Diet goth

They/them, 26, UK, pan, nb, taken, weeaboo height: 5'6ish starting weight: 19.13½st current weight: 14.13st next goal weight: 14st

[kingvegetable]

a shoutout

to all my fat and curvy trans boys

whose binders still don’t make them anywhere close to flat

who are self concious because their chub makes them curvier

who can’t bind on a daily/regular basis

who are forced to joke about their chests because they can’t deal with it any other way

who won’t “pass” until top surgery

whose soft cheeks make their faces look more feminine

who consistently only see positive feedback on posts about skinny white trans boys who were able to “pass” a couple of months after starting on T (or before)

society will try to tell you otherwise but your trans-ness is no less valid than theirs. your curvy body is still a boys body, no matter how you wear it.

[spookyslimmer]

So yesterday I'd weighed in at a loss of 4.5lbs, taking me down to 15st 4.5lbs and giving me a total loss of 4st 9lbs.

I'm not really proud of it though. The week leading up I'd smoked a lot and the Thursday had no food whatsoever so I don't think a depression loss is an achievement.

However.

After weigh I had an awesome day with @anotherslimmingworldblog and it cheered me up completely with cooking, baking, and having some much needed friend time 💜

And today there was a non scale victory that surprised me.

A few months ago I'd bought a new underworks binder that was frustratingly too small. I couldn't get it over my shoulders and down my ribcage. This morning, however... It's on. It's still not big enough to contain all of my breasts as I've got squishy underarms which flub out of the top of the armholes but it's binding me and with a loose top on you can't tell.

It's a half binder so it doesn't go further down than my waist and it's really highlighting just how narrow my ribcage is. It's sort of nice to see me smaller and a bit more, idk, normal?

My hips are still crazy wide but I think I could deal with being bottom heavy maybe. It's just very disproportionate with all of my tummy in the scene too :') hopefully soon I'll feel better as I close in on getting below 200lbs.

[spookyslimmer]

Salmon <3

This is my second ever attempting at pan frying rather than baking after fucking it up badly years ago

It wooorrrrkeeddd

I lost a little this week, just 1.5lbs, and I'm still in my up-down plateau zone but I've got a fridge full of veg and I'm going to try hard this week to be careful

My partner was too tired to join me for this meal so I'm packing theirs as a bento for tomorrow

[spookyslimmer]

Personal vent ahoy. CW for gender issues

Being transmasc and fat is hard.

Binders only flatten you when you have smaller breasts and while it's 'realistic' to have a little contour on larger bodies it still feels wrong for me to have.

Only full binders do this as well. Short ones aren't strong enough to be safe or have enough fabric to work but full binders just seem to emphasise my belly

Top surgery terrifies me as a prospect but it's also starting to feel more like something I need.

Unfortunately I don't think there are any NHS surgeons that will even consider it on someone fat because of the 'aesthetic result'

I could maybe try for a reduction if I'm lucky but then I'd still have a chest I don't really want

And my hips are not good. On average, give or take a little with weigh loss, my waist to hip difference sits at around ten inches. I love the notion of curvy boys but in reality it's just not something I can achieve in the way I want it to.

This is why I'm dieting. To feel comfortable and to be who I am. But I think maybe I would like to feel like I don't hate my body and everything it says to the world around me on my way there.

Dionysus give me strength and power. I just want to be happy.

[thin-thoughts-only]

You didn’t gain all that weight in one night, don’t expect to lose it all in one either

[thin-angelss]

[spookyslimmer]

My reasons to do this

👻 Being able to dress how I used to

👻 Feeling more comfortable in my gender identity

👻 Feeling like I deserve the space I occupy

👻 Cosplay!

👻 Giving my BDD a huge middle finger

👻 Shedding the physical reminders of all the bull that had me end up like this in the first place

👻 Being able to relax on nights out instead of feeling like I don’t belong

👻 Never having my only choice of t-shirt be shapeless with animal print and the word ‘dream’ written on it in cursive

[spookyslimmer]

Just reblogging this old post to remind myself. I'm at a standstill with weight going up and down by a pound or so each time and I'm just tired.

So on that note I want to add

👻 To take a good photo

👻 Pass as masculine

👻 Feel (bedroom) desireable

[spookyslimmer]

"do you want a midnight snack?" Has turned into a mini bar snack feast 🙈

I'm doing beansprouts and carrots dressed in sesame oil, quick pickled cucumber in rice vinegar, edamame warmed and tossed in chilli, fried halloumi with spicy fruity dips, lemongrass and ginger prawns... And I'm going to warm up a tokkuri of sake to wash it down.

This sort of thing is likely not going to help my weigh-in tomorrow... And neither is the Korean BBQ afterwards. Shiiiiiit~

[gluten-free-pussy]

One of the worst things about working at a gym is that I get to hear how much women hate how they look. Even worse is how much that sort of talk is not only spoken about so openly, but encouraged.

“I don’t like how disgusting and flabby my arms are.”

“Well you’ve come to right place to fix yourself!”

Every time I go into the changeroom, it’s another woman poking and prodding at herself in the mirror, another getting her friend to help put on her waist cincher, another girl drinking some bullshit flat tummy tea, another one throwing up in the bathroom, or another one crying in the stall after stepping on the scale. I wish gym and fitness culture was about overall health and getting stronger and not whatever bullshit squat routine instagram has told you will make you fuckable.

[spookyslimmer]

Shrödinger's potato: when you can't remember when you bought the fucking things and you know you need to use them soon but you haven't been in the cupboard you keep them in recently and have no idea if they're trying to sprout through the bag yet.

[teaboot]

hey im nonbinary and im feeling pretty messed up over that post you replied to abt nonbinary ppl all being ugly freaks or w/e. like, that person was wrong, yes? there is nothing wrong with us. there is nothing wrong with me. right?

Hell yeah, they were wrong. Fuck, were they wrong, and I’m sorry, I should have tagged it.

Look, we’ve all seen beautiful women before, right? Breathtaking, gorgeous, incredible women that make everything look luminescent.

And we’ve all seen heartstoppingly attractive men, too, right? The kind of men you want to just stare at for hours?

They exist, and nobody questions it. But if those genders can be so incredible, why not others? Why do fluid and nonbinary genders get the shaft? Because we don’t slot into one of two predesigned, pre-tailored molds? Is beauty a binary ideal, where only Male and Female are worthy of the title?

No.

Consider what you find beautiful in the world around you. A flower, a river, a mountain.

Is a Storm a man, or a woman?

What about the ocean?

Can you tell if a tiger is male or female by looking at it’s stripes?

No. Beauty is beyond that. It’s a thing that makes your heart sing, that makes you feel.

Look inside yourself and find what speaks to you- you won’t find a hip or jawline there. Find out who you are, and then BE that. Whatever that is; whatever that looks like.

For me, it’s thin, soft cotton weave and golden glitter. Stripes of deep black India ink. Snake scales, turmeric yellow, ball bearings. California poppies. Forza cologne. Campfire smoke. Petrichor. My mother’s orchid garden. Strong wind and saltwater, cedar trees and warm mud between my toes and shattered glass and a red sky and blue jello the smell of paint and hot pumpkin guts.

Strong things. Things that make me feel alive.

I hold onto these things, because they help to remind me that I am more than the body I live inside. I am a collective, I am an experience, I am a concept that can’t be properly encapsulated by language.

When I remember that, the things I feel insecure about- my skin, my jawline, the things people judge from the outside- they feel inconsequential, you know? Because the person I’ve been, the one I get to be… It’s an incredible thing.

So no, I don’t thing that there’s anything wrong with you, just as I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trees, or rain, or an avalanche.

And there’s nothing wrong with me, either.

[embracingwild]

fyi there is no such thing as “getting back on track” after the holidays because you were never “off track” you were simply living life because you are a human being and you deserve that

[rachrecovery-deactivated2024061]

I needed this

[darkearthsuggestions]

if you can find something in yourself worth saving, you have found a seed. Sow it kind and keep it safe– next harvest will be better. 

[nobodysflower]

here is your gentle reminder that there are dandelions growing through cracks in the sidewalk. there is a fence lizard on the porch who is growing a new tail. there are trees growing through an abandoned house, branches tearing through the ceiling, ferns carpeting the floor. there is life pushing forward, pushing through. 

[darkearthsuggestions]

Sink down into the grasses and prepare to shed your skin. Turn your scabs to scales and  your fear to fangs, turn your heart inside out and your eyes to the horizon, slither away, knowing in each twisting, crafted part of yourself that it is never too late to change.

[darkearthsuggestions]

sometimes there’s no way to stop the rain. stay inside if you must, away from bank-breaking streams, the tide that tries to sweep you away, and one day the sun will shine–though you cannot stay dry, stay on your feet, and someday the storm will break. it always does. 

[images-that-are-only-blessed]

[spookyslimmer]

Session 2: good morning!

Should I document/check in every time?

Idk. Might do