I'm going to kill that time wizard

22/Sun/Any Pronouns!! ask me about my sideblogs, I've got several for different fandoms/shitposts ;P

[pancakeke]

I’m watching season one simpsons

[tarragonthedragon]

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

[dogpuppy]

[what-even-is-thiss]

I’m probably less sentimental and whimsical than the average bear but my brother is even less sentimental than I am so I’ll be like wow isn’t that a beautiful sunset and he’ll be like “it’s a sunset. There is nothing remarkable about it.” and then take photography of it that’s amazing and well done and then I compliment him as a fellow photographer and say I like his art and he’s like “it’s really easy to do” and I’m like “can you take a compliment” and he’s like “why should I” and then I have to fight back the urge to judo flip him

[clubpenguinkiller]

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

[queer-as-city-folk]

When a joke is popular on twt, it gets a Wikipedia page, but when it gets popular on tumblr? Crickets

[majorbaby]

[boybeetles]

Don’t like how doctors always say “good news, test came back negative.” Like no bad news. There is something haunting me and we don’t know what it is.

[jason-todds-library]

Since Bruce has so many skills I like to think that includes like ventriloquism card tricks and other weird shit like that

[jason-todds-library]

Bruce after practicing magic tricks for 72 hours straight: my loved ones will never die again this skill will protect them

[normystical]

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

[danceundersparklinglights]

i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

[bannertanks]

[butchfagminotaur]

the sims will never not be one of the funniest games on the planet

[diamondeyes-deluxe]

I work with kids and sometimes we have to do safety lessons with them about like, not telling strangers on the internet your home address or something. And sometimes the kids wont understand why, so you have to impart upon them that, well, some adults want to hurt children. And thats kind of difficult to do, because you have to beat around the bush, both because you dont want to scare them (while still making them understand how serious it is) and because you might lose your job if you explain it too straight forward.

Luckily, for some reason, the villain of one of the most popular franchises with children for the last 10 years happens to be a serial child murderer. So when a kid asks why they shouldnt trust strangers, instead of hand wringing and humhawing my answer out, I can just say "we dont always know when a strange adult has good intentions with children, or when they are William Afton."

[gayvampyr]

if you want to dress gay but aren’t sure how, you need to focus more on finding clothes you actually like and that make you feel good when you look in the mirror. develop your style independently of what you think looks gayest and trust the homosexuality will follow. it goes where confidence and self acceptance are

[bogleech]

Does tumblr know about that Papa Johns sauce bottle pissing everyone off on all the other social media?

Its for a good reason but it's kind of also undeniably funny. It really looks like that.

[crabussy]

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!