Even At My Best

I'm still feeling like a mess

[squidneyy96]

Hey Sam! How’s it going up there? I hope you’re resting peacefully. My cat should be joining you, could you make sure to give her lots of love and treats? Maybe even pick her up and give her a hug for me every once in awhile. She doesn’t like that, but I always did it anyways to make sure she knew I loved her. Since I couldn’t do that as she passed, could you do it for me? She may ask for attention every once in awhile so make sure to take advantage of it. And she’s pretty sassy but you can’t help but to love her. Anyways. I hope all is good. Your family is doing okay. We’re doing okay.

I miss you and all of my pets and friends. 💕

Rest peacefully 💕

[squidneyy96]

A week an a half ago, I lost you too. Only this time, I can’t get over it. It doesn’t feel real at all. I mean, we were texting each other two weeks ago. You were sending me pictures of the baby. You were updating me on how you were doing. We were making plans for the future… for when you got better. It really hurts knowing I don’t have one of my best friends anymore. Mikey hurt, but your death is killing me right now. I know that’s selfish of me to say, but I can’t get over it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to lose my friend a month and a half before our birthdays. I wanted to spend our birthday together. I wanted you to come with us to SA for my anniversary with my boyfriend just so you guys could have some fun too. I wanted to release lanterns with you and your family because it was so much fun to do and it’s such an awesome experience. There’s so much I wanted to do with you. Fuck. This hurts so fucking much. I miss the hell out of you. Every day, I’ve wanted to message you about something. And every day, I have to stop myself because you’re not here anymore. When I stop myself, I end up wanting to reach out to your husband or wanting to just drive to your house to check up on them. But then I have to stop myself from doing that too because I know what your family is going through is a lot worse than what I’m feeling. I don’t want to add to it. But right now is a perfect example. I can’t sleep because I’m having a random anxiety attack. My heart won’t stop pounding nor will it slow the fuck down. I can feel myself vibrating right now. And all I wanted to do was reach out to you, but I can’t. Every time that “I can’t” comes into play, my heart shatters all over again. It’s killing me.

I still replay the moment I got the news. I still replay those moments before too. I texted you the day before you died, apologizing because I’ve been so busy that I hadn’t checked up on you in a few days. Right after I sent you that message, i immediately thought, “what if something happened to her and she died?” I had to quickly shake that thought out of my head because I didn’t want to think like that. Not of you, because I didn’t want it to happen to you. I didn’t want to lose another friend. Then the next day, I thought of you again and realized that you never responded. So I thought I’d give you a little more time and then I’d try again because you know, people get busy and you just had a baby so I’m sure your hands were full. But then I get the message saying that you passed away that day… everything sunk when I read that message. I could feel the blood drain from my face. I didn’t want to believe it. I hoped that it was just a cruel joke. I fucking bawled. All I wanted to do was run to your house and see you standing there with a big smile on your face and all would be okay. I didn’t want it to be true. I replay those moments over and over and over and every time I still get that sinking feeling.

So here I am. Writing to you on tumblr because I can’t text your phone anymore. Hurting more and more every day because now I can only see you whenever you show up in my dreams. Missing you more and more every day because you were one of my best friends and I don’t get to see, talk, or hang out with you anymore. I’ll never get over your death, Sam. In fact, this will affect me for the rest of my life, but I can promise that it won’t be a bad thing. You’ve been such a great friend to me. You supported me in a lot. You’ve been with me thru some of the hardest times I’ve had this year, but you supported me thru it all. You believed in me and I believed in you. We were gonna do big and great things together. Because you’ve been such a great friend to me, I know for a fact that I’ll be naming my first daughter after you. I hope she’s just like you too. After all, if she’s like you then she’s also like me hahaha. You and I were almost the same person, it was almost terrifying.

If you are visiting me in my dreams, I hope you come back more often. I know you have a lot of people to visit and watch over, but I miss my best friend. I’d like to believe that you are visiting and watching over everyone. I hope you’re at peace up there. Tell Mikey I said hi and give my pets lots of love for me. I know Dixy needs it the most lol

I love and miss you, Sam. 💕

[anxietyproblem]

[demichii]

ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ོ its freakin bats ོ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ོ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ོ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ོ

[squidneyy96]

Just a life update for anyone interested. I’ve gained a lot of weight since I started my relationship with my bf almost 5 years ago. I’ve slipped into a very bad depression multiple times because of my dad and the stress of life and not a lot of support from those around me. Just the last 3 years alone, I’ve gone through the shit my dad has put my family and me thru, the shit I went thru at work to keep working up, the stress of moving twice, losing a dear friend, and losing what I worked so hard to get into.

But, also in the last 3 years... I’ve graduated college, impressed my bosses with my work ethic so much that they see me doing so much more in the future, kept the good friends around me and the bad ones at a distance, started going back to the gym and have been going for the last 7 months now, started eating healthier and less so I can continue my weight loss journey, and I’m starting the process of changing my last name to my mom’s name because I do not want to have my dad’s toxicity associated with me any longer. I still have a long way to go but I’m actually doing better than I was 5 years ago. Hell, I’m doing a lot better than I was in high school. I can’t wait to see what the future has for me now because I’ve worked too damn hard to let anything and anyone tear me down now.

I know just a few days ago I said life was hard. It still is. I just have come so far already and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep moving up. I’m determined to get down to a healthier weight and lifestyle. I’m determined to keep working hard at work so I can keep getting promotions and raises. I’m determined to cut my toxic dad out of my life completely. Again, I still have so much to work on. My depression and anxiety are my constant battles among all the other battles I’m fighting, but I’m determined to get through it. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to be comfortable. I’m going to get there eventually.

[squidneyy96]

Times like these are hard. I know that we weren’t as close whenever you left, but honestly, I feel like you’re the only one that can hear my thoughts right now. I’m sorry that it took for this to happen to you for me to think about you more. I really hope you don’t think that I never appreciated you or stopped being friends because I’ve always cherished our friendship. I’ve always missed having our conversations and you singing to me just to make time go faster. I’ve always missed recording you doing dumb funny things. I just miss everything a lot more now than I did before you left. Knowing that I’ll never see you again really does break my heart and I wish I could have had one more time to record you and you get annoyed. I know I don’t have it all that bad, and I know there are people out there who are in worse situations than I’m in. This still hurts though. Between your death, the stress of work, the irrational fear of losing my mom and boyfriend because they got too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon, and now someone going to the extreme and basically wanting me to starve and be miserable just to lose a few pounds, I’m exhausted. I don’t even know if I have the energy to go into my parents’ divorce and how much my dad is a piece of shit. I gotta say, you definitely were the worst part of this month. None of us expected to lose you, and none of us wanted to lose you either. I couldn’t see myself buying a car from anyone else but you because I knew you better than anyone else. Unfortunately I gotta use Mario now, who thinks baked potatoes are normally served with tacos in the valley apparently lol. I’m just kidding. Life has been hard, man. I wish you and I could’ve switched places, tbh. You have so many more people who love and care for you. Talking to your mom and sister killed me. They were trying to hard to be strong and keep it together. Miranda tried so hard not to cry. I wish my last words to you were more than just “hi Mikey.” But I get it. You were busy at the time. You didn’t have much time to talk. I’m sorry for dumping so much on you, because I know your family is also trying to talk to you too. I hope you can forgive me for it, but I really have no one. Life has been very hard and I’ve been down in the dumps. I miss you, man. I hope it’s all paradise up there. I hope we get to talk again because I definitely miss giving you shit for not talking to me. I’d do anything to just hear you say your usual phrases or have you randomly call me because you’re bored one more time. We had really great memories. We all love and miss you and wish to have you back. Thank you for listening to me tonight. Tell my dogs and my cat that I love and miss them too.

[squidneyy96]

Today I dreamt about you. I don’t know if it was you visiting me or not, but for a moment, I thought you were still alive. I miss you. We didn’t talk as much because I didn’t work as close anymore, but that doesn’t mean that the memories we made weren’t important to me. You were one of my good friends and I’ve always cherished our friendship even though we weren’t around each other as much. I couldn’t talk to you in my dream because my dream was just like someone else’s memories.... but I’d like to actually talk to you next time you visit me in my dreams. Just so I can tell you everything; how much you’re missed, how I wished we never grew apart the way we did, so I can tell you, “you don’t talk to me anymore, Mikey,” and then we can jokingly argue about how I don’t talk to you either, so I can say how I wish I had more videos of you, and so much more. It still hurts knowing you’re gone. I still wish that this was a terrible prank, you dummy. I wish you would’ve had another chance so I could go tell you how dumb you were for doing what you did and hopefully it would teach you a lesson and we’d still have you... instead I had to call you a dummy at your funeral and instead of giving you shit about what you did, I just told you goodbye. We were the three best friends that anybody could have. We were the Cruze crew, the ‘Maro gang (even tho I didn’t have a camaro), the Leo squad. I didn’t expect, nor want the other half of my birthday duo to leave me. Well.... I really hope that you weren’t in any pain when you died and I hope that you were happy and lived a great life. Until we meet again, my friend. I hope you’re looking down upon us and laughing at all the jokes we can still crack about you. We miss you so much.

[emmacharlottewatson]

Chadwick Boseman photographed by Bjorn Iooss for MR PORTER

[lookalivezay]

🕊🤴🏾

[meimihaneoka]

[squidneyy96]

I hadn’t been on here in a hot minute. Whoops, my bad.

[squidneyy96]

My aunt had all of the cherry blossom recipes and she made me everything I didn’t have and I’m obsessed with all of it.

[squidneyy96]

Kyle Keup AutoNation Chevrolet North Corpus Christi

Find out how you can get employee pricing on these vehicles and more by calling 727-389-3843 or visiting 2118 S Padre Island Dr. We have the

Like and share this post pretty please!!!

[squidneyy96]

Kyle Keup AutoNation Chevrolet North Corpus Christi

Whether you’re looking for New or Pre-owned, we have the vehicle for you! Stop by at 2118 S Padre Island Dr or call [phone] and allo

[squidneyy96]

Kyle Keup AutoNation Chevrolet North Corpus Christi

Kyle Keup AutoNation Chevrolet North Corpus Christi, Vector. 23 likes. Automotive Dealership

Please go like and share my boyfriend’s business page!

[saying]

[bnmxfld]

“How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour / Hold Still

[nastyastheycome]

Reblog if you’re STD FREE

This is actually more important than all of the freak, nasty, and sex filled porn post on here. Hopefully this gets a lot of Reblogs. Know your status

[obedientoralslave]

It’s a necessity

[shockaxxx464]

If u not reblogin please delete your self

[pussyquint]

Get tested pls.