Pretend This Says Something Original

I look like a girl but I think like a guy.

[staceymackenzie]

He said I was the only girl he would ever love, then he neglected me. I beat him up twice but it did no good.

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

[staceymackenzie]

I need a physical diary. Maybe then my personal musings that certain people were never supposed to see wouldn't get back to them in the worst possible way.

I'm sorry I chose to vent on here rather than talking to you in person. I'm also sorry that I felt everything I put in that post, but it doesn't change the fact that I did (and do), whatever the reasons.

[staceymackenzie]

I don't understand people who abandon their friends when they start a relationship. I mean, I get it, when you're crushing on or in love with someone you want to spend as much time as possible with them; we've all been there. But I've been in a relationship myself and nothing changed with my best friends. I saw them all the time, still went out with them as I'd always done, talked to them on a daily basis.

But when someone goes from texting you every day to once every week (at best), no longer bothers trying to make plans to see you and on the occasions when they do, talk about nothing but their other half, it's hard to be an understanding friend and I'm finding myself thinking bitterly 'when this relationship eventually ends, you'll no longer have me around to come and hang out with you whenever you text me that you're bored or listen to you when you're depressed'.

I almost feel like my entire being friends with her just filled the gap she needed for a boyfriend/girlfriend, as now I'm sure she's gone from sending me pointless texts just to talk, and asking if I wanted to come and hang out whenever she was bored, to doing that with her girlfriend. It hurts to know I'm so replaceable. I know it's a different relationship, but most girls still need their best friends as well as their boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don't feel like I can talk to her about anything anymore, and arranging to go out always makes me feel like I'm taking time she'd rather be spending with her other half. That's of course when she's not incredibly vague about when she's free, and seems to be much happier making plans when her girlfriend is at work.

The worst part is that she makes an effort to occasionally come to a group meet-up, but she's even pretty much told me before that she does that so she can hold onto the friend group, and I don't feel she particularly wants to be there; espeically as she texts her girlfriend the whole time anyway. Why does she no longer bother making plans with me on my own, like we used to? Like I said before, replceable, I guess.

I've been down this road before a couple of times and lost at least two people I considered one of my best friends. I'm starting to think that relationships kill friendships, or is it just that some people can't handle both? Either way, it's sad. I hope in my next relationship I don't act like that, but I can't imagine I will; I think I'm far too conscious of it to fall into that trap.

[kyloinspace]

[staceymackenzie]

:)

[staceymackenzie]

I may be crazy, little frayed around the ends, one of these days I'll phase you out

Foo Fighters

[staceymackenzie]

Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

The Wizard, The Wizard of Oz

[staceymackenzie]

Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?

The Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz

[staceymackenzie]

[tits-n-t4ts]

[detroit-directioners-blog]

[stormiest-sky]

[staceymackenzie]

Hope I didn't speak too soon, my eyes have always followed you around the room.

Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

[staceymackenzie]

Guys with floppy hair are my weakness. Hello, new crush on Andrew Garfield.

[surferdude182-deactivated201212]

[staceymackenzie]

[staceymackenzie]

Sounds so simple in theory...

[staceymackenzie]

One gigantic fuckup.

That's what I am.