[gotta-winwin]

(🎞️) ... hit the road docu.<> and for the ghosts that haunt me

masterlist | cyana's masterlist

word count: 3.6k tw: anxiety, mentions of bullying, panic attacks, blood, use of slut shaming italics are interviews cut between scenes + english a/n: this is a retelling of a story that is extremely close to my heart. school bullying is NOT a joke, and remember that you're beautiful, strong and that no matter what anyone else says - you define who and what you are. if any of the above trigger warnings trigger you - scroll away, stay safe, and come back for the next one 💓

“Cyana!”

Cyana turned to greet her, a mysterious, faceless young girl whose voice sounded all too familiar. 

“Chloe, hey.” She smiled, a wave of fond memories washing over her as she reminisced about what used to be. “I’ve missed you.”

“We saw each other yesterday, silly.” Chloe laughed, the sound sending sudden chills down Cyana’s spine. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Cyana asked, noticing the sinister glare behind Chloe’s friendly smile. “Chloe?”

“You really don’t know, huh?” Chloe chortled, eyes dancing with mirth, relishing in the glory Cyana’s confusion and fear gave her. “God, you really are dense. Just like your mother. Bet you won’t go to university, just like her.” 

“Stop that.” Cyana protested, and a sudden sense of deja vu washed over her. This had happened before. “What’s going on, Chloe? Aren’t we friends?” 

“Psh.” Chloe hid a smirk behind her hand. “You’re way too naive to be sixteen, Cyana.” 

Sixteen? She frowned. She was way past sixteen now. Turning twenty one just a couple months ago had hit her like a truck. She didn’t feel her age. In her head she was still sixteen, huddled behind bathroom stalls and hanging her head low in hallways. 

“Cyana?” A familiar voice spoke out of Chloe’s face. “Cyana?”

She blinked. 

“Chan?” 

The familiar face of her self-proclaimed twin and tour roommate hovered over her, blurred and hazy as she blinked up at him. Gentle fingers placed her glasses on the bridge of her nose, and a worried Chan came into clear view. 

“Are you okay, Nana? You were crying out for something.”

She sat up, nearly bumping into him as she looked around, disoriented. “I- just a dream.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chan echoed the words his hyungs used to say years ago. “I used to get nightmares too. Jeonghan always said talking about it would make it easier.” 

She shook her head. 

“Cyana, she-” Dino paused, thinking. “She doesn’t like talking about herself very much. Sometimes I wonder if I really know her at all, and then I shake myself out of it because- she’s my twin. Of course I know her well. There are just some things she’s not ready to share yet.” 

Cyana could feel her hands shaking as she packed for LA. Although she had been mentally counting down the days of tour leading up to it, she hadn’t realized it’d be so soon. 

“Nana-yah?” Joshua knocked against the wall of her hotel room, poking his head in. “Are you all ready? We’re leaving soon.”

She hummed, keeping her head low, scared he’d pinpoint her red eyes and accuse her of crying. “Almost done.” 

Nothing ever got past Joshua.

“Are you alright?”

Cyana really wished people would stop asking her that.

“I’m fine.” 

“Cyana, she-” Joshua let out a breathy laugh. “Her tolerance for things is too high for her own good.” 

Lingering by her door, Joshua’s eyebrows were pulled tight as he watched Cyana continue packing, her hands quivering under the dim lights of the room. A storm cloud was starting to stir within him, something deeply unsettling and worrying hovering just above the horizon - Joshua could sense it. 

“I was never good at weaseling the truth out from others. Or forcing them to tell me. That was Cheol’s job. But he wasn’t there.” Joshua gave the camera a weary shrug. “It was what it was.” 

Wonwoo was the one who found Cyana on the cold tiles of the airport bathroom, ten minutes before their flight to LA. 

Pushing the door open with the brunt of his shoulder, Wonwoo crashed into the single occupant stall, disheveled and frantic as he stared at the girl sprawled across the tiles. 

“Cyana?” He gasped out, catching his breath as he bent down, moving her hair away from her face. “Everyone’s looking for you. What-” Reality hit him like a rock as he realized the severity of the situation. There were dozens, if not hundreds of fans outside, and Cyana was currently lying on the floor, her eyes bloodshot and unfocused. “Where does it hurt?” 

Her blurry eyes looked up to meet him as she took in his features. “Wonu?” 

“Yeah.” His hands hovered shakily over her frame as his mind short-circuited, scared to move her but equally scared to let her stay on the floor. “The floor is unsanitary, Nana.” He mumbled, trying to calm himself as he checked for injuries. “Where does it hurt?”

Her hand moved to her chest. 

“Your-” He paused, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. 

“I can’t breathe.” 

Ah. Panic attack. Why, Wonwoo had no clue, but at least he was familiar with these.

“Sit up. That’s good.” He braved a smile as he helped Cyana situate herself so she was leaning against the wall. Sitting down in front of her, Wonwoo spread his long legs in an uncomfortable position, but favourable for holding her as close as she needed. “Breathe. Slowly.”

He felt her whole body shake as she inhaled. 

“Breathe again.” He whispered, painfully aware of the time ticking away - a plane waiting to be caught. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

He felt her shake her head, her hair brushing against his chin as she did.

“Please.” 

“I don’t want to go to LA.” 

Wonwoo had suspected so. “Why?” 

Cyana didn’t know what compelled her to tell him everything - but she did, crying on the bathroom floor in some grimy airport, covered in his arms. Wonwoo stayed silent as she spoke, his strong arms holding her together like glue as tears fell from his own eyes, mirroring the ones in hers. 

“Yeah, I knew. I knew everything.” Wonwoo told the camera, revealing the truth after nearly six months. “But once she had collected herself back together again, she told me to keep everything to myself. So that’s what I did.” 

“Cyana, you need to get out of bed.” 

Dino watched from his spot on his own bed, as Joshua gently scolded his roommate. He was confused why an usually active and energetic Cyana had been lounging in bed all day, practically every day since they had landed in LA. 

“Shua hyung’s right, Nana.” Dino quietly voiced his opinion, frowning when Cyana grumbled unhappily. “What’s been going on with you? So grumpy.”

“We’re here for our concert, right? So I don’t have to go outside.” Cyana argued, pulling the blankets tighter around herself. “Please don’t make me go out.”

“We’re here for a week, Nana.” Joshua sighed, exasperated. “You can’t stay here all week.”

Cyana’s lower lip jutted out. “Watch me.” 

Dino watched the whole exchange like a tennis match, his head turning back and forth as he watched them speak, confused by the sudden switch in language. “Nana.” He tried again, thinking maybe she’d be more receptive if it was coming from him. “Please? You said you’d take me sightseeing.” 

Cyana hesitated. She had agreed to Dino’s ask for her to be his tour guide, but that was before - 

“Okay, fine.” She relented, unable to take back her promise. “But only today. And we’re avoiding the popular spots.” 

Dino only got up excitedly, hurriedly getting ready and grabbing his bag. Joshua, on the other hand, frowned at her words. Avoid the popular spots? But why? Even as idols, they could often roam around unfazed, especially in the states, where Seventeen was yet to be a household name. 

“I was already worried then.” Joshua told the interviewer solemnly. “But we had enough bad vibes going around and- I guess I was praying it was all in my head, and that she was actually perfectly fine.” 

“You run away from your past until it all eventually coils up and attacks you all at once.” Cyana let out a defeated laugh. “LA was full of demons- demons I had fled to Korea to avoid. And now- well, tour had brought me right back where I started.” 

Cyana stared out into the vast ocean of fanlights trying to catch her breath. Joshua had told her - moments before running onstage - to just breathe. To ignore everything else around her and to just concentrate on the performance, on them. It was easier said than done because now, looking out into the crowd, all Cyana could think about was the probability of one of those fanlights being someone she knew. 

A small, miniscule possibility - but it terrified her nonetheless. The same kids that had threatened to destroy her could very well be staring up at her from the sea of fans and she felt too vulnerable. 

“Breathe.” 

Wonwoo appeared next to her, waving to the fans in their section but solely concentrated on her. He could hear her harsh breathing through the screams. “Breathe, Nana.” He reminded her gently.

It felt comforting knowing at least one person knew everything she was going through. 

Taking her hand and placing it on his chest, Wonwoo’s eyes fixed on hers, his expression serious but worried. “Breathe - like me. In and out.” 

Cyana did her best to follow the rhythm. “I’m trying.” She gasped out. 

“Good.” Wonwoo smiled, and Cyana basked in the light of it. “You’re okay.” 

“Mhm.” She nodded. She could make it through the concert - concentrated solely on the two of them, the little bubble that Wonwoo’s presence created around her.

Cyana could barely see her own hands as she stumbled offstage, making her way down the stairs the moment the stage screen had closed behind them. Her heartbeat was taking over her senses, drowning out the farewell cheers of the crowd. 

Reaching a hand up to touch her face, she let out a harsh sigh of both relief and disbelief. She was still alive. 

“Nana?” DK’s voice cut through the incessant hum in her ears. “Are you okay?” 

A hand grabbed her shoulder and she flinched away violently. “Don’t touch me.” She yelped out, terrified as she spun around. 

“Okay, I’m sorry!” DK yelped back, equally terrified by her sudden reaction. “You just don’t look so well and I thought- you might need a hand.” 

Her cheeks flushed. “I’m fine.” Cyana couldn’t believe she had just snapped at DK, who looked at her with hurt in his eyes as she stumbled away towards their changing rooms. 

“She looked almost drunk.” DK confided to the interviewer. “Stumbling around backstage, her hands digging into her neck and ripping out her in-ears. She looked sick. It was terrifying.” 

“I’ll go after her.” Joshua called out towards the rest of the group, who were all frozen, unsure of what to do. 

“Wait.” Wonwoo grabbed his arm, stopping him. “She’s not in her right mind right now. Something must have happened during the farewell ment. I’ll talk to her.” 

“Are you sure?” Joshua eyed the younger boy warily. Since when had Wonwoo and Cyana gotten this close? 

Wonwoo nodded, and Joshua could sense he knew something the others did not. 

Running after her, Wonwoo skidded to a stop as he spotted Cyana sitting, half lying down on one of the makeup chairs. 

“Cyana.” He approached her, raising his hands in a sign of surrender. He didn’t know what mindset she was in at the moment. “Nana-yah.” He reached out a hand to steady her, keeping her upright as she threatened to spill on the floor. “Look at me.” 

“I’m sorry.” She panted out, her eyes unfocused. “I’m sorry.” 

“What for?” The English felt strange against his tongue, but it got some sort of recognition from the girl as she raised her head to meet his eyes. 

“It’s all my fault.” 

“What is? Cyana, what?” 

“Don’t hurt me.” 

Wonwoo froze. “I’d never hurt you, Cyana.” 

“Chloe.” 

“Is that her name? The girl who hurt you back in school? The reason you left?” The questions left him in a flurry as he kept her upright, her entire body weight against his. He could tell she was on the verge of passing out. “Nana. I know you’re struggling, but you need to get it together. Please. Just until we’re back in the car.” 

Her eyes were glassy and her stare seemed to go straight through him. 

“Please.” He pushed up his glasses to wipe his tears away. Her condition scared him. 

“I don’t know how Wonwoo managed to get me back in the car.” Cyana spoke quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t remember much about that night - after the concert. But the others told me I was a mess. A zombie. Living in my skin but not quite there.” 

Cyana watched from her place on the bed as Dino paced back and forth across their shared hotel room. Wonwoo had deposited her there, promising to be back once he had found Joshua, instructing a worried Dino to look after her in his absence. 

It infuriated Cyana that they were all treating her like glass, even though she knew the emotion was unfair. They were doing their best - and she could feel herself shutting down, her safety mechanisms whirring back into place.

Dino’s footsteps seemed to thud inside her head each time he moved. Her heart was racing as she recalled the familiar face she had seen in the crowd during their farewell ment. How she yelled out her name, and that all too familiar threat. I’ll destroy you, Cyana. She had. She will. 

“Could you stop moving?” She suddenly snapped, startling Dino out from his stupor. 

He looked up from his phone and frowned. “What?” Cyana had never used such a tone with him before. 

“Just- you’re being so fucking loud and it’s actually exploding my head and it’s just- too much!” She yelled out, her hands shaking as she balled them up into fists. “Just-” She forced herself to quiet down, although her body still shook with pent up rage. “Sleep somewhere else tonight.” 

“What?” Dino’s irises shook with pooling tears. 

Cyana looked away. 

“I want to be alone tonight.” Her voice grew weaker. “Please.” 

“Oh.” 

She couldn’t bear to look at the hurt that must be across his face right now.

“Okay.”

The door clicked shut behind him. 

Cyana sunk deeper into the bed, pulling the blankets over her as she squeezed her eyes shut, silent tears pooling from the corners. 

She had never felt so horrible. 

“You need to tell me what’s happening.” Joshua ambushed her the next morning, setting a breakfast bun and a cup of milk on her bedside drawer.

“Josh. It’s like seven in the morning.” She mumbled, tugging the sheets closer to her as she rolled away. 

She was tugged back by a stronger but gentle hand. “I don’t care if it’s seven in the morning.You need to tell me what’s going on.” 

Cyana knew he was right. 

“I don’t even know where to begin.” Her shoulders slouched as she sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “There’s too much.” 

“Start at the beginning.” Joshua sat down on the bed and turned to face her. 

“I don’t know what I was expecting, really.” Joshua told the interviewer. “Something about school, or acting, I was sure. But not what really happened. No sane person would’ve expected that. Especially for it to happen to Cyana.” 

Joshua listened as Cyana spoke, her voice strangely calm as she led him through it all - starting brand new in highschool, making friends, feeling included. His expression grew darker and darker as the story progressed, eyebrows furrowing as he imagined little Cyana in the scenarios she was speaking of right now. 

Cyana told him everything. How her close friends- her ride or dies had betrayed her, turning against her all because of rumors a girl had spread to her classmates. How they had bullied her out of school- out of LA entirely. 

“Chloe.” Joshua finally said after she had finished, gently wiping away a lonely tear that had fallen on her cheek. “I heard Wonwoo muttering about that name.” 

Cyana nodded. “She was one of my best friends. You know those people who take your phone and unlock it- and you don’t even bat an eye? Or how you subconsciously hand over your bubble tea for them to try. The first person you call when something good or bad happens to you. She was that for me.”

“And she turned everyone against you?” 

She hummed. It was a strange feeling - to re-explore the past. Cyana had found she never had any trouble when talking about it, because it’d always sound like a story she had made up. She’d forget it had actually happened to her. That is, until the stories become reality once again. “She said she’d destroy me. And she did. I never found out why, why she woke up one day and decided I was no longer a person who could feel anything she threw at me.”

“And being back in LA, like, triggered something?” 

“I guess. I was- it’s silly.” 

Joshua shook his head. “Nothing’s ever silly when it comes to stuff like this.” 

“Well, I- I was scared my classmates would find me at our concert and try to- hurt me. Or hurt one of you.” Cyana looked down at her lap, her cheeks burning. “It’s stupid.” 

“No.” His voice was firm enough to make her look up at him again. “It’s not. Every fear, however irrational you might think it is, stems from something.” 

Cyana nodded. “When did you get so wise, Shua?” 

Joshua’s lips twitched. “I’ve always been wise.” His expression sterned as he remembered his initial question. “You saw someone, didn’t you? At the farewell ment.” 

She let out a cough, choking on her spit. “How did you know?” 

Joshua let out a dry chuckle. “I think everyone could tell something went wrong during the ment.” 

“I saw her. Chloe. Standing front row, waving a Vernon banner.” 

“What did she do?” 

“She yelled my name, so I turned around and-” Cyana hesitated, as if the words refused to leave her mouth. “She said she’d destroy me. Just like she did in high school.” 

Joshua let out a shaky sigh. “You need to tell Coups. Or management.” 

Cyana’s hand shot out to grab Joshua’s leg. “No!” She protested. “I’m sure it’s just in my head or something. We’re leaving LA soon anyways, it’ll-” She tried pasting a smile on her face, as if to reassure both herself and Joshua it’d be okay. “I’ll be fine.” 

Joshua hesitated before agreeing. “Alright. But if anything else happens-”

“You’ll be the first to know.” Cyana finished for him. “I promise.” 

Joshua stood up, gesturing to the breakfast still sitting on her bedside table. “Eat. You’ve been rotting in that bed for two days. And take a shower after. Nasty.” 

She let out a laugh and Joshua brightened visibly at the sound. 

“She’s better now.” He told Mingyu, who was waiting anxiously by her door as he stepped out, closing it behind him. “Opened up. Laughing even.” 

“Thank god.” Mingyu’s shoulders relaxed. 

“You should go shower too.” Joshua made a face as he walked away. “You’ve been rotting by her door ever since she went in. You too, Dino.” He added, spotting the boy who was sitting on the floor in the hallway, eyes unfocused. “Get some sleep, she’s fine.” 

Cyana could hear all this through the walls, as she slid back into bed, her breakfast lying cold beside her. Her stomach churned at the thought of eating, and her heart weighed heavy knowing she had slighted Joshua. 

Sure, she had told him the truth about what was going on- what had happened. But she wasn’t better. She knew they’d worry themselves sick and be rendered useless the rest of tour if she didn’t get her act together - so that’s what she did. She acted. Thank god for her acting background, or she would’ve collapsed into Joshua’s arms sobbing. She nearly did, but she caught herself.

After all, Cyana was glue. Flexible, strong, hard to get rid of. Whatever broke her down, she’d get back together, she was sure of it. 

“Cyana.” 

She found herself back in her school’s gymnasium, surrounded by fellow classmates all dressed up. She knew this night. Spring Fling night - where dating was overlooked for one night in an all Catholic school. 

“Cyana.” 

She turned, and realized who was behind her. 

“Matthew.” She gasped out. He hadn’t aged at all, his hair was still infuriating lopsided, curls never landing straight, his eyes crinkled up in a large smile. “What-”

“I heard you’re so obsessed with me you wrote me over 200 songs.” His loud mouth split into a nightmarish grin. “Slut. You spread your legs open for anyone, huh.”

“What?” Cyana gaped at him. But- she had heard all this before. 

“Cyana! Look over here!” 

She turned, and blinked as a bright camera flash blinded her. 

“I’m framing this so I can jack off to it later.” The boy who held the camera was faceless. “You let Matthew, so why not me?”

“I don’t-” 

“Cyana!”

“Wonwoo?”

She turned around once again, greeted by Wonwoo, dressed in a pale blue suit, his hair pale white. He smiled at her with his hand outstretched. 

“Dance with me?”

She let out a breath of relief, reaching her hand out to take it. All of a sudden, something came flying towards them, causing Wonwoo to slump to the floor, blood dripping from his side, his glasses askew on his face.

“Wonwoo!” 

“You really thought we’d let you get your happy ending?” Someone laughed from the shadows of the party, the disco lights reflected against shadowed figures. “After I said I’d destroy you?”

She glanced back down at Wonwoo, who was on the floor, his eyes wide and frozen. She stifled a scream. 

“Cyana!”

“Cyana! Wake up!” 

a/n: oof. this one's a heavy one. i really wanted to bring this story into cyana's character - and if you can relate to any part of it - hope her journey to healing can help you in yours. fighting !! and remember: kindness is supposed to be a guarantee, not a "if."

[suha-reads]

I literally started crying before I even started reading and continued to cry. Cyana deserves so much love and I can't wait for her happier moments. gotta-winwin handled these tough topics so well and is an amazing writer. Much love to these series<33

[gotta-winwin]

hii! love the 24 hrs with seventeen event and i was wondering if i could request 3:15 a.m. with wonwoo? maybe something where he's up gaming but reader wakes up hungry and wants him to make some ramen? thank you! love your writing 💗

omg tiya hi! i love your writing too (•̪ o •̪) your christmas series with svt was TOO CUTE ! AND a request for wonwoo, the loml - straight to my heart.

3:15

🌷part of the 24hrs with seventeen series ! request a specific time + activity/scenario to experience it with seventeen yourself !

requests are now closed for this event! thank you to everyone who requested.

You’re kept awake by the glaring light of Wonwoo’s computer and the sound of his keyboard. No matter how many times he’s adjusted his screen’s brightness, it’s still not enough to hide his tendency to game late into the night. His roommate is sound asleep in his room, and you feel suddenly jealous - Mingyu’s obviously getting sleep - while you and your boyfriend are not. 

The only thing saving Wonwoo from your crankiness and lack of sleep is the fact that he looks back at you every time he’s waiting for the next round to load, his eyes full of adoration and mild amusement as you grump. “You love watching me play.” He’d remind you constantly, never forgetting how you had once complimented his skills and how fast his fingers could move - which eventually led to him showing you just how fast - but never mind. 

Wonwoo, who finds it adorable, how you’re restless even when tired, how you pad around his room like you own it - and you basically do. You own the owner of the room, which makes this room yours as much as it is his. It’s evident you’ve colonized his place by the sheer amount of trinkets that are yours, your own drawer, your own section of his shelf for your romance books. He’ll never admit to it, but he’s read through almost everything you bring over, cringing at some - but secretly enjoying most. 

Wonwoo, who knows you’re bored out of your mind but trying to support his interests nevertheless. He’s a perceptive man - he sees your eyerolls whenever he tries schooling you on computer terms you’re unaware of, or how your shoulders shake from a silent sigh whenever he’s yelling out his gaming terms, passionate and on call with his friends. He loves you for just trying because he knows what his interests are aren’t for everyone. 

Wonwoo, who can only smile at you amusedly when you nudge his leg from your side of bed, sprawled out so you can reach him at his gaming chair. His lips thin into his infamous smile when you quietly ask him for ramen, stating that waiting for him to finish has gotten you hungry once again. 

Wonwoo, who wouldn’t trade your nightly routine for anything else in the world. As much as he loves gaming, he loves having a presence next to him more - liking how you’re only ever a step away whenever he needs a break from the virtual world. You make him love reality - it’s that simple. 

Wonwoo, who blows on the steaming ramen before he serves it to you, knowing the countless times you’ve forgotten and had burned your tongue. A bout of satisfaction and pride washes over him when you let out a hum of enjoyment, mumbling through bites of ramen just how much you love his cooking - even if it is just a packet of instant noodles. The satisfaction and pride far outweighs that in which he feels after a win. 

Wonwoo, who abandons his computer in favour of his bed, wrapping his arms around you as he waits for you to drift off. He would never tell you, but he’s never fallen asleep before you - relishing the few pockets of time left before he must relinquish his sight, taking off his glasses and turning you into a blurred figure beside him. He insists your beautiful even as a blurred figure, but Wonwoo likes having your peaceful face be the last thing he sees before sleep comes for him too. 

[suha-reads]

This is so cutee!! <33, this is not helping my wonu obession!!

[un-creativename]

Yule Ball

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

It was the year 1994, almost four months from that dreadful day at the Quidditch World Cup. Almost four months since she broke things off with Fred after one too many comments from his mother about her and her family.

“What a coincidence seeing you here, Malfoy.”

Clearly, Fred Weasley did not get the memo.

“Coincidence?” She repeats as she raises an eyebrow in a mix of annoyance and suspicion. “The castle has seven stories and yet I’m expected to believe our meetings are pure coincidence?”

“Like I said, coincidence.”

The cocky smirk on his face should’ve aggravated her but after a year of their secret little tryst, she’d reluctantly grown fond of it. But she wasn’t naive by any means, Fred was as cunning as a Slytherin most times—a statement that he very quickly feigned offensive to when she mentioned it. There was no way he kept finding her on accident.

“How do you keep finding me, Weasley?”

“I have my ways,” He grins with a shrug. “But that’s besides the point, what’s this I hear about you hanging out with Pucey? I thought you didn’t socialize with your former affairs.”

Now that piece of information she wasn’t surprised he’d known about, not when most eyes were on her due to the Yule ball being just weeks away. “I’m speaking to you, aren’t I?” She mutters as she attempts to move past Fred.

As she tries to walk away, Fred swiftly blocks her path with a mischievous glint in his brown eyes. “Oh come on now, you know I’m different from him,” he teases as he moves to stand in front of her. “You actually love me.”

As they stood in front of each other, she felt a mix of frustration and longing wash over her. Fred seemed to have a skill at getting under her skin, despite how hard she fought to keep herself in check. She’d taken the plunge into a relationship with him early in their fifth year, something she didn’t or rather couldn’t find in her to regret.

“I loved Pucey.”

Fred's gaze softened slightly, a flicker of doubt crossing his features. He knew her well enough to sense when she was putting up walls. “Right,” he drawls, not at all convinced by her response. “Is that why you broke up with him after three months of being together? Because if we do that math, love, we were together for almost seven months more than you and Pucey. Wonder what that must mean?”

She rolls her eyes, trying to mask the way her heart skips at the reminder of their secret rendezvous. “It means you’re insufferable and persistent, Weasley. But now that’s over, so it’s high time we move on, don’t you think?”

Fred's jaw tightens at her words, his usual playful demeanor slipping for just a moment. "Move on?" he echoes, taking a step closer until she can feel the warmth radiating from him. "Tell me honestly, Malfoy, have you managed that yet? Because I haven't.”

His words hang heavy in the air, and she finds herself unable to look away from his eyes. There’s a vulnerability in his eyes that she hasn’t seen since they broke up the day after the World Cup. She’s desperate to ignore the heartache that passes through her. “The Yule Ball is weeks away, it’s the perfect chance to move on. For the both of us…”

Fred's expression hardens at her words, his hands clenching at his sides. "Right, because that's exactly what you want, isn't it? To watch me take some other witch to the ball while you go with someone daddy dearest picked out for you.”

She flinches at his words, the truth in them stinging more than she'd care to admit. "That's not fair and you know it," she says quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

“No, what’s not fair is that you broke up with me without even giving me a chance to defend you against my mum’s accusations.”

Her breath catches in her throat at the raw pain in his voice. She wants to tell him that it wasn't just his mother's words that drove her away, but the crushing realization of how doomed their relationship really was. The thought of watching him defend her against his own mother, potentially fracturing his family relationships, had been too much to bear.

She closes her eyes briefly, fighting back the emotions threatening to spill over. "I couldn't watch you lose your family over me. We both know how this story ends – a Malfoy and a Weasley, it's like some tragic tale waiting to happen. We would’ve broken up eventually…”

Fred's hand suddenly shoots out to grasp her wrist, his touch gentle despite the intensity in his eyes. "So you're telling me you'd rather live with 'what-ifs' than fight for us? That's not the fierce witch I fell in love with." His words hang in the air between them, heavy with unspoken emotions and possibilities.

“Yeah well, that witch you fell in love with has a family filled with blood supremacists. So forgive me if I didn’t think we’d last for much longer anyway. So, please—and you know I don’t say that often—just let me go.”

The silence between them stretches, heavy with unspoken words and shattered dreams. When he finally speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper, “If that’s what you want, fine—but don’t expect me to pretend I don’t still love you when I see you at the ball with whoever your dad chose.”

୨ ✦ ୧

The Great Hall was decorated in its finest Christmas splendor, ice sculptures glistening under the enchanted ceiling. Her burgundy dress robes swished softly against the floor as she danced with Robert Hoglund, a Durmstrang student her father had chosen for her. She couldn’t help but scan the crowd, inevitably landing on a head of ginger hair. Fred was dancing with Angelina Johnson, his usual cheerful smile in place, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. When their eyes met across the dance floor, she looked away quickly, tightening her grip on Hoglund’s shoulder. The music swelled around them, but she barely heard it over the thundering of her own heart. As Hoglund led her through another turn, she caught a glimpse of Fred whispering something in Johnson’s ear, making her laugh.

She forced herself to look away, reminding herself that this was how things had to be. The weight of her family name felt heavier than ever on her shoulders as she continued to dance with Hoglund, mechanically following the steps she’d been taught since childhood. Each twirl seemed to move her further away from what her heart wanted, but closer to what was expected of a Malfoy.

“Ms. Malfoy?” Hoglund called in his thick accent, pulling her from her thoughts. “Would you like to take a step outside? You seem…distracted.”

She forces a polite smile, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Fresh air would be lovely, yes,” she responds, allowing him to lead her towards the entrance. As they walk, she can’t help but feel Fred’s gaze burning into her back, and she silently curses herself for still being so aware of his presence.

The cool night air hits her face as they step out into the courtyard, providing temporary relief from the stifling atmosphere inside. She takes a deep breath, trying to clear her mind of the ginger haired twin. Hoglund stands beside her, maintaining a respectful distance that annoyingly makes her miss Fred’s casual invasions of personal space even more.

Hoglund clears his throat, drawing her attention back to him. “You know,” he starts with hesitation, his accent thick with uncertainty. “I can tell your heart isn’t in this. Perhaps we should call it a night?” The suggestion, though politely delivered, carries a layer of understanding that makes her relax.

She nods, feeling a mix of relief and shame at his perceptiveness. “Thank you for understanding,” she manages, her voice barely above a whisper. As Hoglund bows and turns to leave, she catches a flash of movement near the entrance to the Viaduct courtyard, and she hates the way her heart stutters when she recognizes that familiar silhouette lingering in the shadows.

Fred steps out of the shadows, the moonlight catching his features in way that makes her unable to look away from him. His dress robes are slightly disheveled, his bow tie loose around his neck. “You had me worried for a second there, Malfoy. What’s a bloke too think when the witch he loves leaves a ball with another guy?”

She stares at him, her heart racing at his sudden appearance. “You should be with your date,” she whispers. The moonlight casts shadows across his face, making it harder for her to maintain her resolve as she takes another step towards her.

“She’s more interested in George, which is great for me, I’m more interested in blond Slytherin witches anyway.”

She hates the way her heart flutters at his words, once again putting her mind and heart at war. “Must you be so persistent?" she asks, wrapping her shawl tighter when a cold breeze blew past, trying her best to feign annoyance though she’s sure he doesn’t believe her.

“You love me for it,” Fred replies, taking another step closer until they’re merely inches apart. His fingers brush against her arm, and she can’t help but shiver–though whether from the cold or his touch, she’s not entirely sure.

Her gaze flickers down to his lips before she can stop herself, fully aware of the twitch of a smile he does when he notices. “Freddie,” she whispers, his name a warning and a plea all at once, but he’s already leaning in, his forehead resting against hers. In this moment, with the distant sounds of the ball fading into the background noise, she finds her carefully constructed walls beginning to crumble a lot faster than she would’ve hoped. “Why’re you so hard to get rid of?”

“Because you’re impossible to forget,” he murmurs against her lips, his hands coming up to her face. “And clearly you don’t want to get rid of me yet, you would’ve hexed me by now if you did.”

She lets out a shaky breath, her resolve weakening with every passing second. The familiar warmth of his touch, the sound of his voice so close to her–it was all becoming too much to resist. Before she even realizes what she’s doing, she’s tilting her head up, closing the gap between them as their lips meet in a kiss that feels like coming home.

Time seems to stand still in this moment, the world around them fading into nothing but background noise. His hands thread through her hair, careful not to disturb the intricate updo she'd spent hours perfecting, while her fingers grip the lapels of his dress robes. When they finally break apart, both slightly breathless, she can see the familiar mischievous glint returning to his eyes.

“Fancy a trip to the Room of Requirement? Because personally, I think a certain Princess owes me a dance.”

She can’t help but laugh, the sound mixing with distant echoes of the ball. “Contrary to Draco’s behavior, Malfoys aren't really royalty,” she says, but she’s already reaching for his outstretched hand.

Fred’s grin widens as he tugs her closer. “Well you’re royalty to me,” he says, pressing a quick lingering kiss to her temple. “Now come on, I’m owed a dance after bravely watching you dance with some Durmstrang git for over an hour.”

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

©un-creativename : All rights reserved. Do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms.

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

[suha-reads]

I came from tiktok and I don't regret it at all. I loved this sm😍.

[gotta-winwin]

(🎞️) ... hit the road docu.<> if i walked at my own pace

masterlist | cyana's masterlist

word count: 1.8k tw: anxiety, mentions of bullying, panic attacks, sleeping pills italics are interviews cut between scenes + english a/n: we're finally starting to dive into cyana's backstory + the mystery of what happened in LA! if any of the above trigger warnings trigger you - scroll away, stay safe, and come back for the next one 💓

Cyana never really understood how some of the members could stand to watch their own fancams. Sure, she understood that it was a vital part of analyzing their performance, but every time she tried searching up her own fancams, she was greeted with a wave of self-embarrassment and cringe. 

“It won’t be like that forever,” Vernon tried comforting her, pausing his own fancam on his phone to look up at her. “You’ll end up getting used to watching yourself on camera.” 

Cyana shuddered. “I can’t imagine I’d ever get used to that.” Reaching over, she pressed play on his phone. “Other people’s fancams, however, that I like to watch.”

Vernon laughed, his ears turning pink as he adjusted his phone, letting Cyana watch over his shoulder. 

“Woww,” She marveled at the end, quietly applauding the performance. “So cool.”

Vernon smiled, swiping out of the video. “Not bad, huh.”

“Psh.” She smacked his shoulder lightly. “Not bad my ass. Give yourself some more credit, Hansol.” 

His lips quivered into a small smile, amused by how Cyana seamlessly switched to calling him by his Korean name when speaking English. Ironic, but for some reason it fit. 

“Anything in particular you’re looking for?” 

Vernon opened the door to the record store, motioning Cyana to head in first. He had promised the girl he’d accompany her to get a couple records, knowing how much she had been looking forward to browsing the New York streets. He was just as excited, shopping for anything music related was probably the only shopping he found himself enjoying. 

“The National.” Cyana said, already flipping through the boxes of records. “The 1975, The Cure, really anything I can get my hands on.” She pulled one out, gasping as she presented it to Vernon. “No way! Look at this.” 

Taking the record from her hands, he turned it over to read out the artist. “The Beatles?” He looked at her, a little confused. “I didn’t think you’d be a big Beatles fan.”

Cyana looked a little offended at his words. “I am. Huge fan. I’m getting that one.” 

Vernon held the record out of her reach, tucking it underneath his arm as he moved to another aisle. “I’ll get it for you, don’t worry about it.”

“Really?”

Vernon hummed, sifting through the boxes, looking for his own purchase. 

“Wow. Look at you,” Cyana tucked into his side, a hand around his lower arm as she browsed the options with him. “So dependable.” 

“How are you feeling?” The doctor prodded at Vernon’s neck and throat. “Any soreness?”

He shook his head, thankful that he wasn’t feeling at all ill, unlike the others. “I’m doing fine, doc.”

He watched as the doctor moved on to Woozi, repeating the same procedure with him and asking the same questions. Pulling out his phone, Vernon scrolled in a daze, allowing his mind to shut off for a little bit before their concert. He liked letting his mind blank out for a moment, like it was rebooting all his thoughts, worries and signals. 

It was Cyana’s quiet voice that pulled him out, most likely because the girl was speaking English.

“Do you think I can get some meds for sleeping?” 

Vernon looked up from his phone, eyebrows furrowed as he watched Cyana interact with the doctor, who was packing up his kit, ready to go. 

“Have you been having trouble sleeping?” The doctor asked her, pausing to give her a proper lookover. 

“A bit.” Cyana mumbled, glancing around, as if to check that no one was listening. Her eyes drifted over Vernon before returning to the floor next to her feet. “Or just in case.” 

Nodding, the doctor pulled out a bottle, shaking it slightly before handing it to her. “Most people in your line of work ask for the same thing, so I always keep it on hand. Take two before bed, three, if it’s not enough. But no more, alright?” 

Vernon watched Cyana slip the pill bottle into her hoodie pocket, thanking the doctor before retreating back into her chair. He frowned before shrugging, returning back to his phone and putting his brain back on airplane mode. It was whatever, right? 

“I could remember our LA show extremely clearly because I remember how Cyana’s face looked minutes before it.” Vernon told the camera, moistening his lips before continuing. “She looked like going on stage would destroy her completely.” 

Even under the dim lights beneath the stage, Vernon could tell there was something different about the way Cyana looked as they waited for the platform to rise with them on top of it. Usually she’d be smiling his way with a bright, dazzling grin, all pumped up for their performance and buzzing with energy. Now however, as Vernon stared at her, she seemed distant - almost muted - as if something had drained all the color from her cheeks. 

He reached over and gently shook her shoulder. “You good?” He mouthed, searching her eyes for an answer.

She shrugged his hand off her shoulder and mouthed back an okay, before turning away and readjusting her mic.

He didn’t believe her one bit.

“I mean,” He tried explaining himself to the camera. “I could relate to her, I guess. I keep things to myself a lot too. If I'm struggling, I won’t hide it, but it’s not like I’ll talk about it either.” He let out a small sigh. “I guess that’s why I didn’t say anything for a long time. I thought maybe silence was just normal for her like it was for me.”

Looking back now, on that concert day in LA, Vernon could remember seeing her hunched over, backstage, after a particularly intense run of Getting Closer. He remembered chalking up her sweat and body chills to mere overexhaustion, simply handing her a bottle of water before going back up for his turn with the Hiphop Unit. 

He also remembered hearing her quiet sobs and harsh breaths from across the room, as they all waited for the Performance Unit to finish with their set. Cyana was mostly covered by a worrying Joshua, fussing over her and whispering something Vernon was too far away to hear. 

He remembered how worried everybody was that day. How DK and Hoshi were unnaturally quiet on the way back to the hotel, their eyes sending fleeting glances over to Cyana, unsure what they could do to help. How Jeonghan and Joshua could only sit and hold her hand, Joshua’s eyes sending signals to Jeonghan that Vernon couldn’t understand. But most of all, he remembered how Dino came to sleep in his room that night, tears tracking down his face as he sobbed over Cyana asking to room alone. The boy couldn’t understand why she had kicked him out - and why they were all useless to stop it. 

“I was already worried about Coups hyung.” Vernon recalled. “We look out of sync when we’re missing someone, and I didn’t want Cyana to need to leave as well.” 

Vernon had no idea what was going on, as he tried meeting Joshua’s eyes to ask him what the hell was up with their youngest member. The older boy infuriatingly refused to meet his eyes, only leaving Cyana’s room to grab food or water for the girl. 

“Just wait.” He told Vernon when Vernon finally got a hold of him, just about to leave the washroom after brushing his teeth. “She’ll explain when she feels better.”

“Why can’t you just tell us now, though?” Vernon asked. “Everyone is going insane. Both DK and Dino went to bed crying last night and Mingyu looks like a kicked puppy waiting outside her door. Seungkwan even told me Wonwoo’s affected, something about how his face is stuck permanently in a worried expression. I’m going insane too, hyung.” He admitted the last part rather timidly.

Joshua looked torn. “I can’t.” He finally said after a painful pause. Moving behind Vernon, Joshua left, leaving him standing in front of the bathroom, looking incredibly stupid and pathetic. 

“I just wanted answers.” Vernon mumbled, not looking at the interviewer or the camera as he spoke. “And it felt like no one really had them. All of us had recounted that day, trying to piece together what could have affected Cyana so terribly - but none of us could think of anything at all.”

Cyana made sure to walk right next to Woozi as they exited the venue in between the barricades holding their fans back. It was rather strategic of her, she knew. Walking next to Woozi would ensure a constant presence - he wasn’t one to run up to the barricades and interact with fans, wasn’t one to draw attention to himself and therefore those around him. Cyana chose to be next to him for send-off for one reason: to not be seen. 

She couldn’t justify the fear to herself - let alone other people - so she kept the fear she knew was irrational and childish hidden. How was she to explain she was afraid of the crowd? Of their beloved fans?

Oh hey, Joshua. Yeah, I can’t do today’s concert because I’m afraid I’ll go up onstage and someone from the crowd will jump me. Or shoot me. Or throw a knife at me. Or throw acid up onstage. Or- anyways, yeah. So I can’t perform today. I feel like I might pass out onstage. Why? Oh- I kinda have people who want to kill me in LA. Yeah- from highschool. Bullies. I know, a long time ago. So it’s irrational. Right? And it’s not like they said they’d kill me. So it should be fine, right?

A swirl of thoughts wrapped around her as she continued to walk, putting one foot in front of the other, trying to block out the loud cheers and screams from the crowd. She had gone through the concert. Now all she needed to do was walk through the sea of fans, enter the company car and go home. 

You have to at least wait till you’re back in the hotel room before you break down. She chided herself. You must.

A scream, not much louder than the rest of the fans, caught her ear. She whipped her head around at the sound of her voice - yelled out through a sea of fans. She knew that voice. Her blood grew cold as her ears rang - muffling the world around her - and Cyana felt as if she was sixteen once again.

Her eyes drifted from face to face in the direction of the scream until it landed on a girl in the front row, holding a bright pink banner with Vernon’s name on it. 

“Cyana!” The girl yelled out again, her eyes twinkling in a way that made Cyana’s skin feel ice cold. 

And she watched, horrified, as the familiar girl mouthed an all too familiar five words at her. I’m going to get you. 

[suha-reads]

Omgg, that last line has me so worried 😭. Amazing as always though!!

[gotta-winwin]

(🎞️) ... hit the road docu.<> the road we walk together

masterlist | cyana's masterlist

word count: 1.3k tw: swallowing pills (vitamins) italics are interviews cut between scene a/n: reliving seungkwan's birthday ep and being reminded at how well he took care of everyone during an ode tour (˶˃⤙˂˶)

“I think I was more stressed about planning Seungkwan’s birthday surprise than the actual concert.” Cyana held an amused expression as she spoke to the camera. “It’s hard to plan a surprise when you have thirteen blabbermouths.” 

Cyana lay on the sofa, still in her t-shirt and sweatpants, furiously typing away on her phone. 

🐰: i already asked our staff to get a cake - but you guys better not snitch to kwannie !! 🦌: relax, nana. It’ll be fine. 🐶: yeah, as long as we tape soonyoung’s mouth shut 🐯: woah woah woah no??? 🍒: i’m sure it’ll be fine, nana. Remember to call me when you guys surprise him. 

“What did I tell you about using your phone while lying down?” 

Cyana peaked out from behind her phone to see a pouting Seungkwan staring down at her.

“Do you want to go even more blind?” Seungkwan continued to chide, bending down to get a glance at her screen

Throwing her phone down before he could see, Cyana swiped a leg towards his, knocking him down next to her. 

Letting out a yelp as he landed on the couch, Seungkwan tried reaching for her phone. “Are you keeping secrets now, Nana?” 

The two wrestled for the phone, Cyana pushing a hand into Seungkwan’s face, laughing when he tried biting her fingers off. 

“We’re gossip buddies!” He protested. “You tell me everything.” 

Sticking her tongue out rather childishly, Cyana couldn’t help but grin. “No, I tell Dino everything.”

“Betrayal.” Seungkwan detangled himself from her, standing back up. “No more special chewable vitamins for you anymore.” 

Sitting back up, her eyes widened at the threat. “You wouldn’t do that.” She whined, standing up and following him into the bigger green room where everyone was eating. “You know I hate swallowing pills.” 

“You’re keeping secrets.” He pointed an accusatory finger in her direction as he grabbed his own vitamins from his bag. 

“Let the girl live.” Vernon mumbled from the side, his head covered by a cap, lazily scrolling through his own phone. 

“Yeah, Kwannie.” Cyana pleaded, moving to stand next to him, peaking into his bag for the chewables she knew he had. “Let me live.”

“Seungkwan’s very good at taking care of all of us.” Cyana smiled. “It’s not uncommon to hear him running about, yelling at everyone to take their vitamins.”

Letting out a dramatic sigh, Seungkwan reached back into his bag and brought out the container he usually set aside for Cyana. He knew she had some weird unliking for pills, so he was careful to always bring chewable vitamins wherever they went. 

“Here.” He shook out the designated amount of tablets for her. 

Taking them and popping them into her mouth, she smiled, squeezing his shoulder as she moved past him to sit down. “Thanks, Kwan.” 

“Kwan!” Cyana yelled, getting his attention before he could leave the room. Her makeup artist sighed at the movement, gently reminding her to keep still.

“Sorry.” She smiled sheepishly, eyes shining up at her. She’d grown close with the staff that worked with them, day in and day out. 

Turning when he heard his name being called, he walked back in, looking at Cyana through the mirror. “You’re so sparkly today.” He commented, eyeing the various jewels they were gluing under her eye. 

She hummed, closing her eyes at the makeup artist’s instruction. “Your coffee’s over there, by the water cooler.” She pointed blindly in the general vicinity. 

“I love you.” Seungkwan gushed happily, having been craving his infamous Iced Americano all day. 

“Mhm.” 

“Say it back.” 

“Mhm.” Her lips curled up into a suppressed smile. Even with her eyes closed, she could already see the judging stare and pout on his face. 

“Cyana.” His tone warned her, although there was equal mirth in the amused smile across his face. 

“Love you too, Kwan.” She mumbled, keeping her eyes closed. 

Smiling happily in victory, Seungkwan waved to the camera filming them. “You got that on video, right? Send that to me please.”

Cyana eyed Seungkwan from the corner of her eye, watching as the boy showed the camera how he did squats. 

“What is he doing?” Cyana mumbled, poking Wonwoo. 

He looked up from his spot next to her, pausing his game. “What?”

She pointed at Seungkwan, who had his heels lifted off the ground as he flexed his toes, squatting. “What is that?” 

Wonwoo laughed, returning to his game. “That’s just something Seungkwan does.” Nudging her side, he lifted his phone to show her his game. “I’m grinding levels, wanna join?”

“Of course.” She stood up, patting her skirt pockets, looking for her phone. “Nonu?” 

“Hm?”

“Have you seen my phone?” 

Looking up, he pushed his glasses back as he glanced around, shrugging. “You were at the makeup table right? Maybe check there?” 

Seungkwan sipped his ice americano, squats long forgotten as he watched the two. Cyana brushed past him as she left to grab her phone, and he wiggled his eyebrows at Wonwoo. 

“You guys have been getting close.” He commented. 

Wonwoo gave him a stare. “Uh-huh.” He returned back to his game, a look of nonchalance painting his face. The only giveaway to his inwardly flustered state was his ears, which were now tinted pink. 

“uH-hUh.” Seungkwan mocked, taking a couple steps back when Wonwoo shot him a glare. “Sorry.” 

“What’s going on?” Cyana returned, holding her phone up triumphantly. “I found my phone!” She took her spot next to Wonwoo, logging on to the game. “Joshua had it for some reason.” Frowning when Wonwoo didn’t respond, she eyed him critically before shrugging, returning her attention back to her phone. 

“It must have been really warm or something, because Wonwoo’s face was all red for no reason at all.” Cyana frowned, still a little confused and blissfully unaware. “Strange, isn’t it?” 

“Poor girl.” Seungkwan shook his head remorsefully as he spoke. “And poor Wonwoo too. I ain’t her gossip buddy for nothing - those two are the two most dense people I know when it comes to attraction.” 

“Why am I getting interviewed again?” Wonwoo asked, his eyes full of confusion. “Isn’t this Seungkwan’s segment?” 

[note from inside seventeen editor: romance is not dead - just very blind]

“Happy birthday to you~” 

Seungkwan’s eyes widened as the hotel room lights dimmed, revealing his members and a giant birthday cake, adorned with glowing candles. 

“Happy birthday to Seungkwan~” 

Cyana wrapped an arm around his neck, hugging him from behind. “Happy birthday Kwannie.” She murmured quietly, smiling when he relaxed into her hold. 

“I thought you guys forgot!” He exclaimed, whining as he took the cake into his hands. “I was looking at the clock and it was already almost 12am.” 

Joshua laughed from behind Mingyu. “He was swearing in his room.” 

“Was not.” Seungkwan was quick to defend himself. “Don’t spread false news, hyung.”

“Make a wish.” Cyana urged him, redirecting his attention to the cake in his hands. “Before the candles melt.” 

She watched as the boys quieted, everyone watching Seungkwan. His mouth moved silently as he wished with his eyes closed shut. 

“Thank you.” Seungkwan murmured into Cyana’s ear as he hugged her, the mini birthday party now in full swing. “Shua hyung told me you organized it all.” 

She smiled. “Of course. Birthdays are meant to be special, even on tour.” 

“I thought it was going to happen onstage, after our encore ment.” He admitted, swaying as he continued to hug her. “So I was confused when HIT started playing and there was no cake.” 

Cyana let out a snort of laughter, enjoying how endearing he was. “I wanted it to be a surprise.” She explained. “Thought you might expect it, if it was onstage.”

He hummed. “You did well. Thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

“Seungkwan is very special to me because he’s always ready to make us happy.” Cyana smiled at the thought of her friend. “Even when he’s tired, he’s ready to make us laugh. A lot of people are surprised to learn that Seungkwan isn’t always happy and smiley like he is on camera.” Taking a pause, she looked directly into the camera as she spoke her next words. “I hope Kwannie knows it’s okay not to be happy all the time. And that I’ll be there - whenever he needs to just … wallow.” 

a/n: boo always makes me so emotional just thinking about how much he loves his members ˙◠˙ also some woona tidbits!

[suha-reads]

This was so cutee🥹, Kwannie deserves all the love and more 💖💖. Also, Wonu and Cyana moment with her being so clueless. Ahhh love it sm, it's way even the editors know😆

[gotta-winwin]

(🎞️) ... hit the road docu.<> on an unfamiliar road

masterlist | cyana's masterlist

word count: 2.2k TW: angst, anxiety, scoups hiatus, one swear word italics are interviews cut in between a/n: chills while writing this omg. having to rewatch coups' hit the road episode was PAINFUL but i did it for you guys ಥ‿ಥ

"Come sit next to me." Dino waved Cyana over as they sat in a diamond formation for their group photo.

She nodded, putting down her food to join them, taking her place next to her twin maknae.

They were nearly finished 1/4 of their world tour now.

"Where's Mingyu?" Seungcheol called from the very back, taking his place as the group's eldest and leader. "He's the only one not here. Mingyu!" His voice sounded brighter today.

Their leader confused Cyana. She could never tell if he was improving or just silently getting worse.

"I've been learning to video edit recently." Mingyu told her and Seungcheol through a mouth-full of food.

Cyana gave him a happy smile. "That sounds fun." She quietly snuck another piece of meat onto Seungcheol's plate as she spoke.

"As the team's leader," Seungcheol spoke to the camera, his hands gesturing to himself. "I have the role of being both strict and relatable."

Seungcheol nodded at Mingyu to continue. "Is it difficult?" He asked, reaching over to his plate and frowning when he picked up another piece of meat. He glanced over at Cyana, who was doing her best not to look at him.

"Sometimes I feel like their younger brother." Seungcheol let out a soft chuckle. "It gives me energy and makes me feel more comfortable."

"I've been editing so much I see it in my sleep." Mingyu told the two of them. "Do you get that?"

Seungcheol shook his head. "Well, no."

Cyana nodded. "Yeah. Like how you feel like you're still playing a shooting game in your sleep."

"Exactly."

Seungcheol frowned, turning to Cyana. "You've been playing shooting games?"

She shrugged. "Wonwoo lets me on his gaming computer sometimes if I promise not to bother him whenever I'm at his and Mingyu's place." She discreetly slid another piece of meat onto Seungcheol's plate. "He only owns shooting games."

"I've been seeing Cyana like a daughter recently." Seungcheol laughed at the thought. "Or like my younger sister. But really she's like our mother, even though she's the youngest. She takes care of all of us in her own ways."

"It was near the end of our show where I noticed Coups oppa was limping." Cyana winced at the memory. "He was hiding it very well, you couldn't see it on his face - he was still laughing and waving to the crowd during our encore."

Cyana patted DK on the back amidst the chaos of Aju Nice, motioning for the two of them to move to the center.

DK looked back at her, both surprised and bubbling with joy. Cyana usually held back during their encores, preferring to move along the sides of the stage and interact with fans that way.

"I was sad my feet were hurting during our encore." Seungcheol revealed to the interviewer. "Dancing hurt, but jumping hurt even more. And I wanted to play with the members."

The boys cheered on DK and Cyana as they held a mini dance battle in the center of the stage, Cyana pulling out all the b-boy moves Minghao had taught her for fun. She caught Seungcheol's face light up from the corner, standing next to Wonwoo.

"I jumped extra hard that day." She recalled. "I jumped twice as hard because Coups oppa couldn't, and I knew it was what he would've done if he could."

The restaurant had a slight draft as Cyana sat next to Seungcheol, quietly watching as he grilled them both a piece of meat.

"Everybody!" She looked up to see Dino and Mingyu standing in the middle of the restaurant, shot glasses lifted high into the air. "Let's do a fighting on the count of three!"

Today had been their last concert in Japan, officially closing the Japan leg of their world tour.

"Everyone! Good job on Ode To You Japan!" Dino yelled, "Fighting on the count of three!"

Cyana laughed as Mingyu did his best to translate for him, repeating the boy's words in Japanese. As she laughed, she tucked herself closer to Seungcheol, almost subconsciously.

He noticed, like he did with everything, grabbing her hand and tucking her arm underneath his own, patting it as he gripped it in a silent sign of support.

"1,2,3 Fighting!!"

She looked at Seungcheol with a goofy grin, clinking her glass clumsily against his.

"Drunk Nana is adorable." DK mused, watching the interaction from in front of them. "She gets so clingy."

"It's nice." Seungcheol admitted, smiling affectionately when Cyana only shuffled closer, unaware that they were talking about her.

"I think that was the last good day." Seungcheol bit back tears. "Eating with everyone, Nana by my side. The last real good day."

"I could tell something was wrong with Coups oppa the moment we landed in Jakarta."

Cyana tugged on Mingyu's arm to catch his attention.

He looked up from his phone, his smile morphing into a frown when he gauged her worried expression. "What's wrong?"

"Something's wrong with Coups." She mumbled, leaning against the couch where he sat. "It's like he's dreading going onstage."

Mingyu glanced over at the boy in question, who was mindlessly playing with his fingers over by the makeup chairs. "He looks fine to me."

Cyana shook her head, adamant something was wrong. "No. You really can't tell?"

Mingyu gave his hyung another look, a proper, hard one this time. "He just looks worried." He looked up at Cyana, wondering why she was so concerned. "Coups hyung is always worried though, especially during tour."

Her shoulders drooped at the mention of Seungcheol's anxiety. "He'll be okay." She muttered, half to Mingyu but mostly to comfort herself.

It got more noticeable once they were onstage.

This time, Mingyu could see it too. Seungcheol was clutching onto his red mic as if his hands would shake without it, his eyes bouncing from place to place as his turn to introduce himself grew nearer.

"Hi, I'm Seventeen's leader, S.Coups." He said into the mic, and Mingyu knew it lacked his usual energy and charisma.

"You good?" He mouthed to him, facing away from the fans to ask Seungcheol what on earth was going on. "Do you need a break?"

His hyung only brushed him off, leaving Mingyu to look at the end of the line, where Cyana stood, equally worried. Their interaction had not been missed by her keen eyes.

"I thought.." Seungcheol's voice was weak as he spoke. "I thought as the group's leader, I should at least keep going until the group greeting." He hit his hands against his leg, rhythmically, as if it would stop the tears from flowing. "But I knew Mingyu and Nana knew something was wrong."

"Jakarta was..." Cyana paused, trying to find the right wording to describe the sheer amount of feelings that had gone into that one night. "painful." She finally chose, placing her finger delicately on the word. "At that point, we were doing the concert just to finish it."

Cyana watched bitterly as Seungcheol collapsed into one of their cars. She wished it had been her instead. If there was some way to switch places with him, to transfer all of his pain into her own mind, she would do it. Regardless.

"It'll be okay."

She turned to see Jeonghan standing there, having changed out of his concert outfit, a jacket thrown over his shivering shoulders.

"It'll be okay." She repeated his words back to him, wanting to tell him it would go both ways. If they were okay, everything would be okay here too.

Dino watched helplessly as Cyana paced back and forth in the hotel hallway, lingering briefly each time she passed Seungcheol's closed door. He wanted to do something, anything. He felt utterly stupid and useless but the other members had told him there was nothing they could do for Seungcheol. Nothing that would really help, anyways.

"Everyone kept telling me to just leave him alone." Cyana confided during the interview, wringing her hands. "That he had asked for space and we needed to give him that. But I felt so...silly, just sitting on my hands and doing nothing - when he was suffering so much next door."

"Go in." Dino had enough of it all. He stood up from his spot on the lobby couch, motioning for Cyana to open Seungcheol's door. "I'll cover for you, just hurry."

Cyana paused in her pacing, staring up at him with widened eyes. "What?"

"I'm sick of being useless." He said loudly, frustration evident in his tone. "I don't care if he asked for space. Space is the last thing he needs right now. He needs us - but obviously he won't let us see him like that cause he thinks it means he's weak - he's just human, for fucks sake!" Dino threw his hands in the air, finally letting it all out. He had been silently watching Seungcheol suffocate himself for weeks.

Cyana could only nod, a bit taken aback by his outburst but grateful someone was finally agreeing with her. "Okay. I'll be quick, watch the door for me."

"I suppose both of us knew silence could be a killer. And that silence was nobody's friend when it came to anxiety." Cyana huffed. "But of course, Coups oppa was stubborn."

"I thought I told no one to come in." It was the first thing Seungcheol said to Cyana when she announced her presence with a little knock.

"It's just me." She said, praying he'd be a little more accepting if it was her and not one of the boys.

"Go away." He sounded like a petulant teenager and looked like one too. Cyana found him curled up under the covers, his face covered with his arms.

"Can I read you something?" Cyana suddenly asked, getting the sense that he did not want to talk. Throwing her original game plan aside, she took a seat on the other side of the bed next to him and pulled out her phone. "I promise we don't have to say anything. Just let me read this to you, and if you want me to leave, I'll leave."

She got a nod. She considered that a small win.

"Okay. I've- um." She paused, collecting herself. "I've never shown anything I've written to anyone." She warned him. "So...be kind."

You do not have to beg on your knees, to be loved and you do not have to will away tears that would otherwise paint streams against your weathered face and you do not have to hide the callouses on your hands that speak of centuries of experience I do not believe, god gave you strong shoulders just for them to break I do not believe there is anyone to blame as time keeps slipping and our minds spin out of control you only need to let the little child in you glow and tell them there are things on this earth out of his control that he does not need to carry the weight of the world hand me your backpack I'll spilt it into fourteen separate parts and give you back a piece of yourself

She finished reading, looking up from her screen to gauge his reaction. "I call this one Cornerstone." She whispered after a pause. "It's not very good, but it's something I wanted you to hear."

He continued to just lay there, quiet, covering his eyes with his arm.

"Good night, Coups oppa." Cyana moved off the bed as gently as she could. "I love you."

She was glad she couldn't see his face as she left. She didn't hand out I love yous easily. She couldn't remember the last time she ever said those three words, but she figured he needed to hear them. And she really did mean them.

Dino was waiting for her outside like he said he would.

"You're crying." He approached her, moving to wipe her tears with the pad of his thumb.

She sniffed, raising a hand to pat her wet face. "Am I? I didn't notice."

She didn't fight it when Dino pulled her into his chest for a hug. "We're strong." He muttered into her hair. "Don't forget that."

Seungcheol laid very still as he listened to Cyana leave the room. He was afraid that if he made any sudden motion, she might turn back around and realize he had been crying.

He had wanted to tell her that the poem she read to him was very good - so good in fact, that it had twisted his insides and left him feeling incredibly hollow. It was a strange feeling, like he was sad he was so loved.

Furiously wiping the tears off his face, he flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He'd have to ask her to print that poem out for him someday, when he could talk to her and not feel like sobbing into her arms.

"I felt terrible and angry at myself for running away." Seungcheol confessed to the camera. "But the more I rested, the more I overcame. And Cyana-" He paused.

"What?" The interviewer's voice spoke from behind the camera. "What is Cyana to you?"

"A blessing." He nodded. "That girl is a blessing."

[suha-reads]

I loved this so much, literally had me bawling. The writing is perfect and captures different emotions amazingly.

[gotta-winwin]

2019 debut year special <> you do too much pt 2

word count: 2.8k TW: anxiety, hurt, angst, comfort, mentions of hit the road trauma italics are in english, bolded words are in mandarin

She supposed she should've expected tour to be difficult. The first couple legs of their An Ode tour were fine, Cyana had gone in wide-eyed and immensely happy to be sharing the stage with her found family. She liked how she was able to hear the cheers of their fans every night and how it lingered even after the concert. She was still nervous about returning to LA for their North American leg, but Joshua had promised he'd make it okay. Cyana always had a strong love for travelling, and was glad she could do it while performing.

Everything started to go sideways moments before landing in Jakarta.

"1-10, Cyana?" Jun touched her shoulder gently to catch her attention. They were waiting at the airport for the others to get through security.

She blinked. "7." It was a system she had started with the boys, finding that asking for a number was easier than asking how their condition was. It was easier for them to answer to, if the pain was rated on a scale. She had deemed anything lower than a 4 to be dangerous and a cause of worry. So far nobody had reported anything lower than 6. Thank god. "What about you?" She asked back. She had noticed the heavy eye bags despite Jun covering his face with a hat.

The boy shrugged. "7 too. Just tired."

She turned, about to tap Dino and ask him the same question, when Wonwoo stood up, startling them all. He had been napping and his sudden movement was unexpected.

"What's going on?" Jun asked, grabbing Wonwoo's elbow to steady the boy.

"They're here." Wonwoo nodded to the rest of the group, who had finished security and was approaching them. He nudged Dino awake with his foot. "Let's go. I need to crash on the plane."

Cyana grabbed her bag, grateful the staff had taken all their luggage. In her drowsy state, she would have a higher chance of forgetting her things than anything else. Shuffling to Seungcheol's side, she walked to match his pace. It was unusual that she could, most times Seungcheol walked too fast for her to keep up.

"Cheol? Number?" She asked, her eyes betraying her worry. Joshua looked over from Seungcheol's other side with as much worry as she felt.

Seungcheol seemed to struggle to even compute the question. "5." He mumbled, glancing at them both. "I'm fine."

Cyana's eyebrows furrowed. "That's low."

"Not a 4." Seungcheol countered. "Don't push it." The tone of his voice sounded more weak than stern.

Cyana could only look at Joshua, who shrugged. She remembered what he had told her just this morning, when she complained to him she just wanted to strap Seungcheol down so that he could rest.

"You can't help people who don't want to be helped." He had told her, although he looked just as distraught. "Coups needs to want to help himself first. Before we can do anything."

Now, looking at the boy in question, she felt eerily as if he wasn't there at all, like some shell of their leader was the one walking next to them instead.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Cyana pleaded with Jeonghan, who looked mildly bemused under his tired state. "All Mingyu and Hoshi does is snore."

That pulled a laugh out of him. Jeonghan was another member on Cyana's worry radar, and if Mingyu and Hoshi's snoring could gain her a ticket into keeping an eye on Jeonghan, she would take it.

"Okay." Jeonghan relented, moving over to let her into his hotel room. "But just tonight. Don't get too comfortable." He gave her a teasing smile. "You might get too attached."

Cyana frowned. "Big headed much?"

She was glad to see him laugh. She knew how much his body had been aching during this tour. Every time she looked over after a song and saw a brief look of pain flash across his face, she felt a heavy pang in her stomach. On any other circumstance she would've quipped that it was because he was old. But that was the exact reason why it scared her so much: Seungcheol and Jeonghan were getting old and so were their bodies. She wished desperately that they could be young forever.

Sliding into bed, she heard Jeonghan shuffle to turn off the lights before joining, tugging the blanket away from her with a cheeky giggle. Pulling back equally hard, they finally settled in a standstill as they both stared up at the ceiling.

"Number?" Jeonghan whispered into the dark.

"8." There had been no concert today. Cyana felt fine. "Less tired. You?"

"Mentally I'm at a 9. But physically, more like a 6." He admitted.

"Sit out of the next concert, please." Cyana pleaded into the darkness. It helped that neither of them could see each others faces. It was in darkness where it was easiest to talk.

She could hear him breathe as he thought. "I want to perform. For Carats."

"They'll be sad that you're not there, sure." Cyana agreed. "But they'll be even more upset if you die."

Jeonghan laughed. "Oh, our little pessimist." He cooed good naturally. "I'm not going to die."

"It feels like you might." She admitted out loud for the first time. "Every time you take off your shirt for taping it's like you're withering away."

There was silence, and Cyana started to fear she may have overstepped.

"You worry too much." Jeonghan finally said. "If it gets too much before our concert tomorrow, I'll sit out. Promise."

She nodded, although he couldn't see it. "Good. If only Cheol was as cooperative as you."

"You've got his stubbornness, that's for sure." Jeonghan let out a loud sigh. "He's not doing well."

"I've noticed." Cyana agreed. "It's kinda hard not to."

"His mind's not doing well." Jeonghan corrected himself after a pause. "I'm been trying to get him to take a break. See a doctor. Admit he's going a little crazy. He-" Jeonghan's voice cracked. "You know he scrolls through SNS like a ritual? He'll just sit there and read comments. I can always tell when he reaches a particularly cruel one cause he just sits there."

"He hasn't been talking much during filming either." Cyana recalled. "He used to like filming for Going."

"Dieting too." Jeonghan added. "Even though I told him he's fine the way he is."

"He told Hoshi he doesn't see himself being an idol after his contract ends."

Jeonghan froze, and Cyana could tell by the way his arm suddenly stiffened from next to her. He hadn't known.

"I thought he would've told you." She added lamely, feeling like she had definitely said something wrong.

"I guess not." Jeonghan sighed after awhile. "We're a mess, Nana. You joined at a bad time."

Cyana hummed, rolling over to lean her head against his. "That's okay. Maybe it was just meant to be. I'll fix it. I'll fix him."

Jeonghan wrapped an arm around her. "I like that idea actually. You and us all being meant to be."

It was only because she was listening too hard, so concentrated, that she could tell exactly what moment Jeonghan fell asleep, his arm still around her. She told herself to sleep too, she would need all the energy she had if she wanted to help Seungcheol and perform tomorrow.

"We go on in twenty minutes!" One of the event coordinators called out towards the members who had all gathered in the green room. Cyana adjusted her stage outfit, tilting her head up to give her makeup artist easier access. Her eyes flitted around the room as she mentally counted her members. She knew it was the leader's job and she had no business stepping in for a weary Seungcheol as the youngest, but she felt as if she had to. She was easily the most well rested out of them all.

"Number?" She mouthed at Mingyu, who she briefly caught eye contact with.

He merely flashed back an ok sign and a bright smile. She knew he was telling the truth. If there was one thing Seungcheol enforced the most it was their strict 'no lies' policy.

The man in question sat bleary-eyed on the couch, seemingly out of it.

"Are we almost finished?" Cyana mumbled to her makeup artist, who was busy touching up her lips. "I need to go speak to Cheol."

She shook her head. "Not yet."

Cyana sighed as Jeonghan approached her, wincing as he rolled his shoulders. "I think I'm heading out." He leaned down to whisper into her ear.

Her eyes widened. "Really? Good." She eyed his shoulder warily. "Does it hurt a lot?" She asked.

He nodded. "I can barely remember our choreo. Figured I would do better not embarrassing myself onstage tonight."

She let out a sad laugh, stopping quickly when her makeup artist scolded her for moving. "Is Cheol going too?" She wondered hopefully.

Jeonghan shrugged before wincing at the movement. "He hasn't said anything. I'm gonna go to the car before I pass out." He offered weakly, waving towards the staff who was waiting for him at the exit. "Have fun. Be safe." He reminded her, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head before leaving.

She waited impatiently for her makeup artist to finish. Hoshi found her next, murmuring into her ear about position changes they needed to make without Jeonghan here.

"Scratch that and make us 12." She whispered back, moving once she got a green light from her makeup artist. "Cheol's not performing tonight."

Hoshi looked at her, surprised. "He finally agreed?"

Cyana shook her head. "I'll convince him."

He scoffed. "Good luck with that. We've all been trying since last week."

It felt like the longest twenty minutes Cyana had ever experienced.

"Go back to the hotel, Cheol." She begged, fixing his hair so it wouldn't fall into his eyes.

"I'm fine." He insisted again, turning his head away from her. The stubborn piece of hair fell back where it was before.

They'd been at this for hours, it felt like. She was blindly aware of the amount of eyes that were on them, watching who'd win the mental battle.

"Number?" She asked, hoping he'd give her the truth this time.

"7."

She couldn't help but scoff. "You're lying again. We said no lying about the number system."

He finally looked up from the ground to shoot her a glare. "I'm not lying."

"I don't want to fight, Cheol." She sighed. "We're worried. You're not doing okay."

His shoulders dropped as he looked away again. "I can do this concert."

"Hannie oppa's going home." She offered, knowing it'd make him feel better not to be the only one dropping out. It was almost silly, his pride and responsibility.

He looked at her with surprise before quickly averting his eyes again. "Jeonghan's leaving?"

"He's in the car waiting for you. His shoulders aren't feeling well." Cyana grabbed his hand and tried to pull him off the couch. "Please." She begged again.

Resigned, Seungcheol stood up, wavering as he called their manager over with a feeble wave. They both stared at him, watching as he tried to form words into sentences.

"I think-" He broke off, before picking up again. "I think I need a break."

It was like a dam cracked open. Cyana let out a harsh sigh of relief as she watched their manager take Seungcheol away, presumably into the car with Jeonghan and back to the hotel.

"He'll be okay." Minghao joined to stand next to her. He took her hand, gently leading her towards the stage entrance. "Game face on, Yue Liang. We can worry later."

She nodded, knowing he was right. They were resting and safe and that was all that mattered. She'd be back to them in a couple hours anyways.

Cyana cracked open the door to Seungcheol's room as quietly as possible. She knew he was awake, the lights were on despite it being nearly 3AM. The concert had gone smoothly despite the missing members and she knew Seungcheol would appreciate an update.

"Cheolie?" She called into the room, walking in and see the leader standing on the balcony. She slid open the balcony door and stepped out to join him.

He turned around at the sound of the door opening immediately, frowning and opening his mouth to scold her when he saw how little she was wearing.

"Stop." Cyana held a hand up before he could go on his rant.

"You should be wearing a jacket." He said either way. "You'll catch a cold."

"I'm okay." She moved to stand next to him and looked out at the city landscape. "Everything went really well today. Carats had fun."

She received back nothing but silence. Still, she continued. "DK led the skit and he roped Vernon in with him. They somehow got me involved too. I was nervous, but it ended up being lots of fun." She paused to glance up at Seungcheol, who had his eyes trained on the night sky. "I went and said hi to Jeonghan before coming here. He's okay. Worried about you. We all are."

She watched as his eyes seemed to quiver and glisten with forming tears.

"Minghao told me it was just part of the job, going onstage and pretending like everything wasn't just chaos. It was hard. I don't know how any of you do it. Vernon told me it's not like America, where we can just take a break whenever we wanted to and have people understand." She stopped talking again, wishing he'd say something. It was odd for her to be the one talking the most.

"I think people would understand though. You've all worked so hard and people can see it. You should've heard how loud they were cheering you and Jeonghan's names today. It was like you guys were there anyways." She smiled softly at the memory. "We'll be here for a long time, Cheol. You can step back for a little while."

There was a pause as a particularly strong gust of wind passed them, diverting both their attentions.

"I think-" His voice was quiet but she could hear him. "I think I need a break." He echoed the same words he had said hours ago. "I talked to manager-hyung and-" His voice broke. "he said it was okay. If I stopped for a bit."

Cyana nodded. "We'll be okay without you for awhile, Cheol. You don't need to carry so much on your back. There's 14 of us for a reason, we can all take a little bit of the burden."

He was still staring off into the night sky, giving no sign he had really heard her. "It just felt like if I stopped even for one second, the world might spin too fast and lose me." He continued. "Like I needed to be there every moment."

Cyana could relate to the feeling. "I know." She had the same problem. "Someone once told me it's okay to step off the world for a little bit. To stop chasing the cycle and to breathe."

"It spins too fast." He whispered, finally looking at her. She felt a pang in her chest when she noticed there were tears tracking silently down his face. "The world spins too fast."

Cyana nodded ruefully. "Yeah, sometimes it does that." She tried to smile, reaching up to wipe his tears away with her sleeve. "Don't cry, Cheol."

He sniffed, looking down at her and giving a weak smile back. "We've been doing a lot of that recently, huh."

She laughed, and he watched her throw her head back as the sound echoed into the night. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. "It's okay." She said, coming back to him. "Crying is good sometimes."

"You're good at this." He mused. "Comforting people. Maybe you should replace Jeonghan as SEVENTEEN's therapist. Surely you'd do much better. He usually just listens and then starts scolding."

She shook her head. "That's okay. Feelings still make me iffy." Shivering suddenly as another gust of wind blew past, she patted Seungcheol awkwardly on the back. "Good talk. You're okay now, right? It's cold."

He let out a breathy laugh. "I'm better now. Go inside, I'll be in in a moment." He turned back to look out at the city's nightlife.

Cyana moved back into the hotel room, shivering as she grabbed one of his spare zip-ups for the couch and pulled it on. Pulling out her phone, she selected her conversation with Jeonghan, typing out a text.

me: seungcheol, fixed!

She smiled, amused when she saw him immediately start typing back.

hannie: you're the best.

Liking the message, she was about to swipe out and peruse the ramen packets Seungcheol had laid out on the coffee table when another text popped up on her screen.

dino: we're in hoshi's room. got ramen.

Sending Dino a silent thank you, she called back into the room as she opened the door to leave. "I'm going to Hoshi's!" She knew Seungcheol would need his silence.

A quiet grunt of acknowledge came from the balcony as she closed the door behind her.

She knew Seungcheol was a long way from being completely fixed and fine again. She knew Jeonghan's body was still a long way from healthy. She knew they still had months of tour left over without the two. Yet, just like she had told Seungcheol, the world would keep spinning, and Seventeen would come back stronger in 2020 then ever before.

a/n: more angst for you guys (..◜ᴗ◝..) we're officially kicking off into hit the road era!

[suha-reads]

They're so cutee🥹🥹

[gotta-winwin]

downloading... nana vlogs ep 1 : wishes in wells

[NANAVLOGS𐙚] - Wishes In Wells (우물 안의 소원) EP. 1

word count: 2.3k TW: shit ton of fluff, some hate italics are in english this vlog series is written from the pov of the yt video lol / format might be wonky on phones

Cyana's seen fiddling with the camera lenses, wiping it gently with her sleeve, blocking the view for a spilt second. She smiles, satisfied and waves to the camera.

"Caratdeul~ Hello~" She smiles, excited. "Welcome to Nana's Vlogs! You're surprised right? I'm surprised too. I didn't think I'd get my own series on Seventeen's Youtube channel so soon."

Flipping the camera, she pans across her room. "Cyana's room reveal for the first time~" She laughs shyly from behind the camera as she moved around, showing Carats her living quarters. "I room with Hao but he's not home right now." Flipping the camera back, she gave viewers a cheeky grin. "Today's our day off so I thought I'd turn on the camera and take you guys with me! We're meeting with Seungkwan, Vernon and Dino for a fun day out."

Humming as she walked towards the full length mirror in her room, she flipped the camera to show Carats her outfit. "Outfit of the day! We're wearing a blue flannel to match our jeans and white sneakers so I'll be comfortable walking all day. Okay- let's go!"

Cyana poses for the camera, joined by Seungkwan as he waves a peace sign towards the camera.

"Hi Caratdeuls~" Seungkwan throws an arm causally around Cyana's shoulders. "Our beautiful Cyana's paying for our meal today!"

Cyana frowned, pushing Seungkwan off her and out of frame. "Since when? I didn't agree to that?" Seungkwan could be heard laughing off camera.

Cyana turned to the camera, addressing the viewers. "Guys, don't be fooled. Seungkwan's been lying a lot recently. Must be all the influence from living with Hannie oppa." She muttered the last part, side-eyeing Seungkwan when he let out an indignant hey! "Sorry, Hannie. Don't watch this please."

Turning the camera, Vernon and Dino are seen watching the pair, amused. Pushing the camera close to Vernon's face, the viewers are greeting by an up-close and personal shot of Vernon's eyes and nose.

"Vernon, say hi to Carats." Cyana prompted him, holding back a snicker when she saw Vernon's eyebrows furrow at the strange angle.

"Hi, Carats." Vernon deadpanned, nudging the camera towards Dino. "Dino, say hi to Carats."

Dino waved. "Hi~ We're going to go eat lunch right now." Taking the camera from Cyana, he began conversing to the viewers, throwing TMIs out into the wild. "Seungkwan said he's been craving food from a restaurant we used to frequent as trainees, so we thought we'd bring Nana to show her around. We haven't been back in this neighbourhood in awhile."

"I wonder if the lady running the place still remembers us." Vernon mused, remembering the amount of times she had fed them years ago.

"The food there is soooo good." Seungkwan practically moaned in recalling the memory. He shook Cyana, as if to get the point across. "Soooo good."

Cyana gave him a small smile. "I'm sure it is, Kwan. There's no need to shake me." There was a hint of amusement hidden in her tone.

Dino pulled her next to him, grabbing her arm to loop it with his. "You can walk with me, Nana. I'm much safer."

She snorted at the statement. "Who was it that was making me skip down the street with him last week?"

"Ai~" Dino tried defending himself. "Wasn't that cute though?"

"Our second maknae doesn't want to be cute, Dino." Vernon had a big grin on his face. "She's into being nonchalant."

"Nonchalawhat?" Dino exclaimed, confused. "You can't just spring an English word on me like that." He frowned at the camera when Vernon and Cyana just laughed. Removing his arm from Cyana's hold, he moved to join Seungkwan instead, pouting. "Never mind. I'm walking with Seungkwan."

The restaurant was bustling with energy when the four of them entered, having put on masks before walking in. Cyana had regained possession of the camera and was busy filming the little water fountain and pond they had at the waiting area.

"Wahh~" She marvelled quietly, Seungkwan getting them a table in the background. "This is so cool."

Vernon moved into frame to join her. "We used to make wishes here, before we left."

She turned to look at him, a teasing smile on her face. "Did any of them come true?"

Vernon thought about it before nodding. "I think we all would always wish for success. And to have fans who loved us." He sent an embarrassed look to the viewers. "So I guess our wishes all came true."

"Ooooo." Cyana pointed a finger at him. "Vernon's flustered~" She turned to the camera, as Seungkwan motioned to them that he had gotten them a table. "Only Carats can make Vernon flush like that, y'know. He's so sentimental."

Sitting down, Cyana set the camera in front of her as she opened her menu. Scanning it, her face grew more confused as she read. Poking Dino, who was sat next to her, she hesitantly slid her menu over to him. "I can't understand anything." She mumbled, a little sad.

Dino pouted. "It's okay, I'll read it for you." He scanned the items before looking at her. "What do you want? Rice? Noodles? There's rice cakes too."

She frowned, hesitating.

"You can choose anything." Seungkwan reminded her from behind the camera, sitting on the opposite side of her. "No diet, remember?"

"Noodles, then? Please."

Dino nodded. "Okay." He began listing out the options for her to choose from.

Feeling indecisive, she motioned for him to pick. "Just pick something you'd think I'd like. You've been here before."

Dino frowned. "That's a lot of pressure."

"Get her the Kalguksu." Vernon suggested, knowing Cyana would like the lightness the dish had.

Once ordering, Cyana waved at the camera. "I'm gonna turn the camera off for a bit- sorry~." She gave them a little wink. "We're gonna update each other and we've got a lot of.." She paused trying to find the right words.

"Tea." Seungkwan butted in, proud to showcase a new vocab word Cyana had taught him.

She laughed. "Yes. Tea. Be back soon!"

"Oh! Ajumma!"

Cyana fumbled to turn on the camera as Seungkwan called out to the lady holding their bill. She turned the camera, just in time to catch Seungkwan hugging the elderly woman gently.

"Oh, Seungkwan-ah." The restaurant owner pinched his cheek endearingly. "Wah, you've grown so big. So handsome."

Seungkwan's ears turned pink. He bowed, thanking her. "We needed to come back to have your food again, ajumma. We missed it so much."

She smiled happily at his words. "Oh! Chan! Hansol!"

Cyana watched the interaction with a big smile on her face, heart warmed to see the boys so comfortable and smiling. She assumed they must've all felt like kids again, meeting someone who had fed them with so much love.

"Oh- who's this?" The grandma turned to her, head tilted in confusion.

Cyana passed the camera wordlessly to Dino, bowing in greeting. "Hello, I'm Cyana. Your cooking is delicious, I had enjoyed it so much."

She smiled, thanking her before turning to Seungkwan and whispering, "Is this your girlfriend? Or is it Chan's?" She frowned at Dino before continuing. "You're too young to be dating, Chan-ah."

"Ajumma!" Dino protested. "I'm 20 now."

She seemed surprised at the age. "Already? Well, still. Is this your girlfriend then, Chan? You should've brought her to me sooner." She chided.

Both Cyana and Dino's eyes widened at the assumption. "No, no." Cyana corrected her quickly. "I'm their new member."

The grandmother's eyebrows furrowed. "Hm. Seventeen has a girl member now?"

"Yes, ajumma. She's very talented." Seungkwan replied.

Cyana was touched at how quick he was to defend her.

The grandmother waved her hands at Seungkwan's comment. "Ah, I'm not saying she isn't. I'm sure she is, if she's working with you boys." She turned to Cyana and smiled. "It must be hard, but congratulation! The boys are such lucky people. You are lucky too- they're so sweet, even as kids." She patted Dino's cheek. "This one used to come to me crying whenever he was scolded."

Dino's face flushed. "Ajumma-" He protested once again, whining. "Don't expose me like that."

As they got up to leave once paying, the grandmother pulled Cyana aside, allowing the others to go first. Vernon had possession of the camera now, busy telling Carats childhood memories they had at this place.

"Listen to me, young lady." The grandmother said quietly. "I basically raised most of them, they used to come to me for everything- not just food. Hurt any one of them and I'll learn how to use SNS just to find you." Her narrowed eyes softened when she paused. "But- I suppose if you were to go anywhere, Seventeen is the best place. The boys are very loyal to anyone they love. You will be safe and very lucky with them." Her eyes seemed to go far away as she continued, as if sucked into the past. "They used to make wishes at the fountain- you know the one in the front."

Cyana nodded. "Yes. Ver- Hansol told me."

"I told them the fountain was magical, that the water was connected to a spring up in the mountains that gods had blessed before. They were young and innocent, they would've believed anything I told them." She laughed at the memory. "They'd come and throw a coin in- making a wish with all their might. I wanted it to give them hope, purpose. I doubt they still believe in it now, but back then- some of them used to save up that coin to make a wish instead of spending it on a comic book or a video game. Seungcheol came back a couple years ago when they debuted and told me the fountain had worked, even if he knew I had made up the story. Said I was the one who made it magical. He always had a way with words, that one." She sniffled a bit.

Cyana patted her back, trying to comfort her. "From the way they were all talking about you on the way over here, you did make it magical. They said you got them through it all."

She smiled, patting her arm before letting her go. "Take good care of them. My lucky boys."

"I will." Cyana promised.

Walking to join the others, she noticed Vernon lingering near the fountain. She moved to join him, fishing out a coin from her jacket pocket and handing it to him. "Make a wish."

He let out a laugh. "The camera's with Seungkwan and Dino outside. What are you doing?"

"Not for show." She reminded him, urging him to take it. "Make a wish. Like when you were kids."

Vernon hesitated, taking it before handing it back. "You should do it. I've done it hundreds of times as a kid."

"Are you sure?" Cyana asked.

He nodded. "You'd use it better, I'm sure."

Closing her eyes, she grasped onto the coin tightly, reaching for all the belief she had in the world. A lot of it had died as a kid. Opening her eyes again, she flicked the coin into the water.

"What'd you wish for?" Vernon asked after a beat.

Cyana shrugged. "I'm not supposed to say it out loud or it won't come true."

"I didn't know you still held childish beliefs."

She laughed. "I don't. Just thought I'd allow myself to act like a kid for once."

He nodded. "Okay. Keep your secrets." Pulling her into him, he led both of them out the restaurant, catching up with the others.

"Hello~" Cyana was back in her room now, arriving home after a long day with the others. "Sorry I didn't film much after the restaurant." She said sheepishly, plopping down on her bed. "Dino insisted we go to a playground to 'relive our youth,' so I didn't film much. We had fun though! I'll post some pictures we took on weverse later."

She paused for a moment, trying to remember what it was she had wanted as her outro. "Anyways," She smiled shyly at the camera. "This has been the first episode of Nana Vlogs, I hope you had fun- I know I did."

The door opened from behind her as Minghao stepped in. "Oh-"

"Hao!" She exclaimed. "Perfect. It's so awkward doing an outro by myself." She got up and dragged him closer to the camera. "Say hi and bye to Carats~"

Minghao waved, amused. "Hi Carats~ Did you have fun with Cyana today?"

"They took me to the restaurant next to Samseong Jungang Station. I made a wish at the fountain." She updated Minghao excitedly.

His eyes widened in recognition. "Ohh, the one with ajumma." He smiled fondly down at Cyana, who was grinning happily. "Well, that means you're officially one of us now, if you made a wish."

Cyana nodded. "I have so much to tell you-" She rambled, happy he was finally home. "And I want to know about where you and Jun disappeared off to."

Minghao could only laugh at her enthusiasm. It was rare to see, but he assumed the outing had brought out her childlike self again. "Okay- but first, say bye to Carats."

Cyana flushed. "Whoops." Grabbing the camera and lifting it to eye level, she waved goodbye. "Bye bye Carats~ See you next time!"

....end! cyana will be back in ep 2

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COMMENTS:

dinonara okay i'm coming around to her uribooo she's so cute! svtvan if having her in svt will give us more content like this im sold ⭒ kpopstan1 right? the interaction w ajumma was so cute! i miss predebut svt haoswife literally only watched this for the 2 minutes of hao at the end menadyou came for maknae line stayed for cyana dinosaurus why is she always clinging to a member tf? ⭒ lachimolala no fr its getting annoying minwoocrumbs did you see 9:54 - why is she here if she can't read korean yukilovesdino dino- my heart wonusglasses she trying way too hard omg ⭒ cyanagotu let her live!! omg!!

author's notes: first nana vlog - complete! hope you guys enjoy! nearly made myself cry writing the ajumma part - old ladies being nostalgic always makes me emotional (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

[suha-reads]

So good as always. Loved her moment with Vernon, so cutee and fluffy.

[gotta-winwin]

2019 debut year <> cheers and accolades

word count: 2.8k TW: anxiety, hate italics are in english, bolded words are in mandarin -> formatting might be wonky on phone

It was the very moment when they finished performing and she stopped to catch her breath where she realized everything had been worth it. She could hear the crowd through her earpieces, their cheers sending a thrum of energy across the stage towards her. She reached over to where Joshua stood and clutched his hand tightly.

"Oh my god." She mumbled, mouth open at the sheer size of it all. If this was only for tv broadcast, she couldn't even imagine what a concert might feel like. She could feel her legs shaking from the rush of adrenaline. "Is this real?" She whispered, half to herself but more to Joshua.

Joshua let out a breathy laugh. "It's all real." He joined her as they both stared out into the vast sea of shining light sticks. "Take it in." He removed her left earpiece to say it into her ear, the crowd's roar making it hard to hear anything but. "It's all for you, nana."

She shook her head, although her eyes had welled up with tears. "They're here for all of us." She corrected him softly.

Looking out at the sea of people felt to her like looking at a checkpoint. She knew this wasn't the finish line, not even close, but the fact that she was on this stage proved she had what it took to get there. She wordlessly thanked past Cyana for all the suffering she'd gone through to get them here today. She spun around when she felt arms wrap around her waist, a sturdy chest coming to meet her back.

"They're loud, aren't they?" DK yelled into her ear, swaying from side to side.

Cyana let out a tiny laugh, jolting from the sudden proximity. "Yes." She breathed out, pushing DK's face away from her head. "You're loud."

She heard Joshua laughing from next to him. He had moved slightly away upon DK's arrival, giving the two of them some space.

DK released her, sending a frown. "You've gotten mean." He pouted, although his lips trembled to hide a growing smile.

"She's gotten comfortable." Joshua drawled, correcting the younger boy and throwing an arm lazily around Cyana. "It's a good thing."

DK nodded, a large smile overtaking his face and his arms began to open, signifying his urge for a hug. Having already predicted it, Cyana dodged quite gracefully out of the way as he came towards her. "Go hug Shua." She grabbed the boy's arm and dragged him towards Joshua. "Yes. That's good." She giggled when DK pulled Joshua roughly into his arms, much to his dismay. "Yes, hug each other." She was quite proud at her quick thinking.

"WAhhhh~"

A heavy weight landed against her chest, catching her off-guard. Hoshi had moved so fast she hadn't even seen him run towards her. He threw himself into her arms.

Letting out a deep sigh, she resigned to the affection begrudgingly, accepting defeat. "Soonyoung." She narrowed her eyes at the boy, who was adjusting his mic to not hit her neck. "Your back is going to hurt from the way you're bending."

"Worth it." He muttered into the crook of her neck. "You never let me hug you."

She patted his back awkwardly, feeling sort of bad. "Sorry, Soonie." She muttered back. "I suppose today can be an exception."

She felt him nod against her. "It's your debut day, of course it's an exception."

He hadn't said it very loudly but the comment seemed to have caught everyone's attention. Pulling themselves away from the edge of the stage where they had been interacting with fans, the rest of the boys crowded around where Cyana and Hoshi stood.

"Did I hear what I think I heard?” Jeonghan had a wicked smirk as he looked at Cyana, fully ready to take advantage of the current exception.

“YES!!” Hoshi yelled, nearly deafening the girl, who he was still latched onto.

Cyana’s eyes widened as she realized what was about to happen. It happened within the second, as Cyana’s vision turned into one of limbs, shirts and fluffs of multicolored hair. She could imagine how silly they must’ve looked to the crowd, a pile of people clumped together in a poorly executed hug.

“Watch her bones, bro.” Jun called into the throng. “Don’t break her.”

"Ow- Mingyu, move your butt away from me!"

Cyana couldn’t help but giggle at the mess. She held onto what she assumed as Seungcheol’s arm and DK’s shoulder, trying to steady herself as she braced for inevitable impact.

“Oh, we’re going down.” Vernon muttered, his voice showing zero concern as they toppled towards the ground.

Cyana was grateful they’d all managed to roll away, landing a few steps away from her instead of on top of her. She got up and adjusted her skirt, her face red but smiling wide. Turning towards the crowd, she flushed, embarrassed as she waved and bowed, wordlessly thanking them for their support. Their stage time was up, and the organizers were calling them to leave the stage from their earpieces.

As they left, she could see from the corner of her eye a distressed and red-faced Wonwoo, making her frown. She had thought the moment was pretty endearing, no? What was his problem?

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"Cheers to Cyana's debut!"

The restaurant Seungcheol had reserved was in the heart of Seoul. Cyana had enjoyed the car ride over, as she stared out the window and enjoyed the peaceful silence tired boys resulted in - an energy that seemed to disappear the moment food arrived on the table.

"Cheers!"

She sat squished between Jun and DK, carefully watching the others as they all interacted. She was hyperaware of the fact that both Jun and DK had been sliding meat onto her plate whenever they thought she wasn't looking.

"Eat." Jun nudged her shoulder. "Grow tall."

She frowned down at the mountain of meat piled on top of her plate. "I've already finished growing."

Jun blinked, his expression showing plainly that he was making fun of her. "aw. that's too bad." He shot her a grin. "Eat. Maybe you'll start growing again!"

"If I keep eating everything you guys give me I'll be incapacitated by the time we go on tour, Huihui." Even as she complained she was still picking up a piece with her chopsticks, sniffing it before placing it in her mouth.

Jun laughed, refilling her drink. "I haven't poisoned the thing."

Cyana stuck her tongue out, earning another loud laugh from Jun.

She liked the atmosphere that circled around them, filling the room with warmth and overflowing happiness. She looked at her members around her and thought she could almost see a golden glow emitting from their grins, although it was probably just the yellow lighting the room had.

"Are you having fun?" DK asked suddenly, having been deep in conversation with his neighbours: Minghao, Vernon and Mingyu.

Cyana nodded, lightly clinking her glass with his. "So much fun." She admitted.

He seemed to nod in approval. "Good." He leaned his head down and bumped into gently with hers, as if in greeting. "You deserve it."

They'd (save for Wonwoo and Woozi) all been saying that to her recently. You deserve it. They'd say it about even the littlest things. It made her suspect Jeonghan had told them about their talk. She found she didn't really mind, being laid out and vulnerable in front of her members. It both pleased her and scared her.

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Seungcheol was on his way out the door when Cyana stopped him. Having just helped deposit a very drunk Hoshi and DK back to their respective rooms, the leader looked ready to head home and check out.

"Oppa." She reached out a hand to stop him before he could exit.

He turned around, tired eyes worried. "What's wrong?"

She blinked. "Nothing's wrong. I was just wondering if I could get my phone?" He had taken it from her since she had joined, wanting to protect her from the media's response at her joining Seventeen. He had yet to give it back.

He frowned. "Are you sure? I can keep it for longer."

"I'm sure." She shook her head. "I can handle it. Whatever it is."

He gave her a look over before sighing. "It's at my place."

"Oh." A part of her was disappointed. She had wanted to do some mindless scrolling tonight. She hadn't had time to even miss social media until now.

He must've sensed her sadness because he stepped aside, motioning her to put her shoes on. "Let's go get it. You can just stay over tonight."

"You're the best." She stooped to slide her shoes on, pausing when she felt Seungcheol place a jacket over her shoulders.

"Let's go." He moved quickly, leaving before she could even thank him. Blinking, she followed him out the apartment, locking the door before heading to his car.

"Can you drive?" She wondered aloud. He had been drinking with the others just an hour ago.

He nodded. "I knew I was driving home so I didn't drink as much." He unlocked the door. "Get in."

Seungcheol's place was clean. Cyana didn't really know what else she was expecting. A large aquarium fish tank perhaps, Seungcheol looked like he'd own one of those. Instead, his place was minimal and made it feel much larger than it probably was. She followed him wordlessly to his bedroom, watching as he opened a drawer and took out her phone.

"Here." He paused before handing it to her. "Are you sure?" He asked again, still not quite convinced. "The internet- it can be very cruel sometimes."

She nodded, taking it from him. She wanted to tell him she was no stranger to cruelty but felt like it would only bring another lecture and probably worry him more. "I'm fine, Cheol. Promise."

He gave her a resigned nod. "The guest bedroom's on the right, down the hall. Everything should be ready for you. Towels and toothbrush are all new." He moved to his closet and took out a tshirt and sweats, handing them to her. "Here. I assume you wouldn't want to sleep in the clothes you have on right now." He was right, her hoodie still smelled distinctly of Korean barbecue. "I doubt the pants will fit you but there's a drawstring." His ears had turned a shade of pink.

She thanked him, leaving before things could get too awkward. Showering and changing, she decided to just ditch the pants - the legs were too long and she didn't enjoy tripping wherever she went - his tshirt covered up to her knees anyways. Getting into bed, she turned on her phone and opened Instagram, scrolling to her debut announcement post and clicking the comment section.

numberonecarat wtf is pledis on?? we were kinda doing just fine?? melanie_joshuji wait...i lowkey like this idea tho scoupsthighs ain't no way they're sticking this poor girl into the midst of 13 boys ⭒ godofmusic no cuz you're so right she's gonna get ripped to shreds loviehannie not my boys wtf 😭 atiny4life kpop is insane nowadays omg yukilovesdino guys she's so pretty let's be kind! huihui&me isn't she from disney?

Cyana kept scrolling.

borahaeu not even a carat but i'd hate if this to happened to my ults lunawonders so clearly scoups fought the company and lost cuz my guys would never stand for this dinoisme the thought of baby dino even touching this girl is making me ill ⭒ kpopstan1 ok buddy. parasocial much? haoswife is it just me or is she so ugly im so sorry

Making a face, she swiped out, moving on to search up their debut stage. It had been broadcasted and then posted onto youtube. The comments weren't much better.

anonymouscarat girl thought she ate markeuwife don't even stan this group but they're talent is being wasted performing with her svteveryday pleasantly surprised, the boys did really well! nanapookie considering changing my acc name - it's for jaemin but i'd hate to be mistaken as a cyana supporter eatacookie stick to acting. taetaefm guys...she lowkey did rlly well tho? dollynon i had to pause and take a breath after their encore stage cause wtf was that dksbelly the group hug was so cute! ⭒ thisistherealme nah she needs to stop being such a pick me ⭒ dinosgamingskills fr like get away from hoshi!! 😠 ⭒ wonwooai we literally could've gotten jun to sing her part and it would've slapped cyanagotu don't listen to the haters girl! i got u ⭒ anonymouscarat you won't be saying that when she starts getting into dating scandals and ruining svt

Cyana closed the tab and shut off her phone, throwing it somewhere next to her on the bed. Perhaps Seungcheol had been right. Perhaps the phone would've been better staying in his possession for a little while longer. Getting up, she blinked the tears that had been beginning to form away.

"Cheol?" She padded across the hallway and knocked lightly on his door.

He opened it not a second later. "Cyana?" His voice was rough and concerned. He pushed open the door wider, moving back to let her step in. "What's going on?"

She held out her phone. "I think maybe you were right." She whispered. "I can't handle it."

He sighed, taking it back and moving to put it away again. "I'm sorry." His shoulders sagged as he sat down on the corner of his bed. "I wished it wasn't like this."

She shrugged, now more worried about him then herself. She was able to look at him properly now, noticing for the first time the harsh worry lines and bloodshot eyes. His hands were trembling slightly and he shivered occasionally despite the warmth. "Are you sick?" She asked, reaching out a hand to touch his forehead.

He drew his head back before she could make contact. "I'm fine."

"You're not."

The two stared at each other in a standstill, neither budging.

"You're not fine." Cyana insisted, strongly this time. It was so obvious he wasn't.

He let out a loud sigh, getting up to usher her out his room. "I'm fine, Cyana. Don't be so stubborn." He gently pushed her towards the hallway.

She frowned at how cold his hands were when he touched her back, trying to push her out. "Seungcheol." She glared up at him, standing her ground.

"God, Cyana." He threw his head back, annoyed. "Just go to bed. I'm fine. Just tired from today."

Turns out their leader was just as stubborn as she was, Cyana realized, much to her dismay. Grumbling nonsensical complaints towards Seungcheol, Cyana pushed past him back into his room, sitting down on the side of his bed. Turning to him with her arms crossed, she watched as he stared at her, confused. "Well, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight not knowing if you're okay." She said angrily, although she was just trying to play off how worried and scared she was. "So I'll stay here." She moved to the tiny couch that stood in front of the bed. "Make sure you don't die in your sleep."

Seungcheol frowned, but closed the door behind him. "You just don't want to sleep alone after reading the comments online."

She hated how easily he seemed to read her. "Shut up."

She half expected him to scold her for not being respectful to her elders - or chide her about not reading things online. She was surprised when he wordlessly slipped into bed, turning off the lights.

"Get in." His voice sounded from the darkness. "Don't kick me in your sleep." It was his last attempt at keeping the lightness to the conversation.

Cyana hesitated for a moment before deciding she wasn't really down to hurt her back sleeping on the couch. Slipping quietly into bed, she was grateful for how wide the bed was. It was like Seungcheol wasn't even there, although she could hear his heavy breathing. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to forget everything she had read online. The words burned against her eyelids, leaving her helpless as a wave of ache and pain washed against her.

Unbeknownst to her, Seungcheol was feeling the same thing laying next to her. The same foreboding waters crashed against his mind as he angrily tried to control it. He didn't like admitting he was scared - of the future, of Seventeen's fate, of his own responsibilities and of Cyana's wellbeing. He could hear her irregular breathing as he tried to calm his own. He knew she was scared too. He knew he could tell her how he was feeling and that she'd understand. He knew all of this and yet the words seemed to escape him whenever he opened his mouth to try. He was supposed to be strong, after all. Unbendable and independent. A role model for the others. A role model wasn't supposed to suffer from harsh waves of anxiety like he did. And so he said nothing, letting himself rot to sleep listening to her quiet breathing.

author's note: didn't mean to make this chapter as sad as it was - two angsty updates back to back - whoops (╥‸╥) 2019 irl was a tough year for sebongs and we're about to head into that - ex. hit the road trauma (¬_¬")

[suha-reads]

Amazinggg, it's such a perfect mix of angst and fluff, cuz tell me why I'm close to tears and still so happy for Cyana. I loved this sm, pls keep feeding us🥰

[gotta-winwin]

2019 debut year <> you do too much

word count: 3.7k TW: body image, overworking, swearing, angst italics are in english, bolded words are in mandarin

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Cyana never meant for it to get this far.

It had started off pretty mild, she'd wake up earlier than usual, take a morning run to the company and get a head start on practice. She'd stay later than the others too, insisting they go home without her and that she'd join them a bit later. Just one more time, she'd say, as she cued up the song once again. Just one more time, she'd say again after that, and by then it would already be close to midnight.

She stared at herself in the mirror, shaking with frustration and fatigue. Her chest heaved harshly as she tried desperately to calm her breath.

Hoshi shot her a worried glance. "Nana, take a break."

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Practice is done anyways. The car's ready, pack up." He grabbed her hand to drag her towards their things.

Cyana shook her hand out from his grasp, shooting him a tired smile. "You can go first, Soonie. I'll stay a little bit longer. I want to try Getting Closer again."

Hoshi frowned at her words. "We've already stayed late, nana-yah. Everyone's already left. And you've been staying late for the past two weeks. Let's take a break, okay?"

She shook her head stubbornly. "It's fine, really."

He looked at her apprehensively, not quite believing her. Sighing, he reluctantly agreed, knowing there was no stopping her. "Please be home by at least two am."

She nodded absentmindedly, already turning back around to cue up the track. She made sure Hoshi really had left before continuing, concentrating on perfecting her angles and facial expression. She had failed the company test - when the higher-ups came and decided she wasn't good enough - her ego burned from the hit and she vowed to work even harder. The members had told her she was already amazing, but she couldn't believe them if the company officials didn't think so.

She hadn't told any of the boys she hadn't been returning home. Most of her essentials were stored safely in one of the drawers in their practice room - saving her both the time and energy it took to return home. This way she could wash up and change before immediately getting back to practice.

"Oh, Jeonghan oppa." She answered when he called her phone.

"Nana, where are you?" His voice sounded muffled and tired. "Hoshi texted and said you're still at the company."

She checked the time. 3:26 AM. "Oh. I decided to crash at Mingyu's place." She lied, wincing. She hated lying to him whenever he called to check in. It was pure luck that no one really ever confirmed with Mingyu that she had actually been staying over. "I'm about to go to sleep. You should too, oppa."

She heard Jeonghan sigh in relief. "Okay, good. Goodnight, Nana." He hung up, probably way too tired.

Placing her phone back down on the floor, she glanced once again at the time. It was late. Her body was sore and she was starting to feel a little dizzy. Dragging her feet towards the connected washroom, she was glad they'd installed showers. Cleaning herself up and changing, she returned back to the practice room and crashed on the couch. Just a couple hours, she thought to herself.

"Cyana."

She opened her eyes, squinting at the brightness and letting out a groan. "What time is it?"

A very confused Dino stared back at her. "7 AM." He helped her to sit up, frowning when he saw her wince. "Why are you sleeping here?"

Her eyes widened when she remembered where she was. She inwardly kicked herself for oversleeping. Usually she was able to wake up, get ready and change before everyone else began arriving. They always just assumed she had been the first to arrive. "I-" Feeling rather caught, Cyana could only stare up at Dino wordlessly.

He seemed to catch on rather quickly. "Cyana." He looked at her, disappointment written plainly across his face. "Have you been living here?"

"No!" She protested, knowing he'd 100% tell Jeonghan if she admitted to it and Jeonghan would 100% kill her. "I was just practicing last night and fell asleep, that's all."

He gave her a weird look. "Alright, just-" He sighed. "You really don't need to be pushing yourself so hard. You're already ready."

Cyana gave him a hard stare. Perhaps it was the pain or the lack of sleep, but her nerves were wearing thin. She pushed herself off the couch, walking to the washroom. Splashing water on her face, she attempted to wake herself up.

"Please don't tell the others." She begged Dino once she returned. "Please please please." He looked unconvinced. "Please." She said again. "They'll kill me and you know it."

He sighed. "Fine." He pointed a finger at her, his poor attempt at being stern. "But you've got to promise me it's the last time."

"Got it." She promised, although she knew she'd probably end up breaking it. "Thanks, Chan."

He laughed softly, wrapping his arms gently around her waist, frowning when he felt how skinny she had gotten. He was about to comment on it when the practice doors opened and a hoard of members rushed in, all still slightly half-asleep.

"Aigoo~" Seungkwan cooed at the position they'd caught them in. "Our maknaes are so cute."

Dino flushed, trying to pull away but pausing when he realized Cyana was leaning on him, her eyes closed.

"Is she okay?" Jun mumbled, sipping on his ice coffee and glancing at the girl.

"Hm?" Cyana opened an eye, jumping a bit at the sudden appearance of so many people. "Oh! You're all here."

"Yup." Vernon walked over, ruffling her hair. "You ready?"

She sighed, reluctantly detaching herself from Dino, shivering at the loss of his body heat. "I guess."

Jeonghan had thought something was off from the way Cyana sounded over the phone. She sounded sick and incredibly out of it, her words slurring slightly as she spoke to him. He would've pressed the girl for more answers, but Hoshi's text had woken him up mid-sleep and he was aching to the state of passing out.

Even as they started practice, Jeonghan's mind drifted from the choreo over to Cyana. His mental list of things wrong with her had been gradually growing over the week and he was getting concerned.

Jeonghan's mental list with things that are wrong about Cyana:

She's been saying over at Mingyu's a suspicious amount. Sure, he could understand, the Minwon residence was easily the quietest out of the bunch, and Mingyu was Cyana's closest friend. He figured Wonwoo was in his room most times anyways.

The amount of canceled plans the boys have been complaining about to him was increasing. It felt like every couple days, at least one member would approach him requesting a therapy session, where they just complained about how Cyana was ditching them for their usual hangouts.

He rarely ever saw the girl anywhere but the company. Under any other circumstance it would've been normal, but Cyana had expressed before she hated the feeling of captivity the company gave her.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her eat something.

He could've continued listing reasons in his head, had it not been for the loud thud and a piercing screech that followed it. He froze mid dance move and spun towards the noise.

Cyana was on the floor, Woozi a mere step away from her as he crouched down to examine her. DK was apologizing for the loud scream, although he continued to panic loudly.

"I think she fainted." Woozi concluded, voice calm. His furrowed eyebrows were the only sign he was worried.

"Fainted?" DK gasped out loud.

Mingyu reached down and scooped the girl into his arms, depositing her on the couch. "Yeah, she's out."

"Is she injured?" Seungcheol asked, hovering over her as Mingyu checked. He sighed with relief when Mingyu shook his head. "It was a loud thud."

Jeonghan let out a groan of both realization and disappointment.

"What." Seungcheol whipped his head around at the sound of Jeonghan's groan. "Do you know something?" He pointed at Cyana, who was still laying limply on the couch, head supported by Mingyu's large hand. "Why is she like this?"

Jeonghan raised his hands in defence. "I only suspected. I mean- I thought it was weird she was sleeping over at Mingyu and Wonwoo's so often recently but-"

"What?" Wonwoo cut him off. "She hasn't been over since-" He flushed at the memory. "Since she hurt her ankle."

And all at once, the pieces seemed to fall into place in Jeonghan's mind.

"She's been living here, hasn't she." Dino beat him to the punch, stating what he had just realized. "I found her here asleep when I came in this morning."

They all turned to Seungcheol, who seemed to be at a loss for words, staring at Cyana.

Cyana awoke just in time to see Seungcheol leave, the practice room door swinging shut behind him. She struggled to get up, as strong hands grabbed her and situated her to lean back. A bottle of water was shoved wordlessly into her hands by Vernon, already opened.

"You scared us." Mingyu muttered, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

She was vaguely aware of the other boys standing around her. Her ears still rang but she could faintly hear Woozi talking to Jun.

"I swear I tried to catch her. I didn't let her drop on purpose." He was defending himself to a wary Jun. "I'm not that mean."

She would have smiled at how defensive he sounded had it not been for the glowering face of Jeonghan, who was staring holes into her skull.

"Everyone out, please." Jeonghan signalled the others to give them the room. He sat down next to Cyana, letting out a loud sigh once everyone had left.

She knew she was in for it now.

"You wanna tell me what's been going on?" He said quietly, rubbing the seam of her sleeve between his thumb and index finger. "No lies this time."

She felt a lump form in her throat. "Jeonghan-"

"I'm not mad, Cyana." He looked at her sadly. "I just want to know why you haven't been taking care of yourself."

On any other occasion, she would have argued that he was mad. He hadn't used 'Nana' when saying her name.

"You haven't been staying at Mingyu's, I know that for a fact. And you've been canceling plans with the members. You also haven't been eating well. Jun says you rarely take the breakfast he sets aside for you." He continued, frowning when he saw her eyes well up with tears.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could muster.

"I don't care that you lied, Cyana." Jeonghan wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Just tell me why. Are we doing something wrong?"

She shook her head frantically. "No." God no.

"Then why?"

She finally looked up from her lap to see him, feeling an ache in her chest when she saw how desperate his expression was.

"The company officials-" She paused, and Jeonghan nodded for her to go on. "they said I wasn't good enough. Not quite good enough to debut with seventeen. They said they had a lot bet on me but I was disappointing them."

She got worried when he stayed silent. "Oppa?" She whispered, reaching out tentatively to shake him.

He laced his hand in hers before she could reach him. "I'm sorry they said all that." He turned to look at her, a serious expression taking over his face. "But you know they're wrong, and even if you think they're right, you shouldn't have risked your own health like that."

Cyana nodded. "I know. I just-" She tried to find the words to explain. "I just wanted to debut so badly. I wanted to look good onstage next to all of you." It was a lame explanation but it was the best she could give.

"I know." Jeonghan nodded. "And you will." He pointed at the large mirrors on the wall in front of where they sat. "I watch you dance with us everyday through those mirrors. And you look beautiful. Full of talent and raw power."

She let out a shaky breath.

"Is that why you haven't been eating your meals?" He asked, looking back at her. "Did they say something about that too?"

She nodded. It was perhaps the comment that had hurt her the most. "They said I looked too heavy. That I was supposed to be a girl member. Not a boy."

Jeonghan let out a huff. "Who the fuck-" He muttered, almost to himself. "Give me the names of the people, I'll talk to them."

Cyana smiled despite the heavy setting. "They're higher-ups, Hannie. You can't do anything."

"Psh." Jeonghan waved away her concern. "Still. I'll write their names down and get rid of them once we're big enough."

She supposed she admired his optimism. "Okay." She relented. "I'll find their names and text them to you."

Jeonghan leaned his head on the crook of her shoulder, slouching a bit to reach it. "You know we love you, right?"

She didn't say anything.

"You don't have to believe it now." He said softly. "I know you're a bit weird about stuff like that." He squeezed her hand firmly. "Just need you to hear it."

She nodded. "Okay."

They sat in silence for awhile, and Cyana's ears stopped ringing. "Where did Seungcheol-oppa go?" She whispered, curious but not wanting to ruin the peacefulness of the moment.

Jeonghan cracked an eye open from his spot on her shoulder. "He's dealing with it his own way."

"Dealing with what?"

He sat up straight to look at her. "You fainting. He's our leader, he's going to feel the responsibility."

She frowned. "It's not his fault though."

Jeonghan shrugged. "It's just how he works. He's going to blame himself for not noticing it all sooner either way. Even if it's not his fault."

She stood up, swaying a bit before steadying herself. "I'm gonna go look for him, is that okay?"

She could swear Jeonghan was smirking a little. "I think he'd like that."

She found him in one of the empty studios. Seungcheol was sitting on one of the chairs when she walked in, head in his hands. He got up quickly once he heard the sound of her footsteps.

"Cyana." He breathed out, thankful she was okay. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She whispered, sitting down and motioning gently for him to join her. She watched him hesitate before he sat down next to her.

"You shouldn't have pushed yourself so hard." Seungcheol scolded her.

"I know."

"And you should've told someone you weren't going back to the dorm. You should've let me know how much you were struggling."

"I know."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Tell me what happened. Everything leading up to today. I assume this has been going on for awhile."

She could tell from his face he meant business, so she told him without a fight. She recited everything - the skipped meals, the ditching hangouts, the sleeping in the practice room, the toothbrush and skincare hidden in the drawers - all of it. She saw his face twist in pain when she got to the part about the company officials.

"You should've told me." He whispered, once she was all done.

"I thought perhaps you didn't want to know." She admitted.

He looked astonished she would even say such a thing. His mouth opened and closed again as he reconsidered his choice of words. "I'm your leader, Cyana. I care about this team."

"And I'm doing my job." She said, not getting what he meant. Wasn't SEVENTEEN doing quite well? And the team would do even better if she was perfect for the comeback.

Seungcheol didn't know if he wanted to strangle her and cry. "Let me reiterate." He looked at her. "I care about you, Cyana. Not the comeback."

She blinked. "Oh."

He felt more like crying, Seungcheol decided. She looked so fragile and confused at the mere thought of him even caring about her. A burning sense of rage fuelled through him. Who on earth had taught her to be so skeptical of care and love?

Cyana panicked when she saw the tears in Seungcheol's eyes. "Please don't cry." She whispered frantically, not knowing what would happen to her if she saw the dependable and strong Seungcheol break down.

"Our maknae~" Seungcheol whispered back, reaching over to brush his hand against her cheek. "Maybe I didn't do well enough, to show you you belong here. I tried being a strong leader, guiding everyone through the comeback, letting you adjust to how busy life in SEVENTEEN can be. But maybe you needed more of a gentle touch? Something more personal?" At this point he seemed to be talking to himself. "I know I didn't really take the time to connect with you on a deeper level like the others did. I was so focused on guiding you through work. I must've done something wrong, if you felt like you needed to hide this much from me. Push yourself this far."

Cyana's lips trembled as she desperately held back tears. "It's not your fault."

"It is." Seungcheol corrected her quietly. "I always strived to be a leader you could tell anything to." He paused, looking at her with sad eyes. "I'm sorry you felt the need to break yourself so much to make this comeback happen. I'm sorry the company said such harsh things. I should've noticed."

Cyana felt the sudden strong urge to give him a hug. It confused her. She only ever felt comfortable enough to initiate any sort of contact with Jeonghan, Dino, Joshua or Mingyu. Yet, when Seungcheol finished his speech and looked at Cyana with those sad, wide eyes, she decided perhaps she could make an exception. She leaned slightly in his side, stiffing slightly when his arms wrapped around her frame.

"It's not your fault." She managed to say again, telling herself to relax into his hold.

"I know it's not logical."

Cyana let out a breathy laugh. "I am sorry I lied to Jeonghan."

"I know." Seungcheol pulled her a little closer. "Please don't ever do this again. All of it. You're much more important than a silly comeback."

She nodded. "I won't."

"I'll talk with the company about the whole test thing. They shouldn't have done that, or said those things. And you need to start eating." Now that he was hugging her, he could feel just how malnourished she was. He felt as if he could accidentally snap her just by moving the wrong way. "I'll talk to the stylists too. Everyone needs a good reminder that you're part of SEVENTEEN forever."

Cyana's face flushed. "I'm sorry." She mumbled again, feeling bad for making him so worried. "I didn't know it'd hurt you so much."

Seungcheol let her go, giving her a sad look. "I hated seeing you like that. You were so pale and fragile."

She didn't know what to do with the amount of loving words she was receiving today. She looked away awkwardly. "I'll be more careful now, I promise."

She could hear the smile that overtook his face despite not looking at him. "Good." He said. "Start getting it into your head that you're important."

Both Jeonghan and Seungcheol monitored her as she cleared out her drawer and any other sign that she had been living in the practice room. She promised them both that she'd return everything back home and that she'd keep them there.

"You scared me." DK whined. "I thought you'd died."

Cyana was grateful at how lighthearted the atmosphere was once her and Seungcheol had returned to the practice room. Everyone was still obviously worried, but they seemed to have all decided not to sour the mood further. Everyone had noticed the watery eyes from both Cyana and Seungcheol as they returned but pretended not to.

"I'm sorry~" Cyana smiled at DK's dramatics.

"Ah, hyung- it was your scream that scared me the most." Dino butted in, cackling at the memory. "I was mid move and I heard a blood-curdling cry. I thought I was in a horror movie."

The others laughed along, each of them relating to the younger boy.

Joshua sidled up to Cyana amidst the chaos Dino's remark had brought, holding her waist to support her as his eyes roamed her face for any sign of lingering fatigue. "You sure you're alright?"

Cyana nodded, grateful for the warmth radiating from his body. "Yeah. Sorry."

He shook his head. "No more apologizing. Just join Hoshi, Seungkwan, Myungho and I for dinner later today, okay? We're going to check out this new restaurant Hoshi found online."

"Okay."

From the other side of the room, Seungcheol clapped for everyone's attention. "Okay! We're resuming practice!" He looked at Cyana. "You're going home." He pointed at her. "Don't argue with me."

"What?" She protested. She was feeling fine. "I'm fine!" She insisted.

Her remark was met by a roomful of protests, even Woozi and Wonwoo joined in as everyone told her to get the fuck home.

"No really!" She protested again once the noise died down. "Please, Coups-oppa. I won't push myself too hard, promise."

She watched him think it over. She could practically see it as he fought himself. "Fine." He finally relented. "But-"

She paused her celebration.

"You're sitting out for practice. You can watch and take notes, but no dancing."

She sighed, but she knew it was the best she was getting out of him. "Fine."

As she sat on the couch, notebook in hand as she took notes on the performance, she couldn't help but glance towards their leader. He was working hard, giving 120% like he did with everything he put his mind to. She felt a glow of gratitude towards him. For a second, she allowed herself to believe that perhaps she did belong here, with these people. And perhaps him and Jeonghan were right - those people had just been mean and she was already good the way she was.

author's note: wahhhh thank you so much for reading! this one was quite a ride - writing about scoups as the leader always sends tears to my eyes, we truly don't deserve him. next fic is cyana's debut fic (finally!)

[suha-reads]

This was so beautifully written, legit had me close to tears. I love the way you write Cyana, and her moment with scoups, like where can I find me a man like scoups!!

[gotta-winwin]

2019 debut year <> slipping into to the diamond life

word count: 2.3k TW: fatigue, one swear word, woozi being kind of mean italics are in english, bolded words are in mandarin

Cyana woke up to the sound of pots and pans clanging heavily in the kitchen. Rubbing her eyes, she got up from her spot on the bed, padding as quietly as possible past a sleeping Minghao towards the open door. She winced as she walked, her leg muscles screaming in protest and her knees aching from last night's practice.

She found that she was pleasantly surprised at how easy her transition into life with Seventeen was. The rigorous schedule was not unlike her time at Disney, and it helped that she was still shielded behind the walls of Pledis. It also helped that Seungcheol had confiscated her phone the moment she moved in, insisting that she didn't need it and looking on SNS would not help her at all. She was grateful for the little things like that that he did.

Walking into the kitchen, her eyes squinting as she adjusted to the bright lights, she could just make out a blurry figure standing at the stove. Mentally, she scolded herself for forgetting her glasses on her nightstand.

"Who's there?" She asked tentatively, hoping it was one of the members and not an intruder. She was also hoping that it wasn't Woozi, who was often absent from home but came back at odd hours.

"Dino." The blurry figure stated, and Cyana could feel his stare on her. "Breakfast?" He asked, gesturing at whatever was on the stove.

She shook her head. The staff had her on a strict diet as they prepared for her upcoming debut and comeback. "I'm going to go wash up. But thanks."

Dino grunted, clearly still half asleep as he returned his attention back on whatever he was making.

Tiptoeing back into her and Minghao's room, she quickly snatched her glasses before heading for the bathroom. She had learned pretty quickly upon arriving that it was best to wake up early, as the bathroom became messy and crowded the later it got. Splashing her face with cold water and tying her hair back, she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her stylist had died her hair blonde for the comeback, insisting that it complimented her skin tone better than brown. She didn't know how to feel about that. The girl in the mirror looked more like a stranger.

"yue liang~" Minghao knocked twice on the bathroom door. "We're all leaving soon."

She blinked. Had that much time passed already? She knew it was a terrible habit of hers to zone out and realized she had been getting ready mindlessly. She cleared her throat. "I'll be out in a second!" She called, hoping she sounded normal.

Today was a big day for her. The company had organized an interview for Seventeen to promote their new comeback, and she knew the main focus of it would inevitably land on her. Shaking her shoulders, she joined the others by the front door, pulling on her shoes and jacket.

"It's still snowing today, nana." Joshua wrapped a scarf around her neck, tucking the ends into her jacket collar. "You have to be healthy for our comeback."

She gave him a grateful smile. They'd grown close over the few weeks since she'd moved in and her Korean had begun to steadily improve thanks to his help. "Thanks, shua."

Cyana didn't expect how hectic the interview set would be, as she was ushered from station to station, foreign hands touching up her hair and makeup and outfit. The set ran in an orderly fashion compared to the sets in LA and she appreciated the speed in which everything was done. Her stomach was hurting due to the nerves and she couldn't help but feel a impending sense of doom settling on her chest. Getting mic'ed up, she took her seat next to Seungcheol, frowning a bit when she realized she was sat in the middle.

"Do I have to be in the middle?" She asked, leaning slightly towards him to whisper.

He gave her an apologetic smile. "Yes. We look the most balanced that way."

She supposed he was right. She could see them through the viewfinder of one of the biggest cameras, and they looked quite symmetrical.

"You got this!" DK tapped her shoulder from behind, smiling brightly from his place to the left. "Fighting!"

She told herself to relax. They all seemed to believe in her, and she had rehearsed many times over with Joshua while Seungcheol monitored. He must've believed she could do it if they were here now. The red light on the camera blinked to life and Cyana straightened her back. She was hyperaware of the fact that Wonwoo's knees were pressed up against her back, an unfortunate result of their seating arrangement.

"Seventeen interview - You Made My Dawn, take one."

"You did great." Joshua said to her, as the red light ceased blinking and the producer called the end of the interview. "Just like we practiced." She looked up and behind her at his happy expression.

"I think I blacked out during the whole process." She confessed, truly not remember anything that had happened.

He laughed and so did Vernon, who overheard from the very end of the line. "It gets easier. I remember our first interview. No one remembered anything until we watched the video online. It was the nerves."

"You were good." Seungcheol returned to the group, having left to speak to their manager. "They let me watch a portion of it. You did well."

Cyana smiled shyly at the praise. "Thank you. I'm glad."

Raising his voice, Seungcheol addressed everyone as a whole. "We're heading back to the company since a few members from the vocal team need to rerecord some lines for Hug. Everyone else needs to practice our performance for Getting Closer. The spin isn't coordinated perfectly yet."

Murmurs of agreement came from the group as everyone got up to leave. Returning her mic pack, Cyana hurried to catch up with Joshua, looping her arm with his as they followed the group out to the cars.

"We're rerecording things?" She asked, confused. She thought they'd all sounded pretty good.

Joshua hesitated and nodded. "Woozi wants to clean up a couple parts. I won't be going though, he said he just needed you and Jeonghan."

She paled. "Can't you-" She stopped, knowing her request was selfish. Time was precious during comeback season and Joshua was needed with the rest of the group.

He sent her an understanding smile, his eyes shining with warmth. He knew she was terrified. "Jeonghan's nice." He offered.

"I know he is, I'm just-" She paused, twisting her fingers in worry. "What if I say something wrong in Korean? Or if I mess up recording."

They had arrived in front of their cars now, needing to spilt up between three separate vehicles. "They're not scary people, Ana. Even if Woozi might seem like it, he understands that people make mistakes. And you sang beautifully last session. I'm sure he probably just wants to add more adlibs or something."

Cyana nodded, a little soothed by his explanation. "Thanks, shua."

He nodded, knowing that there was much more hidden in the simple thanks. "Anytime, Ana."

The atmosphere within the recording studio was stiff and heavy. It was Cyana's seventh time recording the same verse now, finishing each time only to receive a sharp sigh from Woozi.

"Again." He'd say over the intercom, and Cyana would go again.

She was getting a bit sick of the verse, and her skin was growing hotter by the second from both the humidity of the room and her growing annoyance. She was no stranger to producing, she'd dabbled in it before, and she knew the track already sounded extremely polished. The longer Woozi dragged it out for the more she felt like he was toying with her for the sake of it.

"Jihoon ya~" Jeonghan lounged on the couch behind Woozi, bored. "She sounds great, don't you think it's enough?"

Woozi shook his head. "She sounds great. Not perfect. We need perfect this comeback."

Jeonghan signed. "People will not hear the difference-"

"I will hear the difference." Woozi snapped. He pressed the intercom and spoke into the mic. "Again."

"At least give her some direction." Jeonghan chided. "You're only making her angry."

Woozi sighed, knowing his hyung was right. He didn't really know why he was so annoyed at the girl. Her verse was great, but there was that part of it that was missing. He pressed the intercom again once Cyana was finished. A little better, he thought. "Can you try singing with more strength?" He asked, unsure how to communicate exactly what he was envisioning. "More power, but soft."

Cyana scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion, putting the headphones back on. "Okay."

He was used to directing his members who already knew how he worked and what he needed done - what he was picturing in his mind. Cyana's next try came easier, and he could tell they were almost there.

"Better, again-"

"I think that's enough." Jeonghan cut in, sensing Cyana's growing frustration and Woozi's annoyance. He didn't particularly want to be in the room if they both exploded at each other.

"I'm okay." Cyana spoke, surprising both of them. "Let's keep going. I want to get this right."

Woozi turned his chair around to face Jeonghan, a look of i told you so written across his face. "You can leave if you want, hyung. We're already finished with your verse." He could sense Jeonghan's hesitancy. Rolling his eyes, he added "I'll walk with her back to the practice room. And I promise I won't yell at her or whatever."

The older boy scoffed but still got up to leave. "I'm more worried you'll end up killing each other and we'll be 12 instead of 14."

It was Woozi's turn to scoff, as he turned back to the soundboard and cued Cyana to start again. He had to begrudgingly admit that he pleasantly surprised at her dedication and felt a little bad for being a bitch.

"That one was good." He spoke into the mic, signalling the end of the session. "You're done."

Cyana took a little bit to reset herself before exiting the booth. She paused, lingering near the doorway as Woozi watched her, confused. "Can I-" She breathed out sharply. "Can I listen? Just once."

He frowned, but sat back down and cued up the completed track for her. He watched as she gingerly sat down on the couch, hands bunched in her lap as she listened silently. He was proud of this particular track. It evoked a feeling of home and comfort that only translated well if done correctly, and he had somehow managed to pull it off.

Cyana stood up to leave once the track was over, hesitating again near the doorway.

"For god's sake. Just spit it out." Woozi grumbled, annoyed at her hesitancy.

"I-" She blinked, caught off guard. "What?"

Woozi sighed when he remembered she probably didn't understand. Joshua probably didn't go around teaching Cyana what for god's sake and spit it out was in Korean. "Just say it. Whatever you wanted to say."

She paused. "It's at 135 BPM right now." She said quietly. "I think it'll sound better at 138."

Woozi blinked. Cyana pushed open the studio door and dashed out, scared of what he might say. Rushing in the direction of their practice room, she sighed in relief when she saw Seungkwan and Hoshi's familiar back profile.

"Hi." She breathed out, still breathless from the rush over.

They both seemed surprised but happy to see her. "Hey," Seungkwan replied, handing her a pinny he had been holding with her name on it. "We were just about to go look for you. Put that on, we're filming a choreo video to send to the event people today."

She nodded, throwing it over her baggy tee. "Sorry. Recording took a bit long."

Hoshi gave her a smile. "That's Woozi for you."

"Go get some water," Seungkwan reminded, throwing an arm around both her and Hoshi's shoulders, leading them towards the practice room. "You aren't too tired, right?"

Cyana knew she was a bit worn out. She hadn't slept for long last night, having been up till the AMs worrying about the interview. Her limbs screamed with pain every time someone reminded her she still had to dance. The roll in Getting Closer was killing her. Each time she spun, her world spun, and she had to continue the routine with obscured vision as tv static overtook her view. She gave Seungkwan a bright smile. "I'm still doing great." She lied, feeling better once she saw the relief shining through his eyes. "We're going to kill this choreo." She said, trying to pump herself up.

Hoshi frowned. "Kill this choreo?" He asked, a little confused.

"Ah~ like 'we're going to do very well." Seungkwan deduced.

Hoshi, upon seeing Cyana nod in confirmation, grinned as they entered the practice room. He greeted the others with a loud "We gonna kill this choreo!" and Seungkwan clutched onto Cyana as they doubled over in laughter. Everyone else looked mildly confused, while Vernon and Joshua could only share smiles at the chaos.

Seungcheol clapped for everyones attention as they all gathered in the middle of the room, cameras and staff both ready. Cyana noticed that Woozi had somehow gotten here as well, his own pinny on and his hair covered with a beanie. "Okay. We're going to do this choreo well and with no accidents, okay?"

Collective words of encouragement and cheers filled the room at his words as everyone took their place. Cyana tried her best to ignore how unnaturally light her head was feeling and knelt beside DK.

"Three." The director counted down. Cyana sent a weak smile in DK's direction.

"Two." She ran through the moves desperately in her mind.

"One."

author's note: thank you so much for reading! i know it's kind of on a cliffhanger haha thank you to everyone who's shown this series love ~ ik woozi's kind of mean right now but i promise it will all pay off soon

[suha-reads]

I love Cyana so much, and I know the angst is gonna be delicious!! Can't wait for the next chapter

[mostly-imagines]

Careless Accidents

jason todd x fem!reader

aka you get hurt and jason’s pissed

warnings: reader’s wrist is accidentally sprained from being grabbed to hard

You could hear scuttling from somewhere else in the garden, an estate more than sizable enough than the game afoot.

You were under the distinct impression though that the bats and birds are playing with you similar to how they would a child. Slower, weaker, and less experienced than the big kids. You weren't complaining though. Because, frankly, it was stressful. They tend to operate more like they’re in a warzone than a game, you felt like you were about to be sniped out at any second.

Rightfully so, apparently, seeing how silently Stephanie had crept up on you.

“Hey,” Stephanie hissed, ignoring the way you jumped. “We’re doing alright for ourselves,” she said smugly. 

“Yeah,” you’d nodded, like you agreed with her more than you probably did. 

“Okay listen, I think the flag—” what flag? “—is by the fountain so, I think because there’s three of us and two of them, we should bait-and-switch.”

“We’re on teams?” you asked, no longer completely sure you know what you’re playing. 

“We are now!” she smiled, starting to run. “I’ll bait!”

She stopped briefly in her tracks and turned back to you hissing, “Don’t trust Cass,” before scurrying away.

Rather than sit around and wait there for…something?...to happen, you jumped up darting in the opposite direction with little to no indication whether this is a good move.

What you didn’t see is Cass rapidly approaching from your rear. 

What you also didn’t see was Dick crouched down in a row of shrubbery, which gave him the perfect opportunity to snatch your arm up and yank you down with him. You’d mewled a bit as your wrist made contact harshly with the grass, immediately buckling under you.

Cass was keen to your pain immediately, slowing her sprint to a stroll as she observed you.

“Are you okay?” she signs.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” 

The response was instinctual and you didn’t actually have time to register whether or not you were okay by the time you gave it. 

You pushed up on your elbows, trying to figure out whether Dick is even on your team, but the way the others approached had you halting consideration. They’re savvy to the situation at a speed in which you can only attribute to their vigilantism, looking at you with concern. 

“You good?” Tim asked, approaching languidly.

“That looked like it hurt,” Cass commented, crouching down next to you to see your wrist better.

Dick shook his head, “No, she’s okay.” He turned to you, prodding, “You’re okay.”

“Yeah, I’m, um…” you winced, looking at your wrist. “It hurts a little.”

Cass examined it closely, tilting it gently to the side. “It might be sprained.”

Dick paled. 

“No.”

Tim pointed a thumb back towards the manor, “We can get it wrapped upstairs.”

“No.”

You were only then able to clock the barely contained grin on Stephanie’s face, begging to break.  

“Ooooh. He’s gonna kill you.”

Cass had then kindly offered to take you inside and wrap it up for you, which you accepted, unexpecting of the plus-one of Dick trailing behind you like a guilty puppy all the while.

“You know I didn’t mean to grab you that hard right? I—” 

Cass laughs quietly as she wraps the bandage around your wrist, amused by Dick’s now-third explanation/apology for the incident. 

“I know, Dick,” you say, trying to appease him. 

“I’m sorry,” he tells you genuinely, but you can tell there’s more there that he isn’t verbalizing.

You nod, “I know, Dick. It’s okay. It was just an accident.”

Cass pins the wrapping in place securely and with a smile, signs to you that she’s all done. 

You rotate your arm a bit, testing your movement under the wrap. As Cass leaves with the first aid kit, Dick remains sat at your side, leg thumping up and down.

He takes a deep breath, “What if…what if you avoid him until it heals?”

“Dick.”

He takes your uninjured hand in his with urgency in his eyes, 

He looks down at your jointed hands before loosening his already mild grip significantly.

“Are you going to tell him?” he asks, looking like he’s bracing for bad news.

You shake your head sympathetically, “No. I can’t guarantee you that he won’t find out, but I won’t tell him.”

Dick takes a deep breath, looking at the ground with intense focus. “Okay. Okay.” He stands, “I need to go.”

You watch in amused bewilderment as he staggers out the door, looking around frantically. 

Within the next few minutes, he creates and enacts his plan A. He walks into the living room, sitting down next to a very disinterested Tim, eyes forward and serious.

“I’ll give you two grand right now if you tell him it was you.”

Tim barks out, “Absolutely not.” He looks at his brother, still laughing. “No fucking way.”

Dick breaks the serious facade immediately, looking at him. “Five.”

A deadpan from Tim. 

“You don’t have five thousand dollars.”

Dick throws his head back, back thudding against the couch. “Dude, please! He’ll kill me!”

Tim scoffs, “He’d kill me!”

Dick huffs, “No, it’s different for me! Do you have any idea how many times he told me not to do that?” 

“Well then it sounds like you fucked up,” Tim sneers.

“Oh my God.”

He takes off again, combing through different rooms in the house with hope of finding a quick but effective hiding place for, say, the next twenty years?

He bursts through the study, unwittingly interrupting Bruce and Alfred having a discussion over tea.

The latter sits up with a tense brow, “Master Dick?”

The former turns around in his seat, “What’s the matter?”

Dick struggles for a second before confessing, “I accidentally sprained someone's wrist.” 

Bruce scans his face slowly, nodding. “Alright…you’ll have to take responsibility for their patrol duties—”

Dick cuts him off with a sharp breath, “Said person doesn’t have any patrol duties to be affected...”

Bruce processes for a moment before shaking his head.

“I can’t help you.”

Dick’s panic takes over again, prompting him to continue his scurry through the room, towards the other door.

Alfred interrupts his process with a very logical argument, “You don’t think running away will make this worse, Master Dick?”

“I—I don’t know!” Dick whines, stopping in his tracks. “I don’t know what to do!”

Bruce purses his lips, gesturing, “Dick, when you make a mistake…you have to submit to the consequences, you know that.”

Dick gapes, “This is not a normal consequence!”

Meanwhile, you’ve busied yourself with fiddling with the knick knacks and mementos lining the shelves of Jason’s childhood bedroom. 

You’re admiring a picture of him and Alfred from when he was young as the door creaks open behind you. 

“Sweetheart?” Your boyfriend calls out, head barely poked in through the crack.

“Hey, Jay,” you smile, setting the picture frame back on the shelf.

He enters fully, covered in motor oil and grease, and smiles his sweet, easy smile when he sees you. 

Moving onto the next trinket on the shelf, you pick up a stuffed animal placed intentionally at the front. Your gaze finds the mirror, watching his reflection as he pulls the stained shirt off his back. 

You smile to yourself, noticing the way his back muscles flex as he adjusts. “How’s the bike?”

“Better than it was this morning,” he sighs. “Where’ve you been?”

He turns around to look at you, taking easy steps towards you. 

You return the toy elephant to its place, moving to face him. “Uh, we were outside, playing…at least three separate games at once.”

The second you’re in proximity, your hands join like it’s second nature. 

He nods, all too familiar with the family’s unique methods of gamefair.

“Did th—” He looks down at your intertwined hands, brow furrowing as soon as he spots the bandage wrapped around your wrist. “What happened?”

You glance down, shrugging. “Overexerted myself playing tag.”

He looks at you skeptically, but says nothing about it.

He turns your hand over gently, asking, “Is it sprained?”

You nod, relaxed. “Yeah. Cass said it’s mild.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“No,” you say, sweeping his hair back with your other hand. “Barely hurt then.”

He nods, but he doesn’t look satisfied with the conversation.

Regardless, he turns away again, shuffling through a drawer for a clean shirt. 

“You, uh, you wanna stay for dinner tonight?” he asks, pulling his arms through, his head following. 

“Yeah,” you say gaily. “Alfred said he’s making his ‘special spaghetti’, apparently it’s a household favorite?”

He wavers, halfway to between decisions. “Yeah…”

He huffs quietly, turning back to face you fully. “Can I see it?”

You nod, happy to ease his mind. 

You start to unwrap the bandaging, him doing half the work for you. The work is done silently until your wrist is exposed, revealing your bruised skin.

You both see it at the same time—the hand-shaped bruise wrapped around your wrist.

You’re both quiet for a second—him putting pieces together and you waiting for the shoe to drop.

He takes off suddenly, clearly having come to a likely very accurate conclusion about what had happened.

“Fucking idiot—”

You try for his hand but he’s out of reach before you can grab it.

“I’ll be right back,” he grumbles behind him.

“Jason—” you sigh, “At least help me wrap it back up first.”

He hesitates, halfway to the door, ultimately returning to you in defeat. He takes your forearm gently, scanning it over again before beginning to wrap it.

You watch his face closely, noting the clear vexation. “It was just an accident,” you tell him. 

He scoffs, “It better have been.”

You drop your shoulders and lull your head to the side. “Jason. I’m not made of glass, you can’t expect other people to act like it.”

“I don’t. I expect him to mind his own strength, and if he can’t do that, he needs to keep his fucking hands to himself.”

You sigh, “Just don’t do anything harsh. Please. I think he’s worried you’re gonna punch him.”

“He should be,” he says shortly. He finishes off the wrapping, pinning it in place firmly. 

You grab onto his forearm before he can pull away, “You’re not going to. Right?”

He doesn’t answer so you try to make his gaze meet yours, “Right?”

His eyes roll, “Yeah, fine.”

You smile, holding his face. “I love you.”

He huffs as though he’s inconvenienced, but confesses the obvious truth nonetheless. “I love you.”

He looks you in the eye, face serious. “You promise me it doesn’t hurt?”

“I promise,” you nod, brushing your fingers against his palm.

“Dick!”

The angry voice bellows through the tall halls of the manor, heavy footsteps thudding.

He stomps into the living room, Tim, Cass, and Stephanie watching the entryway with wide eyes. 

“Where is he?”

Unwitting shoulders shrug and heads shake. Truthfully, at that. Dick, smartly, did not tell anyone where he was hiding. 

Jason scans the trios faces, looking for any sign of apprehension.

He clocks the grin shamelessly plastered across his sister's face quickly. “Stephanie?”

“I don’t know,” she says honestly. “But let me know when you find him, I wanna see—”

But Jason’s moving onto the next room before she can get the last words out.

He enters the dining room, looking right to left before finding his target, halfway to stuffing himself behind the fine china cabinet in the corner.

There’s a brief, tense moment in between where the pair realize what they’re seeing and when Dick sets off in a sprint towards the kitchen, Jason quick on his tail. 

“Really? Really?” Jason shouts. 

“It was an accident! It was a fucking—” 

He narrowly dodges a swipe from Jason, then ducking before a ladle could make contact with his head.

“Are you stupid? Are you the dumbest motherf—”

Dick rounds the kitchen island as fast as possible, Jason testing him on the other side.

Dick takes a breath, “Dude, it’s fine now, it’s not that big of a—”

Jason recoils, “‘It’s not a big deal’? Come here. Let me sprain your wrist, asshole!”

He circles the counter quicker than the elder boy can think to move away and lunges at him. 

Dick throws his hands up in front of him, “Wait, wait, wait! Truce! Truce! Truce?”

Jason drops his shoulders, leveling his older brother with a look. “You can’t call a truce if you’re the only one who did anything wrong.”

“I…” It doesn’t take him long to piece together that his defense makes no sense, so he resorts to his last option. 

“Please?” Dick asks, nothing short of imploring. 

Jason relents—slightly—upon hearing his brother's tone, but still finds it in him to shove him, though not nearly as hard as he’d been planning to. 

“I told you a hundred fucking times not to grab her so hard—” 

Dick nods heavily, waving a hand. “I know, I know—”

“Clearly you fucking don’t!” Jason shouts. He huffs, running a hand over his face. “You sprained her wrist. You’ve been doing this vigilante shit for fifteen years, how do you still not fucking know how to control your own strength?”

Dick grimaces, “I do! I do, I just screwed up, I’m sorry!”

“Don’t—” Jason narrowly holds back a scowl, “Did you apologize to her?”

 “Yeah, of course I did!”

For a split second, Jason looks ready to keep arguing before purposefully dropping the anger from his body. 

The resulting relief almost drowns Dick.

It only lasts a moment though, before Jason looks at him again, sneering, “Idiot,” before pushing him once more. 

“Jason.”

Your voice has Jason dropping all turbulence in an instant. He and Dick both whip their heads towards the door, equally unexpecting of the interruption. 

You tilt your head at your boyfriend with a knowing but disappointed stare.

He looks back at you like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, lips parted.

“I didn’t hit him.”

⭐️ your options are: (1) reblog fics or (2) be a little bitch ⭐️

[suha-reads]

This was so cuteee

[starzfiish]

Daredevil fanart🚿🚿

[bebx]

fanfic writers are so fucking awesome in the sense that they can take one single scene, that lasts less than a minute, from the source material and turn that one single scene into a 40k word long fic with depth, feels, character study and development and create a whole storyline out of that one single canonical moment.

fanfic writers are so fucking awesome in the sense that they can take one single scene, that lasts less than a minute, from the source material and write 40 entirely different fics about that one single canonical moment and each one of those fics are literal masterpieces.

shout out to us fanfic writers ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Stick Around

Jason Todd is your best friend. But sometimes you're not sure if you're his.

"Back off. I can stitch it myself." He nearly barks at you when you press the towel to his bleeding wound.

"Come on, Jason. Why can't I help?" You ask, trying to keep the worry and pleading from your voice.

"I don't want you to." He says, firm and flat as he pulls away, dragging the towel and the first aid kit with him. He doesn't go very far, but you have a sinking feeling that's more owed to the bathroom being small than him wanting to stay near you.

You shift on your feet, torn between listening– respecting his boundaries or stepping closer to help. You take a step, unable to stay away from him when his lips curl into a frown as he starts stitching his own wound.

"Let me. I know how. You taught me." You try again, careful and soft like you're the one that terrifies the worst of Gotham.

"I said no. Just give me some space." He tells you, hands working steadily to piece his skin back together. You vaugley wonder how many times he's done this alone.

Then his words register. You can't stop your face from crumbling. "You want me to leave?"

He doesn't look up, doesn't respond, too engrossed in his injury.

You nod a little, more to yourself than him as you scoot around him, avoiding brushing any part of him as you slip out the bathroom door. Hesitating, you quietly close the door behind you and linger in the hallway, unsure. How much space did he want? Was he upset with you? Did he want you to leave the apartment?

You let out a sigh and slowly head for the apartment door. You can stay at friends tonight. Stuffing down the emotions welling in your chest, you grab your jacket and start to shove your shoes on.

"Where are you going?" A sharp tone cuts you out of your self pity.

"You told me to leave?" You question, gaze snapping to him.

He stands there, hand over the gauze wrapped on his side and studies you. "No."

"No?" You echo, slowly lowering your coat.

"I only– I didn't want you to get any blood on you. Or see me like that. I don't want you to leave. Why would I ever not want to see you?” He says with a scoff, stepping closer to pull you away from the door, glaring at it like it personally offended him. “You’re the only person I want to be around, it’s maddening, I don’t know why anyone else even tries to speak to me when I can’t get my mind off of you-“

He shudders, like a huge weight has left his shoulders, words cutting off. He presses a kiss against your skin, without thinking, his mouth finding the juncture between your shoulder and your neck, pulling you tight against him. "I want you to stay here. With me." He murmurs against your skin before pulling back just enough to see your face.

"Oh." You fall quiet for a moment, looking anywhere but him as you start to speak again, fighting the heat that threatens to take over your face, "I don't mind. Blood, I mean. Not if I'm helping you."

He can't stop the smile that comes to his face, always so easy and present around you.

Jason reaches out, his fingers touching your chin, gently tapping it, to make you look at him. “Do you still think I don’t want you here? That I don’t want you around?” he asks, voice low.

You waver, eyes trailing back to his. "Well, no, I mean, I know you want me around."

"Good." He says softly, fingers lingering on your skin, on your face, on your waist. It makes you feel wanted, needed, safe.

The moment is so soft, so warm and inviting you want to lose yourself in it. But it feels like a lie to let yourself stay in it. Not when he's all you ever seem to want. When you dream of the color of his eyes and the feeling of his skin against yours. "Are you feeling dizzy? Need to sit down?" You ask, cutting the moment, the feeling that it could be something more, short.

He hums softly, like he expected your avoidance. "You don't have to run from me."

That makes you blink, surprise painting your features. "I'm not running. I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh please, there's so many things I know you've been holding out on me." He laughs a little before kissing your neck and whispering into your ear. "You wanted me way before I knew it was okay to admit wanting you. And now I'm going to make up for all that lost time." He looks at you with an intention you can feel behind his eyes. "There's nothing I won't do for you, nothing that I won't give you because you deserve the world and more." He kisses your forehead and smiles down at you softly as he sighs your name. "So don't run."

That makes your brain short circuit. And then the flood of scrambled thoughts overtake your mind. He knows you want him? Of course he does– He's one of the greatest detectives in the world, maybe even the universe. Why did you think you could hide it? How long has he known? But one thought persists above the rest. He wants you to?

Jason gently taps your hip, dragging your attention from the frantic jumble of questions in your head. "Focus on me. Not whatever's going on in your head. I don't need an answer right now. I just want you to be here." He says your name like it's precious, a treasure to keep close. "Please."

You nod slowly, trying to calm your pounding heart, to get your body to listen to you and answer him or touch him or anything.

"I could just kiss you right here. I could do that. You know, just take advantage of the situation? How you can't seem to believe that I want you. But..." he tilts his head, running his thumb along your jaw, "I want to kiss you when I know you're ready. For you to want it as badly as I do, pretty."

"What if I do?" You ask quietly, scared to break the tension building around the two of them. "What if I want to kiss you, Jason?"

"Yeah." You echo, just as quiet and soft as his voice.

"Yeah?" he whispers, his fingers finally gripping your hair, his thumb lightly caressing your neck. His eyes are locked on yours, and all the emotions that seem to be swirling around inside him right now are all concentrated on one, simple thing: keeping you.

He doesn't ask again, doesn't hesitate, just kisses you with the desperation of years of built of tension and longing glances. He kisses you like you're worth something, and you are. You're everything to him, and he now that he has you like this, he won't let a day pass without reminding you.

Your fingers curl in his shirt, his hand tightens in your hair and everything else seems to fade away when you deepen the kiss. Jason Todd is your best friend. And you're starting to believe that you're more than just that to him.

[suha-reads]

Had me in my feels. 🙇🙇 Thank you for gracing us with this masterpiece.

[kikipancakes]

August 16

---------------

Last year's drawing (x)

[the-readers-archive]

Taryn deserves nothing but the worst. Jude loved her sister and all she got in return is a knife to the back by her own twin.

Taryn can rot for all I care.

[suha-reads]

YESSSS, I hate Taryn more than anything, I hate that Vivi stopped them in book one, like Jude should've cut her in half.