(please bear in mind i am not w writer, I've never written anything so this is just spitting out what my brain is inflicting on me)
ok so: Andy and Dylan doing some spy/interrogation roleplay, andy edging dylan trying to "get him to reveal something" (it's just a scene, there shouldn't be anything to reveal) Andy thinks Dylan looks beautiful like this and doesn't want it to end and tries to see how far can he push him. At some point Dylan getting so desperate that he actually tries to admit something: that he's sleeping with Julian. Andy giggles at this because they are open and have already discussed the casual hookups Dylan and Julian have from time to time. Dylan, still desperate and now slightly loosing it starts crying and admits that he actually loves Julian. Thay it was always casual between them because that was easier, no attachments out in the field. But he never dared believe that it was anything more form Julian, even as his own emotions grew. At that revelation Andy drops the scene, unties Dylan and hugs and comforts him.
and this is how far my vision extends lol, there probably could be more but as i said, I'm never gonna write it so i just wanted to inflict this on someone else
(also i was entertaining the idea that maybe later dylan tries to rescind his admission saying that they were trained to reveal something that seems important in the moment but doesn't carry any actual intelligence risks in case of capture and torture, and that the admissions had to be as shocking as possible but not necessarily true)(Andy thinks it's kind of bullshit but this is clearly still a gentle topic for Dylan so he doesn't push it, at least for now)
sorry i swear to god im gonna answer this seriously in a second but i absolutely can't get over dylan being like "that emotional stuff i said during sex was because of my experience with torture. that shit was counterinterrogation techniques. dont worry about it" that's so fucking funny. and he would! he really would say that! he would say that with absolutely no interrogation roleplay involved! like i know in this context it was literally interrogation roleplay but literally he could just blurt that shit out being edged without that roleplay at all or something and then after he'd be like so. im trained to resist torture. it was for a moment just all i could think about and i was CACKLING.
but anyway. serious response mode: on.
okay okay some serious thoughts.
serious thought one: spy/interrogation roleplay is an INSANE thing for a former spy to be doing. don't take this as a criticism; i'm rotating it like hell. a lot of kinks are rooted in traumas (not by necessity, it's just not uncommon to take something that hurt/frightened you and make it yours, own it, make it sexy), and while i think normally people don't do roleplay with their professions that much (doctors don't really like doctor/patient kink for example--VERY BROADLY SPEAKING, obviously, but it's the kind of thing that's usually better left to vaguer fantasy; when you know all the dirty details it's less fun) ON THE OTHER HAND, some people LOVE to make kinks out of traumas, and torture? well! like, there is something to be said about a real spy craving the idea of the kind of thing they've had to go through for Real that was scary and painful, except it's safe, it's safe and there's a sort of release, you know, so like, i do think it works. but then it's like, okay, what brings dylan here. and what does andy think about it. those are open questions im just sort of juggling them around.
(also my predictable ass is thinking like 'okay, do we think maybe he's done this with julian (i do love julian 'interrogating' dylan but there is something ABSOLUTELY INSANE about the other way around, bc julian trusts dylan implicitly, and dylan both being incredibly honored by that level of trust and vulnerability from his famously closed-off friend and also absolutely refusing to see it as anything more, to make any assumptions or take advantage of that trust, poison it with his assumd-to-be unrequited feelings) and that's where he got the idea (if julian finds out he Isn't Jealous At All, he's normal about this) or like... do we think maybe he breaches the topic of something similar with julian and julian either Does Not Get It at first and is like why would you want to do that we have to be tortured For Fucking Real all the time or would he a thousand percent get it. i lean towards the latter even if the first makes for juicy drama, simply bc i do think he would get it bc they're very similar flavors of weird and fucked up, you know? plus, julian loves the work even more than dylan does, he might have something to say about that.
anyway not to continue to make this dylan/andy stuff about dylan/julian (I SWEAR I'LL GET BACK TO DYLAN/ANDY IN A SECOND) but i really am thinking about a spy/interrogation roleplay with dylan/julian in either role a LOT now. both in a like smutty way and in a drama way. ohhh boy. especially because fundamentally andy is not a spy, and can't make it authentic beyond whatever tips dylan is giving him and controlling; both dylan and julian know it so intimately they risk making it much better.... or much worse. it would be a different vibe, is what i'm saying, to have your civilian husband pretend to be an evil interrogator (almost cute until you've been edged to heaven and back lol) versus your spy partner who Knows The Real Deal. not a worse or better vibe necessarily, just. a different vibe.)
ANYWAY back to. serious thought two: andy's trying to get him to reveal some pre-agreed upon thing (like he'd chosen a code word and written it down and now andy has to get it out of him) (honestly there's still probably a whole elaborate backstory/lore, they're always doing that shit lol) and normally this sort of becomes a game, dylan is very competitive, it's almost silly even when they get really deep into the actual edging and denial of it all. but something's different this time--they agree to push harder, further, so andy's being even firmer than usual, teasing, maybe he even says something that is completely unintentionally a little triggering (not full-blown flashback bad or anything, but like, just enough to remind him of a real thing... is it worse is if it's torture (like a condescending nickname a real torturer called him) or a time he had with julian (an affectionate nickname julian called him, that had just hit dylan full force with tender love and care)???) or whatever the case, dylan is just a bit off, defaults to Actual Counter-Interrogation lowkey (bc the best bullshit has some truth to it) and tries to distract him with unrelated truths to what andy's actually asking for. blurts out he's sleeping with julian. and andy--almost breaks character, almost laughs, because, like, yeah. he knows. and he just rolls with that, folds it into "character", laughs and is like yes, i already know that, it isn't what i asked, here, how about this, tell me something useful, which is when dylan breaks down a bit andy is like Oh Shit. bc they've actually had pretty good luck up until this point, nothing's ever really gone seriously wrong in a scene, and now uhhh Well!!!
also the fact dylan managed to get so much out... i feel like andy uncharacteristically froze, because dylan's just blurted out but i'm really in love with him and he's crying and andy is just hit with all these emotions, like. first of all, he isn't actually upset or surprised, and then he's surprised that he isn't upset or surprised. it just kind of clicks into place: yeah, his husband is in love with julian, too. that makes sense. and then he's ALSO like, at the same time, scared for dylan (crying!! it takes a lot to get him to cry properly! vulerability is one thing, he'll be vulnerable on purpose, but crying?) and wanting to comfort him, and confused,, and,, this ramble was going somewhere but i lost my train of thought.
ANYWAY lots to dig into here. especially i feel like. dylan having these deep feelings for julian but compartmentalizing it, like he always does, especially with work. no attachments in the field, it's bad enough they're as attached as they are, that gets people killed. that's the job: it's destructive. it's not meant for relationships of any kind. and anyway julian's so--so put-together, so sure of himself, he'd've said something if he felt the same way, and it's stupid and hopeless.
meanwhile julian wants him so bad it makes him look STUPID. julian's been in love with him for YEARS but a) is very sure dylan doesn't love him, even if they sleep together sometimes, which, combined with the comments about him being a playboy and completely unmarryable, doesn't hurt at ALL haha!!!! b) is also very used to dylan rejecting him. and anyway, he'd only be a threat to the man dylan *actually* loves. julian is totally okay with how ultimately his job either drives people he loves away or kills them. he's fine with that. don't worry about it.
like so much of their relationship is iron-clad trust and communication without proper words that it can be a problem. they leave too much unsaid, sometimes, bc that was how you survived as a spy, even if that isn't what they do anymore. (well, julian kind of does, but you know what i mean.)
and i could really just get in on that part for so long, like, andy realizing Oh Shit He's Serious, and also like the more he thinks about it and turns it around in his head the more he's like, i mean. dylan trusts him. he'd literally die for dylan. hell, i like him! and not that it matters but he's gorgeous! like the more he thinks about it the less of a problem he has with the concept of dylan actually being in a serious relationship with julian, so long as, you know, there's reasonable boundaries or whatever, and dylan's like were you listening??? he doesn't like me like that??? and andy's like (has been cataloging their every interaction for the past two months and also thinking back to old ones and stories dylan's told) are we sure
im getting so offtrack and disorganized bc i have too many thoughts and im definitely missing some shit. my god.
back to basics a bit. dylan is absolutely dropping, just crumples into andy's arms and cries, guilty and heartbroken, and andy's like stroking his hair thinking i gotta fix this. i gotta fix this. and maybe his first thought isn't "yippee new third!" like he has more complicated feelings about it, but he still isn't angry the way dylan feared he might be, feared he should be.
and dylan is of course just. you know when you have a really intense in-tears breakdown in front of someone nd then afterwards youre just like (throat dry, eyes wet) well. that was awkward. yeah dylan is compartmentalizing the SHIT out of that. i feel like he'd say all that interrogation shit but then feel guilty it was a lie even if only be implication and just be like but nothing has to change, i still love you, i'll--i'll stop sleeping with him if you want, (voice wavering) i know he doesn't love me--and andy's just like oh. oh sweetheart. he'd be a fool if he didn't. (again, meanwhile, julian is like Actively Pining.)
and like, dylan sleeping with julian again after admitting that. julian can tell something is bothering him but he knows dylan is stubborn and he wants to ask but in the end doesn't dare to…
sorry i just KEEP GOING IN CIRCLES bc i feel like there's something i was going to address that i Can't Remember. fuck.
fuck idk i'll add to this later maybe?
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