to do in life. But I know this is a risk worth taking for me. I made up my mind about that a long time ago.
A lot of my body is still numb, and there’s just kinda a dull pain everywhere. It was like that with my arms too, but this is different. I’m still curious to know what it’ll feel like once I can really feel again. I used to press my thighs together when I was happy. Used to rub my legs against each other when I was cold. It’s strange to think that I’ll never do that again. But more then anything, I feel excited. I can’t wait to feel her hands on my new flush hips. I mean, I’ll have to wait for a bit, but it’s gonna be amazing.
June 19th, 2037 [Audio Log]
I’ll never get over the feeling of Andie dressing my wounds. It was amazing before, but now? With no limbs to react with? To brace, or squirm, or struggle with? It’s just incredible. Every time she replaces the bandages around my hips it drives me wild. And it’s made worse by the way the tight, airy fabric both restrains and stimulates my cock. And I know she knows. I know that cruel, sadistic, loving smile of hers.
Every time she’s redressed them she lets her fingers linger on the edges, tracing the line of the bandages over my belly, around me sides, before running her hands up and over my flush shoulders. The little chuckle she gives when she see’s the white cotton caging my clit twitch beneath her touch is both so infuriating and infatuating. I can’t help but whimper, but beg for her to go further, as my newly limbless body sits there, unmoving and frustrated beneath her teasing hands.
With my lower parts inaccessible she’s begun relieving herself with my mouth a lot more. I’ve always loved giving blowjobs, feeling her cock deep in my throat, so honestly it’s been heaven for me. Obviously I’m just a toy, I don’t get a say in what hole she uses, but I hope she keeps using my throat this much even after the bandages come off. Even after I get my third hole.
I heard her tell a friend on the phone that she scheduled that surgery for next month. She still hasn’t told me directly. I think she’s really been getting into this toy mentality. God I love her so much.
July 28th, 2037 [Audio Log]
She never told me. I’ve been losing track of what day it is a lot recently, it’s hard to keep on top of that like this. My hips were fully healed as of about a week ago, so I knew it had to be coming soon. The day she leaned me up and fucked me in front of that mirror was the first day of my life that I really, truly felt like myself. The limbless toy being used by her owner, that was truly me.
Today I woke up in a large plastic tote bag. I’m not sure when she put me in there, but as I looked up out of the opening I could see the car door opening as I was dropped inside, in the back seat. She hasn’t taken me anywhere in a while. She hasn’t been speaking to me much either. Just the basics.
She still cared, I knew that much. She could’ve dropped me off at the hospital reception desk and picked me up when I was done, but she still stayed. She waited with me, saw me off into surgery, and was there again when I woke up.
It’s funny, I never really saw myself getting bottom surgery before. When I transitioned a few years ago it was never something I’d had any real dysphoria about, so I just didn’t bother. I liked being a girl with a dick, honestly. But when I decided to be a sex toy, specifically one for her, that all changed. Something inside me flipped, and I just knew that this was what I needed. Not because I didn’t enjoy having a cock, but because I desperately wanted another hole. Plus, I loved the idea of having something self-lubricating, besides my mouth, and I knew this would be the best option.
Still, it was a strange feeling, waking up without it. I didn’t really feel it much the first day, but the first time they changed the bandages, the difference was palpable. It wasn’t bad, not at all, but it wasn’t euphoric either. It was more utilitarian, like the back surgeries had been. Still, when the nurse was showing Andie how to change the bandages (which were almost identical to the hip bandages from the leg surgery), I couldn’t help feeling my cheeks go red as she inspected my new hole. I couldn’t see it, and I imagined it to be rather scarred and raw given how fresh it was, but she seemed fascinated by it, and I couldn’t help but get a little excited.
I hope she enjoys it. I really can’t wait to feel her inside me.
September 2nd, 2037 [Audio Log]
Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Um, updates… updates… well, my recovery from the surgery went pretty well, and it was uh, “functional” in under a month. They had mentioned that I would need to dilate every day for the first three months, while the artificial structural netting grew in, but that hasn’t exactly been difficult. Andie can’t seem to get enough of it.
The first time really was special. She was so gentle, so careful with the still-raw tissue inside me. The absolutely drenched her cock in lube before sliding in, but she still bottomed out on that first long, slow thrust. It was a kind of fullness I had never really imagined, and I loved it more then I could ever have known. As she sat there, still, hips pressed to mine, I felt myself clench around her for the first time, and saw her eyes go wide. After that, I could tell it was just a game of restraint. It was like watching her edge herself with my body. That hunger in her eyes, the way she so clearly wanted to just grab my sleek, flush hips and rut into me like a dog in heat, but knew she had to keep control if she wanted to maintain this new found fleshlight, at least for the next few months. I could see how maddening it was, and I couldn’t help but don a wide, bratty grin.
As soon as it’s safe to do so, I think she’s gonna make me regret that. I can’t wait.
September 19th, 2037 [Audio Log]
We had a big conversation today. It’s been nearly a year since that first one, but this is another big threshold to be crossed, and the one Andie’s been most concerned about. It’s the final go/no-go. Vocal chords.
I’ve wanted them gone this whole time, but Andie wanted them to be the last thing, so I had every chance to say no, and put a stop to this, however far along we may have been. But the time is here, and I’m ready.
We talked a lot about other procedures, things that we could maybe do in the future, and I gave my preliminary consent to a lot of things. Eye removal, facial replacement, brest augmentation, even decapitation and artificial brain implantation. That last one would kill me, obviously, so I told her I wanted to wait at least five years before doing that, if it’s what she wanted to do. She agreed, as always. She’s so kind, so careful, so patient. I love her so much.
I lay there, propped up on the couch next to her as she made the call to the surgeon. I’m scheduled for next week. She helped me record a few final messages for some friends, for my sister, before pulling me into her lap.
I’m really loving the way she can bounce me on her cock now. She grabs me by my smooth, fatty hips and just pumps me up and down again and again, staring possessively at my cunt, at my tits, refusing to make eye contact with her new favorite toy. I can feel myself becoming less and less of a person to her every day. I can only hope the loss of my voice accelerates that process.
She had a date, a few days ago. Her first since we started down this road a year ago. She didn’t tell me about it, and didn’t tell her about me. I never even saw the girl. That afternoon I watched from my spot on her bed as she showered, got dressed, did her hair and makeup in much the same way she did for our first date, as realization slowly dawned on me. I was so happy to see it. She never considered herself poly, so I knew this marked a permanent shift in our dynamic. We weren’t in a relationship anymore. I was a toy she owned.
The true show of this came as she picked me up off the mattress and lay me on the floor, telling me to keep quiet, before shoving me under the bed with her foot. I stayed there in the dark for hours as she went out, and listened to it all when she got home. I got to hear the muffled giggling and flirting from the other room, watched as their clothes crumpled to the floor beside me, and basked in the sounds of them fucking above me. I was a little sad, she wouldn’t need her toy tonight, but the feeling was far surpassed by the euphoria of feeling like a proper sex toy, shoved under the bed out of sight while my owner fucked a real girl.
Once my voice is gone, once she finally stops seeing any humanity in me, I wonder if she’ll share me. I wonder if she’ll loan me out to her friends. If one of the girls she dates will find me while reaching for a strap and wanna use me. If her next partner will wanna keep me, or ask her to throw me out. No matter what, I’m just happy to have finally found my place in this world. To finally be myself.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to update this journal again, so if not, I guess, thanks for reading. I know what I say doesn’t really matter, but if there’s other girls like me out there, other girls that wanna find love for themselves in becoming living sex toys, I hope this inspires you. Thanks for reading the journal of a sex doll <3
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Thanks for reading! Obviously this is all purely fictional, please do not actually feel inspired to do anything like this in real life.
salivating at the idea of being told that yes, of course I can earn an orgasm. of course I can!!...but not being told how.
kneeling at their feet, waiting for them to say the rest of the sentence, tell me what I have to do...only for them to smile at me placidly and pat my head. conversation over. I rub my cheek against their thigh, putting my best puppy dog eyes on, and whining, "but how? how can I do it?"
at which they raise their eyebrows, disbelieving. "now, if you were really my good boy, you'd already know. maybe it just shows you aren't ready yet, hm?"
my mind would constantly turn this over and over, filled with insecurity and questions. I thought i was their good boy, don't they always say so? if not...what am i missing? how am i failing them?
and how far will i go? that's the game, isn't it? to see me fall all over myself, kicking into overdrive to please them. offering my throat for them to fuck, constantly. putting my food bowl on the floor and eating there, without even being told to. biting my tongue anytime i want to whine that something's not fair, or something hurts. taking their belt longer than i usually would without signaling that i need a break, even while i sob into the mattress.
breaking myself open for them. confessing my most humiliating desires, my vulnerabilities, without prompting. asking for punishment if i even think of breaking a rule. and all the while, sneaking longing, baleful glances at their face, looking for a hint, a sign that i'm doing something right. of course they notice, but they never bring it up, except to berate me for having ulterior motives when they really feel like being cruel.
i can't decide between the hottest ways to end this, so here are the options:
it ends when i stop hoping. when the behavior's so ingrained that even without the goal of earning an orgasm, i'm fully in their thrall. when i've given up on ever cumming again. and they give me the command to cum during some innocuous moment when i'm not even doing anything, maybe sitting and watching TV, maybe working, so that there's no sense of having earned it at all. "you earned it because you stopped thinking you could ever deserve it," they tell me.
it ends when i break. when i think there's just no way i'll ever be a good boy, and bawl to them that i'm a bad puppy, i must be, if i'm doing all this work and it's still not good enough--i must be defective, i must be feral. they tell me to cum, and right after i do, they say, "i was waiting for you to realize you need me. you earned it by admitting how much of a stray you really are. but it's okay. this is step one...i can work with this."
it...only sort of ends. it "ends" with me begging them to lock me in chastity, because i can't stop thinking about it, because it's distracting, because the thought of an orgasm is so strong that it keeps me from focusing on pleasing them. "oh, puppy," they croon, and my tears spill over. "such a good boy. my good boy. this is what i've been waiting for--for you to realize that pleasing me is your reward. cumming's just not for you, poor baby. let's have one nice big ruin right before i lock you up, just to make sure it sinks in."
it never ends. some day or another, they get bored, or annoyed by my constant neediness, or just decide they've had their fun, and give me the cum command, and....it doesn't work. my body has learned by now that constant edging is as close as it'll ever get to pleasure. they punish me for losing it, then try again, and it's still gone; intrigued, they test their theory, first with their fingers, then by immobilizing me with a vibrator on the highest setting, and it builds and builds and then--i'm stuck there. right on the edge, helpless. i lose my speech, reduced to whines and whimpers and fruitless shuddering in my bonds, and they tenderly brush a tear from my face and shush me softly. "oh, poor baby. you can't cum anymore? your little cock is just stuck there, huh? aww, puppy. this must just be what your body wants, huh? who am i to deny such a good puppy what's best for it? i'll just leave you here for awhile...let you enjoy it."
as a way to kickstart being denied again, i really am jumping in w all four paws. already a shaking sweating mess as i write this. fuck
so i spent the 1st hr of my afternoon wearing ben wa balls while i sent approvals + took meetings and now ive got my kong toy in my underwear which is providing constant pressure that's absolutely maddening against my clit. and i have a batch of approvals to send this aft. so every approval im holding my wand against the kong toy + edging.
guys im only 5 edges in. idk what to do. i wanna cum so bad, i feel like i might start drooling here soon fuck lol
10 edges in. what's really making everything worse is my kong toy. I got so used to not playing with myself btwn edges, my body doesn't know what to do,,
I take the vibe away but there's still this constant pressure n stimulation. my oversenstivie clit doesn't even get a break, it's just pressed up against a dog toy n ofc I can't resist humping just a little even tho it only makes me more frustrated :(((
30 mins left in my workday. haven't decided if I'm gonna stop when I clock out or keep going...ofc if people keep givin me edges to do I'll have no choice 🥺
feel like im not even coming down from the edge btwm the time I touch myself n the time it takes to finish my approval + get back to touching
ibcant stop squirming n humping and whining, feel like everything btwn my legs is hot n throbbing n like I could ruin on command rn I'm so close n so keyed up
I was told to keep edging after I clock out so I'm gonna do that. never want it to end but want to cum so bad,,,
hv to hold myself completely still after every edge bc of I move even a little bit against the dog toy I know I'm gonna ruin 😭.v been edging for over an hr n I keep thinking I'm almost scared I can't stop. I'm so addicted to bein denied there's just no telling
god I feel like such a pathetic slut rn. a kong toy n a few touches are turning me stupid and drooly n whiny I can't believ how dumb I look rn
26 edges + 1h 25 min in, I've just had one of the weirdest n meanest ruins ever....
almost a full minute *after* hitting the edge + removing the vibrator, I ruined despite the fact I was holding compeltely still. only the Kong toy touching me n not moving. ofc I pulled it away so I wouldn't get any stimulation at all but dear god
wanna know why I ruined? bc I kept thinking in my head "don't ruin don't ruin you stupid mutt just hold it you're not this pathetic"
humiliation kink. fuck I should've known better lmfao,,
I'd say this was a good welcome back to denial 😭 gon to do aftercare now. praises appreciated 🥺 did I do good or??
there's no way to make this sound sexy to people who aren't freaks about it so sorry in advance but i want science to make clit control chips. hear me out............ an outpatient procedure with a single injection, close to zero discomfort due to the device immediately infiltrating and seizing control of all clitoral nerves.
from then on, an app can stimulate the nerves directly, the only limit being the owner's imagination. numbing, increased sensitivity, removing the ability to orgasm, spamming orgasms, minigames that ruin orgasms 🥵 control can be swapped bluetooth or long distance of course
settings can enforce chastity for a pre-set amount of time, either by blocking orgasms or by setting self/community punishments for going over the edge. sliders can make the user experience the buzzing of phantom vibrators, electric shocks, hot wax, the sting of a crop, the caress of a tongue, some brave sluts hop on public transport and open their bluetooth connection to anyone within 20ft and get wet waiting to be tormented.
there could be similar features to lovense pattern sharing 😍 maybe leaderboards too, like the most edges, the longest denial periods, the most orgasms in an hour, etc. maybe even the ability to turn location on for a set period of time. idk idk tldr clit control chips incorporated let's get er funded !!! [ DISCLAIMER: #NOT by el*n m*sk ]
of course the end goal here is that i end up with a girlboyfriend who locks my clit with a passcode and promises i'm never gonna get it back 😍😍😍😍 my HEART throbs out my CLIT when someone teases that they might never let me cum again AND THERE COULD BE AN APP FOR THAT? i would love to show my love by giving 24/7 bluetooth control of my clit to my kidnapper partner ♡ someone being able to physically control my ability to orgasm or feel pleasure, be able to tease or torture me at any moment, Jesus H Crucifix i would be under their spell forever. i would never think independently of my cunt again. when someone teases about not letting me cum i'm instant cartoon heart eyes tongue wagging swooning stammering blushing struggling to stay standing without their cock stuffed in my cunt and i would have to be legally reclassified as a braindead bitch in heat if someone could bluetooth lock my clit.
maybe we joke about it a lot, like ha ha i'm never giving you the passcode, you know you're never gonna cum again right, and sometimes im allowed to earn it so i know you're just kidding. you are kidding, right? it's teasing me, 'cus the talk gets me so hot, but sometimes the game goes on so long that in the back of my mind i start to get a little scared. the thrill just goes right to my cunt tho :/ drooling from both ends when you say no, really, this is it this time, or someday it's gonna be the last time and you won't ever know, for weeks then months, then months and months, then years,
okay i almost had a ruined orgasm writing this so i'm calling it quits.!! i'm fighting it off it's no fun to ruin if no one's there to see me cry and spank my cunt about it :(
Know when you're really horny, like really really horny, so when the action starts you cum right away? I'm talking less than a minute right away. Imagine being left in that state for hours, unable to touch yourself to reach that high you so desperately want, restraints keeping you from moving so the only thing you can do is squirm in place until they decide it's been going on for too long. After the first orgasm, however, that mindblowing sensation that you've been craving the whole day, that high that makes you feel like you're floating, or drowning in pleasure, the electricity that runs all over your body - after all that, you're not allowed to calm down and rest, instead you've been so desperate, buckling your hips in search of any sort of friction, that they decided you will have more. Way more, and from being desperate to cum, you turn into a crying mess in less than twenty minutes. You will end up the night exhausted, unable to think, quivering, barely able to keep your eyes open. And a fucked up smile on your face because that was a taste of heaven.
so just to see what it was like, i tried it on my nipples, just to make sure i wasn't allergic or anything unsexy like that. and oh boy it hurts!!! I'm squirming in my chair trying to rub them or make them feel better. After the first few minutes I got a little more used to it, so instead of wanting to cry I love it so much. So now it's time to try it on my clit!!! Thank u anon for putting me in my place
Holy fucking shit fuck fuck fuck me Jesus please oh my god
It's so much worse on my clit I feel like it's gonna explode or fall off it's freezing and burning and numb all at the same time. I never wanna touch my clit again and I wanna rub it on everything and it's so fucking good and hurts so bad fuckkkk
So now I'm through the worst of it and I can think again.... it's so good. It feels like my clit isn't mine anymore, like it's just a toy attached to me to turn me into a sex toy. It hurts but it feel so right, for me to be so desperate and so needy. It just feels like wanting to touch when I ache with denial but hurts in a way that means I have no idea what I want, just braindead bc of my cunt
I tried rubbing my clit and it's totally numb when I touch it omg but it doesn't hurt as bad for a few seconds
once I take my hand away it takes a few seconds and the pain comes right back and like follows the same pathways the pleasure would go through its like I'm being betrayed by my body
i just put toothpaste on my poor clit for the first time and i am dead. this is one of the worst things ive ever experienced.
it burned so much. and it came in waves, so it would be brutal and id be on the verge of tears and then the numbness would kick in. it would make it feel like my clit wasn’t even mine, just a half numb piece of flesh. and then the burning would take over.
i rode these waves for like, half an hour. i could feel my dumb cunt slowly start to drip. i wanting to cry but i was too overwhelmed. and then i had to wash it off.
i thought it would be better once it was off. it stopped hurting, at least. but now it feels both numb and so impossibly sensitive. the air both hurts and makes me wet. im dripping but the idea of touching myself literally sounds like torture. i think this is breaking my brain.
and i have to do it every night for the rest of the week.
A pretty boy tied down, legs spread wide open, the head of a wand vibrator pressed into him so that it’s vibrating against the underside of his clit and pressing against his hole at the same time. There’s a clip attached to his clit, a thin chain connecting it to his gag. His hips are so securely tied that he can’t move them, arms tied down as well, but his head is free to thrash around as he’s brought to orgasm after orgasm, tugging on his clit constantly making the oversensitivity worse. His blindfold soaked with tears. If he moves too harshly the clip is yanked off, but someone is always quick to reconnect it, chastising him about being careless.
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
