Fuck This Is Hard

A Claire living for sugar / Indiana / ENFP / support main / Rakan for Xayah 💖

[alienatedartt]

atlas

[pineappical]

cuteness aggression

[pineappical]

one day grace tries on one of their eridian shirts and is like hehe it has way too many holes for my few limbs :-) and to rocky and adrian its like the equivalent of putting your dog in a pair of pants

[nightmaresyrup]

I compressed and minified a Gryphon. Marvel at how tiny it is! (Around the size of a corgi)

[punkasshunter]

Video game things I’m good at:

Knowing every obscure scrap of lore ever introduced

Being pretty bad at the actual game

[goblinmumbles]

You forgot one: having fun!

[punkasshunter]

I respect you

[umbrellanumber5-deactivated2021]

.

.

.

.

Never related to anything more

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

irresponsible adhd top tip #???

sleep with the curtains open because you can turn off six hundred alarms but you can't turn off the sun without effort

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

irresponsible adhd top tip #??? + 1

once, a guy in my dorms came back from a hazing for a sport that you wouldn't think is the kind to do hazing. he was bloodied, crying, throwing up, and he had to be carried by two older students.

the conceit of the hazing was― they got the freshers drunk, and told them all that the person who ran hardest at the wall would avoid the hazing.

staring at a task, willing yourself to do it, is like running at that wall as hard as you can. it is, by design, not going to work. you will get bodily fluids on your sheep onesie.

you have a mind that lends itself perfectly to switching between tasks. let it wander. let it return in time, fresh and ready. if you keep running at that wall, you will get nothing in return but guilt and a headache.

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

irresponsible adhd top tip #??? + 2

with adhd, the easiest way to make a goal feel impossible is telling yourself you will do x thing every day from now on no matter what.

good news: this also works for obsessive habits you want to break. nothing makes you want to procrastinate on using social media more than giving yourself a specific goal about how to use it.

you could tell yourself to post 10 times or like thirty posts or use x feature every day or something. maube set a timer, and force yourself to not leave the app until 20 minutes have passed. you will be desperate to do anything else after that.

the negative brain patterns you have programmed into the 'i must do this' categories in your life can be hacked into the things you want to stop doing. you have that power. you've learned the techniques already, now you can apply them to the things you want to use them on

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

irresponsible adhd top tip #??? + 3

sleep clothes aren't mandatory and getting changed in the morning can delay the day by hours. before you go to bed, just change into the clothes you would usually spend the day in. you can always change again once you're up and about and it feels less herculean a task.

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

irresponsible adhd tip #??? +4

you want to do a thing? you need to do a thing? reverse psychology yourself:

do it for exactly thirty seconds and then force yourself to walk away.

your brain won't like that very much.

[whimsically-whimsical]

OP why did you imply that with effort I CAN turn off the sun

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

We know where it is and we know what it's made of. Anyone who knows those things about me could kill me

[viktormaru]

More on the Beau Molly Broship

[viktormaru]

everyone tagging this with any variation of “caduceus is a judgy mfer they just don’t know it yet” is absolutely right

[itzbatz-deactivated20240722]

i hate making tea cuz i feel bad for throwing out the teabag. i’m always like i should eat this

[legsdemandias]

When are we going to talk about how utterly over the top and ridiculous neurotypical advice for ADHD and sleep is?? It’s straight up fucking bonkers. 

Someone with ADHD: I really really struggle to fall asleep at “regualr times”, no matter how tired I am I just can’t seem to fall asleep at 10 pm!!! But I almost instantly fall asleep any time after 2 am. What should I do?

NT sleep advice: You, someone who cannot conceptualize time in any way whatsoever, need to identify TWO HOURS in advance when you want to sleep and, with your executive dysfunction that makes making decisions at will almost straight up impossible, make the decision to stop whatever you’re involuntarily hyperfixating on. Then, you, with a focus disorder that makes it so that you have to be doing something at all times, sit and do nothing for 2 hours. You cannot read. You cannot be on your phone. Do not move. Do not talk to people. Just sit and do nothing. If you can’t fall asleep it’s because you Did Something and it’s your fault. Bluelight 24 hours before you want to sleep is the reason. Never look at a TV, Phone, computer, OR let one of these objects be within a 24,000 mile radius of you. Never ever go NEAR your bed unless you’re already asleep. If you are AWAKE in your bedroom ever you will not be able to sleep. 

ADHD Sleep Advice: Get a job that starts at 2 pm or later and go to sleep at 4 am and wake up at noon. 

[whatevercomestomymind]

Half my life right here lol

[eddiescouch]

All my life I have had intense insomnia and all the sleep advice I’ve gotten has been like the NT bullshit. Everyone told me it was my fault and I wasn’t trying hard enough. I finally went to a sleep doc and she just laughed and gave me the ADHD version of sleep advice. She told me more often than anything else she prescribes people permission to go to sleep late.

[uncertain-delights]

Non-snarky question: does anyone have good ADHD sleep advice for someone who is not able to get a job that starts in the middle of the day? My sister teaches high school and is a single parent to an elementary aged kid. “Sleep till noon” is not an option, but there’s got to be something better than “so you’re just screwed, I guess!” or the aforementioned impossible nonsense. Brilliant ADHD folks, any ideas?

[nonasuch]

actually yes! For most of my life I have had horrible sleep habits, because not only do I have the classic ADHD delayed sleep phase pattern, but my goddamn hamster wheel of a brain would often keep spinning well into the early morning hours. Lots of nights spent tossing and turning, unplanned all-nighters in college, etc.

What helped was 1) anxiety meds and 2) melatonin. I have multiple timers on my phone to ensure that I take both of these before 10 PM every night, and if I’m consistent about it I can reliably fall asleep around midnight and wake up at 7 even without a morning alarm. (I still HAVE a morning alarm, obviously. not gonna tempt fate over here.) Waking up before 7 and being any kind of functional is still a challenge, but if I had to I could probably make it work.

Also, I have emergency backup Xanax (in a tiny baby dosage) for nights when my usual routine fails to silence the hamster wheel. I go through a 30-pill refill of that in six months or so, normally. Although 2020 has been, uh, a lot more anxiety-inducing than average.

(my last doctor’s appointment was at the very beginning of March, and at the time I asked to refill my emergency Xanax for upcoming election reasons. really glad i did that, y’all.)

[ms-demeanor]

A) PERFECTIONISM WILL FUCK YOU

So y’all know the ADHD perfectionist thing, right, the “if I can’t do it right i might as well not do it at all?” thing? Your brain tells you the same thing about sleep. “Oh well, didn’t make it to bed by 1230, guess I’ll stay up till 1; oh well, didn’t make it to bed by 345, might as well stay up till 4.”

Please learn that that is bullshit because sometimes just consciously being aware that what you’re doing is an ADHD thing is enough to remind you that you’ve got coping mechanisms for this and can shock you out of your dysfunctional pattern.

Also your ADHD brain is a shithead and will sometimes say “well I couldn’t get to sleep on time, might as well just stay up all night.” And FUCK YOUR ADHD BRAIN, any sleep is better than no sleep, Mythbusters did a thing about that, even just going to bed and closing your eyes for 20 minutes is better than not getting into bed at all and sometimes that’s ALSO enough to trick your brain into going to fucking sleep.

B) DON’T LAY IN BED AND TORTURE YOURSELF

If you’ve been in bed and unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep for more than an hour just get up (or even if you don’t physically get up just pick up your book or your phone or whatever). This isn’t “Fine I’ll Just Stay Up All Night” this is “my cycling thoughts aren’t going to let me sleep so I’m gonna distract my brain by focusing on something else for a bit.”

If you try to force yourself to fall asleep you just get stuck in a “I should be asleep, why am I still awake, what the fuck is wrong with me just go to fucking sleep” thought pattern and keep yourself awake. Just. Play some tetris for a bit. You’ll probably get sleepy pretty soon.

C) BRING YOUR HYPERFIXATION TO BED. YES EVEN IF IT’S BLUE LIGHT.

Okay so I quit smoking about a year ago and that’s the thing that’s made the single biggest difference in my sleep schedule because when I was still smoking I’d sit in the garage next to the ashtray and read/write/draw/whatever and have a cigarette every once in a while. And then I’d get sleepy but I wouldn’t be able to motivate myself to stand up and go to bed until I was more awake at which point I got more engaged in whatever it was that I was doing.

When I quit smoking I started hanging out in bed and drawing or reading fanfic or whatever and the magical thing is that when I’m tired I can just put my phone or my notebook down and go to sleep. I even keep my meds and my phone charger and a bottle of water on my headboard so I don’t have to stand up and take my pills I just put my stuff down and go to sleep. This has taken me from an average bedtime of 4-5am to an average bedtime of 1-3am and sometimes I can even go to sleep at midnight if I’m tired enough. THIS IS MAGICAL AND HAS LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED FOR ME BEFORE. I still have “whoops, got into this book and stayed awake until 5 am” nights once every couple of months but it is so much better than when that used to happen two or three times a week.

(that is, of course, with a work start time of 9am; left to my own devices or working a schedule I choose I’m more likely to be in bed by 7am and getting up at 2pm.)

D) Hey you know how they tell you to stop drinking caffeine at like, 5pm or some ridiculous bullshit? That made everything immeasurably worse for me. Honestly see if having a cup of coffee around bedtime helps.

E) TAKE FUCKING NAPS

Because here’s the deal, if you can’t get around the terrible and cruel dayperson’s schedule requirements then you’re going to just have to get used to dealing with less sleep and that is *terrible* for you but you can make it slightly less terrible by taking an afternoon or a just-off-work nap. And sometimes the nap will hit you really hard and you’ll sleep for like ten hours and then you’ll probably be awake too early but what, you probably didn’t even have enough of a sleep schedule to be worried about ruining it.

F) If you’ve got the hamster wheel going try to think about things that require your focus but that are kind of boring. I tend to either multiply by 3s until I can’t keep track and then start over OR I focus on feeling the pulse in every part of my body from my toes to my scalp and back down until I’m asleep.

GOOD LUCK.

[ms-demeanor]

ALSO YOU ARE NOT A LOSER OR LAZY OR A SHITTY PERSON IF YOU CAN’T SLEEP AT “NORMAL” TIMES.

And I’m sorry because you’ve probably heard that and heard “well you could do it if you really wanted to” and that fucking blows and I wish nobody had been such a fucking asshole to you.

Not everybody sleeps on the same schedule and it’s not your fault if your brain is wired to a schedule that society thinks is wrong BUT you probably do need to recognize that society is going to do its very best to fuck you over and if you can start planning now for the kind of work that lets you set your own schedule you might want to do so. That is the kind of benefit that is on par with health insurance and 401K matching. If one business is letting you sleep at your normal schedule and another business needs you in at 8AM but pays 10K more I’ve gotta tell you that the sleep schedule that makes you feel best and not getting yelled at by your boss over lateness because you overslept AGAIN is probably worth ten thousand dollars.

And if you’re a teenager and dealing with this that is so, so, so, shitty buds. You may want to see if you can get assistance through your school’s disability accommodation team.

[supersciencegeek]

My child is autistic. He doesn’t do well with change. Even little things that would be meaningless to most people.

For example, his hairbrush was getting old and worn. He had chewed the end of it. The cats had chewed some bristles. It was dirty and dusty. But I didn’t say anything. Because it’s his hairbrush.

Finally, he said he thinks it’s time for a new brush. Ok, I say, we’ll put it on the shopping list, and get one next time we’re in town.

So we go to town and we go to the store. There are many hairbrushes to choose from. He picks one and they even have it in his favorite color. We buy it, take it home, and remove the packaging.

I go to put it on the shelf where the old hairbrush is. Can we throw out the old one, I ask.

That’s when he stops. That’s when he freezes and gets a momentary look of panic on his face. Throw out the old one? That hadn’t occurred to him.

Because here’s the thing. Hair brushing is a part of his morning routine. And not just hair brushing, but hair brushing with that particular brush. To most people, the act of hair brushing is the routine, but not the brush itself. The objects are interchangeable. But not to my child. Not to someone with autism. The brush itself is just as important as the act of brushing.

So I take a breath. I put the old brush down. Think about it, I say. Let me know tomorrow what you want to do with this brush.

He decides. He realizes keeping an old hairbrush is not necessary. But it’s still important to him. So he asks if I can cut off one bristle. To keep. As a memory of the old hairbrush.

I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need. I cut off the bristle. He puts it in his treasure box, along side some smooth rocks, beads, sparkly decals, a Santa Claus charm from a classmate, a few other things meaningful to him.

He throws the old hairbrush away himself. He is able to move on, and accept the change.

[saturnscope]

This is a great way to help an autistic person move on properly, instead of forcing them to get rid of it you let them use their own method and left them feeling safe. Congrats fam👏👏

[displacerghost]

For me hyper empathy is also part of this and I have to like, grieve for things like this. And approaching it that way, as grief, as legitimate bereavement instead of pushing myself to treat it the way NT’s in my life had taught me (dismissive, mockery, “it’s just a hairbrush wtf why are you like this”) has really helped in these kinds of situations.  I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need. I wish I’d had this kind of understanding and safety in my childhood. It teaches you how to be safe and understanding to yourself.

[fuckingconversations]

Look up the Shinto belief system.

In Shinto, everything has a spirit. Your sandals, your bed, your umbrella, and yes - even your hairbrush. After many years of use, objects will gain a full soul, and can come to life and move around. (100 years is commonly quoted, but “100 years” is also a common generalization for “a long time” - not specifically 100)

If you treated the objects well, respectfully and to their purpose, then they might wake up and remain helpful, or may playfully pull harmless pranks.

But if you treated them poorly - didn’t respect the service they offered, threw them away carelessly, or wastefully misused them until they broke, then the spirits would be angered and come back to haunt. The object yokai could even band together to get their revenge. There are also stories of beloved objects whose owners died suddenly becoming sad and angry that they were forgotten, and awakening as vengeful spirits anyway.

Broken and well-used (in need of replacing) objects have their own ceremony so that the spirits could be consoled laid to rest before disposing of the object.

There are several well-known temples who keep memorial collections of old dolls - twice a year a memorial service is held for the spirits of those objects, so they’ll remain content. Likewise, the temples will hold ceremonies for objects that need to be disposed of properly so they will not wake up vengeful.

After holding a night of contemplation to remember the hairbrush’s service, a ritual to memorialize, and a farewell send off; I think the spirit of that hairbrush would rest peacefully.

If you’ve heard of Marie Kondo and her “does this bring you joy” cleaning method, she also emphasizes her Shinto beliefs - that you should thank the unneeded object for its service, remember the good times you had with it, and try to re-home/donate as much as you can so it can continue its life somewhere else.

It honors the relationship you had with the object, and it allows you to move on feeling grateful and at peace. That object no longer has a place in your life, but you can still be thankful that it was around when you did need it.

[valtsv]

but if i don’t hyperfixate i’ll get depressed and die

[valtsv]

*runs out of hyperfixations* oh god oh fuck *lies in bed feeling empty and useless for 48 hours*

[princecharmingtobe]

*desperately digs through old hyperfixations* there must be SOMETHING

[the-vanilluxe-treatment]

the last rapidash

[pathcend]

[soclonely]

AHHHH  LOVE THAT THEY HAVE BPD

[eggastential-biscuits]

I have three of these

I think

Maybe I have BPD but I can't be sure rn

[krakensdottir]

Oh thank fuck, this is literally the first non-horrible BPD representation I’ve ever seen and it makes me want to cry

[sharrrrknight]

has the "ship grace with everyone ever" blunt rotation hit the eel hive mind yet

[galacticsabc]

Grace Rocky Save Stars

[viktormaru]

EVERYONE GETS A SMORCH

YOU ALSO GET A SMORCH!

[florensicz]

giving the captain a better view ❤️