Super Gay Commander

in which Lexa is a bulletproof superhero and lives Lexa, Clexa, Clarke, and their alternate egos with some Supergirl to make things extra super

[orphanmaroon]

insp

[oddcoupler222-deactivated202601]

how do you feel about carmilla being human???

Oh man. Well, I’m not like this is exactly what I wanted about it, but I’m also not upset. I really either thought they were going to turn Laura into a vampire or for them to not address the vampire/human aspect of it at all, before tonight.

But, Laura being a vampire isn’t something that I think Laura would want, so I thought that might be problematic. And even though I love vampire!Carrmilla (bc this show was obviously based around that, and so, so many great scenes have come from it - I mean:

Who didn’t love kidnapped Carmilla, tied to a chair, with a cup of blood taped to her like a sippy cup?!)

So… Carmilla not being a vampire anymore makes me a little - nostalgic?? Even though it only happened a few hours ago, I miss it.

However.

Imagine with me, if you will, this:

Carmilla’s human life was hundreds of years ago, in a time that wouldn’t have accepted her sexuality, with a father who - by her own words, and like a typical father (esp a wealthy one) in that time - would have sold her off like cattle, because that’s what happened to girls back then. She was human, and wanted to be able to find someone to love. Someone to waltz with who would make her feel the same way she felt when she would sneak away to read the books that she wasn’t supposed to be reading. She was human, and she was trapped.

She was only 18 when she died.

18, living in a time period that didn’t accept her for who she was, as a woman who loved other women. 18, living in a world where her intelligence, which we know is fairly exceptional, was completely overlooked. Not even overlooked, but seen as a bad thing. 18, in a time period that wasn’t ideal, but with a whole life ahead of her.

And then she died.

Carmilla never asked to be turned into a vampire. She never asked for a “new mother” to show her this life after death. But it happened anyway.

And, at first, it was good. At first, it seemed like something she loved, because she was no longer a nuisance. She was valued and valuable. She had a new “family” that wouldn’t sell her off to the highest bidder. She could learn - books and languages and philosophy. She could travel and see the world.

For the first time, it felt like freedom. (and maybe sometimes it got lonely, because under the woman she’d grown into after-death she was still the soul who longed for love. and maybe sometimes she would just wish “mama” didn’t ask her to use these girls for… whatever reason. but. she could deal with it. for the freedom).

But then Ell happened, and Carmilla was in love, the way that she’d wanted to be since she was alive. Really alive. She felt that after centuries of being with mama and her new family, she’d been wrong about this afterlife with them being the best thing that could have happened to her. Because she would give them up, give it all up, for this girl.

And she tried to. But the girl betrayed her, because as her mama pointed out as she locked Carmilla into the coffin - how could such a girl love a monster?

So, Carmilla had 70 years to think about that. 70 years to wish she was dead. 70 years to think about the fact that she was a monster. She’d lured so many helpless girls to her mother, and for what? Because once, she’d thought maybe her mother loved her, but that wasn’t true.

She was a monster. She would never have the love she’d dreamed of as a human, because monsters like her didn’t deserve that.

And then when mother found her again after making her escape from the coffin, she was trapped again. Trapped in an endless cycle of helping the woman she hated more than anything, hating herself for it, but terrified to stop. Because she couldn’t stand up to her mother again and face punishment. She was a coward, and a monster, and so she made herself think: what did it even matter when humans weren’t worth it?

But then came along Laura Eileen Hollis.

Who was so young, and so human. So full of a life and a determination that Carmilla couldn’t help but love. Because this girl, this so wonderfully alive and human girl, saw something even in her monstrous soul that was worth saving.

She existed as a vampire, but with Laura… she felt alive.

She didn’t mind sacrificing herself, then. Because she’d lived enough. She would do anything to save Laura, any time, because she’d lived enough, and Laura had such a wonderfully naive and flawed and perfect human future ahead of her.

A future that Carmilla very much wanted for her; she never wanted Laura to ever be like her. She wanted her to have that amazing human life. Where she could love and age and grow the way she was supposed to.

And so, as she was with Laura, she wished - really wished - that she could be mortal, too. That she could live her life out with Laura the way she might have been able to, if things were… different.

Then in the end, Laura died and she was mortal, and she didn’t want to be mortal without Laura.

So now? Now that Laura is back and living and human? Carmilla might be scared - she hasn’t been a human in centuries. She might be anxious - because where does she go from here?

But it doesn’t matter, because for the first time? She’s not a monster in any way. For the first time, she and Laura have a future together that she can see. Because there is no mama holding her back, and there is no shadow of the worries and doubts of how their futures could grow together.

She, like Laura, is so human.

She no longer is immortal. She no longer has super strength. She no longer can turn into a panther - and all of those things? Yeah, she might miss.

But Carmilla has experienced the world already, in a way that no one else had. She’d seen the best and worst of humans, and gone to the great beauties of the world, and nothing had ever been as beautiful or as amazing as Laura Hollis.

So, for the second time, Carmilla is 18 and human. But for the first time? She is human in a world that accepts who she is. For the first time, she is human at the same time that Laura is human.

And she wouldn’t give that up - quite literally - for the whole world.

[youmustbecarmilla]

[negovanliss]

alt. carmilla vs carmilla

[carmillasleatherpants]

I'm very conflicted cause like yay growing old together and the heartbeat and all that, but I feel like so much of Camilla's dynamic is lost now. Like no blood, no panther, so many headcanons in fanfic... Idk kinda really sad

take a moment with me because even though like same lets just–

carmilla and laura find somewhere to stay the night. maybe a crappy motel or back in the library it doesn’t really matter. but they’re going to find laura’s dad in the morning. and when they go to bed, laura lies down with her head on carmilla’s chest and carmilla’s arms wrapped around her. and she’d grown used to what a rock carmilla was. she was dead after all.

but she can feel and hear carmilla’s steady heartbeat. and for the first time since they’ve been together, its laura who falls asleep taking in the feel of carmilla’s heartbeat instead of the other way around.

[hanasaku-shijin]

Finally. 

Finally, a show does it right. 

A show with two girls who love each other doesn’t end in death and sadness and the implication that love is weak and fleeting and impossible if you’re anything but straight.

Honestly, thank god for Carmilla. After such a horrible year of watching all my favorite queer characters die, this is literally like a ray of hope shining down from heaven. 

Thank you thank you thank you.

[always-for-infinite-days]

Don't tell me you can't text back when Laura Eileen Hollis spoke for 5min WITHOUT A HEART.

[sarcana]

everyone always talks about how emotional lexa was in the sex scene but i never see anyone talking about clarke. do you have any thoughts about that?

This is actually something I can go on and on about for ages because, as you’ve said, it’s relatively unaddressed in the fandom but also absolutely heart wrenching and compelling to me, so I do definitely have thoughts on it. I’ve touched on it briefly in previous posts, so I’ll try to keep it as short as possible here.

I think what’s crucial to examining the way Clarke’s feeling in that moment leading up to the kiss is remembering just where Clarke’s head was at for the entire episode until it happened. I won’t go into too much detail for the sake of length, but essentially, at every turn, Clarke’s primarily focused on how she can fix the situation and establish a sort of stability in the prevention of another war between the grounders and her people. This can most definitely be attributed to (and I would never try to assert contrary to it playing a major role in her thinking) in her desire to keep her people safe. Up until Lexa announces the blockade and the kill order, she’s under the assumption that she’ll be able to do so while staying in Polis, as long as she appeals to Lexa and convinces her to hold off any sort of offensive maneuver. Once the kill order is announced, however, this shifts. Clarke knows she won’t be able to stay, but under the threat of the inevitable departure (and with it the implicit acceptance that the tensions between their people are so severe as to prevent even their own personal, peaceful coexistence) she becomes a bit desperate, and in that desperation reveals that it’s not just about her people after all.

Once Lexa invites her to stay, Clarke becomes conflicted in a way we’ve never once seen her before. She knows, logically, that conditions between the grounders and her people are dire. She knows, logically, that she cannot stay “behind enemy lines” while those conditions are dire. She knows, logically, that she has to leave if she ever means to improve those conditions. She’s mulling over ideas regarding how she can do both, help her people and stay (”I just have to talk to Lexa”, ”Maybe I can do more for them by staying here”) when Octavia shuts down that line of thinking, to which Clarke is very visibly downtrodden:

“You have an hour to say your goodbyes”

When she finally, though regretfully, accepts that she needs to leave and cannot possibly stay, no matter how much she wants to, she walks into Lexa’s room to say goodbye. But she doesn’t see her, and is terrified that she missed her chance to see her one last time.

Once she finally sees Lexa, she’s physically taken aback by her presence. Everything is hitting her in this moment. The inevitable departure and the feelings she hasn’t yet addressed regarding how Lexa makes her feel.

And then it goes further. When Clarke means to apologize (a reflex she’s fallen into as a result of people’s treatment of her) Lexa not only rejects the apology on the basis of it being unnecessary, but validates Clarke’s decision to leave as one of the many reasons why Clarke is good, and worthy of love, and Clarke. In these moments Clarke is being reminded of exactly why she wanted so desperately to stay, and it’s hitting her like a semi-truck.

“That’s why you’re you”

It’s in the light of this reminder that she does her best to address her feelings. “Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people.” It’s naive, and a thinly veiled attempt to console. But in that moment it’s all they have, and Clarke needs to say something. So she lays it out there. Says that if there’s ever a time for peace, ever a time when their people don’t need them anymore, then they can make a go of it.

But then Lexa extends her hand, and echos “May we meet again” as she did the last time one of them left. And what Clarke finds in that reminder isn’t hatred, but forgiveness. And the combination of that realization, on top of all the reasons she wants to say, and the physical contact that suddenly isn’t enough, Clarke is overwhelmed in her emotions. And so she launches herself into them, head on, pulling Lexa towards her.

The handshake and the vocal proclamation of her desire for their “someday” is quite suddenly and quite obviously not enough for the intensity of what she’s feeling. She knows she’s in love with Lexa. She knows she’s forgiven her. And she knows she might never see her again.

All of that manifests in a physical expression, unsurprising considering Clarke’s deficiency at really naming and expressing her emotions vocally. Where words fail her, Clarke means to show.

And so she acts.

In sum: what is Clarke feeling in this scene? A lot. She’s feeling a lot.

[kvrnstein]

[clexawyd]

😬

[woahspace]

THERE ARE SOME SAVAGE PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM @cstia

[turtleduckie]

Good night. [x]

[sarcana]

I loved your post, and I absolutely agree with all of it. What do you think about Clarke? I think the fandom goes overboard with the whole "party girl Griffin" cause I don't see her like that at all? Lol it's so weird cause to me Clarke is more the "mom friend", the responsible one who others often find annoying. Like, we've seen this in the show, in s1. She's also always serious and focused. What do you think?

my ideal clarke has a few qualities:

incredible intelligence and quick-wit: something that bugs the shit out of me in people’s characterization of clarke at times is underscoring just how intelligent she is. even outside of the fact that she’s described as being exceptional at her earth skills class, her knowledge of medicine, and surviving in the wilderness for 3 months completely alone, clarke has showcased time and again the capacity to be placed in a volatile situation, and immediately find her way out of it. she’s able to analyze a circumstance, strategize, and then carry it out at a ridiculously fast pace. she’s smart, she can handle herself. making her out to be some naive girl or someone uninterested in intellect at all for the sake of a damsel in distress or the “fratboy” characterization is actually sort of insulting to her character.

explosive yet out of touch emotionally: often times i find that people fail to realize just how out of touch clarke can be with her own feelings and the feelings of others. she compartmentalizes as a coping mechanism, naturally, and has taken it to such an extreme that her emotions often even catch her by surprise. being so focused on the task at hand prevents her from seeing things that are right in front of her. that isn’t to be confused with a lack of emotion at all, however, because once she knows what she feels, she feels with all that’s in her. whereas lexa cracks at the edges, only noticeable if you’re really paying attention, clarke’s more powerful emotions manifest in really explosive, compelling moments that catch even her off guard. once she knows exactly what’s there, it’s hard for her to keep it in.

short-sighted yet receptive: clarke’s mind works in a very one-track way at times. she focuses on a task so much so that she can fail to recognize the results of accomplishing her tasks. (though that’s not to say she doesn’t care about repercussions, as demonstrated by her deep remorse for mount weather). this leads to a sort of grey-area in terms of her morality, and makes her appear to be sort of wishy-washy. when she’s told of the missile coming for tondc, she takes great discomfort in sacrificing those people for the sake of the future plan, despite the sacrifice being necessary for her long-term goal of getting everyone out of mount weather. she cares more for what’s right in front of her, not acknowledging the long-term repercussions of her desire to save them until lexa verbalizes what she likely already knows. when lexa wants to kill octavia, she risks the alliance as a whole to save her, going against a powerful figure like lexa as long as it means keeping her friend safe, no matter the friends she has still trapped in the mountain. in the first circumstance, she’s hesitant to sacrifice so many people for the sake of her few friends in the mountain. in the second, she puts the entire plan to save those few friends at risk to save octavia’s life.

all that said, she’s also very receptive to changing circumstances, which traces back to her intelligence. when conditions change, she adapts to fit the immediate need. she doesn’t focus on the long-term often, more dedicated to what’s right in front of her.

huge capacity for care: as i mentioned earlier, clarke’s emotions are dulled due to her compartmentalization, but her underlying capacity for caring is immense. it’s what enables her to commit such feats of grand sacrifice without second thought, always putting those she loves before herself and before those she doesn’t care for. she’s often painted to be selfish by other characters in the show, but ultimately all of her intentions trace back to her desire to take care of and put others before herself.

now, back to your question about party girl clarke. there is canon evidence of clarke being well-versed in drinking games, and using sex/physicality as a coping mechanism for unspoken inner turmoil. for that reason, the party girl definitely has a basis in fact. however, it’s much too heavy-handed in the fanon interpretation of clarke, and often misconstrued as occurring because she’s indulgent and pleasure-seeking, rather than as an attempt to cope with all she’s feeling.

clarke is a caretaker, and she is a leader. to underscore her intelligence or her capacity to change plans at a moment’s notice is an insult to who she is as a person. but, ignoring her short-sightedness and compartmentalization erases qualities of her that make her compelling.  

[hedaslayer]

do you think clarke was planning on kissing/sleeping with lexa when she walked in the room or did lexa just blow clarke away with how beautiful she looked and she just couldnt resist her anymore

No I don’t think so. She went in there with the idea to say goodbye.

She freezes in place when Lexa appears, blown away for a moment. Petrified by Lexa’s beauty and probably by the realization that she really doesn’t want to leave, that she wants to stay there with her. It is Lexa who talks first, because she already realized why Clarke is there. 

Clarke answers “Now.” She was ready to leave right then. Her entire speech to Lexa is a goodbye. “I’m sorry.” “Maybe someday…” She is preparing herself to leave Lexa, giving herself (and them) some hope for a future that she isn’t even sure she believes in. Deep down she knows that they will always be bound to their people in some way, and Lexa knows too. She knows it more than Clarke. But she still smiles and says “I hope so…” She tries to give Clarke the hope she needs. And then they shake hands, Lexa says “May we meet again.” and I think that’s when something clicks in Clarke.

This is happening. They are saying goodbye. They are leaving each other, she doesn’t know for how long. It might take months before they see each other again. Hell, they might never see each other again. All these “maybe”s, all these words about the future feel empty, because the future is just a concept. Something volatile, something intangible. But this moment they have right here? This is real. Lexa is real. She is right in front of her, painfully beautiful, with a warm hand on her arm and tears in her eyes. And Clarke doesn’t have it in her to resist. She cannot waste what could be the only moment they have that is only theirs, and then live with the regret. She just can’t. 

So she kisses Lexa. And kisses her again, and takes off her clothes and makes love to her and everything else fall away because in this moment it’s them, together, and nothing else exists.

[socksnstuff00]

elyza lex?

[terra-7]

“There is laughter and love. There is safety and contentment. She is home.”The end of Lexa's winter campaign and her homecoming. Based on this piece by reshopgoufa.

[aeryns]

Can we have more thoughts on lexa's beautiful lesbian hands b/c they're A++

boY CAN WE

they’re so long and thin and wow??????????

[x]

look how carefully she holds her fingers they’re all so deliberately placed and spread out like that like jeez

[x]

can we talk about the way she holds one finger back bc this is not the only time she does it like

[x]

she does the same thing here and hOLY wow can u imagine her doing that while she’s inside clarke like her fingers are long and insistent driving into clarke and then she presses her first finger back like that so it presses against clarke’s inner walls

and her fingers are just so long im gonna spam u now sorry

[x]

[x]

[x]

and, saving the best for last,

[x]

just imagine her curling her fingers inside clarke like

anyways this has been a post

[alyciakru-blog-deactivated20240]

Bonus:

[luntfontanne]

[lenarise-deactivated20191107]

#look at the differences in expression #she’s a little bit guarded in the first one; just a little bit prepared for rejection #(she won’t accept rejection though because she’s not asking for anything - only giving) #she’s vulnerable but she knows clarke isn’t hers and she wonders if maybe she doesn’t even have the right to do this #to offer herself so completely to somebody who might want none of her #not even help or protection #so she’s nervous and she’s ready to put her walls up again if need be #but the second one #the second one is open awe #near disbelief that could overwhelm her joy if every one of her senses wasn’t screaming at her that this is real #she’s waited for this moment for months and has allowed herself to fall into dark thoughts #//she’ll never love you// #//she’ll never even care; never forgive; never look at you like she used to// #but she never could quite shake her hope or come anywhere close to shaking her love #and it’s paying off #it’s real #clarke - standing there above her - is real even if she seems more like an angel #she’s real and she loves her and she wants her and every inhibition every doubt every barrier that lexa’s ever had is gone #overwhelmed by the feeling of being desired and loved (via @ohmyheda)