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thinking about the statement that all maladaptive coping mechanisms were helpful and, well, adaptive, at some point, and that they become maladaptive when the circumstance changes or when their detriments outweigh their benefits, and how the framework of “this is no longer helpful to you” is probably better than “this is a bad habit/this is bad for you.” How much better “you don’t have to live like that anymore” feels than “that’s a bad habit you picked up when you were in a bad place.” “It’s ok, you can look now,” vs “you’ve been tainted/infected/sullied by a previous bad circumstance.”

adventures-in-poor-planning

Thought about this today while reading about hermit crabs.

Hermit crabs start out their lives tiny and defenceless, and they choose a small shell to protect them. When they grow too big for the shell, big enough that it stops them from growing more, they abandon it and move on to a shell better for them at that size.

Does that mean the old shell was a terrible mistake? No, because it protected them back when they were smaller and more defenceless! But now it’s limiting their growth, and it’s time for them to find a better shell.

Humans, like hermit crabs, pick up shells when we need protection. Sometimes, we need to ditch those shells to keep growing! If we look at them as shells instead of Irredeemable Moral Failures, it’s a hell of a lot easier to let them go.

iredreamer

(x)

patroclusdefencesquad

me

nudityandnerdery

“How bad is it, doc? Give it to me straight.” “I… I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

shutyourmoustache

Wow. JVN spoke his truth about being abused by an older boy at his church, filling his emotional void with junk food and then drugs (meth and coke) and sex, selling his body to make money cuz he was too embarrassed to ask his mom for help, flunking out of college, relapsing after rehab twice, and finding out at 25 that he was HIV positive. His journey’s been harrowing and yet he seems like such a radiant and positive person. He’s even braver than any of us realized.

shutyourmoustache

YOU’RE NEVER TOO BROKEN TO BE FIXED.

nathandrakes-deactivated2020072

kaynstein

Arch of Triumph: a 90 minute Calvados commercial

shiny-takarazuka

MOOD

lilywilde

shiny-takarazuka

That woman still make me crazy even after all this time

fallinginlovezuka

abutterflyobsession

me: I will do things when I am less tired

me: *never becomes less tired*

me: oh no

marvelstarsdaily

Aubrey Plaza for Cosmopolitan, 2019

solvatochrome

i think its funny that after you give blood, they keep calling you every once in a while to ask if you want to give more blood

and i get it, blood is important and in short supply, but it just seems like

hey… we heard you made more blood. can you… can you give us that new blood? that sweet sweet fresh blood? its been a while, jacob. we know you have it. we know you have the blood jacob