The days have been passing along so quickly...
And, for now, to my great sadness, we have done nothing. Ever since we were swallowed by that... thing and ended up in this desolate place, it is as if she had abandoned all hope, and let herself be swallowed by grief. All of our efforts to open up portals back home had been in vain. Soon, we realized that it wasn't a different country we ended up in... it was a different world.
From what I had managed to gather before we ducked into a small, abandoned room, was that it was mostly dry, desert-like area. People passing outside of our window seemed to wear plain, bland clothes, mostly made out of firm and sturdy materials that seemed like cotton and linen, not dyed, or dyed into light brown or coffee colors. With my all-black clothes, and her all-colored huge amount of layers, we stood out like a thumb among fingers. By the looks of it, the people here were also darker and their facial features differed slightly from ours. Compared to them Chris was pale, cute and her hair was something that was probably very uncommon here. I would probably fit in better.
In order to survive I sold my black cape for some of their money – using only fingers and head nods, after watching other people trade. That was the same way I bought some food – mostly some sort of hard bread and dried meat, and some transparent, slightly green fluid. Water was either scarce here or they didn’t have any.
Untouched by all of this, Chris continued to lay on our only bed, gazing outside of the window in utter depression. She barely ate, and all of my efforts to get her out of bed have failed. In return, she asked of me not to sleep on the floor, but to squeeze in that tiny bed with her. She said that she felt cold, but she was probably just lonely.
I woke up. It was so damn hot… and not a breath of wind. I looked out of the window. It seemed cloudy, but it was unbearably hot, and the pressure was high. Then I looked at Chris. She was laying beside me, wearing only her purple undershirt and panties, sleeping on my arm. We were uncovered, but still, it seemed to me like it has become exponentially more hot. I tried to push away my thoughts, but couldn’t peel my eyes off of her.
Oh, the years I have spent beside her… all of the kisses I couldn’t give her, all of the things I wanted… impossible for us. There was no us. It was always someone else in her eyes, someone… better. And that was enough for me to keep my distance, and play every other imaginable role to her. What was I to her? Through time… best friend, enemy, teacher, guardian, big brother… Never what I wanted to be.
I sighed. She was so beautiful in her sleep, undisturbed by the new, rotten world we lived in, or the awful, rotten one we came from. Peacefully breathing, her chest went up and down… I sighed again. It was getting hotter.
My thoughts became wilder. Unfortunately, my gaze could not penetrate her undershirt, which was lifted ever so slightly upwards and rolled beneath her breasts. The gentle arch of her neck, her pink, dried lips, the spot where her jawline would meet with her ear and her neck in a sweet blossom… I tried to shake away the thoughts, lowering my eyes, but my gaze fell on her perfect ribs, and stomach, and continued to peer at her lower body… and for the first time in years I felt myself blush.
Yet again I tried to fight my thoughts… oh what I would do to her! I sighed again, but it did not disturb her slumber, so I kept on daydreaming… how I would kiss her, strongly, passionately, I would taste her lips until she would lose her breath, and then bite into her neck with such desire…
Yes, it has awoken anew, this dark desire for her, a monster which would devour her whole, a voice which, obviously, could not be silenced. A part of me I hated. A part of me which was born out of my love for her, but, drenched in bitterness and frustration, became darker than black. The voice of a devil, the burning desire fueled by anything but reason. It has waited patiently in darkness, for a chance to show its ugly head when the right time would come. The time of my weakness.
Trying to regain some of my composure, I caught myself breathing heavily. The sounds of the world have been muted, and it was only her neck on my arm, her fiery hair, her body next to mine that I could see and feel.
And oh god, how I yearned for her. Although she would be angry with me for it, I would’ve sold my soul for one kiss from her, for one touch, for a night of having her… a night where I would show her how much I wanted her all of these years… a night in which I would take her, and I would not be gentle all the way.
I sighed again and my other hand lifted up in the air. Slowly, it crossed the great distances and endured all the hot weather to her side of the bed, and landed softly underneath her undershirt, on her ribs. My breathing had stopped. There was no turning back now. Gently, the tips of my burning fingers caressed her ribs, and lowered onto her stomach.
Like a schoolboy, I blushed even more, and my heart wanted to fall out of my chest. She, however, did not wake.
The brutal reality crushed me right then and there – I dared what I should not have, and from here it could only go from bad to worse.
Quickly, like a thief in the night, I stole my hand back to my side. Still unaware of anything, she slept peacefully. Thus I covered us and turned to the wall slightly, so as not to look at her anymore. I tried to gain composure, but I could not. The other voices, the voice of reason and integrity haunted me, but the monster persisted.
It was not right. Although the fresh memory of her silky skin under my fingers was sweet, it was also bitter… for it was wrong of me to touch her, in any way, without her permission. For this, I would feel guilty in the years to come, adding it to the list of wrongdoings I did to her.
Soon, she started to sweat, and then to squirm under the covers. It was hot enough without being covered, but… I shivered to the thought of how weak I am.
With an unsatisfied grunt, she moved away from me – an obvious heat source – and I took advantage of this, pulling my arm to myself and turning to my side, with my back turned to her.
She awoke, looked around, and uncovered us, leaving only our feet covered. All of this I knew from her movements and breathing. Then, unexpectedly, she hugged me, burying her face in my neck.
“Don’t leave”, she whined into my neck, spooning me. “I dreamt you went away, and left me all alone. Please don’t leave”, she cried a few tears.
“I won’t”, I replied, putting my hand over hers.
With this, she fell to a deep sleep, calm again, almost pulling me too.
Of her dreams I was not aware, and I was thankful that she could not know my thoughts, at least not in this place.
