So much of this is the same warmed over failed courting movement that has tried to kill “dating” but effectively just becomes dating.
Getting to know people to see if you want to pursue a lasting relationship is the point of going and spending some one on one time with them, which is dating.
I talked about the key differences between dating and courtship in the original post. Dating usually lacks a purpose and direction (or it is at least unclear in the beginning), while courtship is more direct. Directness is a good thing.
You can say “Oh, we’re just hanging out.” or “We’re just friends” to try to avoid dating, but that is what you are doing! You are just complicating things, confusing people, and lying about your intentions is all. You want to see who somebody is because you are interested in them romantically but “courtship” says you can’t romantically see them one on one, so you do it as friends, which leaves your friends unsure what you want and your peers questioning your every move.
Or you only spend time in a group, because somehow that keeps you from doing something sexual. But it doesn’t. Any group that practices courtship and is honest admits that. Group dynamics just make people have to be sneakier about what they are doing in the group. And it makes it harder to get to know the person you are “courting”.
Most people who court these days don’t do that anymore. Instead of meeting in groups, they just meet in public areas like the movies and restaurants. Besides, couples shouldn’t be completely alone together anyway, whether they’re dating or courting.
If you are saying all courtship is you and another person discerning marriage together, guess what? Everybody is already doing that! People are sizing each other up as possible spouses from the moment they meet and if they are Christian, they are asking God about it.
Calling it a courtship makes these intentions clear from the beginning. It’s a lot less clear with dating.
This is an approach that fails everywhere it is tried and leads to pain because it places a legalistic system in place of a real relationship with God and people.
Courtship works for people who do it right and don’t see it as a “legalistic system”. Before I tried this myself, I did my own research and learned that it’s not this horrible thing that people make it out to be. Courtship is a real relationship; the difference is that both of you are on the same page from the start and your intentions are clear. Saying that it fails everywhere ignores the success stories and it’s a gross generalization.
I mean go for it if you want, that is your prerogative but this is not a more holy or God fearing approach to finding a spouse. It is pretty much the opposite.
As if today’s dating culture is a good Christian method? I’m done with dating for a reason. If courtship works in some relationships and not in others, that means that the problem is with those people, not courtship itself. Some people are doing it wrong and wondering what happened.
Christians can still apply these principles without the courtship title (and that’s great!), but I explained the purpose of the title in the original post. The title is actually quite important.
If you would like to learn more about the right approach to courtship, you can follow my blog. I post about it often :)
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