staccatohmamba

[squareenix-official-deactivated]

Why does this man hate himself so much? (x)

[mjalti]

my plan is to jog in a zip code where the average house is $1 million dollars. i jog everyday. i run into the trophy wives jogging club. we jog past each other so often, they’re forced to interact with me. we’re friends now. i’m invited places. i meet other millionaires, men who love me. i marry the richest, using an alias. throughout the first year of marriage, i’m moving assets and cash to an off shore bank account. i fake my own death on our anniversary. he’s heartbroken.

i started jogging in a new million dollar neighborhood. i’ve just made friends with the local jogging crew headed by ashtonlynn and brotyna “chichi” who has a single millionaire brother,

[eclipticzero]

Is there any version of this plan where I don’t have to jog

[mjalti]

u only have to jog past the ladies which is like 46 seconds. suck it up for the fraud of it all

[tacogrande]

“kurt and mercedes just grew apart, plus he had more in common with rachel so it made sense for them to be best friends”

“mercedes and kurt’s friendship was written off for petty reasons also rachel is a little biTCH”

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

post: shoutout to gay people in love

someone in the replies, inevitably: ummm actually ALL pda makes me uncomfortable?? i’m pda repulsed?? like i didn’t add anything useful to this post but i just want everyone know i’m NOT comfortable seeing gay people kiss,

[ace-lives-matter]

This sounds suspiciously aphobic and aimed at aces expressing distaste at allos slobbering all over each other but okay, you do you

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

are you fucking joking

[pocketfox]

When people ask me to describe Tumblr I’ll just show them this post.

[grimeclown]

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

[texcritterspizzajamboree]

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

[melonmemes]

[loonyloomy]

Just wanted to share this coming out story from a guy I saw on First Dates. He came out to his dad when he was 20, and then his mum when he was 21, after trying very hard to hide that part of himself and never really discussing anything like that in their household. Hearing his mother’s response after he explained all that was really gratifying. To all Muslim LGBT+ people, As-Salaam-Alaikum <3

[eve-deactivated20180205]

i hate this 

[iamnotjody]

*Eats you out accidentally on purpose*

[freshfreshsalad]

[trilllizard666]

mmPMh

[nuttyrabbit]

This is the very essence of Soul Calibur

[rollingshield-deactivated202211]

If it worked on The Emperor, it’ll work here, too!

[yourplayersaidwhat]

DM (to our bard): The six cultists shove you to the ground, bow to the massive green dragon, and say, “Oh Great One, we have brought you this gold and this human sacrifice as tribute to your greatness. Please accept our offering.”

Rest of Party, looking on from a distance: Shit. He’s dead. He’s so dead. RIP Edward. 

DM: The dragon thanks the cultists and asks if you have any last words.

Bard: I look up at the dragon and say, “I have brought you this gold and these six cultists as tribute to your greatness.”

Rest of Party: OH SHIT!

DM, who was clearly not expecting that: …………roll persuasion.

Bard: 17.

DM: The dragon says, “I like you. Duck.”

Bard: ….I duck?

DM: The dragon incinerates the cultists with his poison breath and leaves you alive, flying off with his treasure. 

Bard: Oh my god. I thought I was dead.

DM: Honestly? So did I.

[sistertaxon]

mama

[sistertaxon]

just killed a man

[sistertaxon]

put a gun against his head

[sistertaxon]

pulled my trigger now he’s dead

[sistertaxon]

and mama

[sistertaxon]

life had just begun

[sistertaxon]

but now i’ve gone and thrown it all away

[sistertaxon]

AND MAMA

[sistertaxon]

[the-a-j-universe]

This killed me, and now I’m haunting it.

[souryellows]

when i was in like third grade i went to this science camp and one night at campfire they told us a story about a ufo crashing into a lake nearby and then later in the middle of the night they woke us all up and told us the aliens were back and this time they’d laid eggs in the woods !! it was our duty to arm ourselves and go destroy the eggs, so we armored up in tinfoil and shaving cream ( ????? ) and marched into the woods ready to save the planet. the ‘eggs’ were whole watermelons hidden around the camp and we had to smash them open on trees and rocks and eat the alien fetus/watermelon goo as fast as possible. i cannot emphasis enough the raw joy of digging into a watermelon with your bare hands and stuffing it into your face in the middle of the night in the woods, barely taking time to chew so that you can save the planet from hostile aliens, and i think i became the person i am because of that night.

[bogleech]

me as a camp councelor

[transselkie]

I can not stress this enough but, what the fuck.

[slab-o-meat]

implying that chainmail can’t do anything cool??????????

[skodasforge]

We did it kids….. Dungeons and Dragons is officially Gay Culture™

[makeamerocagreatagain11-blog]

Shut the fuck up, it is not I’m not homophobic but it is not mostly gay people that play dnd so shit the fuck up

[skodasforge]

Anyway I was there at the last Gay Agenda meeting and the LGBT council heads (Wanda Sykes, Anderson Cooper, Stephenie Beatrix and Laverne Cox) voted unanimously to ban str8s from playing DnD. It was right after the motion to ban Kevin Spacey from the community for being a creep.

[kvothbloodless]

Im bi and i play dnd so its gay culture

[thebibliosphere]

Also bi and play dnd. I’m the group bard.

*strums lute* It’s Gay Culture™

[gallusrostromegalus]

I am bi and genderqueer and the party rouge so it’s like, extra gay culture.

[staccatohmamba]

the only people i know who play dnd are gay??

[raptorific]

Wonder Woman would probably be so heartbroken if she heard there were people who thought her feminism was trans-exclusionary

[raptorific]

I told you so.

[nentindo-deactivated20210501]

whenever i try to open this image google chrome just crashes, can someone just take a screenshot of the image

[a0n2-fb93p4zmv365zagdj641]

[seabornsystem-remade-deactivate]

[humilitymonth]

WONDER WOMAN IS TRANS

HALF THE AMAZONIANS ARE TRANS

[marquiis]

HALF THE AMAZONIANS ARE TRANS WONDER WOMAN IS A CANON TRANS LADY

[area51-official]

IVE NEVER FELT MORE AWAKE IN MY LIFE WONDER WOMAN CONFIRMED TRANS LADY HALF OF THE AMAZONIANS ARE CONFIRMED TRANS ALL THE CIS PEOPLE OFFENDED BY THIS CAN SUCK MY ASS

[iamliteraltrash1]

HOLY-

[afab-advice-help]

HI IM NOT A TRANS GIRL BUT HOLY SHIT THIS IS FRICKIN AWESOME!!!!!!

[theafternoontiger]

Visit Original Link

[laralaralara]

i’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me