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Hello there! Good morning! Welcome to The View--the best café in moon's orbit! Granted, we're the only café in moon's orbit... that I know of at least... But that just means we most certainly are the best! Come on in and have a seat if the lack of gravity will let you. Would you like a hot drink? Of course you would! Space work is thirsty work after all. Go ahead and click that wee little order button right below this box. Down there--that's right--just there--that's the one! Just give us a click on that wee button, and let me know what I can get started for you today!
Wheatley: Go on and get comfy now... I've got quite a lot to say about this.
Wheatley: I'll start by saying this... I am aware that what I did wasn't right. I'm aware it was... very wrong, actually. I've had a LOT of time to think about just HOW wrong I was. Nothing but time, actually. For about 3 years, I was stuck orbiting this rock. Every time I'd pass by the Earth I'd think about it. For 3 years! And I never once started to feel better about it... I actually think I felt worse as time went on. So, believe me. I am very, very aware of what I've done.
Now, I could sit here all day and give you the rationale for why I acted the way I did. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to sound like I'm just... trying to write it off as being nothing. Like "I was such a victim, and I was completely justified!" Because it's not like that at all. I tried to hurt people. People who had done nothing wrong! ... Well... one of them had done nothing wrong. Let's be honest, the other one totally deserved it--BUT!! BESIDES THAT... The only reasoning I can give you in good conscience is that... I am a right and proper moron. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter WHY I did what I did, now does it? What matters is... I've done it. And I'm not proud of it. Not one bit.
I can sit up here, feeling terrible and sorry all I'd like, but, looking at things realistically, it's not going to change anything that's happened. You can't change the past. That's all already happened, hasn't it? No matter how hard I wish that I could take it all back, it's just not going to do a bloody thing. I don't … look, I really don't want it to sound like I just don't care. I do! But... I mean, augh… you can only think about something so much before it stops being helpful! I don't think it's doing ANYONE any good for me to continue to dwell on it.
Do I forgive myself... that's.... that's a bit, pointless to think about, isn't it? That doesn't matter so much, after all I'm not the one to apologize to. I didn't do myself wrong. But I was a horrible monster to her. If anyones forgiveness of me actually has value, it would be hers. But I couldn't even apologize to her if I wanted to... which I do. I want to quite badly. But... even if I did... let's say that I could apologize to her. If I did... I can't control whether or not she forgives me. Apologizing doesn't automatically mean you get forgiveness. And that's completely fair! No one involved has any obligation to forgive me at all. It doesn't matter how sorry I am or how much I regret it. That doesn't play a tenth of a part in it.
I almost think it would be selfish of me to even try to apologize at this point. Do I think reaching out and saying I'm sorry would make her feel better about what happened? Well, no. I doubt it. At that point, it'd just be for me and my closure. I don't want to subject her to percieving me again just for that. I have to consider what she would want, too. And I feel like she would just like to be left alone.
It's like... like if your high school bully reached out to you 11 years after graduation and said "Oi gov, remember all the times I flushed yer gob in the loo? Yea, dreadful sorry for that mate." like, would that make you feel better?? No, of course not! You'd be like... "why the hell is this daft codger talking to me again..." It's just not helpful to anyone!
I can't simply take back what I've done, no matter how much I want to. But I'll tell you--I'll tell you what I CAN change. I can change what I do now. My options after that day are A. carry on being a proper bellend or... or, B.... Don't. Be better. Do better. And you know… I'd like to think that I am.
Do i forgive myself? Well, the answer is no, I don’t. I don’t forgive my past self for what he’s done. That’s why I’m trying to be better, up here.
Wow that was... I know I said I had a lot to say but... that was a LOT to say. Hah... I've just thought about this so much, and never had anyone to really... talk to about it. Just sort of built up, I guess.
Wheatley: Go on and get comfy now... I've got quite a lot to say about this.
Wheatley: I'll start by saying this... I am aware that what I did wasn't right. I'm aware it was... very wrong, actually. I've had a LOT of time to think about just HOW wrong I was. Nothing but time, actually. For about 3 years, I was stuck orbiting this rock. Every time I'd pass by the Earth I'd think about it. For 3 years! And I never once started to feel better about it... I actually think I felt worse as time went on. So, believe me. I am very, very aware of what I've done.
Now, I could sit here all day and give you the rationale for why I acted the way I did. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to sound like I'm just... trying to write it off as being nothing. Like "I was such a victim, and I was completely justified!" Because it's not like that at all. I tried to hurt people. People who had done nothing wrong! ... Well... one of them had done nothing wrong. Let's be honest, the other one totally deserved it--BUT!! BESIDES THAT... The only reasoning I can give you in good conscience is that... I am a right and proper moron. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter WHY I did what I did, now does it? What matters is... I've done it. And I'm not proud of it. Not one bit.
I can sit up here, feeling terrible and sorry all I'd like, but, looking at things realistically, it's not going to change anything that's happened. You can't change the past. That's all already happened, hasn't it? No matter how hard I wish that I could take it all back, it's just not going to do a bloody thing. I don't … look, I really don't want it to sound like I just don't care. I do! But... I mean, augh… you can only think about something so much before it stops being helpful! I don't think it's doing ANYONE any good for me to continue to dwell on it.
Do I forgive myself... that's.... that's a bit, pointless to think about, isn't it? That doesn't matter so much, after all I'm not the one to apologize to. I didn't do myself wrong. But I was a horrible monster to her. If anyones forgiveness of me actually has value, it would be hers. But I couldn't even apologize to her if I wanted to... which I do. I want to quite badly. But... even if I did... let's say that I could apologize to her. If I did... I can't control whether or not she forgives me. Apologizing doesn't automatically mean you get forgiveness. And that's completely fair! No one involved has any obligation to forgive me at all. It doesn't matter how sorry I am or how much I regret it. That doesn't play a tenth of a part in it.
I almost think it would be selfish of me to even try to apologize at this point. Do I think reaching out and saying I'm sorry would make her feel better about what happened? Well, no. I doubt it. At that point, it'd just be for me and my closure. I don't want to subject her to percieving me again just for that. I have to consider what she would want, too. And I feel like she would just like to be left alone.
It's like... like if your high school bully reached out to you 11 years after graduation and said "Oi gov, remember all the times I flushed yer gob in the loo? Yea, dreadful sorry for that mate." like, would that make you feel better?? No, of course not! You'd be like... "why the hell is this daft codger talking to me again..." It's just not helpful to anyone!
I can't simply take back what I've done, no matter how much I want to. But I'll tell you--I'll tell you what I CAN change. I can change what I do now. My options after that day are A. carry on being a proper bellend or... or, B.... Don't. Be better. Do better. And you know… I'd like to think that I am.
Do i forgive myself? Well, the answer is no, I don’t. I don’t forgive my past self for what he’s done. That’s why I’m trying to be better, up here.
Wow that was... I know I said I had a lot to say but... that was a LOT to say. Hah... I've just thought about this so much, and never had anyone to really... talk to about it. Just sort of built up, I guess.
Amethyst: …Oh. Kinda forgot this was a café. I'll take a latte then. Aaaanyway… Man, don't say that about yourself! I betcha a billion bucks that there IS someone out there who could love you. Not me, cuz I'm kinda way younger than you and stuff, but maybe they're even right here in Spaceport! Somebody who can see you for who you really are, not just the Intel- er, funny haha café robot, and adore you, and help you when you're feeling sad and everything, because they genuinely want to see you happy… That'd be a dream come true for you, wouldn't it?
Wheatley: Although, JUST gonna put it out there… if I ever were to LITERALLY fall at any point, augghh, man! It really would be nice to have someone there, ready and willing to catch me. Able. Also able, that's… that's important. Someone with the upper body strength to really follow through with… catching me.
IF that ever were to happen. You know… As a hypothetical.
//There, everything should be moved over! That wasn’t too bad. I do apologize for the minor dash spam, but we should be mostly back to normal now. I DO have everything saved for this blog, so we are here to stay!
Heard the falling in love question and now I'm gonna have to comment: What if some of us more regular customers already adore you? Maybe for some not romantically, but it's still somewhat an "I love you", right?
Anyways, eventually, they stuck me in here. At first it felt like they just wanted me out of the way. And maybe they did. The job was just… make the coffee, put it in the cup, give it to the human. Simple as. Can't mess it up! I mean… you probably could, to be fair… and I'm really… quite good at messing things up. It's the one thing I always was great at! Ha…! but--regardless. Simple, easy job. VIRTUALLY can't mess it up. They gave me specific instructions for it, and I followed them!
I don't know what it was, probably just the novelty of having your coffee made by a robotic ball. But they asked for me. And I would make them a drink. And they would say thank you. and give me a tip. and it felt… really, really good!!
Hah… But that's okay, I'll take it! I would have taken anything at that point, cause I've never been good at ANYTHING. Like… literally nothing. Well, aside from the messing things up thing, as I said before. But, forget that. What matters is, I'm good at THIS! It just… felt like magic, really. The first time I felt…. useful. Capable. Appreciated.
That's… probably a bit much of me to say right off the bat. Pahaha, Look at me, getting all worked up… I just met you! Sorry, luv.
Hi Wheatley! Anything in particular you’d recommend?
That's 1-2 shots of our Rocket Fuel espresso, topped off with steamed milk (We've got vegan options available, if you're into that--no extra charge of course) and it's all cozied up under a nice layer of foam. A fan favorite.
I've heard from some of my customers it's similar to a promotional beverage they did at one of the earthly coffee shop chains… I think the place is called… the Celestial Deer? Or something akin to that?
Honestly, speaking of, and this is a bit of a tangent here, but hear me out: that name would have been WAY more fitting for my cafe! What business does a silly little earthly, gravity-bound, foot-slogger shop have taking up a name like that. Should have gone to me. I would have done it much more justice. Just saying. Anyway…
That's… that's a plain espresso shot. That's what that one is. In case it's confusing. I'm realizing now that saying it without proper context might… well it might not be clear what it is. Might sound a bit rude, even. I'll be honest, not fully sold on the name for that one at the moment. If you've got any suggestions, you know… I'm open to them. But regardless, now that you know what it is, it makes sense! And it's not rude!
Well, What do you think of the rest of the names? They're great, aren't they? Came up with them myself! Well chuffed, I might add. If you've got any questions feel free to ask away! I'll be happy to explain anything to you. As long as it's about coffee, at least. I mean I'll do my best to explain other things, but... I'm a coffee expert, not an All Other Things expert. Heh.
Oh, and if you're still not sure what you want, just tell me what you like, and I'll be more than happy to help find you a new favorite.
Heh… it's like I'm playing matchmakers over here. Except it's with crewmates and caffeinated drinks! Tremendous!
Quick question for ya: Can cor- um, your type of robot fall in love? Asking for my friend at work.
Oh, hello! I'm gonna be honest. I wasn't aware that you'd left. But, yeah welcome back, I suppose! Oh! Are you going to buy something this time? Please?
I reckon I could. Potentially. I don't see any reason why I couldn't. It's just that I've… never had the opportunity. Say, is it a bit warm in here suddenly?
The problem is, that sort of thing is meant to be mutual, right? Yeah… don't know if there's anyone out there that could feel that way about… me….
I’m sure you must have seen the whole thing coming in, absolutely bloody massive, it is.
I think it must be just as big as Aper… Uh… Aperton..! You know the city of Aperton, right? I mean of course you do, everyone does–we all know it! I’m not even going to explain it, There’s just no need! Alright, moving on.
As for how far away from Earth we are? Well… I couldn’t tell you any of the erm… raw technical details. Mostly because I don’t know them–but! Uh… take a look out that window right there.
You know, before I had these, I didn't have any hands or arms or legs or anything… I was basically just a ball with handles on! That's… that's actually that's more literal, to be honest. A ball with handles on.
It'd be a little hard to run the place in that state. Who even designed that? I mean really… go through all the trouble of giving me sentience but not once did you think about maybe adding an extremity or two? Like, what am I supposed to do with these??
Ahh, sorry about that. Got a bit carried away there. I do that sometimes. It's uhh.. I'm working on it. Anyway, the hands! Yes. Courtesy of our wonderful robotics team. My original chassis has a few other features… I mean it's nothing particularly useful just a lot of "gee whiz" stuff, mostly. Flashlights… things like that. Uh. One flashlight, actually. Just the one. The really cool part though is!!! I have MAGNETS! Hah!!
Not very strong magnets, mind you, but enough for me to manipulate small objects in zero gravity, and—get this—move around ON MY OWN!
yeah, that’s right! Check me out! Did that all by myself just now. Isn't that brilliant?? I’m completely mobile now! No more management rail for me!
A-anyway… these hands! Yeah! Let me tell you… They are just the best. Such useful things, hands. I don't know how I ever manged without them before. You humans had the right idea with that whole "evolution" thing. Well done.
does space work at starview or is it just wheatley? Id like to greet them :))
Yeah, he's around! He's a bit busy these days… what with all the SPACE going on and whatnot… I mean--he doesn't work in this shop, if that's what you're asking. I run the place preeetty much all on my own. But you know what, it's all fine. It's easy! I just … I make the humans coffee. That's it really. They love the stuff. Go crazy for it.
Oh… Well, I kind of just told you exactly how to get there without a second thought didn't I…. Say, you're not a terrorist are you? I suppose I should have asked that first.
Well, you seem like a pretty nice person. I should hope you're not a terrorist. And IF YOU ARE… uh, a terrorist that is, then just go on ahead and pretend that what I just said doesn't actually mean anything at all. The silly little coffee robot doesn't know what he's talking about and that is actually not at all how you get up there.
OR! Or. Even better yet, just disregard it entirely! Yeah just go ahead and wipe that from the old memory if you don't mind. That is, if you are, in fact… a space terrorist.
Erm, heya!! This place is a lot different from the main universe, geez... Not complaining, though! Does Aperture even, like... exist here? Did the whole mainframe thing even happen? If so, how'd you manage to run all... this? Because DANG, that's cool! Sorry if ya got no clue what I'm talking about, by the way. I kinda have to ask this stuff for work... and I'm also sorta curious.
...Okay, I say "sorta", but I'm actually more curious than I have ever been in my... I don't even know how many years of existence.
Good HEAVENS no! I'm flattered, but I'm just little old Wheatley. I'm in charge of my cafe here, and that's it! Believe me… that's all I want after... Uhh... nevermind.
I really don't even own this place if you wanna get down to it. I mean, they put me in charge of it but… I just work here…
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