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@spunlikeatophat
Okay. Okay, let’s not lose our shit…. but we need to figure out where he is and if he’s okay. And, most important, how to get him the fuck back here.Â
I can’t not lose my shit when something’s happened to him! How? How do we know where he is and how do we get him back? Especially when she probably has something to do with it.Â
So we’ll figure out a way around that. You can’t go back, whatever happens, okay? Not back to her. Nat looks around for something to help Hatter stop hyperventilating, but he seems to be trying on his own. Yeah well, I’m sure he loves you a lot and is worried about you right now, so let’s not give him a reason to be worried, ‘kay? He watches Hatter breathe and nods, not surprised that Hatter doesn’t have many palace connections. I can ask Addy about it. You know she’s on the outs with her mom, but she likes Marchie, maybe she can think of a way. Ophelia doesn’t talk with her mom, Rowan wouldn’t cross the Queen and it’s not like I’m his favourite person, the only one I know who has any pull with her is Victor. Maybe he can get a message in, at least. Or Cal. Not that he has pull, but he knows people who get in and out of places they’re not supposed to be for a living. Point is, there’s options to pursue, right?Â
No. Not back to her. Can’t. At least Nat seemed willing to help him find some kind of alternate way of getting Marchie back, even if Hatter couldn’t see one right now. He tries to think of Marchie when Nat mentions it and nods, still gasping for breath but getting better at it. Options. Right. Maybe Victor. Maybe Cal. But we have to get him out not just send a message! She’d do awful things to anyone she caught helping. Fuck!
Dorian listens patiently. If he were really training Hatter fully, this tantrum wouldn’t be tolerated. He tries to be understanding. If the same thing had happened to Sera, he’d be out of his mind with worry. Then again, Dorian wouldn’t just sit around and wait for her to come back.
Are you sure? He asks, coming over to the embedded knife and plucking it out of the wall. He hangs onto it, not wanting to give Hatter anything else to channel his rage through for the moment. So if there’s nothing you can do, who is someone you know who can?
Yes, I’m sure! I can’t go to Looking Glass, Period. That’s what she wants and I refuse to go back. Who? No one. Officer Shaw doesn’t work in the palace. The Ace won’t help. The White Knight’s not really allowed at court. Nothing. No one. He’s stuck and I’m stuck and it’s unbearable! He keeps pacing furiously, alternately gripping his hat brim very hard and clenching his hands into fists.Â
Wait. What do you mean you haven’t seen March? I thought he was with you?
No! The last time I saw him was the Tea Party. This is bad. Very bad.Â
Nothing about recent days has been usual, even by City standards. Victor does not back away when Hatter comes so close and just looks at him calmy matching his gaze. He wasn’t always a fan of the Queen’s methods, but he could never say so much aloud. When last I saw him he was not in the worst of conditions. He is too valuable to Her Majesty for her too act too rashly.
So what? The stupid Alice stuff has nothing to do with Marchie! Hatter stares at Victor when he answers and grabs his lapels. Not in the worst of conditions? That doesn’t mean okay! She hurts him, I know she does! He bows his head, pressing his forehead against Victor’s shoulder for a moment and shaking before he pushes away abruptly. Help me. Help Marchie! You’re there, can’t you do something? He looks at Victor, desperate.Â
Dorian works his jaw and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall and just holding the knife he’d been about to throw. They’re in the basement for knife lessons. I was wondering why you aren’t able to concentrate tonight. I’m sure it wouldn’t do me any good to tell you to just clear your mind, so we might as well talk about it.
Hatter paces like a caged animal, gripping the knife he was given in his hand and close to hurling it into the nearest wall. No, I can’t concentrate! She has him! I can’t trade and I can’t leave him there and I can’t rescue him. I can’t do anything! He does whip the knife in a fit of rage, Dorian having taught him how to throw it, and it sinks deep into the opposite wall.Â
I know you can’t, I do. I remember why. I promise you, you don’t have to, we’ll figure something out. She’s not - he’s not - she won’t take it too far. Not yet. She’ll drag it out. You have time. Really. Nat almost reaches out for Hatter but stops. Okay. Let’s just - think this through. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you this upset over him. I’ve never met anyone more concerned with making other people happy. He’s got value to her, she’s not gonna do something stupid. He racks his brains. I burned all my contacts at the palace, except one. I can talk to him, see what he can do. You got anyone in your back pocket?Â
You saw the letter! If I don’t he has to stay there! I can’t...I can’t...His words break off and he’s starting to  hyperventilate in spite of his best efforts. Hatter tries to focus on Nat’s words and tries to breathe, knowing he’s right and that Marchie wouldn’t want him to be so upset. He’s...always...like that. He...doesn’t...think...very...much.....of...himself. He manages to gasp the words out then tries to take a few more deep breaths, trying to think if there’s anyone who could help. No. No one. Well. Officer Shaw. But he’s not at the palace. Hatter’s managed to get the breathing under control, at least for the moment.Â
Don’t worry Hatter, I’m sure he will soon enough. She wasn’t sure at all, but she wanted to reassure him. Maybe he’s just very busy or something.
How? How can you be sure? He narrows his eyes at her. He’s not that busy. He comes to see me when he’s working. I haven’t seen him since the Tea Party. Something’s wrong. Something happened. I know it.Â
Isn’t he the one who has memory lapses? He told me he didn’t remember the entire masquerade. Could that be it? Hannah tries to remain as calm as possible in the face of Hatter’s extreme distress. Okay. I’m going to do what I can, I promise. She’s a Queen, I can’t just go into the Palace and demand his release. I can talk to the other side, see if there’s word on if and why she’s holding him, but I don’t have an army. Can you give me any idea why she might have decided to hold onto him? Are they … involved?
No. That’s not normal for him. I’m the one who forgets things. He snaps, starting to pace around. Except right now. Right now I don’t forget anything. Darkly. He shakes his head as she talks but stops when she asks if they’re involved, looking both angry and haunted. No! No no no no no! He’s too good for that, he would’ve told me. She hurts him but not that way, no! Hatter keeps shaking his head violently because now that Hannah’s brought it up he’s remembering, in detail, what she used to do to him, his anger leaking away into despair and he sinks into a chair. Because of us. Because she wants to take him away. She probably wants me back but I can’t....He bites his lip, shuddering and hugging himself, rocking slightly in the chair.Â
Maybe he’s doing stuff around the Palace. She could be throwing another of her ridiculous parties. Sorry. Nat scrubs his fingers through his hair, concerned about Hatter. A Hare comes up and he hopes it’s a message from Marchie, but Hatter’s reaction doesn’t seem like it could be. He reaches down and snags the letter, uncrumpling it and reading it. Holy shit. He drops the letter and puts his hands out in as non-threatening a way as possible. Ol-Hatter, listen. You need to breathe, okay? Freaking out and getting hurt’s not gonna help your friend.
Hatter moans a little as he shakes his head repeatedly, gripping the hat tightly, looking at Nat when he spreads his hands out. I’m not getting hurt but I can’t go back! I can’t! You know, you were there! But I can’t leave him. Not with her. He lets go of his hat and kicks a chair over then leans against the table, palms pressed flat, breathing hard. He’s more than my friend! He snaps, but there’s pain in it. He’s my Marchie, he’s a part of me and she...she’s going to...she’ll take him but I can’t...I can’t!Â
It could have been an accident. He does ride a bicycle for a living. She cocks her eyebrow at him, then leans in, not unkindly. I know you’re upset, but you’ve gotta keep your voice down if you’re gonna say shit like that. I don’t wanna have to come back here cuz you disappeared too.
He wouldn’t be gone so long, not for an accident. He would’ve sent me a message. Hatter looks at her suspiciously when she leans in. Ha! No, no, if she wanted that she’d have done it a long time ago. I don’t know what this is. I have to find him. Save him! She probably has him!
As of recent events, the March Hare has unfortunately been kept occupied in the Court with his work. Her Majesty has decided it best to keep him near should she have need of his services. I am sure if he were not otherwise preoccupied he would be here.
What!? So she has him? Keep him near? She doesn’t do that, not usually. He walks over and stands inches in front of Victor, space invadingly close with a very intense look on his face. Tell me if he’s okay.Â
I’m guessing Vanessa’s in a bit of a mood about the whole Ophelia thing. Maybe she’s just got him working really hard.Â
If he was working I’d see him. He comes here for work. Hatter clenches his jaw. Don’t talk about her. A Hare runs up just then with a letter for Hatter. He snatches and tears it open, reading it. His eyes go wide and he crumples the letter, then drops it, stepping away from it like it burned him. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I can’t. I can’t! But she-! Hatter shakes his head and grabs his hat with both hands, looking anguished.Â
How would I know? I was hoping you’d seen him.
I haven’t. Which doesn’t make sense. He’s always around. He needs to come back. He needs to.Â
I can ask around on the Looking Glass side. Hannah looks down at Dinah, who’s sitting at Hatter’s feet, also looking unhappy. As far as I know, he hasn’t turned up in the morgue or anything, if that helps. Did you try the hospital?
Do that. He clenches his fists. No, I haven’t. Why would he be in the hospital? Who would hurt him? His expression stiffens. She would. She hurts everyone. Dammit!Â
I don’t care who is or isn’t an Alice. I want to know why Marchie hasn’t been here for a while.Â
I will. It’s a good word. I should start using it too. He laughs. You know, I do. Just … loving people is usually confusing. Especially when it’s more than one person at the same time. And it’s different kinds of love. And you’re not even sure how the other person feels, in certain cases anyway. And you’re normally pretty abysmal at the whole thing and spend most of your time expecting to ruin things. That’s really good. I’m glad to hear that. Yeah. Hopefully I can keep my head above water.Â
Maybe if enough people start using it eventually everyone will be using it and it’ll just become the commonly accepted word for it! Then Marchie would have started a trend and he’d be so surprised and pleased about that. Oh, I didn’t know your confusion involved love. I guess it can be confusing, though I’ve never found it particularly so but if you didn’t know how the other person felt I’m sure it would be. More people involved could make it that way too though I’ve never seen anything the matter with loving more than one person at one time even if not everyone feels that way. It’s probably not helpful to spend time expecting to ruin things. If that’s what you expect, that could be what happens, provided we have the power to affect our futures which I’m sure in some ways we do. I’ve always thought it was better to expect good things and give them at least more of a chance of happening but maybe it doesn’t work that way and I’ve got things backwards. It just seems like a more pleasant way to live, in any case. I think you’ll be able to, unless you’re a terrible swimmer in which case I’m sure it’d be a lot harder. Hopefully you can swim and stay afloat in both your emotions and actual water! I should go check and see if any of the pastry trays need refilling. Good luck with your water!
