[𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚: 𝙗𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙗] 𝘩𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯; 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 | 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵
“Ah, petal! There you are!”
You stopped on your heel, sucking in a breath before turning to face the tall, dark haired man with a polite smile.
The young prince of Levanter, who happened to be your betrothed and soon-to-be-husband, smiled, looking at you in a way that would send any person’s heart into overdrive, “The love of my life, queen of my heart, how are you this morning?”
“What do you want?” You asked, lips quirking up into a neutral smile even as your face fought the urge to twitch.
Hyunjin pouted, deflating just a bit when you didn’t seem to play along, “Is everything alright, (name)?” He asked, his expression wrought with concern. “Has something happened?”
Leave it to Hyunjin to be perceptive in the very moments that you did not want him to be. “Nothing’s happened, Hyunjin. I am just a bit busy with planning a couple of foreign trips with my kingdom’s naval allies,” you explained yourself, hoping to ease his worries, “Now, is there something I can help you with?”
The prince still didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push, “Why do I have to have a reason to see you?”
“Please,” you let out a genuine chuckle this time, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear, “I’ve known you since we were children. I know your tells probably more than you know them yourself.”
“Oh,” his ears turned slightly pink, “I…I didn’t know you actually paid that much attention to me.”
“You were my betrothed from the moment the two of us started walking,” you replied, looking up at him with those unreadable yet kind eyes, “It’s my duty to know you and your heart for us to have a fulfilling and passionate marriage.”
Hyunjin stared at you for a moment before bursting into uproarious laughter, “Oh, gosh. I remember when our mothers sat us down to tell us that. Good one, (name)!”
You smiled along, despite the fact that your heart was slowly withering inside. How quickly he was to dismiss your words, how unbelievably clueless he was. “Alright, I won’t jest anymore. What is it I can do for you?”
“Oh!” Hyunjin’s smile widened, his eyes began to sparkle with a passionate glee that wasn’t present before, and with a sinking pit in your stomach, you knew what he was about to ask of you before the words even left his lips, “Naeun told me that she has a free afternoon today, and I wanted to escort her to the lake for a late lunch! You know, the lake we found as kids?”
This time, it took every ounce of willpower to hide the physical pain his words inflicted upon you. To know that Hyunjin was set to marry you when you were not in his heart even in the slightest was something you could shoulder. To know that Hyunjin was in love with another, a servant girl in your own palace, was something you could shoulder. To willingly give him your blessing to court her and be complicit in hiding their relationship to make him happy was something you could shoulder.
But the lake was sacred to you. The little nook with the most beautiful view that you and Hyunjin found when the two of you were children, playing around because your families wanted you to know each other better. The two of you adored that spot so much, you’d fashion your own secret hideout there every time you reunited, bringing blankets, pillows, and food straight from the kitchens to eat while enjoying the view.
That little lake was the only thing you shared with Hyunjin, something that was special to only the both of you. At least, that was the case until this very moment.
“You know, this isn’t a secret that we share with just anyone,” your tone was jesting and playful, but your words held a bitter tang to them. You just couldn’t help yourself. You weren’t a saint, after all.
Hyunjin pouted, placing a passionate hand to his heart, “I haven’t shown our spot to anyone before, I promise! I know it means a lot to you and us, so I wanted to get your permission first!”
Oh, how desperately you wanted to say no. How desperately you wanted to scream, cry, throw a fuss about how cruel this was to you, how unfairly you were being treated. But you knew, in the deepest crevices of your heart, that this was your own undoing. You lied to Hyunjin when you said that you felt nothing for him just like he felt nothing for you. You lied to yourself when you assured him that you would happily give your blessing to his clandestine relationship. In the end, you told so many lies that you yourself didn’t even know how to unravel them anymore, gradually strangling yourself until you were a lifeless corpse in your own web.
“Fine, I guess an exception can be made.”
As masochistic as it was, the smile Hyunjin gave you made the pain he inflicted upon you tolerable. “Really?! You truly mean it?”
Words failed you at the very moment, so all you could do was nod your head and silently plead for a quick escape.
In an unusual moment of affection, Hyunjin suddenly leaned towards you, clasping both of your hands in his and holding them tightly. You clamped your mouth shut to prevent your heart from leaping out, and your eyes were wide with a mixture of surprise and fear.
“Look, (name),” he said with an unusually serious expression, “I just wanted to thank you…for everything you’ve done these last few months. I know that, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been able to attain such happiness with our situation.”
No, stop. Please. Please don’t thank me.
But as always, Hyunjin remained oblivious to your true feelings, “Neither of us asked for it, least of all you, and please know that if you ever find love, I’ll support your relationship wholeheartedly as you supported mine.”
Fuck, you were truly at your breaking point. How could he say such things with such an earnest expression? Did he truly not know your feelings for him? Were you so far away from his mind that he never read into your longing glances, your kind demeanor towards him and only him?
Mustering the strength you didn’t know you possessed, you managed a smile, squeezing his hand, “I doubt I’d ever find a prince worthy of my love,” your words were haughty, teasing, a perfect deflection.
Hyunjin smiled brightly, “Somehow, I believe that to be true,” he said with a conspiratorial smile before he let go of your hands and backed away from you, “I must find Naeun now. Thank you, my darling!”
It wasn’t until you were in the safety of your private study that you finally shed your mask, and the tears of frustration, anger, and hurt flowed down your cheeks. You grasped the corner of your desk so tightly that the edge dug into your palm, but you welcomed the pain wholeheartedly, preferring it over the emotional wounds that continued to bleed out.
Your mother once told you that a loveless marriage was the most painful thing of all for a royal, but she was wrong. There was nothing more painful than a marriage that possessed love, but only enough to fill the heart of one.
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