Ennui.
Work hard, son. That way, when you’re older, you can enjoy a big house and a family; a house and family far away from the city noise. A place where you can live blissfully.
Peace and quiet is a phrase that has always made me feel somewhat anxious. It defies our existence doesn’t it? We aren’t quiet. We aren’t peaceful. Post-war living centred on peace and quiet. The pursuit of the nuclear family embodied peace and quiet. Peace and quiet was the baby boomer generation. Now there’s us; the millennials.
I grew in up in suburbia. My mum and dad wanted peace and quiet. As a teenager I was victim to the very peace and quiet my parents yearned for. I was mindlessly angry; I could never really coherently articulate any reason as to why I was angry. Which I think is called teenage angst, right? Now I’m older, less angry, and perhaps wiser, I can observe that it wasn’t something that was making me angry, full of dirty teenage angst, and deeply in-love with punk rock music, it was the void of something. I struggled to find meaning in my life, which made me turn to other mediums for meaning; mediums such as music, politics, and films. The peace and quiet which made me angry gave way to artistic creativity. The nothingness of suburbia conspired something within me.
What I’ve just explained is a concept I never believed there was a word for. This was until recently when a close friend of mine was speaking to me about the word ennui. Being a word I had not touched before, I felt equally intrigued and stupid. Hearing his opinions on it and discovering the exact description, I believe it perfectly encapsulated a feeling I didn’t quite understand in my younger years - the word enabled me to articulate a feeling that I felt bewildered by, but very thankful for.
In recent years my love for suburbia has grown. Up until my discovery of the word ennui - being the cynical bastard I am - I believed it was some sort of mild form of stockholm syndrome. But that’s not true; the dissatisfaction of suburbia made me want more, and perhaps made me think more. Which is a feeling I’ve really learnt to appreciate as I’ve grown older, even more-so with my discovery of the word ennui. Although it sounds silly to say, without suburban nothingness, I don’t believe I would be the person I am today; I don’t believe I would want to write; I don’t believe I would have such a deep love for all types of music; I don’t believe I would such great appreciation for the beauty of city centres. To put it simply, the feeling ennui that shadowed my teenage years made me who I am today.
Ennui: a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement
From my experience I’ve learnt that ennui is a very complex notion. One that can make you feel good and bad. One that can fill you both with prosperity and anguish. Regardless of this, I don’t believe it’s a term that should be seen in negative light - despite the negative description you’ll find if you’re as uneducated as me and have to resort to a dictionary. When you next find yourself in a state of ennui, I’m sure your mind will explore to bigger and better things than what exists in your immediate proximity. In great human spirit, you will reject the boredom that you’ve fallen into, and in-turn, explore the wonders of human brain in hope of a more stimulating existence.
Without suburban ennui, suburban anger, suburban angst, whatever way you want to see it, we wouldn’t have some of the creative greats we have today. During the recording of Bon Iver’s first album Justin Vernon isolated himself in the woods, far away from the city noise. He strived for the feeling of ennui so it could conspire something within him. A lot of people, as they get older, would prefer to live within the peace and quiet of suburbia, especially when they have a family. No teenager wants suburbia. And I don’t think suburbia wants teenagers. But the two together, despite what it seems, do seem to exist harmoniously in the long term. I love what the feeling of ennui did to me. It defined me.
In my current way of thinking, I don’t believe I will ever want to move back to suburbia. The feeling of ennui is not something I aspire to. However, it isn’t something I will ever detest. And although there are probably many teenagers out there now on the verge of an existential crisis - much like I was - I’m sure as they get older, they will grow fonder of that feeling of listlessness and lack of occupation. As hopefully it will inspire them, like it inspired me.
This article was specifically written for a 50 copy publication surrounding the concept of ennui. Said publication was crafted by Ryan Wooding, a London based graphic designer - you can find his work here: http://ryanwooding.co.uk/















