THEME UNDER CO.

ind. low activity nathaniel/john mandrake of the bartimaeus trilogy. as written by alexa.*NOT SPOILER FREE*

[staffdestroyed-a-blog]

THIS  BLOG  IS  NOW  AN  ARCHIVE .  find  me  @staffdestroyed 

[recurringflyingdream]

Honestly this whole “shepherd living in a cottage in the middle of eastern europe/scandinavia” fantasy is my healthiest form of escapism yet. Who cares if I’m completely ignoring my deeper traumas. I’m planting cabbage into the soft wet earth bitch

[greelin]

sometimes you just.. fuck a demon. have a one-night stand w/ an age-old malevolent entity. maybe even sometimes that blossoms into more. life's just like that, occasionally. like that's just how it is

[staffdestroyed-a-blog]

i used to think i only wrote sunshine characters but then i realised i had acquired nat, gladys monmouth, francis abernathy & camilla macaulay 

[twitosophy]

[birdborg-archive]

›› valentines day starters ♥

› you know, i don’t usually celebrate valentines day, but… › did you know that the victorians used to send people ‘vinegar valentines?’ it was like a proper way to say ‘fuck off’. › be mine? › happy valentines day! › ugh… another year, another day to sell hallmark cards… › i feel love in the air! › i don’t have a valentine this year.  › i don’t want a valentine this year. › ew, i don’t want to be your valentine. › want some chocolate? › want a kiss? a chocolate kiss! › are you gonna kiss me or what? › i’ve never had a valentine before. › you’re a good pillow. › want to be my platonic valentine? › you look beautiful … › hurry up! our reservation is for five! › i don’t like dark/white/milk chocolate. › just take the flowers already!

[staffdestroyed-a-blog]

okay but real talk nathaniel would go WAY OVERBOARD on valentine’s like,,, binch ok he says he thinks love is sappy and gross and that he’s not about it but have you mET this repressed child like he sees cute decorated chocolate boxes and nuts. 

[mutopians]

Here’s some Bartimaeus valentines, because its wonderful fandom deserves the love!

[valltborne-a-blog]

[saltyofficialshiro]

oh shit i better not ship this, i would hate to disappoint strangers on ther internet.

[officialbellarketrash]

true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude

[rp-meme-central]

The Princess Bride sentence starters

1. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” 

2. “Hello. My name is ______. You killed my ______. Prepare to die.” 

3. “Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.”

4. “Is this a kissing book?” 

5. “S/he’s got very good arms.” 

6. “I hate waiting.” 

7. “S/he’ll pinch my cheek. I hate that.” 

8. “You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.” 

9. “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but this isn’t as easy as it looks, so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.” 

10. “I don’t mean to pry, but you wouldn’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?” 

11. “Do you always start conversations this way?” 

12. “I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can’t have you following me…” 

13. “I did that on purpose. I didn’t have to miss.” 

14. “You mean, you put down your rock and I put down my sword, and we try to kill each other like civilized people?” 

15. “Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.” 

16. “It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.”

17. “Death cannot stop True Love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” 

18. “They’re kissing again. Do we have to hear the kissing part?” 

19. “Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.” 

20. “You don’t look so good. You don’t smell so good either.” 

21. “_____, tear his arms off.” 

22. “We need a miracle. It’s very important.” 

23. “Don’t rush me, _____. You rush a miracle wo/man, you get rotten miracles.” 

24. “I never work for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.” 

25. “Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.” 

26. “You’ve been mostly dead all day.” 

27. “Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where’s ____?” 

28. “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.” 

29. “Now if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.” 

30. “Now, I’ll need a sword eventually.” 

31. “I do not marry tonight. My _____ will save me.” 

32. “I want my _____ back, you son-of-a-bitch.” 

33. “I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.” 

34. “That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.”

35. “Drop. Your. Sword.” 

36. “As you wish.” 

37. “Whatever happens to us, I want him/her to have a long life alone with his/her cowardice.” 

38. “You know, it’s strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.” 

39. “I wasn’t nervous. I may have been a little bit concerned, but that’s not the same thing.” 

40. “A book?” 

41. “It doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.” 

42. “Hear this now. I will always come for you.” 

43. “I’ve hired you to help me start a war. It’s a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.”  

44. “You have a great gift for rhyme.”

45. “I just don’t think it’s right, killing an innocent girl/boy.” 

46. “Do you know what that sound is, _____? Those are the shrieking eels. If you don’t believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they’re about to feed on human flesh.” 

47. “Swim back now, I promise no harm will come to you. I doubt you’ll get such an offer from the eels.” 

48. “Hurry up! Move the thing! And… that other thing!” 

49. “I don’t envy you the headache you’ll have when you awake, but in the meantime, rest well and dream of large women.” 

50. “So. It is down to you and it is down to me.” 

51. “There’s nothing to explain. You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.” 

52. “You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.” 

53. “Life is pain, ____. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” 

54. “Move? You’re alive. If you want, I could fly.” 

55. “I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?” 

56. “It’s not that bad. I’m not saying I would ever want to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.” 

57. “We are men/women/people of action. Lies do not become us.” 

58. “I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again. Not when I could save you.” 

59. “Have fun storming the castle.”

60. “Are you still trying to win? You’ve got an over-developed sense of vengeance. It’s going to get you into trouble someday.”

[staffdestroyed-a-blog]

nathaniel is a slytherin who frantically wanted to be a ravenclaw and y’all can pry this from my cold dead hands. Bartimaeus ? a hufflepuff

[birdfairy]

i voted to make it gay

[staffdestroyed-a-blog]

911: whats ur emergency

me: fucking NATHANIEL and his pretty eyes and lONG HAIR and weird fucking sense of fashion and his DESIRE TO DO GOOD while nOT KNOWING HOW TO

[softdisturbances]

[hedonist-soul]

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[bangurz]