Would you mind explaining the reasons behind and for safe words?
clearly defined safewords are most important if the bottom wants the option to say anything like No, Stop, Don’t, etc, without being taken literally.
(y’know, the old “No means Yes, Pineapple means No”)
safewords are also useful because they’re short and clear; in an intense scene, even words like “stop” have the potential to be confusing
(for example: did you mean “stop hitting you with the same stick i’ve been using for the past 15 minutes” or “stop the entire scene and untie me” ? )
at least in my corner of the world, the universal safewords are Yellow for Slow Down and Red for Full Immediate Stop.
i’ve heard people use Yellow in slightly different ways; for example, it could mean “i need you to stop spanking me,” or “you can keep spanking me, but not so hard.”
unless it’s been specifically discussed otherwise, it’s probably a good idea to stop and check in anytime someone says Yellow.
If someone calls Red, i’ll try to find out what’s wrong and ask whether they want to continue the scene.
Anything other than a clearly recognizable “Yes,” means we’re done. Responses like Maybe, I Dunno, or “Well The Funny Thing Is….” etc, probably mean I’ve already started untying.
i also think it’s important not to over-rely on safewords. sometimes a person having an intense bdsm experience will have difficulty saying anything, so it never hurts to pause and make sure the bottom is still able to Say Words.
if you’re concerned someone might be spacing the fuck out on you, a good practice I’ve heard is to ask, “Do you remember your safeword? What is it? Do you want to use it? So, do you want to continue?”
Those four questions confirm that the bottom is still able to talk (which is less of a given than you might think when you’re really kicking the shit out of someone), reminds them that they’re in control, and re-establish affirmative consent.
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