Stargrime Slug

[sluttyvirginmary]

Last season of Euphoria really is so ugly and reflective of American society and rising conservatism rn. Nothing but shitty Bible propaganda, rampant anti-blackness, exploitation and humiliation of women and the abuse of sex workers shown to the audience for lurid thrills, one of the lesbian leads dead and another (the trans one) trapped in an outlandish D/s sugar baby relationship tormented and making art and chasing male approval….we live in HELL. It’s so obvious how much this season was injected with stupid ass misogynistic ass homophobic/transphobic ass fantasies and I HATE it.

[stargrimeslug]

I found it so notable that every woman in this could only be defended by a man doing violence on her behalf. Fuck that season

[stargrimeslug]

Good meditations on womanhood?

Warning: 5 years of philosophical desperation incoming:

Edit since most the comments on reddit misunderstood this point: I am not an egg. I am completely fine being a woman and being trans. I dont need self-acceptence, because I fully accept myself. What I lack is understanding, of the internal essence of womanhood - because currently I am at the point of not believing in any kind of internal essence (thanks deconstruction) which is evidently problematic since I dont want nothing. I want to be a woman. And I at least hope i am not so shallow as to simply want a tribe/social category (an external essence of womanhood)

I am a trans woman who, when finally realizing she was trans at 18, decided to spend the next half decade trying to convince herself being trans was a philosophical, biological and ontological (ontology means studying what reality is made out of) impossibility. 50 days ago when my chest hair decided to explode, I couldnt stand it anymore, and started dyi injections. I felt immensely contentedness, my feeling of touch grew insanely fine and my body finally feels in tune with my mind.

Obviously, there is no denying I am trans. The philosophy I read agrees (thank you Stryker, Testo Junki, Heidegger, xenofemism) even if the biology indicates there is no know biological cause as a trans sexed brain is rather dubious (4E cognition, Mosiac Mind).

This, in combination with my well developed social constructionism and feminism (+poststructuralism) leaves me with the rather big problem: I still have no idea what the individual essence of womanhood is (ontology)

A rather careful formulation: I certainly know what the societal meta-narrative of womanhood is; I also know what it means to be a trans-woman. The problem is I have gotten so good at deconstructing gender that I have no idea what the gender (woman) I feel a deep need to embody is!

Most of what I found so far falls into 2 categories:

A) essentially a Negritude project. i.e. an attempt to valorize sexist sterotypes demanded and attributed to woman. Obviously, not smt I will agree with, though reading these texts is occasionally really funny. More than one have described their inner world as dark and wet. Re-litigating Medieval Galvanic stereotypes in other words.

B.) Escapes from this double bind by arguing the question what is ones womanhood is meaningless. This is the strategy of poststructuralists and psychoanalysts who argue my need is (arguably) passively absorbed. Be it due to the domineering force of discourse or Lacan's associative syntax, the ontology Society constructs and I exist in means I cannot be anything but trans. I have some thoughts on this:

This discounts my agency. That is not merely problematic from the phenomenological perspective, but is backward looking. It would explain why I am trans, but I have disregarded this question as sophistry. I have the aformentioned more urgent problem

If I have truly internalized the social construction on woman, why do I viscerally disagree with views of women as passive mothers (thank you feminism! And Engels!)? Sure, for arguments sake we could say I simply have absorbed another discourse, that of Butlerian femnism, but that leaves me with the aformentioned problem!

So I turn to the community to find me a discourse with which I can replace my internal understanding of womanhood. I think there might be smt in marxist feminism but an understanding based on shared solidarity (due to external oppression) violates some trans lit mental health advice

[stargrimeslug]

Replying publicly, since the account is a ghost?

because male socialization was actually pretty nice, all things considered. Unlike what seems every online transwomen I was and never want to be, passive, quiet or introverted. In the first place, I dont think women should be that, and I dont feel bad for being brash, headstrong, and eager to pick a fight. Frankly I just love arguing. I think it productive too. Not because I think I will change their mind or anything, but because every scrap sharpens my argument. It is adaption targeting the spectators. I also think the trans community has chickened out and let cisgender explanations dominate their own thinking*. This is understandable of course, considering the boot on their throats. As a priveledged white transwoman with fairly little discrimination against me, I have the breathing room. Terf's are the most intellectually coded bigots on their side (and some Straußians) and I believe the antagonist frontier with them is most likely to produce a virulent pro-trans articulation*.

.* this belief is also held by major trans intellectuals like Bettcher. * forgive the postmarxist terminology in the last sentence

[stargrimeslug]

Don't read books, read studies. But also read the gendered brain by Gina Rippon. Sex Dysphoria is not inate. Get well soon

oh i nevered argued otherwise - in fact i read the Mosaic Brain which Rippon draws on a little after it came out. One of the biggest problems with accepting my transness was the lack of biological cause - which gets even more complicated considering how good i feel on hrt. I still dont believe in a male of female brain at all, but I do think my body schema is likely female and/or there is an unconscious Lacanian drive resulting, like the rest of the personality, form the configuration of what Lacan takes as the syntax of my brain. I recommend the Embodied Mind as an introduction to the modern neurocognition (4E) view, followed by some studies in the transgender journal; while Transgender Psychoanalysis A Lacanian Perspective by Patricia Gherovici 

[stargrimeslug]

might get me disowned

I spend the last… well forever, at least my adulthood, desperately trying to invalidate (my) transness. I have read ALL the gender critical books. I am genuinely looking for an intellectual debate, so if you have any sources that would be great. But I have read ALL the books and I am unhappy to say this, yet they are genuinely just low quality. The best ones are actually published in the 80s, the modern ones are journalistic to the extreme. And stuff like the Transsexual Empire got critiqued by The Empire Strikes Back since then. The trans side produces more and far better quality output, preventing actual debate *also, I have not figured out why I am trans yet, though Zivek seems promising. For justifying my transness phenomenology and body-schema models work as a bandaid, since biology aint it

[depsidase]

[do-not-u-dare]

Stole this from somewhere but i think it’s appropriate

[frontmansdefender]

[homunculus-argument]

I have a very "I paid for this blender so everything getting blent" attitude about owning a mortar and pestle. I didn't pay for these beautiful tools of smooth black-grey granite just to have them sit on a shelf, these beauties are getting used at every excuse. I'll use them to mush chickpeas, I'm this close to using them to make mashed potatoes. There's just something so grounding and inherently human about it, I'm using two rocks to grind up seeds and nuts like they did back in the day when my ancestors were shagging neanderthals.

I just don't give a fuck, everything getting pestled. This is the act that made us human. I'm gonna make these two rocks do the chewing for me to spend less headspace for big jaw and more headspace for big brain. Crunch crunch bitch, I'm about to go prehistoric on your ass.

[stargrimeslug]

but cleaning makes me this bird, and i am a sedentary ape

[homunculus-argument]

I have a very "I paid for this blender so everything getting blent" attitude about owning a mortar and pestle. I didn't pay for these beautiful tools of smooth black-grey granite just to have them sit on a shelf, these beauties are getting used at every excuse. I'll use them to mush chickpeas, I'm this close to using them to make mashed potatoes. There's just something so grounding and inherently human about it, I'm using two rocks to grind up seeds and nuts like they did back in the day when my ancestors were shagging neanderthals.

I just don't give a fuck, everything getting pestled. This is the act that made us human. I'm gonna make these two rocks do the chewing for me to spend less headspace for big jaw and more headspace for big brain. Crunch crunch bitch, I'm about to go prehistoric on your ass.

[stargrimeslug]

a woman as well. Between me and full acceptance stood only geneticists and fundamentalist Christians, two groups whose wisdom I’d never before paused in rejecting"

Lol. From 'She is not Here', in the epilogue by Rosso

[mumblesplash]

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

[stargrimeslug]

Not kidding about this, i really wanna go exploratory caving some day - especially when I am dying. I always found it conforting how pets would sometimes leave to die away in a forest. I am thinking ice cave, but that might not be as cosy. Some thight space where I can curl up and feel a blanket of ten thousand tons of stone

[stargrimeslug]

If we did a Turing test today with a LLM we probably couldnt tell who is the human and who is the AI at either computer. However if so, I can sure as hell tell thag the human is a boring, surface level person

[87000beesinapersonsuit]

been rewatching some eps of andor and i wanted to make a little propaganda poster

[stargrimeslug]

Wondering intensly about the feasability of supermaterial shields in star wars. Why dont they use it?

[boccher]

It's second nature for us transfems to understand how a closeted transfem behaves and presents, you kind of forget how the average person perceives them. Like genuinely, what do the people around me make of a depressed and friendless long-haired "boy" with an aversion to buying new clothes. What alternate explanation seems logical in their mind. I would have no clue

[villainessbian]

[stargrimeslug]

Learned 1 things

That other eggs also keep wearing the cloths gotten, preferably, by mom ages ago

And still have no idea what these 2 are

Maidposting?

Blahaj is the shark right? Blueshark? If its a germanic language

[m1male2]

The Hall of Emperors in Rome's Galleria Borghese is famous for housing Bernini's "The Rape of Proserpina" at its center, along with 18 porphyry and alabaster busts of the Twelve Caesars and other ancient figures from the 17th century.

[gnomebutch]

TRAs will call you bioessentalist and then proceed to sincerely say that there’s a difference between male and female brains which impacts what gender stereotypes you prefer

[stargrimeslug]

Its always goofy when people ascribe a binary to a system so complex it has more synaptic connections than there are stars in the universe

Our current models assume a mosiac brain where almost everyone has traits way outside the norm for their sex.

=> Norm here is literally a norm distribution. It turns out if you have a big but not to big sample size and give the computer two boxes to sort complex samples into, you will get this:

Note how people have traits outide their curves in the female/male ended space?

[stargrimeslug]

"Plato wishes that a man who has shown himself a coward could be changed into a woman."

I was today-years old when learning that Plato was into force-feming

Sidebottom, H. (2004). *Ancient warfare: A very short introduction*. OUP Oxford.