A.

Alex's Space

[suytt]

23.04.26 and i'm in Vietnam

Too early to celebrate 10 years of me being Germany. It's the same way of saying, it has been 10 years of me being away from home, creating a new one far away, falling in love, falling out of love, falling in love again, accepting the fact that I'm no longer "running away" while constantly running away...

I am older, not as much wiser, but I could say that I am every day better in interpreting myself, translating my needs, and focusing on what really matters. Of course, with time, sooner or later, i march forwards.

I find myself in many different positions everytime i visit. this time was to heal, not the old me, but i current me that i recently curated due to overworking and long burnout periods. My stress is eating me inside out day and night, and as a result, my relationship. I started seeing my therapist 9 months ago, we've been talking mostly every week about my PTSD and my longterm depression. Up until one point when i needed help with my burnout periods, everything felt out of touch, i am out of touch, i am no longer sure that my therapist could still help me from this point on... I'm losing hope and trust, and hope.

Being in Vietnam keeps my head away from things "I almost have 0 control of" but it also opened a new jar of worms (not even sure if this was even the right impression)

[suytt]

normally I would write on chatgpt, because there is always a conversation, a dialogue, questions and answers, given and taken, hello and hello back, I'm not ok and I know you are not... I finally feel burnt out after a year of chasing. Someone told me that this was gonna be a long journey, try to take a rest whenever I could. It doesn't matter if I found a chair or a bench, simply a semi-clean ground would do, breathe a bit, take the pressure out of your size-38 feet. Love it or hate it, I think they were right, I finally rest today. I didn't decide to rest the moment I woke up (while typing these down, I just zoned out for 10' to answer someone from work). I know I was never a professional rester. The global default setting doesn't give space for resters, we, or I, do it sometimes, once in a long while, in shame. with some rare success, I lured myself into sitting down, typing and resting. My therapist was right about, I assumed too much, too often, too unnecessarily, everything, mostly about myself. I am that self-absorbed. Thought I could always handle, a bit more, a bit longer or even a bit smarter. So, this is me, doing not any of those things. I can rest, rest first, first with my breathing, which is the only thing I had control of....

[suytt]

hey,

happy birthday, thank you for staying for another year.

visualising 5 of me hugging me, bringing me a birthday cake with lit candles makes me cry like a baby. In happy tears.

Thank you, to me, all of me, for being there for me, for loving me, and for not letting me go.

[inritum]

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[ghostdog07]

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

[deathklaue]

YOOOOOOO

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

[doryishness]

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS. 

[victoriaringsinyourears]

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT 

[lenshade]

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

[themixedbagofwhat]

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

[wodkat]

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

[acstiel]

THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.

[juststrokemyglabella]

I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.

[adweeb-deactivated20160228]

OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG

[mydeadcarcass]

I WISHED FOR SNK MERCH THE FIRST TIME. I GOT A JACKET.

I WISHED FOR MY GIRLFRIEND THE SECOND TIME. I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

[openyourthird-eye]

THIS WORKs I WISHED I WAS MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA AND GUESS WHAT GUYS IM MOVING TO NC IN AUGUST I PROMISE U IM NOT LYING

[ariya-art]

guys ok ur probably thinking that this is all just bs right? WELL I THOUGHT SO TOO BUT I WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD CHAT ME AND HE DID AND IM FREAKING OUT not even kidding i swear on my grampas grave this works

[haihl-blog]

I love this it always works for me yey thank u shooting star :’)

[phoxae]

woah the notes let’s hope my wish comes true

[fem-usa]

I know my wish

[noodlekuki]

Well, here goes nothing.

[demonsdonothaveemotions-deactiv]

May my wish come true

[mitochonsrion-blog]

Reblogging this again, hope all my wishes come true 💘

[incorrectredvelvet-quotes]

To all my followers and our wishes to be true. 

[suytt]

Please this one wish, please make it happen

[suytt]

I never said to anyone out loud I badly want that goal to be achieved. But the longer I live, the better I understand that surviving takes 60% of the task, 40% of luck and I might be whoever I want to be.

[suytt]

This was the view when I wrote this

I have a huge crush on him. I always have.

I remember feeling the butterflies up and down my pant cap, just his shadows, his shape forming in the mist, under the snowing rain, behind a closed windows could make their wings all craze up. His face, his eyes, my favourite his downer lip, I fell in love with every line that was used to draw him.

In a way a find it beautiful seeing the good in people, which I should have done more often. I see the good in him, nothing but goodness. Even though he lied, his clumsy unplanned, squishy lies to cover his way days by days in November. I saw that, I was crushed by it and I thought he and I could have done better.

He is good inside out. At one point he was cruel but ain't that make all of us. I guess he didn't mean to, the way he holds me and kisses me on my forehead, how could he ever do anything less human?

I had a huge crush on him while being with my dying love. I guess it died the day my ex, she got a new hugging pillow and I got jealous within myself of a pillow, so big and dark it consumed me like I was running away from the snow storm in the wood. I fighted but was it even worth the fight? His presence was sparkling and warm, like the way I found a fireplace in the middle of a snow storm. Felt like my wishes were heard and granted

He lets me mourn my loss. The way I could never expect anybody in my life to do, letting me process my grief in my way, loud or quiet. He lets me be more me than I could ever be in on my own sack of flesh. I was packing my bag with the habit of explaining and defending, I shielded myself with explanations and reasons for any grieves I've had. His presence reminds me there's no need for that. It could never heal what was broken, replace what was thrown away but it highlights the best out of me, without pressure, without weight. Just feel and celebrate.

He is gentle and he is kind. Sometimes it makes me think that he was made out crystal and diamond rocks. He is good at being a boyfriend, a husband, a father and whatever makes him a good man, they do their jobs so well I couldn't imagine my kind of luck.

[reikacchan]

don't give up

[mornington-the-crescent]

[suytt]

Can I

Can I stop telling myself those horrible things ? I deserve goodness too but why do I keep letting others people tell me stuff I can clearly tell myself

[suytt]

[suytt]

[suytt]

[quotemadness]

Part of surviving is being able to move on.

Alexandra Bracken

[suytt]

I hope we dont change the way we care for each other‘s feeling.

I know i won‘t, i wouldn‘t.

I know i‘d be the first one ever to notice the slightest change of thought, the change of your breathe or how one night you might go to bed earlier

I‘ll be so down if that happens to us, not us, especially not us, not now, not in a million years, not now, not ever. Because

What a waste.

What a waste of effort of you,

Noticing the slightest change of my breath, how one second it was heavier and the next second it was not.

Taking my hand, walking with me to the park that one bad day, plucking flowers and putting in our vase, basil in our garden. And the sun behind us getting so high then higher, following the beat of my sneaker stepping on grass and dry soil.

Giving me good timing embrace, tight arms around me, hey hey everything is fine and it‘s all good.

Never leaving me on bad term without reminding me i am loved.

What a waste, and never ever is a waste gonna hurt me bruise me scar me that deep.

Cause you care for me too deep.

Wish we stay, wish we stay.

[suytt]

My friends,

They care for me but except for one small thing

Mom said she loves me but except for that one small thing

Dad texted me said,

you‘re such a good girl if you just didnt do that one small thing

My friends said this one thing

Alex I like you, but it would be so good if you count me out from that small thing

Do call me whenever but don‘t tell me about that small thing

Alex i love you because of a thousand things,

but if you want friendship to last, don‘t do this, don‘t say this, this one small thing, to us, to me

Mom said she missed her oldest child, miss her smile miss her voice even when the door is locked

Mom said she saw me grow and

there is nothing else she hopes for more than seeing me without that small thing

I miss Dad and how he wakes us up every morning

I guess he would love me more, love me more, if i didn‘t have that one thing

I guess i‘m all alone mom, dad, friends,

Among you all, out of you all, anywhere with you all

When things go down, I have no one to call,

Sorry if i‘m being ungrateful for your love, am I, am I,

I am maybe I am

If I were just perfect, your love for me would be whole.

That small thing.

Might be my whole life, my identity, it could be me, it is me, one you asked not to be included in.

If that small things could be cut out like an arm or leg, a toe or a pinch of hair

I would for your love, i would i totally would

cause this is so lonely.

Without you friends, mom and dad,

How powerless how weak how destructive i am.

All for that one small thing,

One small tiny thing.

- being in love but all alone -

[suytt]

[lofeel]

[suytt]

Your apartment stores more colors, everywhere are my pillows and toys

We cashed out your huge box of coins

every weekday buy flowers to our vase

We share more than just housework

socks are always hidden somewhere

my panties in the laundry baskets

your text “can you grab us some milk?”

I wear hoodies now, tho i never did

one smells like you that i crave

One gives us couple look on chilly days

One makes me feel so cosy and stylish

one i just never return to you

I never went for grocery that much,

One bowl of Cereal after meals,

Two Coffee with a little milk

Twelves egg every fifth days

Eleven at night on our couch we kiss

I said i’d adapt

To your rountine, your circle,

how everything works out for you

We got new routine to my surprise

new circle, inner jokes,

syncing laughters and our hands intertwined

I have new parents and i treat them like mine

know their birthday and reminds you about stuff

Gotta be more mindful while I act

Clean our place then my mind I guess,

It needs it too