Stoner X Jesus

Like lesbian Jesus but for stoners.

[cherryspliced]

💚💜 Jinx and Ekko~

[orteil42]

everyone needs a creative outlet to stick a creative fork into

[kalofi]

forever thinking of the time i just wanted to know how long i could go without sleeping and google autofilled it to “in minecraft” without me realizing. you can imagine my shock and horror until i read the website title

[c4min4]

Mr president. we added 300,000 jobs this month. but they were all. blow jobs

[pissvortex]

credit where credit is due biden is fucking killing it lately

[pissvortex]

alright, -1 for biden. he’s back on thin ice

[valtsv]

oh god oh fuck i ignored too many russian milfs in my area looking for hot sex now the google thinks i'm gay

[valtsv]

in soviet russia the am i gay quiz searches for you

[petfinder-names]

[wyrmwizard]

[boethiah]

i can’t relate to people who bitch about reddit. name one other website where you’ll get subjected to such an assortment of guys

[boethiah]

currently reading a comment on a finance sub where someone is explaining that his financial strategy is to live on three serves of aldi peanut butter toast a day and calls oven baked chips “a luxury”

[optimisticbananaharmony-deactiv]

you are literally on tumblr

[boethiah]

if you think tumblr guys are in any way on the same level as reddit guys I can’t help you. tumblr guys are all fake cryptic edgy cannibalism jokes trying so hard to seem weird and eccentric but reddit guys will use their whole chest to say anyone claiming to like salmon is doing it for clout. radically different ecosystems

[optimisticbananaharmony-deactiv]

human pet guy

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

Yeah any given subreddit has like at least six guys like that

[nudityandnerdery]

[zvaigzdelasas]

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Lol. How about that for a reported crash

[amazoogle]

i don't make fried air often enough to warrant buying a specialized appliance for it

[filmnoirsbian]

Alright I'll bite. Who's Talos

[godprincess]

😤😤😤Talos the mighty! 💪💪💪Talos the unerring! 💯💯💯Talos the unassailable! ✊✊✊To you we give praise!🙏🙇🙌We are but maggots, 🐛🐛writhing 〰in the filth 👣👣👣of our own corruption! 💰💲🚫🔪While you have ascended😱😇 from the dung💩💩 of mortality, 👥💀and now walk among the stars!🌠⭐✨But you were once man!👨👨👨 Aye!✅✔✅ And as man, 👦👦you said, “Let me show you the power💪💪💪💪 of Talos Stormcrown⚡👑🔱, born of the North,🆙🔝☝ where my breath 💨💨💨is long winter. ❄⛄I breathe😤😧 now, in royalty,💍👑💲and reshape this land🌐🌄 which is mine. I do this for you,👉👉 Red Legions, for I love you💞💞💞.”Aye, love. ❤❤❤Love! 💓💓💓Even as man,👴👴👴 great Talos cherished us. 😭😢For he saw in us, 👐👐in each of us,👫👬👭 the future of Skyrim! 👏👏The future of Tamriel!👏👏👏And there it is, friends! 🙏🙏The ugly truth! 🙀🙀🙀We are the children of man! 👦👨👴Talos is the true god😇⛪💒 of man! Ascended 🙌😇from flesh,👃👃👃 to rule the realm of spirit!👻👻👻👻The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven👱👱👱 overlords! 👺👺Sharing the heavens 🌌🌌with us? With man?👮👷💂 Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!🌎🌏🌍Today, they take away your faith.🚫⛪🚫 But what of tomorrow?⁉⁉ What then? Do the elves 👱👱take your homes? 🏠🏠🏠Your businesses? 🏧🏦🏥Your children? 👪👪👪Your very lives?🔪🔪🔪And what does the Empire do?🏰🏰 Nothing! ❌❌❌Nay, worse than nothing! ❎❎❎The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!🙅🙅🙅 Against its own people!😠😠😠😠So rise up! ☝☝Rise up,👆👆👆 children👶👶👶 of the Empire! 🏰🏰Rise up, 🆙🆙🆙Stormcloaks!💧⚡ Embrace the word of mighty 💪💪Talos, he who is both man and Divine!👼👼👼For we are the children of man!👶👦👦 And we shall inherit both the heavens🌌🌌🌌 and the earth! 🌎🌏🌍And we, not the Elves👱👱👱 or their toadies, 🐸🐸🐸will rule Skyrim! Forever!💯✔💯Terrible and powerful Talos! 👑👑👑We, your unworthy servants,🙏🙏🙏 give praise! 🙌🙌🙌For only through your grace and benevolence 💓💓may we truly reach enlightenment!👍👍👍And deserve our praise you do, 👏👏👏for we are one! 👐Ere you ascended 😇😇😠and the Eight🕗🕗🕗 became Nine, 🕘🕘🕘you walked👣👣 among us, great Talos, not as god, 🚫👼🚫but as man!👲👳💂Trust in me, Whiterun! 👌👌👌Trust in the words of Heimskr! 👍👍👍For I am the chosen✔✔ of Talos! 👀👀👀I alone have been anointed 💦💦💦by the Ninth 🕘🕘to spread his holy ⛪⛪⛪word!💌💌💌

[filmnoirsbian]

I feel like this wasn't necessary but congrats or I'm sorry that happened

[cutekittynyaa]

Wait a minute Talos walked WHERE?!

[treksource]

[doctorbones]

#but shiiit look at that second to last gif#did karl urban just like…find deforest kelley and say#hey man wanna ride along with me on this bones thing#and deforest just went ‘buckle up kid’#because LOOK AT THAT FACE  (via @marmotsomsierost)

[bluespock-blog]

#no wonder karl made leonard nimoy cry

[incorrect-spones]

he’s making me cry too

[zetsubonna]

I like AOS anyway, but Karl Urban was on some spirit medium shit.

Like, everyone else kinda did their own interpretation of the characters, which worked out pretty well and interesting, but Karl just straight up summoned a ghost.

[readmetxt]

[hydrojinn]

it's actually UNREAL to me that they still wear those stupid fucking wigs in british courts ill forget about it and then remember all of a sudden and black out like howwwww can you still be doing that!

[betweenthefairiesandme]

THEY WHAT LMFAO

[hydrojinn]

honestly just put me straight in the jail i don't even wanna bear witness to this

[moveslikekeithrichards]

nsfw = nosfewatu

[isolation-hymn-deactivated20230]

You every see something that makes you so angry you laugh

[bats100]

Bats fact#81

Angry when you pick them up