Does anyone else hurt for places they used to be able to go but now can't?
Like my childhood home is one thing where it sucks because I spent 20 years knowing the place intimately and now it'd be trespassing.
But the one that sucks more for me is my primary school. My mum was (and still is) a teacher at that school, it was a small private school but not one with money (its a Montessori School). So I used to be at school before most kids and often left school around 6pm because my mum was working overtime (most teachers were there till late but we were usually the last). Not to mention the amount of times we came in during school holidays.
So I knew the school grounds intimately. I knew the playground very well (and it was honestly fuckin cool as and I reckon most playgrounds now days suck, yeah I'm an adult now but i think my child mind would agree). I knew all the little secret spots in the school that most wouldn't have. I knew the underneath of all the buildings (most were kind of lifted). I knew the bush land that I used to run through with mates in the afternoons, and there was that one big fallen tree that had two couches sitting up in its branches.
I loved that place and it felt just as much my home as the home I grew up in. But the land it was on was sold off for developers many years back and thankfully the school was able to get the funds to move locations to a new place. Many of the buildings were moved across to this new locations as well.
The new locations is awesome and all. Both my mum and sister work there and I still love the school but I get so upset thinking about the old grounds. Its layout, the memories each place on the grounds held. I miss the paths in the bush that we used to cut through and the little stories we would come up with. I miss the make shift little huts that we made against the wishes of the teachers (though a parent who was a builder did say he was impressed by the builds, even standing on the roof of one without collapse).
Weirdly I super miss the trees. Like, just some of the trees in the main grounds that otherwise aren't notable. Like the two trees that were along the path from one class to another. Or the tree that I spun/ran into when I was like 7 or 8, much to the amusement of my friends who stood right there as it happened. I miss the ferns that grew from the small pond in the forest. I miss the kangaroos that would graze on the soccer fields some times in the afternoon.
I hate that I can only visit this place in memory. That all its little wonders and nooks and secrets now sit faded in my mind. That not even a single tree that I knew intimately exists, replaced by soulless buildings for supermarkets.
I'm sure this feeling is likely common, maybe? But fuck does it hurt. To mourn a space you knew deeply. Maybe this is just the way of nostalgia but this is the only nostalgic memory that cuts so deep.
But such is life I suppose.
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