Stev𓅱

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[jmtorres]

“buttercups” is a name applied to MANY flowers. in my part of the south it was this one:

imo there’s correct identifications of dandelions, daffodils, easter lilies and marigolds in this thread, but buttercups are simply impossible to agree on and the only solution is for everyone to post pictures of their local buttercups

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

[demon-and-human]

Hello I would like to add to the confusion:

That purple fella is a Morning Glory as told by my mothers (texan)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

⬆️ morning glory

[huehueiamabaguette]

wait so if thats morning glory what is this?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[delphinidin4]

*Puts hand over gaud’s mouth* It’s a butterfly pea. Please ignore the Latin name.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*licks ur palm* i won’t be silenced THE PEOPLE HAVE TO KNOW

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*remembering the band bare naked ladies contains no ladies* call me back when they transition

[andrewrnease]

They're also fully clothed.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

One life change at a time

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

Petition to have them strip *and* come out as trans all in the same concert

yes

no

Voting ended onJun 25

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[jmtorres]

“buttercups” is a name applied to MANY flowers. in my part of the south it was this one:

imo there’s correct identifications of dandelions, daffodils, easter lilies and marigolds in this thread, but buttercups are simply impossible to agree on and the only solution is for everyone to post pictures of their local buttercups

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

[demon-and-human]

Hello I would like to add to the confusion:

That purple fella is a Morning Glory as told by my mothers (texan)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

⬆️ morning glory

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

By chance are you a florist

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

was thinking about how the concept of god is usually characterized as male (thanks patriarchy) and i came up with a question: in christian theology,

does "God" have a penis?

surely the catholic church made some sort of ruling on this

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

If you remember, I answered about the Larval Bishops before, and as a Catholic I can answer! God actually has hemipenes, like snakes! Creation was just the tips touching

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the garlic. it beckons you

[thesweetestsupervillains]

It occurs to me that "1920s gangster doing a cooking show while holding you at gunpoint" is an untapped market.

We've had normal cooking shows. Now we need period piece cooking shows in character.

[ao3cassandraic]

I'm uh.

Just going to point out that this happened, and then go into hiding (with, I hope, somewhat improved opsec) before somebody puts a horse head in my bed.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Huh.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*jingling the jester bells i obtained from the jesters i hunted &killed, but specifically bc im trying to reestablish traditional jester mating grounds as part of ongoing jester conservation efforts (so I can eventually return to hunting& slaughtering jesters for sport)*

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

vampire with the ability to put humans in thrall but they use it solely to make viral asmr videos

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you are feeling sleepy. you are feeling sooooooo relaxed. you are going to like and subscribe for more content

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#need someone to enthrall me so i can do basic household chores

vampire life coach who hypnotizes you into pursuing your dreams

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

Now I need a vamp to tell me I'm unbanned from free ham sandwich day

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

vampire with the ability to put humans in thrall but they use it solely to make viral asmr videos

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

But the ASMR content is just the vamp drinking blood loudly though a straw

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

vampire with the ability to put humans in thrall but they use it solely to make viral asmr videos

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

everyone jokes about the pope's hat but most people don't know it actually serves an important purpose! evolutionary threat display to assert dominance against rival bishops

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

now you might think THIS is a plummage mating display

but popes are bred to aggressively seek territory and hierarchical power, not potential mates. so anytime you see something like this, it's still very much a standard threat display

[hairbrainedprojects]

Common misconception, but popes are not bred. Rather, like the matriarchy of clownfish, when a pope dies, the strongest of the bishops takes his place

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

actually it's more akin to a hive (with strict gender-based hierarchical work division) where larval bishops are fed queen jelly, prompting their transformation into pseudo-popes, at which point they are left to death battle it out winner takes all

[i-dont-think-thats-true]

I don’t think that’s true

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no it's true i checked

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

I was actually raised catholic so I know this one! The larval bishops when fed queen jelly aren't called pseudo-popes. They're actually called Cardinals, and once the death battle ends, they send up colored smoke as they go into cocoons to finish their transformation into Pope to signal to the hive drone priests that a new Pope has emerged!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i can't believe 2012 was 20 years ago.....

[elsa707]

Opposite energy of the other day when my brother said that 2006 was 10 years ago

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

every child should have a specific stuffed animal/toy that they develop an antagonistic relationship with

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

some of my most significant core memories involved getting into heated arguments with the furby who lived in my closet. essential component of my pre-teen character development. necessary anguish

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

sometimes small children will inflict years of torment & waterboarding on their victims before burying them in an unmarked concrete grave, that's just part of growing up

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the post that keeps on giving (via @zenyeetaa):

#okay we weren’t children when we did this but me and some old roommates kept a baby doll in the freezer #at first it was to jump scare the next person who opened the freezer #but he was in there for a few months and then when we decided it was time to pull it out a bunch of fires broke out across our county #so we put him back in the freezer. we named him chippy and drew a mustache on his face #we tried pulling him out of the freezer a few times after that but some horrible event would happen every time without fail #when we moved apartments we had a special cooler to bring chippy with us #as far as i know chippy is still in a freezer somewhere

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon

[iamcon-fu-sion]

pick a side

team gaud

team pigeon

Voting ended onJun 1

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

CEASE THIS IMMEDIATELY

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

you people are. unkind to me

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

Number's changed. Also, you voted against yourself

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

I will always root for the pigeon. Even if I were the one it had made into a mortal nemesis

[patricia-taxxon]

i love explaining the etymology of the word "rickroll" because the story starts with "ok, so at one point 4chan applied a filter to everyone's posts that changed the word egg to duck"

[maple-cloak]

[wrenanigans]

[croaksac]

grandfather....

[stev-bird-from-egypt]

I have this etymological timeline memorized, in the same way I have the 9/11→50 Shades of Grey etymological timeline memorized