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@strugglingcatholic
Reblog this if you are against the porn industry
Done with Dating: Why I’m Choosing Christian Courtship
Note: This is an opinion piece based on my own experiences. I know that some people will not agree with me. However, I strongly encourage you to consider what I am saying since there is a purpose to this, which is not to judge anyone, but to help my brothers and sisters in Christ plan for their futures.
Courtship is defined as “the act, period, or art of seeking the love of someone with intent to marry”. The intent to marry is a key difference between dating and courtship. Dating lacks purpose and direction. If you lack purpose and direction, then what are you doing?
Dating culture places too much emphasis on physical aspects of a relationship that are really meant for marriage. A dating relationship without a plan for marriage only makes pursuing purity that much harder (especially in cohabiting couples).
Christian courtship is deliberate and prepares you for a Christ-centered marriage, while dating usually does not. Even though people who date instead of court end up marrying, the intent to marry is a lot less clear in the beginning. We deserve clarity and directness since relationships require a lot of emotional investment and time commitments. Also, the beginning stages of a relationship build the foundation for the future.
Christian courtship strongly emphasizes supporting each other spiritually and focusing on God together. Christian courtship sets boundaries to guard each other’s purity.
Some might say that you can still have these relationship principles without the courtship name, but by calling it a Christian courtship, you are clearly acknowledging Who is at the center of your relationship (Christ) and what the purpose of the relationship is (marriage).
It is important to note that courtship is not a commitment to marriage. You are not skipping the “getting to know you” stage and going straight to engagement. The purpose is to determine whether you two should marry or not. When you start a courtship, you are deciding that you should discern marriage together.
I hope that you will consider this and ask God for guidance. I’ll be praying for you.
Pax et Bonum,
María de Fátima
So how do you know who to “court”? How do you know who you are making this investment in?
Since you can’t you either rely on other people to match you up or you don’t do anything. “Courting” is often the reason parents practically choose spouses for their kids or have kids who never leave home.
Since you “know” it is serious and real, you are more likely to stay through crap you shouldn’t or get more emotionally, spiritually, and physically invested than you should.
I’ve seen this tried for since the 90′s and it does not work except to leave people broken and alone.
Put Christ at the center, yes, but for pity’s sake go on some dates!
So how do you know who to “court”? How do you know who you are making this investment in?
Talk to the person before beginning the courtship. It’s the same with regular dating. After you start courting though, you are asking yourself “Would I marry this person? Why or why not?”.
Since you can’t you either rely on other people to match you up or you don’t do anything. “Courting” is often the reason parents practically choose spouses for their kids or have kids who never leave home.
Since you “know” it is serious and real, you are more likely to stay through crap you shouldn’t or get more emotionally, spiritually, and physically invested than you should.
Courtship is not a commitment to marry. It is a decision to discern marriage together. If you realize that something is wrong in the relationship, then you should end the courtship. It isn’t binding. You can leave. Again, this is the same with regular dating.
I’ve seen this tried for since the 90′s and it does not work except to leave people broken and alone.
I have tried this myself (my parents are not Catholic and do not believe in courtship, so I made this decision myself) and I know of many others who have. Courtship works if you have the right approach. If you act like you signed a contract and you have to marry this person, then of course it won’t work. That’s the wrong approach to courtship and that attitude only sets the courtship up for failure.
Put Christ at the center, yes, but for pity’s sake go on some dates!
And yes, you can go on dates when you’re courting, as long as the couple isn’t alone with each other and sets clear boundaries.
So much of this is the same warmed over failed courting movement that has tried to kill “dating” but effectively just becomes dating.
Getting to know people to see if you want to pursue a lasting relationship is the point of going and spending some one on one time with them, which is dating.
You can say “Oh, we’re just hanging out.” or “We’re just friends” to try to avoid dating, but that is what you are doing! You are just complicating things, confusing people, and lying about your intentions is all. You want to see who somebody is because you are interested in them romantically but “courtship” says you can’t romantically see them one on one, so you do it as friends, which leaves your friends unsure what you want and your peers questioning your every move.
Or you only spend time in a group, because somehow that keeps you from doing something sexual. But it doesn’t. Any group that practices courtship and is honest admits that. Group dynamics just make people have to be sneakier about what they are doing in the group. And it makes it harder to get to know the person you are “courting”.
If you are saying all courtship is you and another person discerning marriage together, guess what? Everybody is already doing that! People are sizing each other up as possible spouses from the moment they meet and if they are Christian, they are asking God about it.
This is an approach that fails everywhere it is tried and leads to pain because it places a legalistic system in place of a real relationship with God and people.
I mean go for it if you want, that is your prerogative but this is not a more holy or God fearing approach to finding a spouse. It is pretty much the opposite.
So much of this is the same warmed over failed courting movement that has tried to kill “dating” but effectively just becomes dating.
Getting to know people to see if you want to pursue a lasting relationship is the point of going and spending some one on one time with them, which is dating.
I talked about the key differences between dating and courtship in the original post. Dating usually lacks a purpose and direction (or it is at least unclear in the beginning), while courtship is more direct. Directness is a good thing.
You can say “Oh, we’re just hanging out.” or “We’re just friends” to try to avoid dating, but that is what you are doing! You are just complicating things, confusing people, and lying about your intentions is all. You want to see who somebody is because you are interested in them romantically but “courtship” says you can’t romantically see them one on one, so you do it as friends, which leaves your friends unsure what you want and your peers questioning your every move.
Or you only spend time in a group, because somehow that keeps you from doing something sexual. But it doesn’t. Any group that practices courtship and is honest admits that. Group dynamics just make people have to be sneakier about what they are doing in the group. And it makes it harder to get to know the person you are “courting”.
Most people who court these days don’t do that anymore. Instead of meeting in groups, they just meet in public areas like the movies and restaurants. Besides, couples shouldn’t be completely alone together anyway, whether they’re dating or courting.
If you are saying all courtship is you and another person discerning marriage together, guess what? Everybody is already doing that! People are sizing each other up as possible spouses from the moment they meet and if they are Christian, they are asking God about it.
Calling it a courtship makes these intentions clear from the beginning. It’s a lot less clear with dating.
This is an approach that fails everywhere it is tried and leads to pain because it places a legalistic system in place of a real relationship with God and people.
Courtship works for people who do it right and don’t see it as a “legalistic system”. Before I tried this myself, I did my own research and learned that it’s not this horrible thing that people make it out to be. Courtship is a real relationship; the difference is that both of you are on the same page from the start and your intentions are clear. Saying that it fails everywhere ignores the success stories and it’s a gross generalization.
I mean go for it if you want, that is your prerogative but this is not a more holy or God fearing approach to finding a spouse. It is pretty much the opposite.
As if today’s dating culture is a good Christian method? I’m done with dating for a reason. If courtship works in some relationships and not in others, that means that the problem is with those people, not courtship itself. Some people are doing it wrong and wondering what happened.
Christians can still apply these principles without the courtship title (and that’s great!), but I explained the purpose of the title in the original post. The title is actually quite important.
If you would like to learn more about the right approach to courtship, you can follow my blog. I post about it often :)
I think your persistence that (your version of) courtship and dating are different is more to do with a fundamental misunderstanding of dating in general.
What you’re describing (courtship but without the, well, courtship aspects - chaperoning, legalism, and marriage-plan-from-the-get-go) is just good dating. It’s dating as it’s supposed to be done. But it’s still dating. It’s just dating done right. Just as sacramental marriage is still marriage, just marriage done right. We don’t say “oh I’m not married, I’m welded to my spouse” or something equally ridiculous, just to make it seem different from everyone else’s.
Call it what you want, but just know that isn’t fundamentally different from what dedicated, smart, chaste, God-centered dating is. You’re just putting a different name on it. But if the different name helps (as you say it does) to keep the right perspective, more power to you I guess.
^^^^ pretty much. I mean, if you insist so much on calling it “courtship”, then by all means do so. But I think most people advocating the practice of courtship will not recognise this as such. It usually involves, as far as I know, a much stricter guarding of the relationship (chaperoning, group “dates”…) and a clear-cut commitment to marriage in the end, like hislittleflower said. To me the whole ‘courting’ thing seemed mostly like a fad, an attempt by a certain Christian subculture to create a “biblical alternative” instead of, I dunno, maybe taking dating and making it right and godly.
When I did my research on couples who are courting today, I didn’t find any strict rules like that. Most people who choose courtship these days aren’t like that. Strict approaches to Christian courtship from the past are turning people away from the right approach today. These strict approaches are hardly used anymore.
Courtship isn’t a fad but a legitimate alternative. People are still courting today and having successful relationships.
Just to be clear, I was talking about the more legalistic version I’ve come across (which may be more of an evangelical thing and not well known in Catholic circles…). Sorry if that came across otherwise. I tend to think the method of courtship which you described is correct and godly but from your description I’ve gathered that it is practically the same as dating, only with adherence to chastity before marriage and a general God-centered approach. Have I gotten that right? If yes, do you believe it guarantees an entirely separate term instead of e.g. “Christian dating”?
Yes, but the difference between courtship and dating is that the intent to marry is clear from the beginning in a courtship. Even with Christian dating, the intent to marry isn’t always clear.
(Intent to marry does not mean commitment to marry.)
The intent to marry is not always clear…I didn’t quite expect that to be the case. :/ If you put it thus, then it is a meaningful distinction indeed. So…most likely it’s this kind of courtship that the Christian world needs. You will have my prayers for a successful courting life either way.
It is a meaningful distinction :) That’s why I really like Christian courtship (as opposed to Christian dating). I’m using my Tumblr to promote it and take away all of the negative stereotypes associated with it.
Thank you :) I’ll be praying for you, too.
If you or your blog is Christian
Please reblog and follow those who reblog. I’m looking to establish a network of Christians that are committed to prayer for one another and for a semi-public internet space to be open and deeply honest about struggles and fears. We are called to community and genuine love. Wherever this reaches, I hope you will publicly declare yourself a Christian and be unafraid to ask difficult questions and ask for help via prayer. Let’s use the internet to strengthen the church and each other’s faith.
Why do Catholics pray to Saints? Shouldn't we only pray to God? Also do you think the Pope's influence has grown to much in recent times. I feel like the Pope takes too much attention away from God.
Catholic Christians pray to the saints because this is the tradition handed down to us by the Apostles. We can ask each other on earth to pray for each other; in fact the Bible says we are supposed to: “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Tim 2:1-6).
Now, are those who die in Christ still a part of the Church? Are they truly separated from us by a great chasm, or are we one in the Body of Christ? The Bible says: “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-9) and “in Christ we who are many form one Body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Romans 12:5). So all of us, living and dead, are one in Christ, alive in the Spirit. We can interceded for each other on earth, and the saints in Heaven can intercede for us. And we should want them to, for the Bible also says: “the prayer of a righteous man has great strength”. (James 5:16)
When you say that we should “only” “pray” to God you ignore the communitarian nature of salvation history. God has always called a people. Jesus taught us to pray to Our Father, not simply my Father. We are not alone, but are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1).
As to the Pope, he has as much influence as people give him. And as he is pretty much always talking about God, I don’t see how paying attention to him would be problematic. It would be like saying Christians care too much what Saint Paul had to say.
Thanks & God bless!
I arrive in Africa
Drums: echoing Boy: hurried Rains: blessed
I am forcibly dragged away from you
You’re all invited to attend!
Simbang Gabi (aka Dawn Mass or Misa de Gallo) is a Christmas novena tradition in the Philippines in preparation for the birth of Jesus. It ends on the 24th, Christmas Eve. This Mass on the 15th actually precedes the novena.
St. Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows’ 41 Resolutions
To my brothers and sisters in Christ
Stand by your beliefs. Remember that the world hated Jesus before it hated us. He told us that we would be hated because of His name, but we will be secured by our perseverance.
Remember that those who suffer for Christ are blessed. It is a sign of strength to stand by your faith no matter what people say to you. I’ve been called many things:
Bigot
Homophobe
Pro-life terrorist
Anti-woman
Crazy
And do I care? No. (If anything, this only encourages me to push harder.) I am not here to please the world. I am here to please Christ. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.
So stand firm and remember what the true goal is
To be with God in Heaven for eternity.
7 THINGS NON-CATHOLICS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH 1. We are The Church. We are not a denomination since our Founder was Jesus Christ 2000 years ago. Jesus built His Church on the Apostle Peter (Cephas-Rock) in Matt. 16:18 as a Dynastic office supported by the Holy Spirit and those Apostles and Bishops in full communion with the Bishop of Rome who holds the Keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. The Pope is the direct and unbroken successor of Peter. No other Church in the world can trace its roots through Peter to Jesus. Only the Catholic Church has this. 2. Our name is the “Catholic Church”. We are not just Roman Catholics. Latin and Eastern Catholics form the Catholic Church, the world’s largest single religious body and the largest Christian Church with 1.2 Billion members. The word “Catholic” means Universal; we are everywhere and for everyone, every nation, every race and every colour. 3. The Bible is a Catholic book. The Catholic Church, by God’s authority to bind and loose and to be led into All Truth by the Holy Spirit (Matt. 16:19), put the Canon (list) of the Bible together in the 4th Century. We chose 27 books for the New Testament out of 50+ choices, and 46 books of the Old Testament from the Septuagint as that was the Jewish Scriptures Jesus and the Apostles used for a total of 73. The words; Bible, New Testament, Old Testament were chosen by the Catholic Church to define the final terms of the Canon of Scripture. The Catholic Church put together the Bible you now use. The original Bible was intact with 73 books from 300 AD till the 16th Century. This was the Bible all Christians used (73 books) until the Protestants breakaway when they removed 7 books from the Bible and now have 66 though the Bible says we should not take anything away from it (Rev. 22:19). We still use the original Bible in our Churches. 4. Our form of Worship is called the Mass. This is from the Apostles who inspired by the Holy Spirit gave us this Sacred Tradition making our worship Divine in origin. No other form of Christian worship, despite its respectful nature, is divine like ours. We worship as the angels do in heaven with incense (Rev. 8:4). This was the way the Apostles worshiped and this is the way they taught us to worship. We have a heavenly worship. 5. The Eucharist (communion) is the true and real presence of Christ; body, blood, soul and divinity. While the species’ properties remain bread and wine to the senses, they are in whole changed into the Flesh and Blood of Christ. Through our holy priesthood with valid Apostolic succession the prayers of consecration make this change, and the one time sacrifice of Christ on Calvary is represented to the Father. Only Catholic and Orthodox Churches have a valid Priesthood with Jesus truly present in the Eucharist. All other forms of celebrating the last supper in Protestant communions are symbolic in nature as they lack a valid Priesthood. 6. We do not worship Mary or the Saints. We worship the one true God of the Holy Trinity (Trinity was a word invented by the Catholic Church to describe one God in three persons; Father, Son and Holy Spirit). We honor Mary and all the Saints who did the will of God and lived heroically holy lives. All Saints are created beings and therefore are not Divine and worthy of Adoration which alone belongs to God. Since nothing can separate us from the love of God (Rom. 8:35) we believe that not even death can so we believe that all Christians who have died are alive with God and together we form one big spiritual family of God which we call the body of Christ and communion of Saints. Since they are already home with God (where we hope to be someday) and see God face to face, we ask them to intercede (pray) for us just as we ask our living brothers and sisters on earth to pray for us. They are our holy siblings just as we have physical siblings. If we believe in the power of prayers of human beings like us, how much more the power of people who are in heaven praying for us. Mary and the Saints are home in heaven with God our Father. 7. We accept all Protestants as our separated brothers and sisters in Christ. Together, Catholics, Orthodox and Protestants make up the one body of Christ. The Orthodox share the most in common with the Catholic Church as they are valid churches because they have retained Apostolic succession with all seven sacraments. They are wounded by their lack of union with the Bishop of Rome who holds Primacy among all Bishops, and serves as a source of unity which the Orthodox do not enjoy. Protestants have a valid Trinitarian Baptism and they are incorporated into the body of Christ and should be deemed worthy to be called a Christian though they have not maintained a valid Priesthood nor Apostolic worship. Over time Protestantism, by its very nature, has continued to divide from one another and water down the Christian faith, form of worship and Christian moral view. Off shoots from Protestantism like Mormons, Jehovah Witnesses, Unitarian, Church of Christian Science and Oneness Pentecostals are not considered Christian and are a completely different religion. All Christians are to blame for our disunity. The Orthodox in rejecting the Primacy of the Pope, successor of Saint Peter. The Protestants in their revolt creating many man made ecclesial communions not founded by God rejecting parts of the Apostolic Faith. The Catholic Church while having the fullness of Christian Truth, has sinned against our neighbor at times creating unrest in the body of Christ, that was in part responsible for this division. We pray as Jesus prayed for the unity of all Christians to return to full communion in the Catholic Church, sharing all their gifts in unity at the Eucharistic table of our Lord. We also pray for all non-Christian religions and non-religious to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior reconciling the whole world to the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church for their is no salvation except through Jesus Christ. God bless you and please pray for me
O Holy Night (arr. John Rutter) Choir of The Queen’s College, Oxford
[ If audio doesn’t play on your dash, click here. ]
Note well how Jesus responds [to temptation]: He doesn’t dialogue with Satan, as Eve did in the terrestrial Paradise. Jesus knows well that one can’t dialogue with Satan, because he is so cunning. For this reason, instead of dialoguing, as Eve did, Jesus chooses to take refuge in the Word of God and to respond with the power of this Word. Let us remind ourselves of this in the moment of temptation…: not arguing with Satan, but defending ourselves with the Word of God. And this will save us.
Pope Francis, Angelus address 3/9/2014
Religious Education Congress?
Anyone attending the Religious Education Congress in 2017?
If you will attend (or if you have in the past), any speaker recommendations?
If you will not be able to make it, is there anything I can get you? (like take notes during a specific workshop and send them to you or something lol)
me 1st day of class: I'm going to study every day after class so I won't need to study as much for finals!
me finals week: I should've studied every day so that I wouldn't need to study this much for finals.
Let's pray together
When you see this post, say a prayer for your best friend(s).
Brother &Sister - both called to religious life
I love this picture, reminds me of St. Scholastica and St. Benedict. And I can imagine them on a prayer card together. God bless them.
This is beautiful