Live from Kharbranth University

Hey, I'm Steve-- -and I'm Tim! We're here to give you live commentary on the extreme drama of this Cosmere roleplay! Tune in for updates on YOUR favorite characters! Don't miss out on any of the action!

[steveandtim]

URGENT, URGENT!!!

Steve: We interrupt your normal schedule for an update of utmost importance!!

Tim: Recently, two of the most dangerously cranky men in this entire campus have joined the social media life!!

Steve: Your got it, listeners!! Clubs and Dilf-

Tim:-it's Dilaf, Steve-

Steve: -have blogs!! On one side we can already see a mildly communist left-wing old man paving the way for bigger discussions, while, on the other side, we see...what is that, Tim?!

Tim: I believe that would be an unbearable amount of sass and teenageboy-esque edge, Steve!! Also some very, very odd pixel cat gifs.

Steve: I've never seen something like that in my life, Tim!! By my grandmother's armpit hair, that's absolutely surreal!!

Tim: And these two sides are probably gonna clash really soon! They've never seen each other in campus, but now should be the chance for us to witness a fight that does NOT involve Sadeas!

Steve: Are you excited, listeners? Because WE ARE! Stay tuned for more!!

[steveandtim]

WE! ARE! BACK!

Tim: HOOOOOOH BOY! That was a tiring move!

Steve: It hecking sure was, Tim! But now we're back to action!

Tim: And in a new office!! That's right, kids, we got a new place!!

Steve: ...mostly because that damned tabloid got ours.

Tim: And, as usual, it's Steve's fault!

Steve: NO IT'S NOT- Well, anyway, we're back and with eyes everywhere!!

Tim: *Shudders* He means it when he says everywhere. We've been looking through some terrifying stuff for you guys.

Steve: Three times a day(week?), hilarious and informative commentary from the most beloved duo of Kharbranth!!

Tim: Seeya!

[steveandtim]

EMERGENT NEWS

Tim: So here Steve and I were, minding our business, looking at the school cameras looking for people to embarrass, when all of a sudden-

*Video of Kal leaving shallan's room comes on scree*

Steve: HOT DOG. Talk about a new year's resolution!

Tim: I know! Mine was just too lose this extra five pounds that i put on over the holidays!

Steve: im pretty sure its more than five pounds there Tim.

Tim: Pfff. Well out of all of us, Kal put on more weight due to all these feelings being bottled up!

Steve: maybe his new your resolution should be to lose some weight too.

Tim: well, i think he just cheated on his diet by walking out of that ginger's room.

Steve: *laughs* the last time i cheated on a diet, i gained more regret and self loathing!

Tim: Tune in next week to see if Kal starts his new year resolution feelings diet over!

[steveandtim]

Steve: Wow, that was quite the rollercoaster wasnt it Tim? Crazy new cult in the basements of our school buildings!

Tim: i know-

*screen goes fuzzy and comes back on with a girl wearing a pure white mask with a Red line down the middle *

Anon: Good Evening.

Tim: *off screen* CUT TO COMMERCIAL

Anon: *Looks over shoulder* OH dearie me, looks like a couple people are having a hard time keeping quiet over there. *looks back at screen* Hello, peasants. Its the humble and beloved Anon here. Now, a couple of things. To our cult members watching. Donut Monday is tomorrow. I would hate for your day to be...ruin...ed, because you forgot to attend. You will receive letters with other information. Also, Hrathen t-shirts are for sale. All it costs is your soul. *laughs* oh dearie me. Im in the joking mood. They're only 10 dollars plus shipping! Oh, and to those who are not a part of our numbers. Remember we are everywhere. And we see everything. Especially you Gyorn....goodnight.

*screen goes blurry*

[steveandtim]

Tim: Goooooood morning, Kharbranth!!

Steve: We got some news fresher than Halladren fish for you!

Tim: Well now, that's the weirdest analogy I've ever heard, but it somehow works.

Steve: Thanks, Tim, it took me a week to come up with it.

Tim: Back to the news- IT'S CHRISTMAS!!

Steve: NO TIM IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS. WE BARELY GOT INTO NOVEMBER.

Tim: JINGLE BELLS STEVE

Steve: TIM DON'T YOU DA-

* Transmission cuts, and the message "We have found a technical error. Tune back in soon." Is displayed on the screen. *

[steveandtim]

HALLOWEEN NEWS

Tim:Good evening everyone!!

Steve: And welcome back!!

Tim: This is Timpire!

Steve: And Steveana Jones!

...Tim, stop laughing. I couldn't think of any better outfit to throw off last second.

Tim: Sorry, sorry. So, let us get to the NEWS!!

Steve: As we all know, Halloween is here and apparently everybody is either trick-or-treating or throwing a party!! Almost everyone went to Lopen's, but of course, the turd club had their own meeting, organized by Torol and Ialai Sadeas in his hospital room!

Tim: Are we even surprised by that anymore?

Steve: Going to the real party, though!

Tim: It was AMAZING!! Good drink, good food, great singers-

Steve: -Which is an obvious nod to our beloved Dean of Students, Dadlinar Kholin-

Tim: And some really impressive costumes!

Steve: But, more than the candy, the salt seemed to be the star in the middle of the party.

Tim: As usual, Kelsier and Adolin's beef got right in the middle of the fun. Is it a blond thing to want to fight everything that moves?

Steve: 'Iunno, but both Shallan and Mare didn't seem the most pleased with their respective dates headbutting each other like two particularly territorial goats.

Tim: I'm willing to bet they're gonna fight again very soon, Steve, and perhaps they'll hit their heads so strongly they'll go out of it as friends?

Steve: We can only hope so,Tim.

Tim: You're right, Steve.

Steve: I always am.

[steveandtim]

Steve: So, we got some good lot of news this week, don't we, Tim?

Tim: that's for sure, Steven!! First of all-

Steve: AMARAM IS HERE!! That's right, everyone, back from his trip to kick puppies and steal candy from babies-

Tim:...Steve.

Steve: - ok, from recruiting, he's finally set foot again in Kharbranth!

Tim: And he's here to stay this time. Only God (don't ask me which of them) knows whether or not we'll survive another member in the turd club.

Steve: Speaking of the turd club, did ya see it? Sadeas has been causing as much havoc as Straff!

Tim: Yeah, took him long enough. I honestly thought he was able to beat Straff's score of pissing everyone off in two hours but he sure managed to hold himself for a good while!

Steve: Yeah. I mean, after holding all that time he managed to get even Susebron angry but. Impressive nonetheless. BUT!! Karma reached him!

Tim: It sure did! In a swift movement taking advantage of his extreme angry drunkenness after a few glasses, Kelsier accepted to duel him!

Steve: It was ugly to watch.

Tim: But also fun.

Steve: A massacre.

Tim: True art in the shape of movement and splatters of blood.

Steve: Wow.

[steveandtim]

Steve: Ohhhh, boy, seems like Straff is looking for trouble again and Dadlinar took the challenge!!

Tim: Honestly, Steve, we all know who's gonna win this one.

Steve: The fight is still worth it!!

GOOD DAD VS EVIL DAD

AAAAND GO!!

Tim: BUT STEVE!! LOOK AT THAT!! BEFORE THEY EVEN BEGAN THE THREATS RENARIN INVADED THE ARENA WITH A DIRTY BOOT AND SMACKED STRAFF RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH IT!!

Steve: You're right, Tim!! Look at that!! I never saw someone wield a boot with so much grace!

Tim: Truly beautiful to watch, Steve!! What a time to be alive

[steveandtim]

Tim: I think this is the most that Vasher has ever talked Steve!

Steve: you are quite right Tim. Honestly it's kinda freaking me out.

Tim: Isn't it funny that every time that he talks he's murdering something with words?

Steve: You are on to something Tim!

Tim: Like Rock's art.

Steve: R.I.P none perfect circle.

Tim: hopefully he never gets a hold of my sixth grade geometry homework.

[steveandtim]

Steve: Hello! I'm Steve-

Tim: -and I'm Tim!

Steve: Welcome to our blog, Steve and Tim!

Tim: Still think we should have called it Tim and Steve, Steve.

Steve: Tim and Steve was taken, Tim, I'm sorry.

Tim: And what better way to hit it off than with the arrival of one Straff Venture!

Steve: Known of course for his role as Elend's reprehensible father in the Mistborn series.

Tim: Real piece of shit, this guy.

Steve: He's already caused quite a stir within the community, hitting on multiple teachers and students.

Tim: Word on the street is, Steve, that Kelsier's rounding up a group of assassins to take him out!

Steve: The school authorities wouldn't much like that, Tim!

Tim: No, Steve, but everyone else sure would.

Steve: You've got that right.

Tim: Keep an eye on our blog here for more updates about Straff Venture and the rest of the students and staff of Kharbranth University!