Not Today |-/

Mix of movies, music, memes and fandom, i guess. Hope you enjoy! 27 | f | Germany

[devinellekurtz]

My very first tiger drawing and my latest

[formaldehydedoesstuff]

Your skill level is unquestionable but listen.

I love him.

[toasthaste-art]

me also. as well.

[devinellekurtz]

This is the COOLEST thing I’ve seen in AGES. You both completely made my entire week.

[minmos]

this reddit post isgoing to make me cry literally let's bask in the sun

[xain-russell]

Dragon: “HALT TRAVELER! THIS BRIDGE IS UNDER MY CONTROL! PAY THE TOLL OR CROSS THIS RIVER ELSEWHERE!”

Knight: “Nay foul beast! These are the lands of men! I shall pay no such toll, and what’s more I shall slay you rid this land of your tyranny!”

Dragon: “TYRANNY!? FOOLISH MAN! THIS BRIDGE IS OVER A HUNDRED YEARS OLD AND IN DIRE NEED OF REPAIRS! THE STONES ARE ERODING AND THERE ARE TERMITES IN THE WOOD!”

Knight: “… what?”

Dragon: “I GIVE THIS BRIDGE ANOTHER FIVE YEARS BEFORE IT COLLAPSES! I’D RATHER AVOID THAT AND PREVENT SOME POOR HUMAN FROM GETTING HURT!

Knight: ”…“

Dragon: “THE TOLL IS TEN GOLD PIECES.”

Knight: “… Okay.”

Dragon: “ALSO, DOWN THE ROAD, A FRIEND OF MINE IS RAISING FUNDS TO FIX A FARMER’S ROOF! IF YOU COULD ASSIST THEM AS WELL WE’D BE VERY GRATEFUL!”

[xain-russell]

THIS FUCKING THING GOT OVER 250 NOTES IN LESS THAN A DAY WHAT THE HELL.

[elodieunderglass]

Dragon: IF YOU STOP BY THE VILLAGE WE ARE ALSO RAISING FUNDS FOR THE CHURCH RESTORATION.

Knight: I don’t, uh,

Dragon: OH YOU REALLY SHOULD

Dragon: THERE IS A VERY INTERESTING BAPTISMAL FONT

Dragon: WE HAVE PRODUCED A SMALL HANDPRINTED GUIDEBOOK OF LOCAL HISTORY, IN EXCHANGE FOR A SUGGESTED DONATION OF ONE GOLD PIECE. THE MONEY WE RAISE ALL GOES TO THE CHURCH

Dragon: I STRONGLY RECOMMEND PURCHASING THE GUIDEBOOK. THERE IS A CONVENIENT HONESTY BOX FOR THE DONATION

Dragon: NOBODY EVER ROBS THE HONESTY BOX

[o-kurwa]

[reginaldqueribundus]

oh my god and it's a Canada Goose so this is the equivalent of befriending a small demon

[lttrsfrmlnrrgby]

OP you're wrong. Duck, duck is the most perfect name for a goose, ever.

[enbycrip]

This makes me so happy every time I read it. Especially the bit where Guy makes DuckDuck smoothies of all the good stuff he’s meant to eat.

This is the best buddy comedy-drama ever.

[official-ornithology-posts]

Official ornithology post

[feralratbitesu]

breakfast from when before i eated it

[feralratbitesu]

okay. here is my breakfast from before time began

[chirasul]

we got a full redbox and now we're playing go fish with the redbox movies

[chirasul]

I would never pay money for a redbox. if you ask politely and are very very persistent (i.e. annoying) they will let you take it away

here's my dad and i taking it away

a redbox makes a wonderful addition to your patio

[fishmech]

for those wondering why they're free to take now, it's because the company that made those "chicken soup for the soul" books bought them a few years ago and then completely collapsed so bad they couldn't afford to dispose of or even take the blu rays and dvds out of their kiosks all over.

so any of them is free game because they're all located on other business' property and they usually don't want to have to pay to get rid of them either. so asking the store manager usually gets you the ok to pull it out and keep it.

[chirasul]

there was a period of time right after their bankruptcy where you could put in any debit or credit card and it would spit out movies without charging you. you could even put in like an expired or deactivated card, or a visa gift card with a $0 balance, didnt matter, they'd just start spitting discs out. a lotta people raided redboxes for movies for a couple months, with some people doing what me and my brother and my dad did here, taking the whole box and signs and marquees as well. because managers sure as hell don't want a big abandoned piece of trash on their sidewalk disappointing customers. BUT they're also often too cheap to pay someone to remove it. so they just sit there.

luckily there are no shortage of freaks like us who will just take them away on our own volition. we did it all "by the book", too: we set up cones and caution tape, disconnected electricity properly, used an angle grinder to grind down the bolts in the concrete so nobody would trip on them, then cleaned everything up afterward and sealed off the electrical panel so the store would know everything is safe and tidy. though they were hesitant when we were first contacting them, they were honestly very relieved and grateful when we finally took it away, especially once they saw that we "knew what we were doing" (we don't) and look like we've "done this before" (we haven't).

the fun part: the reason why this redbox, in particular, was completely full and unraided is because the computer hardware inside had failed some months before the bankruptcy, and a failing company sure as hell wasn't gonna send a tech out to our podunk dipshit city to fix it, so it was impossible to rent movies or take any discs out. plus, for who knows how long, people were returning old redbox discs to this machine and not taking any out, leading to a much higher variety of movies than your average redbox.

there is a thriving community of redbox hackers and modders out there, as well, creating open-source software for repurposing the machines and not letting their very interesting and robust disc-management hardware go to waste. this one belongs to my brother (who was very annoying persistent and did all the legwork of contacting managers and securing permission) who is a programmer by trade and will be hacking it into a family-access movie library, with whatever discs we want. i mean the machine is completely weatherproof and has a built-in AC unit, it would be such a waste to not try to turn it into something cool.

if we get another one, i'm gonna try to mod it into some sort of art or zine vending machine. the disc boxes are just the right size for small print art or stickers. would make a great "little free library" too.

remember: the rules are made up. act like you belong there and you can get away with anything. this applies to your own life

[human-pet-they]

when the author describes someone dying and you can just tell they’ve never actually died by the way it’s written

[tj-crochets]

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

[tj-crochets]

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

[tj-crochets]

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

[tj-crochets]

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

[tj-crochets]

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

[tj-crochets]

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

[tj-crochets]

Happy pride month!!

[holysoltemplito]

q genia tu abuela ojalá todas las abuelas del mundo sean así

[targetedknowledge]

[herpsandbirds]

[knitmeapony]

Nothing is better than animal whose job it is to basically exist In a specific space. Bodega cat basically just lives there. Bookshop dog whose most taxing duty is waking up from naps to say hello to incoming customers. Librarian horse that basically just goes for walkies with their buddy everyday. Doctor's office fish that like to follow people back and forth as they move in the office.

All love and appreciation to the critters and to the kindly humans to make sure they live in peace and joy

[systlin]

My mom for a time was director of tourism for the county. Her office was a welcome center in a refitted old schoolhouse. There was a gift shop and there were maps and stuff, normal welcome center stuff.

She found a scruffy orange kitten out back one day and took him in. Named him Jackson. He became the Welcome Center Offical Greeter Cat.

He was WAY more popular than the gift store or the maps. People would stop in SPECIFICALLY to see Jackson.

Anyway mom got driven out of that job for various bullshit petty reasons involving the fact that two guys on the tourism board hated her for various misogany related reasons, and when she resigned she took the cat.

They were very angry about this. As mom pointed out, though, SHE had paid all the vet bills, for food, ect. Legally, she was registered as the cat's owner and they couldn't do a thing. Jackson came home with her and lived out the rest of his very long life (he died at 17) in she and dad's old farmhouse.

The tourism board had to shut the welcome center and are still baffled as to why things fell apart so much after mom left. They still periodically get questions about where the welcome cat went. Suck shit, Tom and Daryl. It's because neither of you can run more than your damn mouth and you couldn't organize your way out of a wet paper bag.

[creature-adjacent]

Carnivorous plants doin this is so funny to me

They don't wanna eat their pollinators :(

[questionablepastries]

[calciumcryptid]

I feel like a lot of people get "All Art is Political" confused with "All Art is made with Political Intentions" which is not the same.

[iapislazuli]

when i was at walgreens (at 3 in the morning which explains all of this) the cashier was talking to her coworker about how shed rather be a werewolf than a vampire because vampires are condemned to hell but werewolves arent and then she asked me what i thought and i said vampire because im already condemned to hell and she said in the nicest tone of voice “i dont think anybody is condemned to hell….” paused, stared at me for a few moments, and added on “…not even gay people” 

[iapislazuli]

Happy pride month to the filthiest most brutal read I’ve ever been given in my life

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

imagine youre a fat horse and your new neighbour is a personal trainer

[kristina100000]

incredible picture found on the interwebs i had to share with everypony

[lustcannibalism]

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

[lustcannibalism]

there is a world out there I can’t comprehend

[typecasto]

behold, context

[toweringclam]