1. The First Time Dick Says It
A warehouse collapses, trapping Batman inside. The thermal scans show no life signs.
Tim, frantic “We need to call in the League! He’s gone—”
Dick, already digging through rubble: “He’s not.”
Jason: “Are you blind?! The scans—”
Dick, calm as a sniper: “If he were dead, my heart wouldn’t be beating.”
Steph: “…That’s the creepiest thing you’ve ever said.”
Bruce crawls out of the wreckage 20 minutes later. Dick doesn’t even look surprised.
2. The First Time Bruce Says It
A bomb levels Dick’s apartment. Footage shows Nightwing’s mask in the debris.
Damian, voice shaking: “Grayson is… he’s—”
Bruce, sharpening a batarang: “He’s alive.”
Tim: “Bruce, the evidence—”
Bruce: “If he were dead, I’d feel it.”
Jason: “Oh hell no. You’re both delusional—”
Alfred, sipping tea: “Master Dick *did* once sense Master Bruce’s appendicitis from three countries away.”
Dick calls an hour later, laughing: “Miss me?”
3. Jason’s Breaking Point
After a Joker gas attack “kills” Dick:
Jason: “Face it, old man. He’s *dead*.”
Bruce, not looking up from case files: “His pulse is steady. He’s undercover in Markovia.”
Jason: “*What the fuck* is wrong with you?!”
Dick, over comms: “Language, Jay. Also, hi.”
Jason chucks a smoke bomb at the Batcomputer.
4. Tim’s Scientific Meltdown
Tim rigs the Cave with biometric sensors to “study” their bond.
**Tim:** “Heart rates synced 98.7% of the time. Cortisol levels mirror each other. This isn’t love—it’s symbiosis!”
Dick, stealing his coffee: “Or we’re just *awesome*.”
Bruce, reviewing data: “…Fascinating.”
Tim: “NO. Not fascinating! This is clinically unhinged!”
5. Damian’s Reluctant Witness
Damian finds Dick mid-panic attack after Bruce is stabbed.
Dick, gasping: “He’s alive. He’s alive—”
Damian: “Father’s heart stopped for 37 seconds.”
Dick, fierce: “Then why am I still breathing?”
Damian stares. Later, he burns his “Grayson is Irritating” journal.
6. Steph’s Hilarious Take
Steph catches Dick humming while Bruce is “dead” (again).
Steph: “You’re weirdly cheery for a widow.”
Headline: BATMAN SAVES ORPHANAGE, STILL ALIVE, STILL HOT.
Steph: “You’re both the worst. Marry already.”
Cass watches Bruce and Dick fight back-to-back, movements mirrored.
Cass, signing: “One soul. Two bodies.”
Barbara: “Poetic. Also terrifying.”
Cass: Grins. *“Perfect.”*
8. The Family’s Final Verdict
*After the 12th “death” fakeout:*
Jason: “I’m adopting a dog. Dogs *stay dead*.”
Tim: “I’m writing a paper. The NIH will freak.”
Steph: “I’m selling merch. *‘I Survived the Bat-Bond’* tees.”
Damian: “I’m… *grateful*. Do not tell Grayson.”
Alfred: “I’m increasing the sedative dosage. For myself.”
Bruce and Dick, bruised but alive, listen to the chaos from the Cave’s vents.
Dick: “Think they’ll ever get used to it?”
They fist-bump. Gotham sighs.
Jason’s dog “accidentally” destroys Tim’s biometric sensors. Cass frames Damian. Steph profits.
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