𓂃 diluc + in every other universe .
contains mentions of bullying, minor character death (it's diluc's father).
you love diluc and you never told him.
you never told him when you two were five years old— you had no concept of what love is nor what a crush is, so you just think you had some kind of disease that only appeared whenever he was around.
it was one of the reasons why you started avoiding him as a kid; your heart would always beat faster and harder, rendering you breathless whenever he was around. it was only until when kaeya extended his brother's apologies did you realize how much you liked the redhead.
that night, when you asked your mother what to call the feelings you were harboring, she only laughed in response before tucking you to bed.
(and as you stare at the scribbles on the written note of apology that came from diluc, you answer your own question.
you couldn't find the courage to tell him when you were eight, completely helpless when your bullies pushed you on the ground.
they had been cruel for their age; mocking your appearance and even bringing your mother into it. even when you started tearing up, they remained unsympathetic— things only became worse for you as your tears only encouraged them further.
"leave y/n alone!" a fuming red-faced diluc enters the room, literally dragging you upwards so you wouldn't be kneeling anymore. he even went so far as to dusting your knees, trying to remove the stains on your skirt, muttering a quick apology when you winced once he touches a bruise.
the bullies, warned by their own parents to never get on the ragvindr heir's bad side, immediately scurries away.
your knight in shining armor growls at them, saying words that would have gotten a soap in his mouth if your mother was around. the boy apologizes once again, realizing he had cursed in front of you.
diluc wipes your tears away with his white hanky, embarrassingly wiping your snot in the process as well.
"are you okay?" he asks in the softest tone you have ever heard from him. if his voice can be touched, you were sure it would be fluffy just like a cloud or the hair that your golden retriever had.
you nod timidly in response, followed by a short 'thank you.'
thinking about the memory now that you were older, you have always liked to think that you said 'i love you' in just two words.
(that same day, diluc taught you how to throw punches here and there in case you needed to.)
at the age of twelve, diluc's father died.
it was hard for everyone; they had lost a friend, a family, and a partner— but to diluc and kaeya, they lost a father.
when his dad died, you could feel diluc practically slipping away from you, from his brother, from his friends, from everyone. this became the start of diluc's isolation; he always demanded to be left alone, and he never talked to anyone unless needed. the sweet morning greetings or the usual friday movie nights were suddenly put to a stop, as he had started to build a very tall wall around him— a wall that no one could climb or penetrate.
even until now, even after seven years since you realized that you might love this boy a little more than you did with anyone else, you couldn't find the courage to tell diluc that you love him. and it almost eats you up whole; because you knew diluc needed someone to be there, needed someone that would go through thick and thin with him, and you know that person could be you. but you weren't ready, and you think that you won't ever be.
(that year, diluc didn't just lose his father— he lost a best friend and a brother too.)
three years have passed since then, and you find yourself bawling in front of a very confused boy.
diluc finds himself awoken by a loud sobbing from his side. he notices the same white blankets the school clinic had and the unbearable ache coming from his side. diluc is smart— he successfully deduces that the boys whom he fought because they talked ill about his father's death sent him here.
(to be fair, he thinks he stood his ground well. it was a fight between six seniors against him and he lasted pretty long.)
"how are you so brave yet stupid at the same time?" diluc hears a muffled voice, almost incoherent after hours of crying. he glances at the direction of the sound and he sees you burying your head against the bed.
he remains silent; at loss for words because he fully agrees with you. he had been stupidly brave— landing himself in the clinic and probably earning himself a suspension.
you let out a painful cry again, and the redhead thinks that maybe you should be the one sitting on the bed instead of him. he flinches as he is punched on the chest without any actual force; it was as if you had just read his mind.
"you shouldn't be careless, you know!" you scold him. "you can't just get into fights no matter the reason is! you should be on your knees, thanking kaeya because if he hadn't found you in time you'd probably be—"
whatever you were saying dies in your throat as you can't help but cry your heart out harder. diluc internally panics, not knowing how to handle your meltdown. so instead he settles with how his father calmed him down whenever he threw a tantrum when he was younger; he starts to gently pat your back.
(that friday, he invited you to watch a movie at his house. and slowly, diluc finds himself start to let people in the tall wall he built— including you and kaeya.)
at nineteen, being a hopeless romantic who had watched too much romcoms, you unknowingly set yourself up for a heartbreak bound to happen ten years from now.
you sit on a park bench with the dejected teenager as he wallows over his recent rejection.
diluc had been in love with this blonde girl for over three years already, and when he finally found the guts to confess, she had rejected him.
you feel your heart twist every time he utters the girl's name. because unlike you, who has already found the person you'd like to spend your lifetime with, diluc still hasn't realized that you'd travel to the moon and back just for him.
"i'm hopeless, aren't i?" the redhead sighs into his hands— more than a decade of friendship with you had unconsciously brought his defenses down. he even feels more comfortable around you than any friend he has to the point that diluc unknowingly spills every bit of his emotion to you. but diluc doesn't feel ashamed at the very least— to him, you were a friend to confide in and someone who will support him no matter what.
you would always need to remind yourself that you were just a friend.
you hum in response, sighing tiredly as you stretch your limbs. "what if we make a pact?"
he nods, urging you to further explain. "when both of us turn thirty and we aren't married by then, let's marry each other."
diluc, as if the air was just cut from entering his lungs, momentarily stills. but then he laughs, and for the first time in a while, you hear the rumble of his chest as he chuckles whole-heartedly.
"yeah, sure." he agrees, not knowing that he was helping you dig a grave for yourself.
(that day, you hold yourself back from telling him voluntarily. what more is eleven years, when you've been hiding these feelings for the entirety of your life already?)
exactly ten years later, you are now twenty nine and not nineteen, you stand in the middle of the room with diluc. he smiles at you, and you find the courage to return it. but then you feel your grin dropping to your stomach as you feel the weigh of your current situation.
"i, diluc ragnvindr, will take your love to give me hope, give me joy, and make me a better man. i vow to make you happy, to make you laugh, to cherish you, and to always be there for you. i promise to be your navigator, sympathizer, sidekick, best friend, and your husband. finally, i promise you myself.”
you had to bite your inner cheek to remind you that this wasn't for you, and it probably will never be.
"how was that? do you think she'll like it?"
"she would. she's be a fool not to."
in twenty minutes or so, you were about to lose the only person you loved in your entire life and all you could do is watch as someone else walks down the aisle.
but then, everything can change if you tell him your feelings right then and there and consider the smallest of chances that he'd run away with you.
you debate if this moment is finally the time you'd allow yourself to be selfish; to confess to the man who had been holding your affections ever since you learned how to read, or to remain silent and grieve your loss like how you've done ever since you heard the news of his engagement.
"thank you for being a friend, y/n."
diluc snaps you out from your thoughts, and there it was all over again; the pain and the heart wrenching feeling you've always dreaded whenever you hear that word. you never thought how much you'd despise that word when it was an honor to be one of his closest companions— but then at the same time, it was a painful reminder that that's all you were: a friend, and never the lover.
"of course." you offer him a tight lipped smile. his eyebrows furrow from your response, he seems to have caught on with the million thoughts running through your mind.
in an attempt to cover up the heartbreak you were experiencing, you try to joke.
"at least one of us is getting married before thirty."
the redhead snorts, finding your words ridiculous. "a man would be stupid not to marry you soon."
diluc's brows quirk up once again, "is there someone?"
yeah, you— you wanted to say. and once again, you were faced with the dilemma of telling him (and consider the possibility he might elope with you) or to stay quiet instead, opting to carry this little secret of yours to the grave.
because in this reality, you decide against being that one person who'll ruin someone else's big day. but in another you hope, if you still liked him in that world, you wish you'd have the courage to tell him how long you have loved him.
(you did. and the you from another reality confesses in such a way that the diluc from that reality could have never forgotten:
"i love you in every universe." you say, while looking at him as if he had hung the moom and the stars.)
but for now, you'll learn how to be happy and content for your best friend who's happily in love with someone else.
♥︎ please do not repost or translate without my permission . reblogs are heavily appreciated!
dedicated to @stationery-store for being a diluc main since day one, you deserve all the sadness that came from this post!
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