Stuff Said on the Bus

I ride the bus most days to and from work. I used to listen to my iPod. Other people are far more entertaining.

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Man spread  I guess having your warm coffee cup on your balls was more important than freeing a seat on a standing room only bus: 

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Projection much?

The grumpy man who could barely walk or talk clearly made the following comment everytime someone lost their footing:

Drunk ass.

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Yeah. Whoops.

The .com domain expired. Ah well. You can still find me.

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You thought I was gone...

You thought I was gone…

When my job changed, my route changed and people are less talkative. 

Here is a gem.

You think you are going to fuck me without foreplay?! No! These bones are DRY!

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Dinner I've seen dinner with fork and knife. Now chopsticks.

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Not what he expected

Not what he expected

Girl – rubbing lotion on her hands

Guy: now that your hands are nice and soft, I can think of something you can do with them.

Girl: slap you?

Maybe you need some lotion for that burn.

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You gotta move it

You gotta move it

Reason not to wear baggy/saggy/droopy pants:

You have to prancercize (ok – my iPhone knows that word… Scary) to your bus to keep them from falling off.

Regular walking or running will not do. You have to prance!

(For the record-this is something I witnessed. I do not prance.)

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FGF: Helper Edition

There is a handicapped man who occasionally rides the bus. He has a walker. When we pulled up, Steve got out and helped him get on the bus. Then took his pass up to the fare box for him.

And helped him off the bus at his stop.

Thanks Steve!

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It isn’t a scientific instrument You've been watching too much Doctor Who when you momentarily confuse a vape cigarette with the Sonic Screwdriver.

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I saw what you did there Coming from out of nowhere and trying to cut the line. Everyone else saw it too and made your sorry ass wait like it was supposed to.

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Smell-o-Rama

Guy sitting behind me:

If you put apples in the slaw, I will smell better.

Nope. Don’t want to know more.

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Overheated

Woman on phone:

He got so upset with his roommates microwaving his food that he came home, ripped it out of the wall and tossed the microwave in the backyard.

Well, ok then.

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Balancing Act part deux Remember this guy? I saw him again and he leveled up.

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Choice Words

Woman:

He told be I was like a sister to him and then he tried to get me to have sex with him. I said “what the fuck – why do you want to sleep with your sister?!”

Ok.. That is a great comeback. She didn’t say what his reaction was other than still trying to “get in my panties.”

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Location and opportunity

Man:

What happened to Patricia?

Woman:

She’s in prison for trying to set her boyfriend on fire. He was asleep in the bed and she tossed a can of gasoline and set that motherfucker on fire. She was almost out but she stabbed some woman with a knife she made inside. She’s almost out now.

Am I listening to a new plot line for Orange is the Black?

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It hurts where

Woman 1:

yeah. I wasn’t even drum when I got that pierced. My septum was my first sober piercing and it didn’t hurt at all.

Woman 2:

you see this tattoo on my wrist? I had that done when I had like an eighth of moonshine. I wasn’t even all that drunk.

I … Nope.

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Longings

Longings http://wp.me/s2ZUiv-longings

Hey – you have a foot fetish? That’s fine. No worries but asking the woman sitting next to me if you can touch her pretty sandaled feet…

“I know it’s weird but…” Should have been your first clue to stop.

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