Honestly, I can't really blame recurring action movie villains for the impractical murder methods ā if I'd tried and failed to kill the same guy like eight separate times using tried and true methods like "gun", I'd probably start resorting to Looney Tunes bullshit, too.
Phm from Adrian's perspective is just what if you were Penelope and Odysseus came home but he also brought a jellyfish and keeps begging you to build a fish tank for the jellyfish and make jellyfish food for the jellyfish and youre an ancient Greek whos never seen a jellyfish and you cant even comprehend how your going to do it but youre going to because if you dont Odysseus may kill himself. And also the jellyfish can do like. Witchcraft.
Grace and Rocky, giving a tour of the Hail Mary to fascinated Eridian scientists and diplomats.
Pointing at things and explaining what they are and how the ship works, lots of awed and appreciative noises are made.
Until one of the visiting Eridians points out a specific item. āAnd that?ā
Itās a strange, circular thing, a xenonite disk mounted upright on some sort of pivot so it can spin freely, but around the edges it hasā¦ spokes? Pegs? Sticking out of it, that hit against a stiff flap that would slow down the spinning.
It is also separated into sections decorated with crude etchings of a human and an Eridian.
āAh,ā Grace says.
āThat,ā Rocky says.
āThatās. Um.ā Grace seems somewhat embarrassed. āThatās the sacrifice wheel.ā
The Eridian visitors clearly do not know what to make of that. āWe think we misunderstood Savior Graceās word,ā they say, apparently hoping this is a vocabulary mix-up. āExplain (question, polite)?ā
āDidnāt misunderstand,ā says Rocky, sounding very sheepish. āThat is sacrifice wheel.ā
āSo. While we were on our way to Erid, we might have gottenā¦ anxious about each otherās well-being,ā Grace says, which everyone is already very aware is a wild understatement. āAnd, well, you heard what happened at Tau Ceti, and after. There were a lot of unexpected dangers for the whole trip that required a lot of, at least, attempted self-sacrifice to solve. We ended up almost dying for each other several times. And we had an argument about what weād do if another crisis like that came up. And we couldn't agree.ā
āGrace argued that Grace already was unlikely to survive long-term on Erid, so he should be the one to do any potential deadly but necessary maneuvers to make sure I was able to bring taumoeba back,ā Rocky says.
āWhich made sense.ā
āDid not make sense! Grace already sacrificed so much for me and for Erid, wouldnāt be fair to make you do it againāā Rocky cuts himself off with a huff. They have obviously had this conversation before. āSo sacrifice wheel was compromise.ā
āYeah,ā Grace says. He spins it to demonstrate; it whirls around in a blur and a rattle of the flap hitting the pegs, then eventually slows down, and stopsāpointing at the segment depicting a very bad but very clear image of an Eridian. āRocky made the wheel, I spin the wheel, and whoever it lands on, thatās who gets to sacrifice themself to save the other and the other person does not get to argue. This way, we wouldnāt waste time debating who does the self-sacrifice and who survives, itās just a plain fifty-fifty chance. Or, eighteen-eighteen chance in base six. But the point is it could be either of us and we would have to accept the outcome.ā
Rocky started fidgeting while Grace was explaining. When Grace finishes, proud of the equitable solution they came up with to allow them to die for each other fairly, Rocky says, āNow that we are back and we donāt need sacrifice wheel anymoreā¦ I have confession to make. About the wheel.ā
āWhat about the wheel?ā
Rocky doesnāt answer. Grace frowns, first confused, then suspicious, and spins the wheel again.
It lands on Rocky again.
He spins the wheel again, and again, and again, and it lands on Rocky every single time.
āRocky!ā
āI weighted the wheel,ā Rocky admits.
āRocky the whole point was that it was equal, that was why we even made itāā
āNever was necessary so doesnāt matter anymore!ā
āBut you WOULD have!ā
āAnd you never noticed because you were hungry and cranky and distracted and so would have done bad job on heroic self-sacrifice anyway!ā
āI would not! I would have done fine!ā
(The Eridian scientists and diplomats are still here watching this btw. Slowly dawning on them that 1) these two are extremely not normal about each other 2) if Erid ever does another space mission they NEED to send a therapist aboard because this is what happens when they donāt)
I just think that Rocky is the most feral possessive bitch to ever exist when it comes to Grace. Sorry, if you donāt fix my space horse Iām NOT giving you any of the bacteria we almost died to get- oh hello mate Adrian, yes yes, Rocky DOES think this is perfectly rational, why do you ask? No, Rocky ran out of his Eridian Lexapro like four years ago this is now a hostage negotiation-
My explanation for the book v. film difference on Eridian eating customs is that movie!Rocky was full-on bluffing.
Like he was just calling human eating disgusting, what was he going to do, say "okay actually the way Eridians eat is so incredibly gross we do it in private sound-proofed rooms"? And cede the conversational high-ground and sense of species superiority to Grace??? Nah, it looks beautiful, definitely.
Then Grace says "show me" and Rocky is stuck now, he's committed. So he just bucks up and goes all-in. It's not like he'll see the human after this is all done, he can pretend it's totally normal just this once.
Eventually before they reach Erid Rocky is gonna have to come clean, and Grace will laugh at him for an hour straight.
but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually
what a beautiful time of year everyone is growing veegtables for me spacifically, one problem though you need to make fences shorter im sure its a mistake but i cant reach some of them
Call me Bowuigi-pilled all you like, but I firmly believe one surprised snort of laughter from a Luigi who accidentally overheard one of Bowser's jokes to Peach (who doesn't react) would immediately make Bowser do a 180 from Peach onto Luigi.
my little brother came into my room and told me that there was water all over the bathroom floor so i got up and grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to find all of my water energy pokemon cards sprawled out on the floor this kid is 5 fucking years old and he got me
i find it so genuinely hilarious that my little brothers age is measurable on tumblr specifically by people who have seen this post. i moved out a while ago but i know that he would love how often his dorky ass joke gets passed around on here. thank you all very much.
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