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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@swavesarcasm-blog
“Between having a new job, getting ready for graduation and my apartment ready— because I’m not about to be stuck in another dorm after graduation— I’ve realized Peter Pan was right, growing up sucks.”
“Oh man, just think you’ll need to build up credit and pay half your residual income in insurance. Pretty soon you’ll have a few kids and your tits will hit the ground, after that it’ll be all downhill, just like your boobs.”
“I think nothing’s a scarier feeling than dropping your iPhone faced down on the ground. Unfortunately for myself, my screen is officially cracked. My luck this week has just been shit, honestly.”
“No, really?!” He grabbed his face in a fake frighten grasped. “My god, just think you’ll actually have to go into a taco bell instead of having the convenience of ordering your gordita del heart attack with your thumb.”
“I mean I am 20 year old man, I pretty sure I can handle that, plus he’s hot, like really hot”
“Oh it’s a dude. Then just give him a blowjob like once a month. You could give him the dirtiest, most inexperienced blowjob imaginable and he will still sell his soul for it. It’s just how dudes are.”
“They are, aren’t they? They’re literally perfect little cuddly toys,” she said as she giggled at his response. “You think you’re going to cry? Do you want tohold one, or do you think that’d kill you?” she teased.
His eyes brightened up, both at the act that she got his sarcasm and that he got to hold a puppy. He held out his hands for a larger one. “Well if I die it won’t be so bad, unless this little shit pees on me, then I’m taking him down with me.”
“Yeah I mean it had some funny parts but it wasn’t nearly as funny as a lot of people made it out to be. Ryan is showing his age too.”
“I can agree with that. Oh, then maybe we do look more alike than I think.” He thought for a moment, frowning at his now greying beard.
swavesarcasm:
“I hate Ryan Reynolds, he’s the worst actor I’ve ever laid eyes on regrettably. You’re not a fan are you? I’m sorry they insulted you.”
“Well aren’t you just the sweetest peach in Kansas. But I appreciate the appology.”
“I see it! You could be his long lost twin brother!”
“You know initially I wasn’t fishing for complements but now I think I will. Tell me more, how else do I compare to that canadian stud muffin.”
“Whoa. Okay settle down my bad. Shesh if they’re so terrible who should I be looking up to for romantic standards?”
“Ah I’m not angry, just spitting the truth. Amy Pond and Rory from Dr. Who. Duh.”
“Nah, you actually kind of do. But isn’t that kind of cool? Being confused for someone that so many people drool over?”
“Yeah but when you’re having sex and a girl calls out the wrong name it kinda kills the mood.”
“Oh, god. You just threw the meaning of that for me right out the window. Twilight was awful.”
“Wasn’t it though? But hey, they millennials love it. And if a 26 year old girl wants to have sex with me for reciting some shitty novel it just takes everything I have to refuse.”
Holly giggled and shook her head, her nose scrunching up playfully. “Well I know that, sugar! I’m just sayin’ that he is one fine tall drink’a water.”
“Or whisky, he looks like he drinks.”
“I can see it. You’re like his twin.”
“Yes, now all I have to be is Canadian and married to Blake Lively. Or maybe I already am.”
“I totally get that! People say that I look like Lindsey Morgan, and I’m like … bitch where?”
“Bitch where indeed, also... who is that?”
swavesarcasm:
“That’s a funny joke, you look more of a Zac Effron type.” He laughed. “Maybe if I close one eye… and another one.” He said closing his eyes. “Ahh there it is.”
“Zac Effron looks like someone tried to murder a potato with a legoman. Give me more credit than that.”
“Are you the tomato or the ketchup?”
“I think the question is what came first, the tomato or oh god why are we still having this conversation.”
“do you think I date the Starbucks barista that always makes my coffee, they’ll give me a discount?”Â
“Sure but don’t expect anything for free. For a starbucks discount, you’ll have to go down at least twice a week. And a car, probably a really nice car.”
“So today I’m dog sitting for my friend, and they’re so cute that I don’t think I’m going to ever give them back. Do you want to take them for a walk with me?”
“My god...” He grew a stern face. “Those aren’t puppies. There living, breathing, stuffed animals.” He pet the one the wriggled. “God what a cuteness overload. Can I? Really? I think I might cry.”
