It's f.ing magical once you have lived twice in one life, my dar

30; they/them; former SAT teacher; I draw for comfort; friendship and honesty are very valuable to me. Please please please if you don't want me following you, don't hesitate to tell me; if there's a thing in your description saying you don't want certain people following you, I may have missed it. If you decide to go through my "likes" page, just be warned that there will be a lot of nsfw.

[spitemeister]

[spitemeister]

So now that I have (mostly) finished raising myself

I’m leaving NJ and I am returning to my Mom’s house so that I can heal that relationship wound. I want my family, even scattered across the continent as we are, even fragmented and isolated from each other as we are. I had never realized how deeply hurt and tormented my own parents were. At least, not until I began to piece together how intergenerational trauma, spiritual abuse, and racist/classist/sexist mindsets impacted each of individually and as a unit. My sister and I were always close, and we have been working through this together over the phone. We became sober in 2020 together. She went first, like the best big sister you could ever ask for, and then when I told her that I wanted to be done with booze, she said the magic words:

“You will stop when you don’t need it anymore.”

And I felt simultaneously so forgiven, so understood, that I felt up to the challenge. My last drink was on October 11, 2020, and I quit cold turkey, telling myself that I couldn’t go get anymore liquor because of my expired license.

Was it perfect? Nope! But it didn’t have to be perfect: it just HAD to BE. I did the thing you’re not supposed to do, ideally: switched to weeeeeeeeed.

Which is when I started to see other issues I had not dealt with: hoarding, anxiety, likely c-PTSD. On top of the doubt faced by literally every nonbinary person ever: are my gender experiences real, or am I actually making shit up like people say I am? (Spoiler: I’m fucking not xD I am a grown ass nonbinary person).

And once I started dealing with everything , I began to truly, deeply heal. I want to heal my relationships with my family. Most of my friends in NJ have come and gone from my life. I lost the NJUS/USSA social network because of the shit show I tried to smooth over. So I have spent most of my 20s without consistent friends. Pretty shitty, right? But it’s bygones. Hurt people hurt people. But I know of some other hurt people who could be closer to me than they are. Will I ever mend the fence with my Dad? Who knows! But at least he and I can enjoy NPR together. For now, he is in my phone under his given name. I may be the 30yo kid of a 71yo man, but I am older than him lol.

Last May, as I enjoyed the fruits of my healing, I watched the clouds and the birds, and I begged my new-found spirit guides for answers. I asked what to expect, and the clouds formed a skull. I asked who it was for, and the birds answered in flight: me.

Long story short, I am coming to the end of a massive karmic chapter in my life that I had no inkling I was living through. I went through some shit, boy howdy. 

I think I am going to post stuff here again. I was so ashamed of things I was saying here that I avoided this blog like the fucking plague. But hey, if there’s anything I have learned in this ACTUAL plague, it’s that if you have to face the music, then you are more than welcome to belt out your own damn melodies. 

Hell, I doubt anyone would read this, so I will be as melodramatic as I feel like without feeling ashamed of being precious. I think that that concern for others’ perceptions is the ~~~motif~~~ that I have been working against.

[badwinesarchive]

[lilaceverglades]

i spat out my teaaa

[aperfectillusion]

Step 1: Go someplace public with your laptop.

Step 2: Click HERE

Step 3: Press f11

Step 4: Start typing frantically.

Step 5: Make sure other people see your screen.

Step 6: ???????

Step 7: Profit

[sizvideos]

Video

[ricrodrigo]

I thought they put big stencils down and spray painted over them! This blows my mind!

[fightblr]

Me too. Holy shit.

[sugarcoatedme]

satisfying

I’m so impressed… holy shit…

[therecouldbelions]

Well fuck me, that is impressive…

[komerdith]

Wow… I had no idea it was done that way…

[tastefullyoffensive]

[eka-mark]

The SAT is a scam. It has been around for 50 years. It has never measured anything. And it continues to measure nothing. And the whole game is that everybody who does well on it, is so delighted by their good fortune that they don’t want to attack it. And they are the people in charge. Because of course, the way you get to be in charge is by having high test scores. So it’s this terrific kind of rolling scam that every so often, somebody sort of looks and says—well, you know, does it measure intelligence? No. Does it predict college grades? No. Does it tell you how much you learned in high school? No. Does it predict life happiness or life success in any measure? No. It’s measuring nothing.

John Katzman, founder of The Princeton Review  (via spookypoolparty)

Source: PBS Frontline interview

(via winterofcontent)

The most scathing indictment I ever heard of the SAT was someone reasonably pointing out that if you can pay to take a class in passing the SAT, you are literally guaranteed to do better on the test.

Which means that what the SAT actually measures is your wealth.

(via copperbadge)

yup. i used to teach one of those classes. it was basically zero percent about cultivating the sort of general problem-solving aptitude that those tests are claimed to measure, and close to 100% about gaming the way the test is constructed and scored. 

(via frobulous)

[melanelanelanie]

So I don’t know why i’m posting this because maybe 2 people will actually pass it along, but you should read it if the above conversation made you feel uneasy, because it should have. This is an actual conversation I had with a guy I used to work with. Notice how he’s insisting on doing these nice things for me, even when I’ve made it perfectly clear that i’d prefer if he didn’t. He doesn’t want to do those things for me, he wants to do those things to display his generosity and so that I feel like I owe him. 

Also, the fact that he felt the need to congratulate me for not thinking too highly of valentine’s day was really difficult for me to process. I don’t even know how to explain how condescending that is. Like I should be proud of myself for breaking the feminine mold. Ugh. 

And then, that “you may have nothing to do with me” bullshit. He’s trying to make me feel guilty for not liking him. He’s being melodramatic to make me feel bad for him, like I’ve done something wrong. This is perhaps the most common form of manipulation and it’s infuriating. 

Everything i’ve pointed out in this post is just a fraction of some of the common warning signs of an abusive partner that I got right off of a Women’s Shelter’s website. Basically though, if at any point in talking to a guy you feel manipulated or sort of skeevy, don’t be afraid to shut him right down. If you feel weird about it, it’s for a reason. You’re not being overly-picky, and you’re standards are certainly not too high; listen to your instincts, don’t respond! Walk away!

Now, I have no feelings at all for this guy, so it was fairly easy for me to discover all that was wrong with this interaction. But it’s a lot harder to recognize and then accept these behaviors as wrong when you actually like the guy, so do yourself a favor and learn the signs of an abusive parter to give yourself a predisposition that’ll help you detect common manipulations like these.

Early warning signs of an abuser

[theprincessthespian]

Signal Boost! If I would have noticed the signals in my experience, I would have not wasted a year. 

[theflapofrabdolph-blog]

[madrantings-deactivated20190708]

Control on modern times requires more than force, more than law. It required that a population dangerously concentrated in cities and factories, who’s lives are filled with cause for rebellion, be taught that all is right as it is. And so, the schools, the churches, the popular literature taught that to be rich was a sign of superiority, to be poor was a sign of personal failure, and that the only way upward for a poor person was to climb into the ranks of the rich by extraordinary effort and extraordinary luck.

Howard Zinn, A Peoples History of the United States (via madrantings)

[celticpunkandcoffee-deactivated]

I want a movie where literally everyone dies. Everyone. Like by some wild natural disaster or something. It’s just like an hour and a half of showing desolated countries and cities and whatnot. There are no humans left.

And then, with thirty seconds of film left, Sean Bean crawls out from underneath the rubble of a fallen building and starts laughing.

[class-struggle-anarchism]

defend our carefully restricted state approved freedoms! 

[spitemeister]

omg I was finally able to pay off several months of the gas & electric. I feel so much better now

[ethereal-business-cabaret]

Look, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no, Cards Against Humanity does NOT make fun of people equally. In order to illustrate the point, I wanted to give you a general count of cards that are pretty explicitly about people with privilege (white, wealthy, straight) vs marginalized people (POC, people with disabilities/chronic illness, rape victims, fat folks, poor folks, queer folks). I have 848 white cards or so. I counted these being somewhat generous to the game, as some really do depend on context to punch down. These ones do not. Out of that, there were about 21 punch up by explicitly mentioning privileged people (and that’s a mixture of all references to white people, wealth, being straight). There were 43 where the punchline was about race. 3 about Jewish people, 3 about Hispanic people, 4 about Middle Eastern people, 4 about Native Americans, 7 about Asian people, and *16* about Black people. There were 11 about rape. There were 16 making fun of people with disabilities, STIS, or chronic illness. There were 9 using LGBT people as punchlines, with 3 being specifically about gender. 5 were about insulting fat people. 5 joke about classism. And I didn’t count the “chunks of a dead prostitute” card as I burned it. That means that ultimately while there’s 21 cards that seek to punch up, there’s 90 that actively and gleefully punch down.

Kitty Stryker deconstructs the claim that Cards Against Humanity is primarily punch-up humour. (via notyourexrotic)

[nyaa]

"omg you’re just blogging for attention"

and you’re blogging??? for gold? Women? Immortality?

[kdoublep]

Aziz is going off on Rupert Murdoch right now. 

[deathology]

reblog if you want anonymous opinions of you