Verb My Nouns

[crazysodomite]

[schlarklezyaoi]

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

[sherbertilluminated]

Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.

[thearrogantemu]

Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.

[theoppositeofprofound]

Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures

[goblinindenial]

Ah feel 'sif an Odyssian task is basically a poor sod mid ADHD

[haarlow]

A Pandorean task - just the act of starting it unleashes all manner of disasters.

[cyranope]

damoclean task: the thing you've been putting off long enough that it becomes a constantly hanging doom over your head

pyrrhic task: you can get it done but it's going to cost you

medean task: you can get it done and you don't care what it costs you

dionysian task: task that might not be -better- if you do it drunk, but -will- definitely be more fun

hegelochic task: it was a simple job, but your name will be recorded in the annals of history for how impressively you fucked it up

task of theseus: a project for which the parameters have changed so many times that you're not sure it IS still the same task

gordian task: ok technically there Is a Right Way to do this but it's going to be fiddly and awful and take forever and what if. what if you just said fuck it. and started slicing

[tonyzaret]

I thought I left my keys on the table, but they were actually in my jacket- just another example of The Mandela Effect

[homunculus-argument]

A sick wizard castle with a nondescript van painted on the side. A gothy pin-up girl with the portrait of a random trucker tattooed on her thigh. A bathroom-themed beach vacation. A beautiful brightly coloured cupcake that tastes like soap.

[quite-possibly-haunted]

Jesus with a portrait of my grandma on his wall. A scimitar-wielding fantasy protagonist reading about the adventures of sixth-grader Kelsey. A National Park with a framed print of somebody’s living room.

[2colde]

they are poisoning us today with a thursday poison little do they know we’ve been through a few thursday poisonings so it won’t kill us just yet

[farmercaps]

[babushkaat]

[innerchildabortionclinic]

❔

[innerchildabortionclinic]

tornado spawn point

[the-frog-blog]

[screenshotsofdespair]

[byjove]

Every Pride Month I’m once again struck by the ridiculousness of the “marriage is between a man and a woman, as (the Christian) God intended” and similar ‘marriage is a (somehow a solely) Christian institution’ rhetoric. Your God did not invent marriage. Your God was late to the scene on the whole marriage thing. It existed long before the Old Testament, even. Which is not to say that marriage as a Christian rite (which was a later historical construct) is not valid, I believe everyone has a right to practice their religious beliefs surrounding marriage but, again, most religions and societies have some concept of marriage and your idea of Christian marriage entered the game way later than some of these.

The concept of marriage in American society is a legal construct, not a religious one.

(Also, side note, Christian marriage being between “one man and one woman” is controversial even in Christian theological debate because polygyny is never definitively condemned in the text. They only decided on the one man and one woman thing in 673 and not everyone agreed.)

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine that one day as you're walking on a hot sunny path, your hat jumps off your head and lands into a muddy ditch. And you look at your muddy hat and ask it: "What did you do that for?"

"I don't want to be a burden anymore", your hat answers. "You are always carrying me around, and I can't carry you. That's not fair."

"I don't mind carrying you, little idiot", you tell your hat, "you hardly weight anything at all, and you shelter me from the sun."

"But that's different", your hat protests. "I don't mind the sun scorching on me. That happens anyway. It's literally no trouble for me to shade you too."

"Just the same it's no trouble for me to carry you. But now, because you wanted to stop inconveniencing and bothering me, I am now hatless and you are in the dirt."

[jantesika]

hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?

[homunculus-argument]

Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.

[paranormal-taters]

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

[paranormal-taters]

okay nevermind it IS a word now and this is exactly what it means.

[paranormal-taters]

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THIS NEW AND BETTER WORD

[byjove]

I think a lot of people are pro-life because they know they would have been aborted, that is secretly their motivation and not actually a misguided interpretation of Christian theology or a belief that life begins at conception. They’re say shit like “What if your mom aborted you?” like, okay I wouldn’t be here, that really wasn’t on the table because my parents really wanted me and was on fertility treatments to try to have me. Would your mom have aborted you? Is that what this is all about, you wouldn’t have been born if your mother wasn’t coerced/forced to carry you to term and give birth to you so you feel like everyone else should be forced to give birth to their annoying baby?

[byjove]

things not to say when someone tells you they’re having a baby, from a transgender autistic guy named Algernon who has experienced a lot of trial and error:

Why? I know this is the question you want to ask. You are not allowed to ask it. I’m not sure why it’s frowned upon but you can’t.

You should name it after me. Not funny. No one laughs. A selfish statement that takes the attention off the pregnant party and shifts it to you. This joke is a flop, save it for the next pet they get.

Is it mine? It’s not mine. I have no testicles. If there is a possibility it is yours, they’ll tell you. Probably. No one wants an interrogation in this moment.

[meganjoannamadeline]

my dear legend Algernon, just "Why?" is actually hilarious and i promise it will be used

[oswednesday]

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the rims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

[campyvillain]