20 — Crossroads
Hiding In Plain Sight
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Pairing: Commander Wolffe x reader
Word Count: 5.4k
Warning: major character death, depression, ptsd,
Summary: In the aftermath of order 66. You and Wolffe have to make a decision.
The spray of the water stings your face, you didn’t think to put on a wrap or a helmet when you took off in the skiff. The acidity of the Cato Nemoidia’s ocean isn’t enough to cause significant damage, but the spray does sting your skin and eyes. You can’t tell if your tears are a help or a hindrance, but you press on.
You reach the wreckage and begin searching to see if the cockpit ejected from the body of the ship. You know time is limited, parts are still sticking up out of the waves for now. But it will sink sooner rather than later.
“General Plo!” You shout, while you circle around the ship in the skiff, searching for a better angle.
As you come around you see the cockpit did not eject from the body of the ship. But the pilot’s hatch is open and empty. It’s facing up towards the sky, so if he is still inside at least fresh air is getting in. You desperately hope that he is not inside, getting him out without endangering yourself would be nearly impossible.
You continue your circle around the ship, shouting his name and listening for a response, when suddenly you spot him clinging onto the edge, with his legs dangling in the water. You call out to him to let him know you’re there but he doesn’t move or acknowledge you.
It’s difficult to maneuver the skiff to get close to him. Eventually you’re able to pull up alongside him and pull him into the skiff. You drive the skiff away from the wreckage, in case the rest of the ship begins to sink suddenly, you don’t want to get caught in its pull.
Once you’re far enough away, you jump down from the helm and start assessing the General’s wounds. Burns from fire and burns from the ocean. His breathing apparatus is cracked and damaged.
He’s breathing a little and you see one of his eyes, the one no longer covered by the apparatus opens.
“It’s okay. I’ll get you back to shore. We’ll get you to a medical frigate. It’s going to be okay” you assure him
The translator in his mask is broken too, because his response is a series of weak clicks that are his native tongue. You nod even though you can’t understand him and try to pull away to drive the ship to safety, but his clawed fingers grip your arm and won’t let you leave. He continues clicking at you.
“I don’t understand” you shake your head “I can make you better, but we have to get to shore”
He keeps trying to speak and won’t let you go. He doesn’t want you to leave him.
He’s dying, you realize. He doesn’t want to die alone.
Tears stream down your cheeks, and you don’t fight him on it. You cry, holding his head and trying to keep him comfortable. You try to think of something to say, something he’s taught you. All you can think of is when Mav died, sitting together in the training room in a quiet meditation, allowing yourselves to feel your feelings and be open to your grief.
You close your eyes and try to be open. All you feel is sadness, fear, pain. Tears stream down your cheeks while you sit in this tiny boat, on the choppy water. His grip on your arm lessens and finally releases. And the pain is gone. His pain is gone. When you open your eyes, his are closed.
You wipe your face on your sleeve and cover him with a sail tarp. You return to the helm to drive back to shore. When you reach the dock, you look back to his ship, it is gone as well. Sucked beneath the waves to dissolve into nothing. You know you won’t be able to get him back up onto the dock without help. But now that you’re here you don’t know what to do. Slush and Cinder are nowhere in sight, and you have no idea what state they’re in.
You hop up onto the dock, and spare a glance down into the skiff. You tell yourself he will be safe enough while you search for help. You move slowly and carefully, in case you’re still considered a threat. Wolffe, you need to find Wolffe. You don’t know if he’s compromised or not, but you have to find him. He’s in command now, and he will know what to do.
You creep along the edge of the platform towards Jag’s ship where you see at least a few of the lads sitting and standing. You don’t want to just walk up, but you don’t know how to approach without alerting the whole group. You stay in your hiding place and watch for a moment, considering your options.
Suddenly and without warning you feel a hand on your shoulder and your name being spoken quietly. You flinch at the unexpected touch and stumble forward into the empty cargo containers you were hiding behind, loudly knocking them over. You whirl around and see Slush standing behind you, looking gutted at your reaction.
“There she is!” You hear someone shout. You don’t know whether to fight or flee. You’re frozen in terror for half a second staring at Slush. You hear more voices and footsteps picking up into a run, that shakes you from your paralysis.
Your heart is pounding as you turn on your heel and scrambled up to your feet and start running back towards the dock. But your pursuers were too fast and you hesitated too long, someone breaks away from the group and catches you before you can get more than 10 yards.
You cry out in fear “Let me go!”
To your surprise the arms release you immediately, you turn around to see your attacker. It’s Wolffe, saying your name and looking confused.
Behind him Slush is on his knees, with Comet standing beside him holding him by the shoulders. The others look at you with confusion and sadness. Wolffe is saying your name.
“It’s okay” he says “Trust me”
“What’s happening?” You ask him
“Something terrible” he says “We don’t know the full extent of it yet. Where is General Plo?”
You shake your head and look back towards the skiff, you will yourself not to cry.
Wolffe turns back to the others, “Keep trying. We need to know what’s happening everywhere else”
“Everywhere else?” You ask
“An order from Chancellor Palpatine went out to all of the clone soldiers” he explains
“Something about… 66? What does it mean? What the fuck is happening Wolffe?”
“I don’t know. Everyone else that received the message seemed to understand the meaning, to kill any Jedi and their sympathizers. The order has already been rescinded. But…” He looked back at the men “They all say they had no control, no ability to act on their own… like droids following orders”
You shake your head in confusion. “This is happening everywhere?”
“That’s what we’re trying to find out, but it seems like it” he says heavily “The General is he… did you?”
“I can’t move him on my own” you say gesturing towards the dock
“I’ll send a couple of the lads to help. Let’s just get him on the ship and…”
“And what? What do we do?” You ask him
“I don’t know. I don’t know where we can go, that's safe. Or who’s in charge. I don’t know who to trust in command”
“Are we safe right now? Am… am I safe?” You glance back over his shoulder, Comet seems to have led Slush away from the group. Sinker and Boost have started heading towards the dock with a stretcher “Slush… almost killed me”
“I know” Wolffe steps closer to you again and keeps his voice low “Jag…. Jag shot down the General’s ship”
You don’t know why you hadn’t connected those dots yet. Your hand flies up to cover your mouth. “This is bad. This is so bad” you whisper, shaking your head “Is everyone compromised? Are… are you compromised?”
He glances back over his shoulder “I think I am the only one who is not compromised. My com is malfunctioning, I never received the order. And I had no clue what Jag was talking about when he tried to explain”
“Someone gave a deactivation code… that’s how I got past Slush and Cinder” you tell him “I think you’re right. This is happening everywhere”
“For now, let’s just try to get in contact with our friends and allies and get a better understanding of what’s going on” he says “Then we’ll try to figure out what it all means for us”
You nod your head. The two of you stand in silence for a moment. There is work to be done but you just can’t seem to move or think beyond your shock.
“The war is over, isn’t it?” You swallow the lump forming in your throat as the immensity of what’s going on truly sinks in.
He doesn’t answer for a moment. He glanced back at the devastated faces of his men, at you with red eyes and burn marks on your cheeks and forehead “I think so”
You frown and shake your head “I didn’t think it would end like this”
He puts an arm around your shoulder and leads you back towards the group “No one did”
——
In the hours that follow, the team makes contact with dozens of other squadrons across the galaxy. All telling similar stories of what happened. Some Jedi survived, others did not. Thousands of clones are dead. And millions are stuck in a shell shocked paralysis, not knowing where to go or what to do.
Wolffe decided the team would not be going anywhere until they either received an order or had somewhere safe to go.
Jag would not speak. He would not eat. He would not look anyone in the eye. He wouldn’t even allow you to check him for wounds. Slush similarly sought out solitude, from you specifically. Not that anyone was particularly chatty over the next day that the team stayed in place.
You all sat by the small fire to keep warm and picked at the rations that were passed out. But no one had a story to share or a song or a joke. Men wept quietly to themselves or stared at the flames with emptiness in their eyes. You couldn’t blame them. Their humanity was stripped away from them, like the clankers they’ve spent their lives fighting. And at the moment, it seemed to all be for nothing. Despite sitting directly next to the closest people to you in the world, you have never felt so alone.
By the morning, orders had come through. Squadrons were assigned to report to various bases, outposts, and frigates. Any fallen Jedi were to be returned to Coruscant. And all units were to await further orders at their check in points.
The 104th were ordered to pick up several other squadrons on The Radiant and bring them to the main base on Coruscant. Wolffe ordered the rest of the squad to complete the pick ups, while the two of you escorted General Plo’s body ahead of them.
“We will all see each other again on Coruscant” he said to them, before climbing in the cockpit to copilot with you. Slush would have been assigned to this mission in Wolffe’s stead, or in company with the two of you. But after a hushed conversation initiated by Slush, he was relieved of the task.
The journey is quiet for the most part, you focus on setting the flight path and the navigation and concentrate on making the jump to hyperspace. Then you sit together, alone for the first time in weeks.
What is going to happen now? If the war is really over, did anyone even win? Will the army be disbanded? Civilian soldiers sent home. What becomes of the clones, who have no home to be sent to? How many Jedi died in the last few days? Why did the Chancellor initiate an order to kill the Jedi at all? Who is in charge now? The galaxy is on the precipice of a major shift, only no one knows where that shift is leaning or coming from.
You’re drawn out of your spiraling by Wolffe’s hand, closing over yours on your lap. You look over at him and turn your hand to thread your fingers between his.
“No matter what” he says “We stay together”
The uncertainty of it all has been on his mind too. What orders are coming and who they will be coming from. You could be ordered to go serve on a frigate or a military hospital. You could be released from service. He could be ordered back to Kamino to live out his days, waiting for the next war. Or turned into a glorified military police officer to keep the peace that will surely be announced has arrived in the next few days.
But he will not have it. Soldier or not. Clone or otherwise. He is a man. A person. Not a number. Not a fucking clanker. Free will makes him human. He will make his own choice. And he chooses you, above all else.
“I don’t want to be separated” you agree “but they—“
“But nothing. Whatever comes, whatever orders they dain to give us. You and me. We go together” he says firmly
You squeeze his hand “Together”
——
Arriving on Coruscant is haunting. You had always imagined the war ending and there being some kind of response. There was always the possibility of losing, and having to bend to the enemy's demands. Those were dark thoughts that you avoided.
But sometimes you allowed yourself to imagine what it would be like if The Republic won the war. Separatist systems would rejoin the Republic and there would be celebrations of victory and unity and peace.
You found just the opposite when you arrived on Coruscant. Instead of parades and celebrations, there was eerie quiet. It’s never quiet on Coruscant. Always speeders. Always noise. People moving around the hundreds of levels of the city. Doing business. Three trillion people eating, laughing, talking, shouting. A citied planet teeming with life.
The Coruscant you arrived to, could almost be described as abandoned. No one in the hyperspace lanes. Very few speeders going by in the skyways. No one walking around the streets. Even on the base, people sat quietly in the mess haul, pushing around food. Men laying in the bunks, staring at the walls and the ceilings.
The Jedi temple echoed with quiet footsteps. You and Wolffe walked behind the hover table that carried Jedi Master Plo Koon, wrapped in a shroud. You brought him to the halls of healing, where temple priests and healers thanked you both with grace and gave you information on the funeral that would be taking place later that day.
You walked together through the temple. Neither of you had ever visited a Jedi temple before. Wolffe tried to enjoy and appreciate it, the architecture was stunning and the meditation gardens were beautiful. You see statues of presumably wise and fabled Jedi. You wonder if General Plo will have one made in his honor. He deserves one.
You stroll together back into the halls, when you notice someone standing down at the end. Her blue and white montrals catch your attention, and remind you of a young Togruta woman you haven’t seen in over a year.
“Ahsoka?” You call out, disrupting the quiet in the hall. She turns and you can see how much she has changed in the last year. Gone is the padawan eager to learn and prove herself. She stands taller and wiser than you had ever known her to be.
You leave Wolffe’s side and run to embrace her. She catches you in a hug.
“You’re alive” she smiles with relief “And your squad?”
Your smile fades, your hesitation is her answer.
“You came for the funeral” she says, a sadness in her eyes.
“We’re came to escort the General to his rest” You nod your head solemnly
She looks over your shoulder to see Wolffe standing behind you. Wolffe feels sick to his stomach. He knew deep down he would have to face Ahsoka some day.
She shifts her gaze back to you. “I’m glad to see you healthy again my friend. If you’ll excuse me for a moment”
She slides past you and approaches Wolffe, “Walk with me commander”
Wolffe holds your gaze for a moment, you nod and he turns to follow her.
They walk together in silence, back towards the gardens. “I owe you an apology Commander,” Wolffe starts, as they descend the short stairs.
“I’m not a commander anymore” Ahsoka reminds him “I am nothing to this… institution”
“You are still something to us” Wolffe says “I am sorry, for my part and on behalf of the rest of the team. I’m sorry we didn’t believe you”
“You were following orders” she replies “Thank you for your apology, but know that I was never angry with you”
“Were you angry with General Plo?” He asks plainly
“I was for a time. But anger like that can’t linger, I learned from a young age that it can only lead to hate and suffering” she says “I am more sad that my friend is gone. And we never had the opportunity to make amends”
“He wanted to” Wolffe said “I know he would have if… If he was still with us”
She sighs and leads them back towards where they left you. “Death is just a transition to another part of the living Force for Jedi. I hope his spirit can find peace in knowing that I forgive him”
The Force and its mysteries are a bit beyond Wolffe’s purview, but he voices his agreement with the sentiment.
“Were you with him, in the end?” She asks
“No. She was” Wolffe nods towards you, reading the nameplate on another statue “She did everything she could”
“That does bring me some peace,” she says. She bids you both farewell, she has other matters to take care of. You see her again at the funeral a few hours later, she stands towards the back of the gathered procession with her hood drawn up.
As General Plo had no living padawan to stand for him in the procession, Wolffe took that place. Several other clones and civilian soldiers stood vigil in place of padawan as well. When the procession was over, and all the fallen were in their places Wolffe took his place next to you in the crowd.
Without a second thought about who might see or what they might think, he slips his hand into yours. You don’t pull away or let go. You don’t care who sees or cares either. An elderly woman from the Jedi order delivers a speech, describing the legacy these Jedi are leaving behind and that they will not be forgotten. The caskets are lowered and the ceremony ends.
You can’t help but feel disappointed. You felt like there was more that could be said about them as individuals, not just their identity as Jedi. You would have spoken of General Plo’s wisdom, his strength, his kindness, his humor, his eagerness to teach, his unparalleled ability to bring out the good in people.
A speeder takes you back to the base, it isn’t until you’re about to walk through the doors that you realize you’re still holding Wolffe’s hand. You consider dropping it. Falling back into the facade and pretending to be uninterested and uninvolved with one another. But you don’t care. You’re too tired and too sad to give a fuck about anything.
Your squad hasn’t arrived yet, they won’t until late tomorrow if they stay on schedule. You don’t have the appetite to eat. You see no reason to train. You have no patients to see or record notes for. So you lead Wolffe to your quarters making no effort to hide it.
Both of you strip out of your boots and whatever armor you’re wearing and lay together in your fatigues. You lay on your back and stare at the line where the wall joins the ceiling. Wolffe curls up into you, putting a protective arm around your middle and pressing his nose into your neck.
For hours you lay together. Turning things over and over in your minds. Worrying about the future. Mourning your loss. Craving answers. Tears fall. But no words are shared. Sleep comes and goes for you both at different times. Positions shift but contact is maintained.
Eventually you become aware of yourself again and realize you need to take care of your basic needs. You both do. You rub his chest, as you’ve been spooning him for the last few hours.
“We need to eat something” you say softly “And shower”
“Are you telling me I stink?” He asks with barest hint of a laugh
You smile a little “I know I do”
You rise from the bed and relieve yourself in the fresher and start the shower. The hot water is soothing and even the gritty military issued soap feels like a comfort. Wolffe joins you after a few minutes as well. He rinses the shampoo from your hair. And you scrub the soap across the broad expanse of his back.
You force yourselves to dry off and get dressed and go down to the mess hall. Still no appetite but you both manage to eat a little. You walk together through the base. Just like at the temple. Up and down halls. Around the running track. Up and down stairs. Until you can’t stand it any longer and you go back to your room to lay together in bed.
It’s like this for days. Your squad arrives. You try to spend time with them. Slush still won’t look at you or speak to you. Wolffe tells you to give him space. You wish he would let you talk to him. So you could apologize for your reaction and comfort him in this terrible situation you’ve found yourselves in.
Jag won’t see anyone at all. He disappears for hours. Entire days before reappearing. He looks terrible, in just a few days it looks like he’s lost weight. You wish you could help him too.
Finally after nearly three weeks of this hellish limbo an announcement is made. The war is over.
To your surprise it is also announced that Chancellor Palpatine is dead. In the final hours of the war senior members of the Jedi council were made aware that the Chancellor was colluding with the enemy and manipulating the war on both sides. The extent of this manipulation is still being uncovered. During the confrontation it was also discovered that the Chancellor was not only a powerful Force user, but an evil Sith Lord as well.
You wonder how much of that information is true. You’ll never truly know what happened that day. But you don’t care. You care about what happens now that he is gone and the war is over.
You have to wait another week to get answers to those questions. The Separatists came to the table to negotiate reintegration with The Republic. Senator Organa is elected to be the new Chancellor. The message they’re conveying seems to be “Everything is going to be okay”
Later it is announced that Senator Chuchi is appointed to lead a program dedicated to supporting clone integration into society in The New Republic.
More information starts coming out about the inhibitor chips implanted in the clones' brains and how they were used to enact orders against their will. Senator Chuchi’s program involves removing the chips and awarding compensation for years of service to The Republic.
You realize immediately when this statement is put out that the government approached this reveal all wrong. Republic citizens panicked immediately. Many conservative citizens already did not like or trust the clones, and this only fueled their bigoted views. As if this nightmare could get any worse.
The final announcement is a choice. All clones must be processed and issued civilian chain codes, that is not up for debate. All inhibitor chips must be removed. But after that, they are free to choose. Remain in the service by reenlisting. Or make their own way in the galaxy with assistance from Senator Chuchi’s programs.
It all happened so fast. Wolffe got his chip removed, had his citizenship and chain code within a week. And a decision needed to be made.
“How do you feel?”
“Like I’m about to wake up from a nightmare” he scoffs “I feel like I have infinite options but no possible way to know what the right option is”
“Maybe there isn’t a right option” you shrug your shoulders. You have your own opinions on staying versus leaving, but you want to let him work through how he feels about it without bias from you.
“I don’t know how to be a civilian. I know how to be a soldier. I don’t care about either choice if I’m being honest” he says “The only thing in the universe I know that I want is you. I will go where you lead us”
You hold his hand “Are you sure? I want you to feel empowered to make decisions like this for yourself”
“It’s not just up to me” he says “I do have the right to choose. I choose you. The world came crashing down around us and all I could think about was you. All I want is to love you and keep you safe. Whatever we choose to do next, we choose together”
“If it were up to just me to decide, then we are leaving. No more hiding. No more pretending. No more orders. No more limitations to who we are and what we want to be” you lean into and kiss him.
He kisses your lips and nods “Then we go. We go taste the freedom we fought for”
Wolffe put in his discharge request that day and called a meeting with the squad. He tells them that he has chosen to leave and that you will be going together.
“For the first time in our entire lives. We have the power to make our own futures. Make whatever choice is right for you” he emphasizes “And I will be proud to be your brother no matter what choices you all make”
“I’m staying. I am a soldier. I don’t want to know what I am without that part of my identity” Comet says quickly “Any who stay, I am with you to the end. Any who leave, I have nothing but respect for”
“I’m staying too” Cinder stands to join him, Cricket looks absolutely gutted. Like he’s wasn’t expecting it “The civilian world has no need for a demolitions and explosives expert”
“I would rather die without a credit to my name, and have my name be mine” Cricket says bitterly “I’m out”
“We’re leaving too” Boost says, nodding at Sinker. “Before they change their minds”
You look to Slush. He catches you looking and clears his throat “Haven’t made up my mind yet”
“Has anyone heard from Jag at all?” Wolffe asks
Slush speaks up again “I saw him leave this morning. He’s out. He’s already gone”
“Did he say anything?” Cricket asks
“He didn’t even look at me” Slush shakes his head no “The guilt was too much for him” his voice breaks at the end of his sentence “Excuse me” Slush stands and leaves the barracks quickly. The guilt is eating him too.
With almost everyone’s intentions declared, you hug each of them that remain in the barracks and wish them good luck. You have no idea if you will see any of them again. But you leave them with your chain code and an open invitation to see them any time.
Wolffe goes to collect his new civilian clothing and final discharge papers. You go back to your room and put your personal belongings into a bag. Then you make your way down to your office. Your office held nothing that personally belonged to you, but you still had to collect all of the flimsi and your data pad to turn in. You find yourself sitting in the stiff chair. Was it always this rigid and uncomfortable?
A knock on the door draws you back out of your thoughts, you shake your head and call out “Come in”
You expect to see Wolffe ready to leave when the door opens, but you’re surprised to see Slush standing there instead. He clears his throat “Can I have a minute of your time Captain?”
“Of course, come in”
He steps inside, letting the door slide shut behind him. He avoids your gaze for a moment, saying nothing.
“Slush I-“
“I’m staying in the service” he cuts you off “I’ve already reenlisted”
“Oh?”
“I’m being promoted to a Command position and transferred to a new unit” he continues “I couldn’t say it to the rest of the team”
“That’s… that’s great Slush. I’m very proud of you”
“Thanks” he swallows the lump in his throat.
“Listen… I owe you an apology. Several apologies now. I should have come to you sooner” his voice cracks and tears slip down his cheeks “I’m so sorry”
Tears form in your eyes. You put your arms around him and squeeze. Slush sobs into your shoulder, hugging you tightly and mumbling apologies.
“I forgive you” you rub his back “It wasn’t your fault”
“I saw in your eyes afterwards… I terrified you. I hurt you” he says “I’m so sorry”
“It wasn’t your fault” you reiterate “You also stuck by me through some of the worst things that ever happened to me. Nothings ever going to change that”
He chuckles a bit and pulls back from you “Yeah, we’ve been through the ringer with this squad”
“Not the squad, you” you remind him “You’ve been my literal wingman these last few years. And I wouldn’t be here without you”
He smiles and nods “I’m going miss you Doc”
“I’ll miss you too Slush” you wipe some tears away from your cheeks and laugh a bit to break the tension “Fearsome soldiers aren’t we? Weeping like children when we have to say goodbye”
He laughs a bit too “Wouldn’t be the first time”
“It’s not forever, we’ll see each other again”
“We will. I won’t be in the army forever either. I just… have to see this through. Move on when I’m ready, you know?”
“Absolutely. Wolffe and I talked about it. There is a version of our future where we stay in the service too… but we’re done. After everything we’ve been through the last few years. It’s time for us to find our own way”
“I understand completely” he nods then gives you a wry smile “Take care of my brother now, you hear?”
“He’s safe with me. I promise” giving him one more hug for good measure
“I love you doc. I’ll see you soon” he smiles before leaving you to finish your task.
You take your time. This is the last time you’ll be in this office. Walking these halls. You go into your quarters and see Wolffe’s bag by the fresher door. He’s here waiting for you.
The barracks are always cold. But today of all days, your skin is covered in goosebumps as you remove your uniform for the last time. You leave it laying on the bed, unfolded. The bed unmade.
The door to the fresher opens and Wolffe’s black fatigues join yours in the pile. You look up and see him standing there. Hair trimmed, fresh shaved. Wearing civilian clothes. You’ve never seen him in civilian clothing before.
He’s looking down at the pile of clothes, just as you were before. Probably feeling the same emptiness and excitement and anxiety you’re feeling… and maybe the same measure of relief and hope.
“Come on” you say softly, reaching out your hand for him. He picks up the duffle, carrying his armor, the only property he has to his name. He laces his fingers between yours, and kisses your forehead.
“The whole galaxy is out there waiting for us” he says
“Let’s go carve out our corner of it” you smile, giving his hand a squeeze.
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Authors Note: Thank you all who have joined me on this journey! If you liked this story and want to see more of Wolffe and this OC insert, please check out @starlight-visions where I share snippets for their happily ever after!
