11. dont worry ill make you worry
you remembered the first time you shared a bed with scaramouche, god how could you ever forget. the moment was sweet and pure and tender, and loving and just oh so perfect. the way his lips met yours, how his hands stayed on your waist, grounding you the whole time.
you knew you fell in love with him that night. he just made you feel so fuzzy and warm, the way he cleaned you up and held you after, the soft kisses he pressed against your forehead. he was just so perfect. too perfect almost.
and maybe that was why you had to ruin everything.
you dont know why dottore asked you out. you don’t know why you said yes. but it just happened one day. and it ruined almost everything between you and scaramouche.
he already hated dottore enough before you started dating him, but your relationship made him despise him. after you started dating dottore scara would avoid you like the plague. he would take days to respond to your texts and would only hang out with you in a group setting.
and probably the worst thing of all, dottore wasn’t even that good of a boyfriend. he would barely give you any attention, he was always constantly out gambling with his friends. he was just an asshole and sex with him just felt like a chore.
it only took you two months to regret saying yes. and you wanted to break up with him so badly, yet you couldn’t, well not without causing a full fall out of your friend group. thats why the second he cheated you ran as fast as you could.
that night after your break up became public you weren’t shocked scaramouche texted you first, you weren’t shocked that he came over almost immediately. and deep down it was what you had wanted for yourself ever since that first week of dating dottore. for scaramouche to come back to you.
and you found it ironic that the second you got him back, you fled scared of how he might react to you admitting the fact that you loved him. and partially at the fact you would have to admit you hurt him.
furina jumping into the water snapped you out of your thoughts. you were sat on the deck of the lake house on one of the lounge chairs with a parasol hiding you from the sun.
ayaka was inside, grabbing drinks for everyone, furina was splashing around in the lake, and albedo was drawing one of the nearby mountains.
ayaka brought you a glass of lemonade over, encouraging you to take a drink, so you did, letting the sweet liquid gliding past your lips and down your throat. “are you okay?” ayaka sat down next to you.
“im as okay as i can be” you then put the glass down onto a small table inbetween you and ayaka. “just thinking…” she then looked at you, “about him?” she didn’t need to say his name, you knew exactly who she was talking about. you nodded your head, looking out to the water rather than meeting her eyes.
“he’ll understand you know?” you then finally met her gaze, “i know. i think that what makes it worse.” you then looked away again, “the fact he’s just going to understand why i left him the second he had me back. and he’s going to forgive me. despite the fact i abandoned him knowing it’s what he hates most.”
you then sighed, and ayaka put her hands on yours, “i know this whole situation is awful, and it hurts the both of you. but it happened, and the only thing we can do is learn from it. so please name… don’t blame yourself.” she then got up leaving you alone to stare out at the water.
sleep was evading you, as always, you hadn’t been able to sleep since leaving scaramouche in your apartment.
you ended up going to get a glass of water hoping it could help you in your struggle to sleep. much to your disarray it didn’t. you looked out from the floor to ceiling windows in the kitchen before deciding to go onto the deck.
the night was calm, peaceful, almost too quite. well except from the occasional rustle. the one thing you had enjoyed about being away from the city was the quiet. eventually you found yourself tapping along to the rustling, even while taking a break from making music you couldn’t help yourself, and suddenly you had a full song formed in your head. the lyrics spilled out of you onto a notepad, mentally reminding yourself to send them to xiolen later.
after ten minutes, you felt somewhat satisfied with the song you had made when you turned to go back to your room, when the door opened. xiao then walked in, dragging a small black suitcase behind him, “name… i didn’t think you would be awake.”
you then let out a small laugh, “it’s fine… i’ve not been able to sleep these past few nights.” he then walked closer, “are you okay?”, you knew xiao, well slightly, he could be cold at times but he always cared, kind of like scaramouche. it made perfect sense why they were friends. “i’m fine. well as fine as i can be… you?” your eyes then met his, “i’m fine, if you don’t mind im going to go to my room now… sorry for disturbing you.” you then smiled then let him leave, “wait…” he then turned back around, “scara wanted me to give you this.”
taglist: @justwandererforever @lalalaloveallmydays @itz-astra @pvrepure @kunimooch @iloveescara @scar-a35 @mywillt0live @yorina @angeliccakeycloud @starryscara @muffinthatsimps @yumi-rxdien @kunikissr @max-meows @justag00ber @maomaoyuki @yereninovicka @bittersweetmiko
a/n: finally a new chapter :D finally felt like i got over my writers block slightly! might have another update in the week to get back on track but im not 100% certain at the moment. also happy pride month!
